“Biblical”

textThe Bible is ostensibly the fundamentalists authority for all matters of faith, practice, and flatware. As a result, the adjective “biblical” gets applied to anything and everything that the fundy does. There is biblical soul-winning, biblical courtship, biblical dress codes, biblical counseling, biblical dentistry, and so on.

The proverbial fly in the soup is, of course, that very few of these things are actually found explicitly or implicitly commanded to be done in fundy style anywhere in the actual Bible. Nobody would be more surprised than the prophets and apostles to learn that they had unwittingly given explicit instructions for how long a man’s hair is allowed to grow or the types of instruments allowed to play in a church service.

One is left to suppose that requiring actual Bible passages and exegesis to support arbitrary standards is something that is decidedly not biblical. And then one’s head explodes.

Anti-Climaxes

Remember all the hype about the “Bible Burning” at Amazing Grace Baptist Church in Canton, NC?

Well, it didn’t exactly go as planned. In fact, there wasn’t any actual burning to speak of. In the first place it rained. Then it turns out that there’s a law against burning paper in North Carolina and the neighbors weren’t too keen on it either. To top it off, local law enforcement asked that that the whole thing be held inside. So what really happened at the “Bible Burning” was…this:

Thrilling stuff! Be sure to check out the videos of the singing and preaching before hand and all the rest of the 34 minutes of unremarkable footage of books being destroyed. You would think they would have at least splurged on a big black menacing-looking trashcan instead of just borrowing a little anemic one from the kitchen.

I think someone needs to come up with an official award for badly executed fundy publicity stunts. Any suggestions on a name for it?

Update 1: As of October, 2013 the links to amazinggracebaptistchurchkjv.com are all dead

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