Any fundamentalists pastor worth his suit must write at least one book in his lifetime. It may be a treatise on how all the other fundamentalists but him have completely misinterpreted the significance of Elijah’s leather girdle. Or perhaps it will be a clarion call for fundamentalist tie-wearers to abandon the liberal Full Windsor knot in favor of the ancient landmark of the four-in-hand. If he’s a real scholar he may even make his topic “America in Bible Prophecy: Textual Proof That America Is The Left Foot Pinky Toe of Daniel’s Statue.”
The problem, of course, is that as inspired and well-written as these volumes may be, the unenlightened marketing people at a major publishing house just don’t recognize how vital they are for the salvation of true Christianity. This leaves the pastor with no choice but to round up enough money to buy a press and start his own printing ministry.
The seasons change and many thousands of dollars are spent on equipment and a building to house it. The part-time volunteer youth pastor is shipped off to school to learn how to run the press. The entire class of 3rd graders at the Academy are pressed into service as book binders as part of their school curriculum. No cost is spared and no tither’s arm left untwisted.
At long last the project is done and the church proudly gazes upon 5,000 copies of this masterwork. They really can’t avoid gazing at them, since the books have been been stored in the fellowship hall for the last three years while the pastor tries desperately to sell more than the six copies purchased by his mother. Even the table set up at the back of this year’s Bible conference brought few sales and more than a few muttered comments from backslidden church members about “having already paid for it once.”
The heart of men has waxed cold indeed when they won’t even bother to read what the man of God writes. But never fear, next year “Gog, Magog, and You” is going on the required reading list of every student in the academy and every preacher boy in the bible college. Between that and sending a copy to all the missionaries for Christmas, it is almost time for a second edition…
