6. Tonight is a celebration of evil. I know this because I wasn’t invited to anything due to how not evil I am.
5. Candy not used to lure children onto church buses is candy wasted.
4. Jesus never dressed up as anything but Jesus (and Jesus costumes are only allowed at Easter).
3. Satanists perform human sacrifices on Halloween and I have a Chick Tract and a Christine O’Donnell quote to prove it.
2. The only thing scarier than people celebrating Satan is people celebrating the Reformation.
1. On an unrelated note, Harvest Festival starts at 7. Don’t be late.
artwork source unknown
If you find this picture blasphemous, it’s time to check your fundy.
Because, really, why wouldn’t Jesus go trick-or-treating?
(This is actually a fundy-lite church of the Word of Life variety for those of you who know what that is.)
Today marks Halloween, the only holiday of the year that fundamentalists hold in even lower regard than MLK or National No Pants Day. For on this day when people dress up in cheesy costumes and consume candy there is sure to be evil afoot. Just look at all the witches, and goblins, and monsters, and whatnot! Surely that can’t be biblical! (Although the cheap candy the day after is definitely a blessing. The rain falls on the just and unjust after all)
Halloween serves to highlight the difficulty that many fundamentalists have with distinguishing between fantasy and reality. A man in a devil costume may as well be the actual devil. Never mind that dressing up in a ridiculous caricature of Old Nick really serves to mock the devil rather than show support for him, the very fact that people are willing to acknowledge that darkness exists even in jest is enough to send a lot of fundamentalists into a tizzy.
When your entire religion is built on blurring the lines between the real and the make believe then it’s not surprising that even a facade of evil is enough to scare you silly. Perception is truth. And even pretending something “evil” will infect the unwary. Don a witch costume and you’re only half a step away from…whatever it is that witches do. If you really want to mess with a fundamentalist’s head, go to a “Harvest Party” dressed up as the Witch of Endor as your Bible character. I guarantee they won’t know how to handle it.
Of course they could celebrate Jesusween instead but I think even most fundamentalists will agree that’s a bit of a stretch.