Category Archives: Odds and Ends

Free Parking

To the uninitiated this may seem like a mundane scene but to the trained eye there are so many details that spring out.

The old church school bus pulling in… (It’s only half full has someone been slacking?)

The pastor’s parking spot reserved… (“He’s busier than you, ma’am. Sorry about you being pregnant but you’ll need to walk in from the parking lot across the way.”)

His wife gets a spot too but her car isn’t a nice sedan but a 15 passenger van… (Joanne, Jebediah, Joshua, and where is Josiah!?? Your father headed over to the church 20 minutes ago and you know we can’t be late. Where is your tie, Jephthah? And do you all have your Bibles???”)

Perhaps I’m far from the mark. Perhaps not.

Paper Bibles

God doesn’t use an iPhone!!!!!! (Everybody knows He prefers Android)

David Owens gives us 6 reasons that he is completely not making up for why paper Bibles should be used instead of electronic ones. Here they are with my observations

1. We call God’s Word, The Bible; “The Bible” means “The Book.” Should we now call it “The app or the gadget?”
Books cease to be books when you put them on a screen. Everybody knows this

2. We say we respect the KJB, but put it on the same level as an app like Fox News, Drudge Report, AccuWeather, the stock market or some game. Where is the fear that we are losing all respect for God’s Word and God’s Book?
Furthermore why should we put the Bible on paper — the very same material which we also use to wipe our butts! Carved stone is the only true respectful material

3. The same gadget that has your Bible app displays ungodly advertisements and pictures either by accident or on purpose. Would you feel comfortable with pictures of half-dressed women in your Bible?
We can have rape and murder and incest and genocide in the Bible but we draw the line at half-dressed women unless their name is Jezebel.

4. Bible apps make it too easy to access perverted bibles, false versions and liberal commentaries.
I just can’t even.

5. Consider this excuse, “I can have the Bible with me all the time, for I always have my phone.” God already addressed that. Psalm 119:11 says, “Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.” No one has ever not sinned because they have a smartphone with them. Bible apps do not encourage memorization or meditation; in fact, they discourage memorization, for why memorize? The words of God on your smartphone can not replace the words of God in your heart.
And when the Communists invade and take away your iPhones you won’t be able to reproduce the entire Bible from memory like your parents were totally prepared to do.

6. It becomes too easy to be distracted. While you may have your Bible app open, you also receive notices of texts, updates, your eBay item sold, news and that granny is calling. Doesn’t the Devil provide enough distraction when we read God’s Word why we would make provision for more?
Because before the iPhone nobody ever stared off into space and thought about EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD except what the yelling man up front was saying. Also google “Airplane Mode.” It’s a thing.

Well there you have it. I’m never taking my iPhone to church again. True story.