“Y’all pray for me now, I ain’t practiced much.”
All posts by Darrell
Old-Fashioned Sundays
Wear anything less than your Sunday best to a non-denominational church and fundies will declare that you are a liberal compromiser with itching ears who is giving less than your best to God. On the other hand, if you wear overalls and a straw hat to fundamentalist church on a previously agreed upon Sunday, that’s just being ‘old-fashioned’ which is a whole ‘nother thing entirely.
There is a fundamentalist principle at work here: “It is not ok to do something they way they used to do prior to the 1950’s unless you explicitly state that you are doing it merely to demonstrate or imitate the way they did it prior to the 1950’s.” It is this reasoning that accounts for phenomena such as male college students wearing a button that proclaims that the reason for their lengthy hair style is that they are in a dramatic production set in the 1700’s. It’s the nearest fundy equivalent to special dispensation.
Be sure to stay for “dinner on the grounds.” The fried chicken is mighty fine.
Thanks to @Viniator3 for the idea
FWOTW: Barbara’s Blessings
“If you are interested in joining this group of godly, fundamental, Christian ladies who use only the King James Version of the Bible, then this is the place for you.” But be warned: “Use only KJV when posting scripture of any kind, or it will be deleted. I will not tolerate gossip or backbiting of any kind, or any slang of language, like “gees” or “golly”.”
Make no mistake, Barbara (a.k.a. PastorsMate) runs things with an iron hand. If “you’ve prayed about it” and you’re up to the challenge, be sure to fill out an application for membership. Premium Membership also available.
It’s Bubbling, It’s Bubbling
Faking Cheerfulness
Are you letting the joy of Jesus show on your face? Never mind that He was a man of sorrows. Let’s ignore that the king upon who’s throne He sits spent a lot of time writing depressed poetry and music. Just put out of your mind the weeping and lamenting prophets. Just let the joy of Jesus shine on your face no matter what. Verbal beatings will commence until morale goes up.
If you’ve ever had a choir director launch a red-faced screaming tirade that you don’t look happy enough…you might have been a fundamentalist.