Tag Archives: pensacola christian college

education

Trying Social Media (And Failing So Bad That It’s Strangely Good)

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To the amazement of alumni everywhere (and after spending years slamming blogs and forums that dared to disagree with it), Pensacola Christian College has caught the spirit of social media and has launched its own blog full of articles purportedly written by students and faculty. Since it has taken them only until 2011 to catch up to blogging, one can easily imagine that PCC will be getting a Twitter account about the time Haley’s Comet returns. I can’t wait.

However, my hopes that maybe this was a move to let real students say actually true things about their experiences at PCC were doomed from the outset. Evidently, everyone at that college uses the exact same writing style and sentence structure as dictated from Dr. Chapman’s little blue book to sing the praises of everything and everyone at Pensacola Christian. Also, the writers are apparently all named “Maribeth” and work for minimum wage in the college promotions department. Or at least that’s what I’m left to believe after reading some of these gems.

“Troy” writes:

I never actually attended “college days”, but I did take a trip with my senior year of high school to see what the college was like. It was a wonderful opportunity to really see what PCC was all about. It wasn’t until this trip that I realized God wanted me here.

Call me cynical but I’m guessing that God may also have opened his eyes to the fact that there’s a honking big water park on campus.

On another piece about Dr. Clyde Box, (cleverly named “Outside the Box”) a girl named Debi comments:

That was a really good message! Afterward, I got Dr. Box to sign my Bible, and that made my night! Especially after that message!

Well, sister, if that’s not a squeeeee! inducing moment, then I don’t know what is.

But as good as the comments are, they can’t beat the articles wherein “Megan,“ allegedly an actual student, writes the following (supposedly with a straight face):

Bible Conference week is a time set aside for rest, the beach, relaxation, research papers, sleep, and, most importantly, good preaching.

I was at PCC for four years. I can’t imagine an actual breathing student writing that and really meaning it. Bible conference was a time for wearing a suit 10 hours a day and listening to 9,876 sermons on fleeing youthful lust. Nobody ever, ever, ever in my hearing referred to it as “relaxing.” You would likely have been beaten with a wide-margin KJV if you had dared.

As if this love fest of all things PCC-related wasn’t enough, there are even helpful enrollment advisers who troll monitor the site with spam helpful answers.

Don’t bother trying to add your own comments, however. They won’t be approved. Only the beautiful and certifiably fundy are allowed to be heard on this bastion of blessed blogging.

Watching PCC discover social media is somewhat like watching the Clampetts discover indoor plumbing. They just don’t quite get it. When you take a medium that’s best used for discussions and open dialog and then censor it, polish it, and turn it into advertising, unintentional hilarity is bound to ensue.

Current Events, education

Silent Change Redux

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Almost a year ago, I did a post about the tendency of fundamentalists to shift their stances on issues while all the while pretending that nothing has changed at all. Nothing to see here, folks! We’ve always believed this way.

This sort of selective memory was clearly exemplified by the announcement a week ago that after thirty-five years of a principled stand against accreditation, Pensacola Christian College has suddenly decided that maybe it isn’t so bad an idea after all. Hey, all that stuff we told you about being forced to teach evolution and endorse communism and having to give up our high standards of Christian excellence? Forget all that. We never said it. It never happened. We’ve always planned on seeking accreditation someday…it just took us a few decades to get around to it.

So for all of you PCC grads who suffered for Jesus by being unable to get certain jobs, get into schools, or follow certain career paths because your alma mater was standing on its convictions: the joke, it would seem, is on you. They hope you’ve enjoyed your substandard employment and educational opportunities. Now they’re going to change their minds.

Yes, I know we’re going to have a long conversation about how the accreditation is national not regional and it won’t throw open the doors to PCC alums to do everything that graduates of other schools can do. However, the main point still remains. PCC has changed what they had previously called a principled stand without even paying lip service to the countless students who have paid the price for getting an unaccredited degree over the years. We can expect all the anti-accreditation rhetoric to be flushed down the memory hole and completely forgotten by the same people who so strongly defended it in the past.

We’ve always been at war with Eastasia.

Church, education

Introducing: A Beka Church

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From the creative minds who brought you A Beka Book, A Beka Academy, and the Four Winds Carpet Color Scheme, now comes the new and exciting A Beka Church program that will spiritually enrich your family or small home gathering. A Beka Church is the perfect solution for a world full of doubt and indecision caused by years of liberal education and free thought. With so many apostate churches in the world, why take a chance on having to listen to differing points of view or hear non-inspired words being read from inferior Bible translations?

The A Beka Church concept makes being a strong Christian so easy. Each week you’ll receive a set of DVDs of songs, sermons, and proof texts crafted by master preachers from Pensacola Christian College and Pensacola Theological Seminary. Each sermon is painstakingly checked for accuracy and grammar usage by a team of spiritual giants headed by none other than the co-founder and campus spiritual leader Beka Horton. Your Christian life is all but guaranteed!

At a traditional church you could spent thousands of dollars in overhead costs to pay a pastor and maintain a building but with A Beka Church there’s only small monthly fee of 39.99 (+S&H) in addition to one-tenth of your income for the rest of your life. You can even use the same video equipment that your children already use for their school work!

Listen to these thrilling testimonials

“Since leaving PCC, I just haven’t been able to find a church that gives the feelings of guilt and inadequacy that I crave. I’m so thankful that A Beka Church was there to put be back in my place.” ~ Danny in Ft. Worth, Texas.

“I just haven’t been able to find any church who’s standards I completely agree with. No more having to spend time on Sunday morning with pants-wearing hussies! I love A Beka Church!” ~ Esther in Greenwood, Delaware.

“A Beka Church is the greatest innovation in spiritual thought this world has seen since you-know-who.” ~ St. Paul

After receiving your membership questionnaire (please use black pen only), your bank draft authorization for automatic tithe withdrawal, and your notarized oath of allegiance, you’ll receive an A Beka Church starters kit containing:

– 1 Copy of The Leaven in Fundamentalism on Video Cassette
– 2 King James Award Bibles (18.99 value!)
– 1 Dr. Joel Mullenix replica hairpiece.
– An exclusive phone number to the pastor’s office which will be working once we actually get a pastor again.

A Beka Church: Get to Heaven From Your Living Room.

Odds and Ends

Excerpts From A Pensacola Christian College Staff Handbook

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In case anybody thinks I’m making up all of the stuff I wrote in the last post, here’s a copy of the Staff Handbook from A Beka Services Ltd, one of the “ministries” run by the administration of Pensacola Christian college :

For those of you who have neither the time or inclination to read the whole things, here are a few relevant excerpts…

Page 19

“We expect Our personnel not to…watch movies rated PG,R,or X whether on cable, Internet, regular TV, video or DVD. When personnel are seen at video rental places, it can hurt the person’s testimony and the ministry’s testimony”

Page 22
“God’s hand of blessing has been on this ministry, and we think one reason is because we, the faculty and staff, have chosen to live a life dedicated to God rather than follow the lifestyle of the world…A big area of temptation today is Hollywood movies in the PG, R, and X-rated categories…Hollywood movies always dull the appetite for spiritual things and eventually lead to a defeated Christian life, causing casualties to the temptations of the flesh. In time, that person will either leave the Lord’s work or at least be non-productive in the Lord’s work.”

Page 24
“Walking shorts and culottes should not be worn for shopping malls…Walking shorts and culottes should not be worn on Sundays, whether you are going for a walk on the beach or going for a picnic after church. Instead you could wear a casual dress or skirt…we ask that personnel daughters abide by these policies beginning on their thirteenth birthday.”

Page 28
For your spiritual well-being as well as the sake of the corporate testimony of this ministry, you are expected to attend Campus Church services regularly Sunday Morning (including Bible Study), Sunday evening, and Wednesday evening.

Certainly we would expect our personnel attending the Campus Church to also support it with their tithes and offerings.

Sunday is considered a day of rest–not a shopping day to go to the malls, shop for groceries, or participate in music benefits…sports activities…are to be reserved for days other than Sunday. Children should not play organized ball games on Sunday.

Isn’t it great? Your employer is not only the guardian of your righteous soul but also the de facto parent of your children. Rejoice and be exceeding glad ministry workers!