Top 10 Reasons Donald Trump is the Perfect Fundamentalist Candidate

Donald Trump

10. He doesn’t like women very much.

9. Brown people bother him too.

8. He believes in suits so much he has his own line of them.

7. Wants to pay everybody the same way most fundies pay their staff.

6. He’s the undisputed king of the comb-over.

5. He loves to insult people.

4. …almost as much as he loves building new buildings to glorify himself.

3. And man, does he know how to pack a pew.

2. He’s also got a great TV outreach program. (And knows how to fudge the numbers on it.)

1. He’s a rich and powerful white Republican. I mean…do you really need another reason?

“Practical” Performance


Joshua Harris (no apparent relation to this guy) is an ordained IFB evangelist out of Gospel Light Baptist in New Mexico.

When I saw that Josh had written a list of five practical ways to increase soul winning results I naturally thought that as someone who is a paid professional soul winner, he’d have some interesting insights.

Then I read the list.

Allow me to summarize:

1. Do it more often.
2. Do it to more people.
3. Do it more often.
4. Do it to more people.
5. Do it to more people (and a lot more often).

You’d think that a crowd of people who’s mandate is solely focused on scouring all of land and sea to make disciples would at least have developed some really good techniques for badgering, bullying, and buttonholing people into the kingdom.

But this? Even used car salesmen have better material than this.

6 Fundamental Facts for Halloween

6. Tonight is a celebration of evil. I know this because I wasn’t invited to anything due to how not evil I am.

5. Candy not used to lure children onto church buses is candy wasted.

4. Jesus never dressed up as anything but Jesus (and Jesus costumes are only allowed at Easter).

3. Satanists perform human sacrifices on Halloween and I have a Chick Tract and a Christine O’Donnell quote to prove it.

2. The only thing scarier than people celebrating Satan is people celebrating the Reformation.

1. On an unrelated note, Harvest Festival starts at 7. Don’t be late.

A silly blog dedicated to Independent Fundamental Baptists, their standards, their beliefs, and their craziness.