(click to embiggen)

Because everyone should be tithing their mint and anise. (Or minutes and anni as the case may be.)

What’s wrong with this picture?

And in case you’re wondering, it is an actual picture from a fundamentalist church which comes to us via the rotating header of Faith Baptist Church of Avon.

Many thanks to Steve for this catch.

Thanks to Stephen for the picture

Yes, I know that posting video from members of “Pastor” Steven Anderson’s church is like shooting fish in a barrel but I’m still recovering from a root canal so tonight I’m picking the low hanging fruit. Beside which, the idea of us “getting someone saved” is all too familiar even in the relatively more sane branches of fundamentalism.

Love America? Love Jesus? Want to combine the two in a totally awesome way?

(I do find the 14 stars just a tad confusing. It was suggested to me that perhaps those are representative of the states in the Bible belt. Who knows.)

If you’d like to see that last post demonstrated as an instructional video that is written and acted with all the talent and passion of an OSHA safety film then…here you go.

When a fundamentalist talks about evangelism what they generally mean is “soul winning.” Furthermore, what they mean by soul winning is mostly “giving the gospel one time to a stranger whom I will almost certainly never see again.”

This kind of proselytizing is a strange way for any group to further its goals. The fundamentalist is essentially building an entire method of organizational growth on a policy of asking complete strangers to believe that a person with whom they had a relationship for exactly thirty seconds has the absolute truth about all matters of sin, redemption, and eternity. And what’s more, they do this in a cultural environment where most people won’t even buy a magazine subscription from a door-to-door salesman.

It’s not exactly clear how this came to be the preferred method of fundamentalists for “evangelizing” the lost. I would posit the theory that the average fundy simply doesn’t have relationships with a large number of certified genuine sinner types that he can use as a basis for witnessing. Indeed, having built the castle of Holiness and dug the moat of Separation, fundamentalists are then left with the task of launching raiding parties of two or three hearty Christians soldiers out into the wild to club as many hapless sinners as they can and drag them back into the fold while trying not to be infected with their prey’s immodesty and bad language. Hunt with care, you only get one shot.

If your fundamentalist church ran its own radio station (as an inordinate number do) you’ve probably heard these words pouring forth from your radio:

The Bible says, “Every wise woman buildeth her house; but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands” (Proverbs 14:1). Each day, Beneth Peters Jones shares with you spiritual helps for building rather than battering your home.

This is pure gold. A show by a housewife for housewives (who one supposes are listening whilst they are baking, cleaning, and doing obeisance to their husbands) could not help but be a hit with fundamentalists.

In the clip below, Beneth takes on the topic of “Depression.” Notice that she takes care to address her remarks to women. After all, you wouldn’t want a man thinking she was trying to tell him what to do.

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I feel better already.

For more soapsuds goodness, be sure to check out her two books from BJU Press.

If your ideal of missions is planting a church in the Philippines that looks and sounds like it belongs in Pennsylvania…you might be a fundamentalist