6 Fundamental Facts for Halloween

6. Tonight is a celebration of evil. I know this because I wasn’t invited to anything due to how not evil I am.

5. Candy not used to lure children onto church buses is candy wasted.

4. Jesus never dressed up as anything but Jesus (and Jesus costumes are only allowed at Easter).

3. Satanists perform human sacrifices on Halloween and I have a Chick Tract and a Christine O’Donnell quote to prove it.

2. The only thing scarier than people celebrating Satan is people celebrating the Reformation.

1. On an unrelated note, Harvest Festival starts at 7. Don’t be late.

96 thoughts on “6 Fundamental Facts for Halloween”

  1. Yup. My daughter-in-law and my daughter went to a “Harvest Festival” dressed as Mary and Martha. Kinda-sorta.

    Because nothing separates you from the pretend, fake Halloween costumes like wearing pretend, fake “Biblical” costumes, haymen?

  2. When I was a child, my parents sometimes prepared bags of candy with a tract to hand out at the door to any kids who came by. We’d look longingly out the windows at the fun costumes and I secretly wished I could join them. This was before churches started Harvest celebrations or trunk or treats, though I’m pretty sure my parents wouldn’t have allowed us to do those either.

    My husband came from a less stringent strand of IFB; he’d always participated in Halloween and encouraged us to do so when we had kids. Now I’m so glad that I’m free to allow my kids to dress up and go door-to-door as part of their community. Freedom tastes so good. (I won’t criticize those who withdraw from Halloween; I think of it as a meat-offered-to-idols issue. I only call them on it when they judge other believers who feel the Christian liberty to enjoy the holiday.)

        1. Church people fill the trunks of their cars with candy, and park in the church lot. Kids parade around and “trunk or treat.” Actually, in the part of town where I live, where we have a lot of traffic and few stoplights, the church that has trunk or treat and a big harvest festival is very popular with my neighbors. It’s not a Fundy church, just a neighborly one.

        2. Church people fill the trunks of their cars with candy, and park in the church lot. Kids parade around and “trunk or treat.”

          “Just like trick-or-treat, Except CHRISTIAN(TM)!”

        3. A lot of churches do it in my area, but many of them do it on different days so it leaves people free to go trick-or-treating Halloween night if they want to. Businesses and restaurants also do it too. People have fun and show lots of ingenuity in how they decorate the back of their cars and the surrounding area. One guy dressed in the rubber-faced smiley Burger King king outfit, had a pretend grill in his hatch-back and handed out those burger and hotdog-shaped patty candies, but that was relatively simple compared to the lengths to which some people go.

      1. We have an awful lot of Real True Christians here, but no trunk-or-treats. I think it’s because the Chamber of Commerce puts on Downtown Trick-or-Treat on Halloween or the last business day before Halloween. From 3 to 5, the downtown business district is packed with characters of all descriptions. This year, my family contributed a bloodthirsty pirate queen, an old-school homemade robot with flexible duct for arms and legs, and the cutest ghost you ever saw. The cool part is that kids also go out and trick or treat on actual Halloween, so it’s like a double whammy of candy!

    1. The last time I dressed up was in all black with a black knit stocking cap and a replica model 1911 .45 calber hand gun…I was 14. I have a pic to prove it!

      Then I became a fundamentalist. Now what will I tell my kids?

    2. I grew up in the country and we never attended church. This was just a fun time to get free candy; we looked forward to it each year.

      After I got into IFB churches I began to hear how wicked this day was, but I had a hard time reconciling that with the harmless fun we had as kids.

      Perhaps it was a more innocent time; we generally didn’t have to worry about truly evil people doing things to the candy.

      Now we’re told to only take our kids to houses of people we know, and to check everything in the bad to make sure that there are no needles or razor blades. What has our society become!

      1. “Truly evil people doing things to the candy” is an urban legend.
        There are only a couple of documented cases of children being injured or killed by Halloween candy, and in those cases it turned out the culprits were members of the children’s own families who were trying to blame it on Trick or Treating.

        Ask a the triage nurse who was on duty Saturday at your local emergency room how many chilren came in with poisoning or razor blade injuries due to Halloween candy sabotage. I’m fairly certain the answer will be “none.” (In contrast to how many adults get injured doing stupid things at Halloween parties, which is another topic).

        http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052702304915104575572642896563902

    3. Though I’m actually ashamed of many things I participated in when I was in fundyland…..standing against Halloween isn’t one of them….After having studied it thoroughly …I can find nothing about this holiday that I, as a Christian, should celebrate!…That is my personal belief…..I don’t have the judgmental attitude about it as I once did, and don’t care at all what others do or don’t do….I probably wouldn’t even share my opinion about it, unless someone asks.

  3. “1. On an unrelated note, Harvest Festival starts at 7. Don’t be late.”

    And don’t forget to bring at least $20 per kid to pay for this activity, because we can’t pass up the opportunity for a church fundraiser!

  4. The co-author must be some flaming liberal; why else would she have two last names? Obviously she doesn’t fully submit to her husband. How dare she try to hold on to any portion of her own identity. That IS satanic :^)

  5. We were never allowed to go trick or treating but my mom did tracts with full sized candy bars. Something about kids not wanting Christians were cheapssses and getting a tract with a mint.

      1. Jerry Falwell was known as a big tipper for just that reason. Trying to make up for Christians’ reputations as cheapskates.

      2. Oh dear, the tracts in lieu of tips.

        There’s this website called Kitchenette that features real life stories from people who work in food service. The stories about the Sunday after-church customers will make you want to bash a bible over those customers’ heads

      3. If we leave a tract, we try to ensure that we (1) leave 20-25% tip, and (2) tell the server that he/she did a good job.

        1. If you know anybody who leaves those horrific tracts made to look like money instead of a tip, apply Biblical reproach to them, please, and tell as many of your fellow parishioners as will listen that this is hideously wrong. American restaurant employees are paid a wage that is impossible to live on without tips; this is legal because tips are assumed to be coming in. Furthermore, they are taxed on what the IRS considers to be the average income in tips whether they receive this income or not. Leaving a piece of paper with some prating about the good of their souls instead of the money they need to keep their bodies and souls together is basically telling them, “Go; be warmed and filled. But not really. Have a nice day! :D”

    1. I had the same thought.
      I know I bought a pumpkin.
      As a matter of fact, I bought it at the local United Methodist church, which had a “Pumpkin Patch” as a youth group fundraiser.
      I guess authors Phillips and Hake Robie would say that church is Satanic, but they seemed perfectly nice to me.

  6. Happy Reformation Day/All Saints Eve/Halloween! This is my father’s world! Now let’s pass out some candy and get dressed up and have a few drinks!

      1. Having been raised catholic, getting named to the elite “saint” club was a big hairy deal with magical potions and cure-alls (and usually a good bit of political scheming.) Now in my wife’s mainline protestant outfit, all you have to do is die (and not have been hated by too many survivors.)

        When my mother-in-law died her minister proclaimed her a “saint.” All I could think of was “Maybe after I finished my work with the green stake…”

  7. Dear SFL Reader:

    People pretend to be what they’re not all the time.

    Many IFBers pretend to be Christians.

    Christian Socialist

  8. When I was a kid (and not yet a Christian), my three top holidays were Christmas, my birthday and Halloween. It’s was about the fun, the presents, the candy, the presents, the candy…that’s how kids think.

    I was absolutely amazed when I became a Christian at how much anti-Halloween sentiment existed. I had always known it was make believe (I put people who are into evil spirits and seances in a different category all together ). I don’t make a big deal out of the holiday, but I make sure that my neighbor kids get some candy (I just delivered the treat bags) and I wear a costume to school. I think Christians, in general, spend so much time being “agin it” that they miss the redeemable moments when they can show love to their neighbors and really share the message of the love the Savior has for us. If you choose not to participate, you have the right-but you don’t have to look down your nose at those who do.

    1. “If you choose not to participate, you have the right-but you don’t have to look down your nose at those who do.”

      Party pooper. Where’s the fun if there’s no sanctimony involved?

      1. It’s why I gave up on Fundystan–everything was suspect and had to be “without the appearance of evil.” It wears you out after a while, and it’s always changing, but the list keeps getting longer.

        Example: One year at church we were told what was “wrong” with “We Three Kings of Orient Are” (there weren’t three of them, of course) and that “Joy to the World” was not pre-millennial in outlook. I couldn’t figure out that why we couldn’t be thankful for those who acknowledge Christ’s birth with beautiful music. It just gets too tiring to keep track of all this stuff! Meanwhile, the stuff we should be doing as believers (taking care of widows and orphans, for example) doesn’t happen because we need to be able to give responses to all this other minutia.

        1. NYARGH! I know that the KJV has some beautiful poetry in it, but it should never EVER be used as a teaching tool. The translation was lousy when it was first in print and now it’s both lousy and antiquated. The actual translation is not “the appearance of evil,” but “evil when it appears.” Totally different emphasis!

        2. It’s all about looks, rules, and regulations!

          In Jesus’ day, these kinds of people were called Pharisees. We all know what Jesus had to say about Pharisees…

        3. The Bible doesn’t even say they were kings. “Wise men” is a better translation.

        4. Dear Jenny Islander:

          You wrote: ‘… “evil when it appears.” Totally different emphasis!’

          I reply: The flip side to your observation which is both very correct and truly brilliant is this: many issues of truly great injustice and mercilessness not only fail to register as evil, but are actually defended AS ‘righteousness. Examples are not limited to but may include denial/cover-up of abuse, schools that perpetuate ignorance, religious triumphalism in the service of a fascistic, national narrative, uncritical acceptance of war as stated policy, vicious attacks on those who are not like us in terms of race, ethnicity, gender, class, orientation, etc., etc., etc.

          It is telling that people can get bent all out of shape when man-made standards are identified and dismissed for what they are, whereas hideous evil is given a pass by people who wouldn’t recognize or call sin ‘sin’ is it bled to death on their front lawn…

          Christian Socialist

        5. @Dr. Fundystan: It’s a sad commentary on the nation-worship that has infected American Christianity that there are many, many churches in which the pastor would have to flee if he pointed out that the Wise Men were from Iraq.

      2. Party pooper. Where’s the fun if there’s no sanctimony involved?

        Cue the Church Lady Superiority Dance.

  9. The BBF church in which I grew up had a haunted house many years with werewolves, witches (My mom dressed up as one), and even the dude from Texas chainsaw massacre! It was fun, and no one thought we were worshipping Satan! Some years we had more of a fall festival. My mom would put on her witch costume (I was usually a vampire) and serve soup from a bubbling cauldron. We would go trick – or – treating afterwards. We ended up with loads of candy and lots of cavities!
    My kids are going “trunk – or -treating” right now to be followed by hitting a few houses on the way home. And I would be considered an IFB by some, though I don’t really identify with any of the colleges our groups anymore.
    Happy Halloween 🙂

  10. Here’s somebody who did a close, critical reading of this book: https://bookswithoutpity.wordpress.com/2011/10/25/phillips-strikes-again-halloween-and-satanism-part-one/

    Phil Phillips wrote multiple books discovering Satanic themes in children’s cartoons, toys, and other pop-culture detritus: E.T., Care Bears, Barney, Barbie, Transformers, you name it, and he’s probably condemned it as Satanic. He’s also written on “biblical parenting” and ADD. Here’s his yearbook photo: http://americanloons.blogspot.tw/2014/05/1029-phil-phillips.html And here he is with a moustache: http://www.cartoonbrew.com/ideas-commentary/turmoil-in-the-toy-box-revisited-90147.html

    An associate of Mike Warnke, and the owner of the Starburst (the publishing company which produced this, as well as most of her and Phillips’ work), Joan Hake Robie (d. 2011?) wrote books against Dungeons and Dragons, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and horror / TV violence; and in favor of handwriting analysis and preparing for the End Times. She is perhaps best known for her “What Would Jesus Do?” books.

    1. That review of “Halloween and Satanism” was great. I wonder how much the editor had to drink and/or be bribed before he agreed to let this shit be published, complete with grammatical errors.

      I wonder, did this fool ever get a cease-and-desist letter from Disney with regard to the uncredited scene from “Snow White”?

    2. I saw the jump in visits yesterday and today and had to come by. Thanks for the link! I found Phil Phillips originally because of Turmoil in the Toybox, which essentially ruined my ex’s childhood. I, of course, has never heard of any of this stuff until I was an adult.
      Anyway, thank you for visiting my little blog. 🙂

  11. We bought a lot of candy and handed most of it over to the ghosts, goblins, princesses, vampires, and others who showed up tonight. My favorites, though, were a mother who came as the White Rabbit, escorting her daughter, the Mad Hatter–complete with a top hat with a price card tucked into the hat band.

    Evil, Satanic fun, all of it.

    1. Dear That Other Jean:

      Your ‘Satanic fun, all of it’ remark gets at the heart of much that happens in Fundastan: inwardly believing that bad folk have ALL the fun, they set out to ruin others’ fun by punishing their OWN sins vicariously in those who have the freedom to commit them.

      Christian Socialist

      1. I often heard sermons saying the unsaved didn’t know what love or joy was, that they had miserable lives. But then I noticed how they interacted with their children, their friends, and realized that claim was false! The unsaved were often kinder, gentler, more helpful, more loving and caring — even the atheists!

        And I think the ones making these claims know they’re not true. That is why they keep trying to ruin things for others. It is a desperate jealousy seeing others happy when you are the miserable one.

        1. I so agree with you, rtgmath. I found that there was one message for the unsaved: believe in Jesus and he will give you peace, joy, meaning, healing for relationships, etc etc. But once you were a believer there was no such thing at all- the message was one of fear and pressure, never being able to do enough.

          I was at Costco on Halloween and a lot of people had their children with them already dressed up in their costumes. A little girl who was all dressed up in a combination witch/ballet dancer outfit excitedly chatted with her mother as they shopped holding hands. I noticed a serious family off to the side whose little girls were all dressed in drab long skirts, tennis shoes & socks and one of the little girls was looking so longingly at the little costumed girl and her mother! I really felt for her.

        2. The air outside the dome is poisonous. The air outside the dome is poisonous. You may see folks outside the dome breathing the air and doing just fine, but don’t believe your lying eyes. The air outside the dome poisonous.
          –Happy on the outside, never going back

      2. I hadn’t considered the matter much beyond feeling sorry for people who deprived themselves of what I consider to be innocent fun, but I think that you’re right–envy is at the heart of fundy’s attempts to keep the rest of us from doing what they think they shouldn’t.

  12. I live in Arizona, and we have here a heavily Mexican culture that celebrates Halloween with colorful sugar skulls, sweet breads and other foods, special toys for kids, and special altars set up in the home to honor deceased relatives.

    I wonder how long it would take a fundy preacher to shit himself with rage upon seeing this EEEEEEVVVILLLLLL display of family love and celebration of life both past and present…

  13. A fb friend posted this on her page: http://www.brandonhester.com/why-christians-absolutely-should-celebrate-halloween/

    I won’t say Christians “absolutely should” celebrate Halloween because I don’t want someone to violate their conscience and I don’t want to make a weaker brother sin. But I definitely agree with his reasons why it is a good thing to participate. He says:

    1. All extremes are dysfunctional. [I agree — the Bible talks about staying on the path and not going off to the right or to the left.]
    2. You’ll never make a difference in your community if your stance is condemnation.
    3. It’s only an evil day if you want it to be.

    I thought those were good points.

    1. They are good points.

      The opposite of an extreme is moderation. Extremes twist facts to support their positions. Moderation will allow you to recognize that not all the facts will support a particular position, and needs recognition and discussion. Also, facts can be presented in a manner divorced from their contexts, so care is needed and research is essential.

  14. I have a Facebook status I put up every year at this time: “You can call it a Fall Festival all you want, but everybody knows it’s a Halloween party.”

  15. I clicked on the link about the Christine O’Donnell quote about Halloween and Human Sacrifice.
    Documentary evidence, please?

      1. That was just a short clip. Did she go on to give documentary evidence of specific examples (times,places) where human sacrifice has taken place ? Or is she just indulging in twisted Fundy wishful thinking?

    1. Do you want evidence that Christine O’Donnel said it, or that her claim is true?
      I think the evidence that she said it is pretty strong.
      As for evidence that human sacrifice actually takes place on Halloween, there is none at all that I know of.

      1. I think there have been a few cases of people killing “In the name of satan” in America, but the cause was always mental illness rather than Satanism.

  16. October’s Mental Floss magazine has a few great articles about the history of Halloween and Thanksgiving in America. Apparently dressing up and “trick or treat” was originally a thanksgiving tradition, where people would dress like hobos and ask their neighbors for food and money (as a joke). It stopped being funny to all but children during the great depression. Thanksgiving was marketed as a family time holiday, and the dressing up and begging for goodies sort of just morphed into a Halloween tradition instead.
    Of course Jack Chick would say that was all a conspiracy orchestrated by the Illuminati.

    1. Part of that was that Halloween in the States was traditionally a time when kids sneaked out after dark to go helling around, knocking over sheds, etc. Letting them dress up and ask for sweets and fruit at the door was also a way of channeling that tradition in a less annoying direction. (Because if they were smart enough to get out without permission, they would be out regardless.)

      1. My grandfather, many years ago, got together with some friends one Halloween night and they moved the outhouse of the local teacher they despised. My grandfather was about 14. The good thing-the teacher did not fall into the sludge when he went out the next morning to do his business. However, my grandfather and his friends, besides getting a true hiding, also did a lot of free work on the teacher’s farm for the remainder of the school year. This was in the rural Northwest, in the early 1900s.

  17. Hey! I love the cover of that “Halloween and Satanism” book. It’s angry pumpkin and sad pumpkin. The perfect faces to represent fundy-ism!

  18. And y’know, I don’t so much mind “trunk or treat”(though I hate that name) or fall festivals, or whatever, as long as they’re NOT held on the 31st and competing with actual trick-or-treating.

    One of the best things about actual trick-or-treat night, especially (to use another phrase I despise, but here goes)…”in this day and age,” is that it’s one of the few times when everybody in the neighborhood is actually OUT, at the same time. People are out and about, together. Kids, parents, everybody walking around, actually saying hi to each other and socializing, even if just for a few minutes. Remembering that they’re neighbors.

    And one of the eeeevil things about fall festivals on the 31st is that it takes people away from that awesomeness, and pulls them into their church social circle, among people they’re already with all the time anyway.

    I’m sure this is a generalization, and it’s different in different neighborhoods, etc., but it’s something that bugs me.

    1. I think I’ve said this before, but for me old-style Trick-or-Treating at my door is a good opportunity to greet my neighbors– both the children and the teens and adults who often go around with them.
      I don’t talk to most of them the rest of the year– not that I don’t like them; our paths just don’t cross much.

      I found out this year that some neighbors are still talking about the Mitt Romney costume I wore three years ago when I was giving out candy.

      One kid shocked me, though: He looked at my pumpkin and asked if it was a Jack-O-Lantern. My wife answered in the affirmative, and the boy said he had never seen one before. This child was at least six or seven, and he spoke English quite fluently, so I don’t think he was a recent immigrant. But I looked around and saw that most of my neighbors had storebought Halloween decorations, but not hand-carved pumpkins. I guess it’s up to a few of us to keep the tradition alive for another generation.

    2. I agree! A couple local churches (non-fundy) had trunk-or-treats one on the Saturday before Halloween, the other on Sunday afternoon before Halloween. They are offering a fun connection with their community. Another nearby church, a Southern Baptist one, was advertising on their sign a trunk-or-treat on Halloween night, obviously as an alternative to trick-or-treating. I prefer going door-to-door and being part of the community as expressed above!

  19. Things that happened for the first time at our house this Halloween…don’t laugh…I enjoyed them more that the kids!
    1. Put window clings up with my kids that included cute black cats. One of them was wearing a witch’s hat!
    2. The kids asked if they could a spider web with spiders in the yard. We said, ” yes!”
    3. Hot dogs wrapped with crescent rolls strips to look like little mummies. Cut little faces into half bananas to look like ghosts.
    4. Listened with and danced goofily to the “Monster Mash” song mulitple times with kids.

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