90 thoughts on “Fundy Thanksgiving: Day 2”

      1. You’re reprobate, too.

        If you were truly gidly you wouldn’t know about that show because you’d be separated from the world and cleaved unto gid.

        1. What is this, “Big Bang Theory” of which you speak? Is it some heathenish, so-called science program on public television?

    1. Of course, having young ladies wear skirts/dresses provides easier access for the pervy Fundy pastor.

      1. So how come at Bob Jones they’re allowed to wear “britches” in the dorms but not at HAC? I bet Schaap could have done a five point sermon on Fundamental Colleges allowing the girls to wear pants on campus.

        1. Actually, now at BJU girls are allowed to wear pants anywhere after 5pm- even to the dining common! And when I was a student there nearly 30 years ago, we could wear pants outside, too.

          Years ago, my husband and I worked at a Christian camp and every year we’d have a group of teens from Jack Hyles’ church in Hammond. They were about the worst-behaved kids of any of the other churches every summer! They were disrespectful to their leaders as well as the camp staff, always trying to break the rules, etc. We really did not like when their group came for the week.

    2. My super fundy sister has explained that dresses are a good start, but they only pertain to the outward appearance. She says that you must also have modest underwear (a/k/a plain white cotton briefs) because God looks on the inner appearance. When she was an RA at WCBC, she used to conduct random raids of her girls’ underwear drawers and order them to dispose of any sinful panties.

      Or, as Cheryl from Miss Congeniality so aptly puts it: “Once I stole a pair of red underwear from the department store. my mom wouldn’t buy them for me. She said they were Satan’s panties.”

        1. No. Remember the verse in the OT that commanded the priests to wear breeches?? I know Steve “Pisseth” Anderson thinks the word is “britches” and refers to pants, but in my fundy circles, this was interpreted as a command to wear underwear – “but not with yer pants saggin’ down where everyone can see it, haymen?”

        1. The Satanic thing about red clothing is that when you wash it with your whites, everything’s permanently pink after that.

          “Pink ain’t for boys.” –Tony “Big Brain” Hutson

      1. This has to be one of the wildest interpretations of “man lookers on the outward appearance but the lord looketh upon the heart.”

        “Men look on the dresses and culottes, but the Lord looks at the panties.”

        Facepalm time!

        One has to wonder what abuse or brainwashing could produce this kind of mental anarchy.

        1. This has to be one of the wildest interpretations of “man lookers on the outward appearance but the lord looketh upon the heart.”

          Right up there with the woman who interpreted “Put on the New Man” as divorce her boring husband and marry her exciting Edward Cullen on the side.

      2. How do you deal with your Fundy family and yet keep your sanity?
        Re: the undies thing I hadn’t heard that before. Maybe that’s why so many fundies hate Victoria’s Secret?

        1. Who ever said Deacon’s Son has kept his sanity. He claims to be a lawyer. For all we know he posts during his 30 minutes a week free time at the asylum. 🙂

        2. I think Fundies only get mad at Victoria’s Secret when the catalog doesn’t arrive in the mail on time.

        3. Have to agree; been around fundamental churches a good long while and never heard this.

          Some people decide what they want to do, and then will drag any verse out its historical and literal context to support what they want to support.

    1. I’m wearing a barely acceptable jean skirt.

      It’s barely acceptable because it’s hard to get into the truck with that thing on.

    1. Meh. To the pure, all things are pure. That’s why we should never think anything bad about the MOG.

    1. Well, I don’t know about him being very polished. He gave lots of people the —–, and especially that 12 yo girl. He was sent to prison, where presumably he got the —— himself.

      Is Jack still in prison?

      1. I think he is, yes.
        Now his cronies are talking about what great prison ministry Jack is running. 🙄

        1. Are you serious!?!?

          (Last I heard, he has devoted the lion’s share of his time to getting out of prison through motions to reduce his sentence!)

        2. Yeah his cronies/buddies (Brown/Hutson/Trieber/Eddie LaPina) are still singing his praises. I think they are only doing it because their still loyal to the Pope (Jack Hyles).

      2. Um. . .if you’re writing about the girl he was sent to prison for, she was 16, not 12, when the sexual relationship started. Still a minor, and still against the law. And Jack’s still in prison.

  1. If that tawdry little minor had dressed purely, Jack would have never been tempted. Obviously it’s her fault that he sinned. Then again maybe it all started when his wife started wearing open-toed shoes http://www.stufffundieslike.com/2012/09/abandoned-standards/

    I mean if the MOG can’t manage his household well then he has no business being in ministry. But then again, it’s her fault that she bought and wore those shoes.

    Ministry would be so easy if it weren’t for all those temptresses out there :^)

    1. Just pass a law that everyone has to wear close-toed wooden clogs at all times. Then there’ll be no more sex.

    2. Speaking of shoes,
      Has anyone seen the final verse of “Jack Hyles’ shoes that Pat posted 2 years after it was featured on SFL?

      it goes:

      My legacy has now been set
      Of this you can be sure
      That this poor cow, though long since dead,
      Could still help spread manure.

      He posted as “pblawman.”


  2. Schaap was more than happy when comedian Larry Brown preached on how teens were suppose to dress and how he (Brown) got all the kids saved in church by convicting them of their skirts/hair etc. Taken from Pastor’s School 2008. Yes the one where Brown climbed on top of the pulpit.


  3. This. This is why I hate industrial religion. Low life SOBs like this wielding power over people too stupid to see their own idolatry! But they are the true believers, because they want to believe. They need to believe… Why? Because no one is teaching them the Gospel. Slimy bastards like Jack and his ilk are preaching themselves, preaching their empires… right down to the least paid con-man in the smallest pulpit, in the most run down storefront in America.

    1. “Why? Because no one is teaching them the Gospel.”


      The gospel to these people is about the outward appearance…

      Do you have a tract in your front pocket?
      Did you go “soul winning” brother”
      Is your hair just so, brother?
      Did you give his “tithe” and your offering?
      Are your shoes shiney?
      Are the men wearing a suit and tie?
      Are the women wearing jumpers or dresses?
      Are you listening to my kind of music?
      Do you hate Billy Graham? You better!
      We’re the only ones doing it right!
      Everyone else is going to hell!
      We have fine facilities!

      Matthew 24:1 And Jesus went out, and departed from the temple: and his disciples came to him for to shew him the buildings of the temple. 2 And Jesus said unto them, See ye not all these things? verily I say unto you, There shall not be left here one stone upon another, that shall not be thrown down.

      And Jesus said in Matthew 11:28-30,

      “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My load is light.”

      There is no rest under the oppression, rule, and manipulation by men such as these.

      The gospel is so much more beautiful. The gospel is not what we do, but what Jesus is doing and has already accomplished!


      1. Thanks again for quoting Matt 11 – I remember the months – years – of being weighed down with enormous guilt because I couldn’t do soul-winning like everyone was supposed to. When I read those verses, and realized that I they had put them on me with their fake supporting verses and ripping things out of context, I realized the truth of Jesus’ words that His yoke is “easy” and His burden is “light”. It was a grand, eye-opening, glorious time!

  4. He does a lot of prop comedy, a la Gallagher. Smashing an old TV set is Brown’s pièce de résistance.

      1. Ahh, in a classic bit of unfairness, the TV is unplugged. To be fair it should be plugged in and turned on, and the preacher should have to use a metal bat.

        Of course the Television set will still be destroyed. But there is at least an off chance of the preacher getting bitten back.

      2. Not only does the TV set not resist; it asks for it by not wearing a long skirt and by maintaining extended eye contact.

  5. We would say that a person who had been a drug addict, or had spent time in jail, or had stolen something that Salvation washes those sins away. They are redeemed, justified, sanctified. They are a part of God’s family and should learn to walk as redeemed people. Their sins are removed from them (and God) “as far as the East is from the West.” They have washed their garments white in the Blood of the Lamb.

    But we hold sexual experience — whether voluntary or involuntary — over the heads of the women as a sword of Damocles. Their “purity” can be stolen from them, and they still bear the shame of it. Somehow the blood of Christ does not wash their sins away. Somehow all the worth of a girl is bound up in whether she is a virgin.

    “Pure until marriage” is a phrase often heard, as if marriage is itself defiling and women are no longer “pure” then! Catholicism makes the act of sex inside marriage not intended for procreation to be a sin. A lot of fundies have gone there.

    It really is not much better than Islamic fundamentalism, which values a woman’s testimony as half that of a man, demands that women and girls hide themselves from the public. It might be a little better. But not much. The same patriarchal attitudes reign. The same disdain for women exists.

    There is no shaming of boys who have lost their virginity! The shame is always on the girls.

    Ultimately the whole game is about control. Who gets the sexual goodies, who gets to approve or disapprove of relationships, who gets to have influence, who has influence stripped of them. And the ones who run the game are corrupted by the power they wield.

    1. RT, that is the best narrative on the subject I’ve ever read, it should be a sermon. I’m so sick and tired of the same old double standard.

  6. I have often wondered about preaching for competition. Didn’t Paul specifically speak against that? It always bothered me at PCC, but what did I know? I was just a kid, and a girl too.

    1. Glad to have you. As any group of friends we laugh together, occasionally argue, debate, and even some small flares of attitude. But we are still friends, and we like to discuss the foibles of faux faith.

      Welcome aboard! Bring your stories!

  7. IFBs — and frankly, fundamentalists in general — have a long history of trying to get attention any way they can. They tend to be good public speakers, theatrical, animated and shallow — all of them characteristics needed to hold the attention of an audience for an extended period of time.

    You have listened to lectures and lessons from your history teachers and math teachers, found your focus wandering and your attention going elsewhere. It takes energy to focus on reasoning that takes you to deeper and more significant levels of thought and understanding. The IFB/Fundamentalist preacher’s goal is not to produce this kind of thinking, which actually increases individual autonomy. Instead the goal is to increase dependence, to produce dependence in the audience. Guilt, anger, love, theatrics are spread thick to overwhelm thought with feelings and distorted intepretations.

    And it is so much easier to do it with a crowd! Excitement, anger, admiration are all magnified in a crowd. The deeply devoted are the easiest to manipulate. Tune their emotions and they will help emit those to the rest of the congregation.

    They will never admit to such crass purposes, of course. But they exist, and they know it.

  8. I wonder if he stays in The Hole for fighting? When he was preaching on the outside, he loved to describe all the butts he would kick for various infractions. I bet he’s Mike Tyson in prison.

Comments are closed.