Friday Challenge: Truth In Hymnody

The challenge today is to rewrite (or invent) hymn titles to demonstrate fundamentalist reality.

Here are a few to start…

Break Thou The Purely Symbolic Matzo Cracker Of Life

When We Baptists Get To Heaven

Blessed Be the Standards That Bind

Blindly Trust And Obey Without Thinking

Revive Us Again, and Again, and Again, and…

121 thoughts on “Friday Challenge: Truth In Hymnody”

  1. When I was in college, the school choir used to sing:

    Like a mighty turtle
    Moves the church of God
    Brothers we are treading
    Where we’ve always trod

  2. “Ole Camp Meeting Time Song”

    Many, many years ago
    When I was just a lad
    Preacher used to come to church
    And tell us what was bad.

    Pictures Shows and Rock and Roll
    Women who wear slacks
    Non K-J-V Bibles
    Playing cards and dating blacks.

    I like the old time

    I like the old time
    Preaching at the choir

    I like the old time
    Finger Pointing

    I like the old time
    way it was before!

  3. Holy, holy, holy! Pastor Almighty!
    Early in the morning our song shall rise to Thee;
    Holy, holy, holy, merciful and mighty!
    God in One Person, blessed more than me!

  4. From a Facebook friend who wishes to remain anonymous:

    Master, the Joneses are raging,
    The enrollment is going down,
    We’re having to lay off staff members,
    while bank accounts start to drown,
    Carest Thou not that we have TRACS,
    it looks so good on our site,
    but since grads are beginning to speak out,
    there may be a great college flight!

  5. Work for the Pastor is Coming
    (to the tune of ‘Work for the Night is Coming’)

    Work for the Pastor is coming
    Work in the setting sun
    Work that is given to women
    Means man’s work is done

  6. Free from the Law,
    Oh, happy condition!
    Sin all I want
    And still get remission.

    (borrowed from RC Sproul)

  7. I just caught myself mind-humming “let the lower lights be burning”. Pretty classic as is!

    Some highlights:

    Some poor struggling, sinking sailor you may rescue, you may save


    Trying now to make the harbor, some poor sailor may be lost.

  8. Actually the chorus we sang was “Some poor fainting, struggling seaman
    You may rescue, you may save.” Rather archaic verbiage and imagery.

  9. Nearer, My God, to Thee,
    Nearer to Thee,
    Nearer than the Methodist,
    Since I’m IFB!

  10. Oh, just thought of another:

    Shall We Gather at the River? = Shall We Gather at the Buffet?

  11. More about Pastor would I know,
    Less of God’s grace to others show:
    More of his saving sermons give,
    More like my hero would I live.

    More, more about Pastor;
    More, more about Pastor;
    More of his huge insanity.
    More of his rank brutality.

  12. I know it’s not changing the words, but that one hymn that talks about “millions groping in darkness” always made me chuckle.

  13. “Oh Lord my god When I in awesome wonder
    Consider all the works they hand hath made
    I see the cars, I hear the pulpit thunder
    Thy power throughout the Old Downtown Church displayed…
    Then sings my soul my pastor-god to thee
    How Great thou art
    How Great thou art
    Then sings my soul my pastor-god to thee
    How Great thou art
    How Great thou art

  14. (Be Thou My Vision)

    ” (Pastor) Be thou my conscience,
    O lord of my life;
    Naught be all else to me,
    Except what thou write!

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