Category Archives: Odds and Ends

Skits: Kentucky Young Fundamentalist Edition

If you’ll recall, a while back I posted a video from the Kentucky Young Fundamentalists advertising their conference. Well they had the conference and there they did things like this…

I highly recommend that you do not watch this. It is a complete and total waste of time.

You have been warned.

On a side note, I have to wonder exactly how gimmicks like this are considered better than the “seeker-sensitive” movement that they love to preach against.

Planning A Wedding (And Update From CampMeetingGirl)

Darrell,

First of all, let me apologize for my lack of posting comments for a couple of months there. I had an unfortunate incident at the church gathering during the sack race portion. It turns out that having a servant’s heart and pairing up with the young girl from youth group who just got out of rehab and is starting her new life was not the wisest thing to do. It appears she has much to conquer in her weakness for competitiveness and non-‘meek & quiet’ methods of participating in games. I noticed nobody picked her, but I wasn’t aware that it was because she kept muttering “I’m gonna win this or die trying” over and over. Uriah told me he heard her but didn’t think anything of it. So, I didn’t want her to feel left out and showed her the love of Jesus by suggesting we be partnered for the race. I don’t remember much after “Go”, but people tell me that I didn’t say anything after I fell and her Doc Marten made contact with my right forearm. I always faint at the hint of too much pain. She made it across the finish line with me scrunched up in the bag. I am thankful that I am always modest and that my long denim skirt prevented any showing of my slip when I fell. That would have been very embarrassing. I wound up breaking both arms and getting pins in them. I have never taken pain medicine, but I did for several weeks. I am thankful for the experience of percocet, but am also thankful that God did not allow me to become addicted. He truly does not allow temptation beyond what we are able to bear!!!

So, that’s what’s been going on with that. I couldn’t write the full details because my arms were in casts for so long. I had physical therapy with a lady who called herself Max. She said it was short for Max. She was funny. She kept referring to her husband (Terry) as her “partner”. It sounded very New Age and and her hair was very short. But, I didn’t say anything because the last time Mr. Beverly made a comment to a lady at church about her hair being too short, she retorted that it was because she had just lost all her hair to cancer and it was growing back. He told her that she should wear wig in the meantime. I don’t really agree with that and that lady didn’t come back to our church.

So, I got engaged to Titus at Easter!! He proposed to me after taking me out for dinner at the Golden Corral, where he treated me to a steak dinner. It was wonderful and I almost ate too many yeast rolls! After our soft-serve ice cream dessert, he got down on one knee and said, “I have prayed for a Proverbs 31 woman for a long time. I think you are the epitome of godly womanhood and you are so beautiful it makes my heart hurt. Will you marry me?” I was so happy, I cried! Our wedding is in December, since the church will already be decorated and he has time after he graduates and before he starts his new job as associate pastor at a church. The church is rather large and the pastor is a direct descendent of one of the founders of the university! It’s like working with royalty. We are humbled to serve.

I was listening to some old cassettes of Elisabeth Eliot the other day. It was a Q&A session after a conference in New England. I don’t typically listen to her, because I don’t know if she is a fundamentalist or not, but she was hitting homeruns all through this tape. One girl asked her about submission in marriage starting in a dating/engagement relationship. The girl asked how to submit to her fiance. Elisabeth said, “You don’t.” I was floored. I had to stop the tape because I was very confused. Anyway, I put that behind me and began to think of ways to practice submitting to Titus in marriage. We pretty much agree on everything and he’s very wise for his age (he is a preacher boy, after all). I call this Preparing for Marriage. My youth leader’s wife cautioned us about spending so much time preparing for the wedding that we don’t get ready for the marriage. So, I’m trying to suppress all my excitement for the wedding preparations and channel that into focusing on running through scenarios in my mind about how to serve my husband best in my marriage. Listening to past years of “The Joyful Woman Jubilee” has been very helpful.
I liked this quote:
“Sometimes this isn’t possible or even right. A man’s life has a different nature than a woman’s. His is a leadership role. He also may play an important role in civic, religious, or social affairs. A woman’s role is supportive, and she is to be her husband’s helper, confidant, counselor if need be, friend and one of his greatest allies. Failure to place him in the number one position is often the reason a man turns to another woman. Women with less than good scruples are more than willing to make your man feel important, appreciated and admired.” ~Helen Andelin

Since I broke both my arms, I have not been able to write letters to Titus like he preferred. So, we have used a new program Uriah has been using called “Skype”. It has been wonderful to have real conversations since that is very difficult to do via written word. He tries out sermon illustrations or jokes for me and I tell him how good they are. I show him the dresses and skirts I’ve sewn or the gifts I’ve crafted (saving money!!) and he tells me they are wonderful.

We are chugging along here. We made it through our Patriotic Service at church. Nothing caught fire this year because Mr. Malone did not bring sparklers inside to use during “God Bless America” like he did last year. Mrs. Sandusky sang her usual solo of “Lady Liberty” in her Statue of Liberty costume. I don’t know how she holds her arm up that long. We are preparing for our end of summer Friend Day. We have two teams who will compete (Cowboys and Ranchers) and the winner gets a whole collection of Concordances. I am preparing a drama team to do a skit where the bad guy gets saved right after he gets shot and we all sing as he goes to heaven.

Thanks for letting me catch you up.

In Modest Apparel,
CampMeetingGirl

Commandments Concerning Weddings

And when it shall come to pass that two fine young fundamentalists of opposite sex shall have have completed their dating or courtship or purchase or whichever biblical method their pastor hath decreed, that they shall have a fundamentalist wedding. And the observance of this wedding shall be on thus wise…

The bride shall adorn herself with yard and yards of fabric so that nary a square inch of bare skin shall be visible to the naked eye, neither the skin of her arm, nor her bosom, nor the cleavage between her toes shall in anywise be on display lest the congregation be forced to pluck out their eyes in unison upon her entrance. The groom can wear whatever he wants.

And the music shall be that of the strings and the organ and the piano for nothing says “I love you forever” like the lyrical stylings of the great Ron Hamilton, may his tribe increase and his wiggle worms be ever squashable. And when the strains of “Your Forever” shall play upon the instruments then shall the women of the congregation dab their eyes with a hanky and say “how sweet!” and never mind that the theology is really terrible and sounds vaguely Mormon.

And the preacher shall wax long and loud in giving his challenge to the newly married people and shall spare not to air all of his pet peeves such as unwed mothers, gay marriage and income taxes. And in doing so he shall establish that the most important person in this wedding is definitely himself. So shall it ever be.

And after the vows and songs and smooching there shall be a reception held in the church gymnasium. And of the reception there shall in no case be wine served for Jesus would not approve. Neither shall there be upbeat music which might lead to dancing lest someone mistake this for an actual celebration. Also, it’s a lot cheaper.

And when the time shall come that the bride and groom shall depart then shall the congregation of those present breathe a happy sigh and speculate on whether it shall be 9 or 10 months from now that their first child shall appear depending on how long it takes them to figure things out. And all shall rejoice that another fundy man has gathered to himself an helpmeet for to serve him all the days of his life. Amen.

Independent Baptist Book of Everlasting Rules and Requirements, pp. 401-402