Confusing Youth Conference Videos

I’ve watched this video shown at North Valley Baptist Church’s youth conference and I’m still not exactly sure what the point is.
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For one thing they’re using a song by Aloe Blacc that I am absolutely certain doesn’t meet their music standards. For another, what exactly is the message? Is one extended fat joke? Or are they really saying that people shouldn’t pay any attention to nutrition?

I’m not even going to bother asking where Jesus was. Unless he was one of the people throwing lettuce.

Financial “Gurus”

With endorsements like this from the very elite of fudamentalism, how could you help but trust trust Thomas Kimmel’s financial ministry?

And when Alabama(PDF) and New Jersey(PDF) send out cease and desist orders because he’s running an unlicensed business offering consumer credit with used cars as collateral you can be sure that’s just persecution. Obviously.

And when he finally gets convicted of Conspiracy, Mail Fraud, And Money Laundering for running a Ponzi scheme then I guess that is just the Lord opening the door to prison ministry.

Living History

This footage of an IFB church from 1955 fascinates me. You could take almost any single person out of a frame, put them in an IFB church today and only have to change a few minor details to have them fit right in.

We’ve talked before about the glorification of the 50′s culture in fundamentalist circles but seeing it visually illustrated is pretty wild.

6 Tips for Surviving Fundy U

1. Break a small rule every day. In a low-trust and high-pressure environment small acts of defiance are mentally healthy. A smidgen of rebellion establishes that you are your own person and not just the puppet of a larger machine. But…

2. When you aim to misbehave tell nobody. And that means nobody. Your roommate, your study buddy or your crush will get a serious case of “conviction” during the next revival and confess all your misdeeds. Unless you would literally trust your life with that person then don’t tell them about your shenanigans. You can however…

3. Keep a journal. You will want documentation later of exactly how crazy this time was because people in the outside world will not believe you. Trust us on this. When you want to write in your journal it’s time to…

4. Find a refuge. Find a place on campus that you can go where nobody else goes so that even when you can’t get out you can still be “away.” I used to climb to the very top of the stairs and stare at the Waffle House sign across the highway just to remind myself that the outside world still existed. Unfortunately I never learned that the real key is to…

5. Be just bad enough. If you look like a “good kid” then the administration will worry about trying to save your soul and manipulate your conscience to make you miserable. If you seem like you’re ambivalent and a bit of an outsider then they’ll worry more about keeping your tuition money and your life will be easier. But that’s only temporary. The real trick is…

6. Get out as soon as you can. The first five techniques can only protect you from so much. The sooner you get out the sooner you can start to heal. We’ll be here for you when you do.

A silly blog dedicated to Independent Fundamental Baptists, their standards, their beliefs, and their craziness.

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