Church Bookstores
The church bookstore is a long-standing fundamentalist tradition. Where else can you conveniently purchase eight books and assorted pamphlets written by the pastor himself, a delightful assortment of Footprints bookmarks, fish-shaped breath mints, and a smorgasbord of those little rubber coin purses with KJV bible verses stamped on the front? (Wait, do they even make [...]
Combining Patriotism and Jesus
Love America? Love Jesus? Want to combine the two in a totally awesome way? (I do find the 14 stars just a tad confusing. It was suggested to me that perhaps those are representative of the states in the Bible belt. Who knows.)
The Obligatory Hating Sata Post
It’s that time of year when the world falls in love and peace and earth and goodwill toward men reigns supreme. Yet even in this time of merry-making and fruitcake slinging, fundamentalists will find someone to attack: Old St. Nick. For Santa Clause is THE GREAT IMPOSTER who will lead your children astray not only [...]
Christmas Displays
Ripped from the Headlines… (ok, it was actually probably buried on page J32 but still) NIPOMO — A lawn display of a Jesus shooting Santa Claus has residents in one San Luis Obispo County city up in arms. The controversial Christmas display shows a Jesus figure pointing a double-barrel shotgun at a dead Santa figure. [...]
Faking Cheerfulness
Are you letting the joy of Jesus show on your face? Never mind that He was a man of sorrows. Let’s ignore that the king upon who’s throne He sits spent a lot of time writing depressed poetry and music. Just put out of your mind the weeping and lamenting prophets. Just let the joy [...]
Vans
If this was your “family car” growing up…you may have been a fundamentalist.
Sword Drills
Official Sword Drill Instructions: 1. If some children do not know how to do a Sword Drill then first of all explain why the Bible is the Christian’s sword. 2. First of all have all the children close their Bibles and hold them by the binder. 3. Shout “Sheathe swords” – at this the children [...]
John Wayne
Of all the ways to celebrate a fundamentalist church’s 70th anniversary, I just wouldn’t have foreseen an entry for “Get a John Wayne impersonator” as being anywhere on the list. One can only assume that Texas fundamentalists are a breed unto themselves.
