Yes, it’s not really fair to pull material from a guy who calls himself the “third eagle of the apocalypse and co-prophet of the end times” (edit: and is likely Roman Catholic) but this was just too good to pass up. Many thanks to Grant for sending this in.

The challenge today is to rewrite (or invent) hymn titles to demonstrate fundamentalist reality. Here are a few to start… Break Thou The Purely Symbolic Matzo Cracker Of Life When We Baptists Get To Heaven Blessed Be the Standards That Bind Blindly Trust And Obey Without Thinking Revive Us Again, and Again, and Again, and…

In many fundamentalist churches there is a phenomenon known as “Favorites Night” which is code for “the pastor is taking the night off.” The bulk of these services consist of church members chortling in sadistic glee as they search the hymnbook for obscure songs in hopes of making the pianist lose her sanctification. In aid [...]

Yeah, you really just saw that.

I don’t know why but it seems that a lot of fundamentalists have owned this album and made their kids listen to it repeatedly. This is going to cause some of you to have flashbacks. I’m truly sorry but I feel compelled to share this anyway.

A little something to play with over the long weekend… If the embeded player doesn’t show up you can click here

(perhaps the woman on the left was one of the ones Jack was screaming about?)

(The original post in case you missed it)

Although some fundy churches only use instruments approved by the Apostle Paul (namely the piano, organ, and occasional brass solo), some do concede that a fundamentalist may in good conscience play the guitar…as long as he takes care not to play it as the world playeth. Here “pastor” Steven Anderson demonstrates the approved strum, strum, [...]