Paper Bibles

God doesn’t use an iPhone!!!!!! (Everybody knows He prefers Android)

David Owens gives us 6 reasons that he is completely not making up for why paper Bibles should be used instead of electronic ones. Here they are with my observations

1. We call God’s Word, The Bible; “The Bible” means “The Book.” Should we now call it “The app or the gadget?”
Books cease to be books when you put them on a screen. Everybody knows this

2. We say we respect the KJB, but put it on the same level as an app like Fox News, Drudge Report, AccuWeather, the stock market or some game. Where is the fear that we are losing all respect for God’s Word and God’s Book?
Furthermore why should we put the Bible on paper — the very same material which we also use to wipe our butts! Carved stone is the only true respectful material

3. The same gadget that has your Bible app displays ungodly advertisements and pictures either by accident or on purpose. Would you feel comfortable with pictures of half-dressed women in your Bible?
We can have rape and murder and incest and genocide in the Bible but we draw the line at half-dressed women unless their name is Jezebel.

4. Bible apps make it too easy to access perverted bibles, false versions and liberal commentaries.
I just can’t even.

5. Consider this excuse, “I can have the Bible with me all the time, for I always have my phone.” God already addressed that. Psalm 119:11 says, “Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.” No one has ever not sinned because they have a smartphone with them. Bible apps do not encourage memorization or meditation; in fact, they discourage memorization, for why memorize? The words of God on your smartphone can not replace the words of God in your heart.
And when the Communists invade and take away your iPhones you won’t be able to reproduce the entire Bible from memory like your parents were totally prepared to do.

6. It becomes too easy to be distracted. While you may have your Bible app open, you also receive notices of texts, updates, your eBay item sold, news and that granny is calling. Doesn’t the Devil provide enough distraction when we read God’s Word why we would make provision for more?
Because before the iPhone nobody ever stared off into space and thought about EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD except what the yelling man up front was saying. Also google “Airplane Mode.” It’s a thing.

Well there you have it. I’m never taking my iPhone to church again. True story.

272 thoughts on “Paper Bibles”

  1. Second.
    Anyone ever hear of a condition known as Cranio-Rectal Syndrome. This is a classic case. Of course Fundies don’t believe in such things since they never found it in their black-leather-bound King James Bibles.

  2. When you claim that all you need is Biblical authority, you have no other choice but cram those things you want, that don’t really apply, into its texts. If you want something, you have to show that it’s in the Bible. If you want to keep something the way it is, you have to show that you’re doing it because you’re considering your one and only authority. In that respect, you have no choice but to make the Bible into this unrealistic life guide that meets all of your needs and has an answer for every single thing you do, or don’t do. You don’t want to use e-books? Then you’ve got to show why through some Biblical message. As you try to make it fit into every facet of your life, you have to mold it. As Robert M. Price says:

    Fundamentalists who denounce humanism and scorn the pathetic subjectivity of mere human opinions, have no other stock to trade in, and so they make the Bible into a ventriloquist dummy to speak with their own voice

  3. . . . And of course, all fundygelicals are expected to lug their Bibles EVERYWHERE, as I was taught to do when I was in junior high youth group. “Y’ never know,” we were told, ” when you might get a chance to witness to your friends” (such as Catholics, who weren’t really Christians).

    1. Lugging their Bibles everywhere is the only exercise many Fundies get, especially Pastors. Apart from running down ant Christian who is different from them

  4. Btw , do scrolls count as books? I always believed that the Scriptures in Old and New Testament times were written on scrolls. Were they leather-bound too?

  5. My son just flew in for a visit. He has a couple of weeks leave between some training and getting back to his regular base. He was telling me that the man across the aisle spent the flight telling about his “call” as a “man-o-gawd” and holding his Bible to his chest the whole flight. I guess some folks do carry them everywhere and look for sinners to save.

  6. From the end of the article….

    “If God keeps His records of us in literal books, should we not keep and use His record to us in a literal Book? ”

    This is all that is needed to confirm the delusive state of the writer.

  7. I agree with number 6. It is very easy to be distracted on the phone. I have an ADD mindset and as soon as a notification comes up, I tend to click on it. Either way, reading my Bible is reading my Bible, is it not? I don’t think God said, “Study to shew thyself approved and make sure there are no distractions.”

    Some people study better with distractions.

    1. Turning your phone off when appropriate us not Spiritual. Its common sense.But is your salvation, or even your daily spiritual state, dependant on using a “Literal Book” that you can hold in your hands and wor…. uh, read? Which is more important , the Literal Book, or the Message it contains?

        1. I may not know which chapter and verse says that, but I do know this: It’s written on paper!

        1. I would like it if Peterson hadn’t used 25 cliches on every page. Totally ruins it for me. 🙁

    2. I’m easily distracted in a pure white room with only the bare necessities needed for study, so that makes that argument moot.
      I’m probably less distracted now that I uses electronic commentaries than with paper ones, because I put in a passage, hit search, and see only what I need. With books, I turn the page, start reading, and I’m nowhere near where I need to be. Encyclopedia work back in school was a great way for me to learn a lot if info that was completely unrelated to the report due.

      SQUIRREL!!!

  8. I’m wondering if he has even READ his Bible! Has he not seen John 1:1? The word of God was put on paper for man’s convenience but it did not come from paper. And as far as apps go, it’s easy enough to check them out and find a free one that has no ads or other distractions. Mine comes in real handy, especially in spur-of-the moment situations. Curious, also, what he thinks of audio Bibles.

  9. Plus how can you have preachers sign your Bible if it’s on a mobile device?

    I had to get a new iPhone 6 plus to ensure I have enough room for all the “man-o-gawd” autographs on my new Bible 😉

      1. I’m the real winner. I left iPhones with the 3gs and haven’t missed them yet. Motorola and I are getting along great without itunes, just the Old Paths of drag and drop.

        1. I don’t actually own an iPhone, I just thought Chuck’s comment was funny about having enough space.

          And upon re-reading, I’m actually the loser for not reading his comment carefully enough the first time through.

        2. One is never a loser when playing the straight man (woman) in a comedy routine. (Yeah, I think I’m a comedian even when no one else notices)

  10. I am not sure what is sadder: his list of reasons for a paper Bible or the fact he felt the need to create this list.
    God forbid that people have easier access to the Bible at all times. No you need to carry around a heavy paper KJV.

    1. It’s a good point – whatever motivated him to create this list is sad indeed. He’s exhausted all possible resources in caring for those in need, I guess?

  11. What about the Bible being the sole rule for faith and practice? Where do you find this fertilizer in the old King Jimmy? Also, I guess the wimminz aren’t supposed to read, because all the little offspring are quite distracting.

    1. pshhhh, Wimminz reading. Next thing you know they will be having thoughts and ideas. Then they will want to vote. Probably want equal rights and equal pay.

        1. We can’t risk letting the wimminz vote because they could vote opposite of their spiritual authority thus negating the very authority needed to keep them in line. Amen?

  12. “No one has ever not sinned because they have a smartphone with them.”

    Does hauling around a giant KJB stop anyone from sinning?

    1. Hauling a giant KJV around is probably good protection against fornication, since you’re not likely to get a date.

      I’m aware of at least one case where a Bible was used in a physical assault. I work for a police agency and it was submitted to our evidence lab to process for fingerprints.

      1. I heard a story about a framed Bible text in a hotel that was evidence in a drug deal–apparently it was the only solid, flat surface in the room, and they used it to divvy up the cocaine.

        Unfortunately I can’t independently verify this, but I was told by someone who knew the person who made these framed texts, so I suspect it at least has roots in the truth!

  13. I have friends doing Bible translation in India where everyone has a cell phone. Not because they’re wealthy, but because there have never been enough landlines. They loaded one of their first translations on to a cell phone app, and it was very successful. And, not all have apps have ads (my Bible app doesn’t). I don’t think this preacher understands how revolutionary paper Bibles, universally available, were in their time.

  14. So I am suppose to be working but I was thinking of this ridiculous list…..
    Great care goes into the making of idols. Prayers are said often at various points. The material often matters. The form in which the god or goddess is engraved matters and says something about the god or goddess.
    It seems this is just another bit of evidence that the KJV is an idol. The material and form of the KJV matters enough to denounce other forms.

  15. (Jesus said…) ““Everything they do is for show. On their arms they wear extra wide prayer boxes with Scripture verses inside, and they wear robes with extra long tassels…”

    Matthew 23:5 (NLT)

    I’m guessing this is the real issue. A smartphone slips discreetly into your pocket. (At least the iPhone 5 does – the newer ones look like these giant monstrosities.) And the app itself is invisible until you open it up. You can’t carry it around like your giant well-worn black KJB study bible that you haul to every service and prayer meeting, the better to be seen.

    1. But they think they’re doing it because they aren’t ashamed of the Bible/Jesus. So if their show isn’t for people, then it is for their god, who watches, lightning bolt at the ready, to see if anyone isn’t showing proper obeisance.

  16. “The same gadget that has your Bible app displays ungodly advertisements and pictures either by accident or on purpose. Would you feel comfortable with pictures of half-dressed women in your Bible?”

    Of course, everybody knows it’s impossible to print advertisements of pictures of scantily-clad people on paper. Just ask Hugh Hefner.

    1. There’s way more questionable material on my bookshelves than in my phone. Although I imagine in this guy’s mind my leather-bound, red letter edition KJV is supposed to have its own table to rest on in the brief moments I’m not carrying it around to show what a good Christian I am.

  17. #7: Using the KJV printed on paper by trusted KJVO sources prevents corruption from the Evil One. For as you know, Satan is the prince of the power of the air, and the internet is transmitted through the air in wifi signals. Therefore, the internet is his domain, and anything coming through it is subject to his corrupting power. How do we know that the words in that Bible app haven’t been changed on the fly to confuse and bewitch us???

    (Sadly, that is 100% not made up. A visiting evangelist told me that when he saw my ipad at my old church. You just can’t make up crazy!)

    1. So if you get saved from a Bible that was transmitted to you via wifi or a 4G signal you could be pledging your soul to the devil instead of Christ? I knew it!

        1. But “hex” is one letter off from a word that fundies don’t like, so anything with that sequence of letters is inherently evil because separation.

    2. I heard the same sermons against TV back in my childhood. It comes through the air, so it is the domain of Satan.
      I guess every time I take a breath, I bring a little deviltry into my lungs.

      1. Well all sound travels through the air, so you could argue that any spoken word or sound must go through Satan’s domain. Apparently the only place that isn’t Satan’s domain is a vacuum. Perhaps we need to send all Fundies out to space or at least the moon or Mars. They act like they’re from out of this world so perhaps they’d feel more at home there.

        1. He probably said that because we’re all supposed to look like we’re prosperous and wear new clothing. I visited a Word of Faith church with a friend once and the lady pastor talked about shopping for a dress and when she asked the clerk where the sale items were “the lord told me he wanted me to pay full price for that dress”. Really.

  18. I’ve known a lot of people who thought the Bible was silly, drivel, bs, etc, but the ones that have rallied the hardest against it to me have always been baptist preachers.

    Maybe they are afraid we will read it and find out all the junk they froth about three times a week isn’t in there. God forbid we see the verses in their proper context and not as a sermon-supporting tool.

  19. Another reason not to carry the KJV on your smartphone is because you might be tempted to look up the preacher’s sermon illustrations on Snopes.
    Of course, you would only suspect the preacher was only sermonistically speaking if you were backslid, haymen? :eyeroll:

    1. And you might also be tempted to check out the latest news on fundamental sex scandals. No news = it didn’t happen. I remember the day after Schaap was exposed, a Deacon’s wife went through the whole church collecting Christian Womanhood magazines and threw them all in the dumpster – ROFL!

        1. I used to grab a handful of The Sword of the Lord papers and take them home for use as kindling in the fireplace during the colder months.

  20. Another reason not to carry the KJV on your smartphone is because you might be tempted to look up the preacher’s sermon illustrations on Snopes.
    Of course, you would only suspect the preacher was only sermonistically speaking if you were backslid, haymen? :eyeroll:

    1. Don’t worry they are prepared for that too. Ever hear the one about the kid that got bit by snakes under the porch, father ran the other kid over rushing to the hospital, and wife died from heart attack because of what happened to kids? I’ve heard several versions of it and looked it up. Found out the whole thing is nothing but a fairy tale. I pointed it out to a pastor once and he told me two things:

      1. “I never said it was true” – It was presented as if it was a true story and now we have to question everything said from that man.

      2. “It’s just an illustration to get a point across” – So your god is so weak that we have to use made up stories? If he’s the god you say he is then shouldn’t there be plenty of real ones?

      He felt fully justified and even proud of himself that he could answer such a difficult question to his own satisfaction.

      1. …ok, delurking because I grew up in a fundy-ish church and have never heard this story. I ask with some trepidation, but what exactly is this sequence of horrors supposed to illustrate?

        1. The end result of whatever pet “sin” is being preached against. If the man had his family in church, been tithing, never drank, etc that wouldn’t have happened

        2. The version I heard had something to do with a missionary not returning to the mission field or something, so his deity punished him for non-compliance.

  21. There is a river of money in printing, binding, and distributing KJB’s in the IFB movement. Millions and millions of dollars could be lost if fundies stop using printed bibles and use apps instead. There’s no way these fundy pastors are going to support something that could negatively impact an income stream.

    I’ve heard lots of preachers talk about the KJV and one of the arguments used in favor of it is that it is the churches responsibility to handle and distribute the word of god. I haven’t seen this argument used against apps yet though. I’m sure it’s coming.

      1. What? No REAL bible believing, bible preaching, separated, saved, hell fire preaching, god loving, sin hating church would be knowledgeable enough in the electronic devils work to be able to create such an aberration. Obviously, if they did, they are becoming liberal and worldly and we would need to separate ourselves from them.

  22. Nailed it. The main reason preachers don’t want you on your smartphone is the fear you’ll fact-check their sermon and find out they’re rubbish.

    And not even with the rest of the Internet; those search functions in your online KJV 1611 Authorized Bible alone will do the job for you half the time.

      1. I am thinking of writing a book:
        Give a parishioner a smartphone:

        If you give a parishioner a smartphone, she will tweet one liners from your sermon. If she tweets, one liners from your sermon, you will be quoted on blogs such as Stuff Fundies Like. If you are quoted on blogs such as Stuff Fundies Like, you will feel the need to defend yourself on the blog. If you defend yourself on the blog, you will be frustrated because your fundy views really have no ground to stand on. If you feel frustrated because your fundy views have no ground to stand on, you will take it out on the person who tweeted your sermon. If you take it out on the person who tweeted your sermon, she will tweet how poorly you treated her. If she tweets how poorly you treated her, you will end up back on Stuff Fundies Like….

  23. He missed the “People won’t know you are reading the Bible if you are on a phone” excuse.
    I’ve actually had Fundies tell me that is why I shouldn’t use my phone for Bible reading. It’s a “Testimony” thing where apparently “the world” needs to see me reading my Bible and see me carrying it to church like a good luck charm. 😉

      1. True, a talisman is different from a good luck charm. But with many fundies, the Bible is a good luck charm. They either don’t realise it, or won’t admit it. Or maybe they don’t want to admit it can become an idol, maybe not as bad as The Golden Calf, but how far away from it?

    1. We had an unwritten rule against bible cozies at our church because putting a cover on your bible was supposed to show everyone that you were ashamed of it.

      1. Depends on the app. Mine has note-taking, underlining, highlighting, and you can define the colors and appearance yourself if you’ve got a personal complicated system.

        1. Yeah, but let’s be honest, I just pick whichever color I’m “feeling” that day. Sometimes it’s a green day, sometimes it’s a pink day…

    1. My app has a note-taking and highlighting function, and if you feel really compelled to broadcast your reading, you can share to Facebook.

    2. I suppose you could read the Bible on your Kindle instead of your iPhone. On a Kindle, you can both underline and take notes. Problem solved.

  24. 3. The same gadget that has your Bible app displays ungodly advertisements and pictures either by accident or on purpose. Would you feel comfortable with pictures of half-dressed women in your Bible?

    I only read the Bible for the articles.

  25. Dear SFL Reader:

    As one writer put it…

    Somehow, we have accomplished the seemingly impossible in that we have inverted Jesus’ dictum with the result that we are now of the world, but not in the world.

    The older I get, the more difficult it becomes to ‘separate’ much of ‘Christianity’ from Gnostic blasphemy.’

    If fundamentalists actually grasped the meaning and import of the incarnation, they would reject it.

    Christian Socialist

  26. Really? Another layer of legalism? This is now part of walking worthy of the calling? Enough is never really enough, I guess. Just can’t stand not knowing what people are looking at, can you.

  27. 1. We call God’s Word, The Bible; “The Bible” means “The Book.” Should we now call it “The app or the gadget?”

    Boy does this statement define KJV Onlyism in a nutshell. God’s Word is equal to the means by which you believe it to be conveyed.

    1. Actually, I call the Bible “the Scriptures.” I do not call the Bible “God’s Word.”

      I Thes. 2:13 “For this reason we also constantly thank God that when you received the word of God which you heard from us, you accepted it not as the word of men, but for what it really is, the word of God, which also performs its work in you who believe.”

      The “Word of God” does not refer to the Scriptures or the Bible as a whole, but to a Message from God. The “Word of God” Paul was talking to the Thessalonians about was not captured on paper. It was heard by them, received by them, and passed on orally. But it was not Scripture and never became part of the Bible, except by a passing reference to it.

      The Scriptures contain the Words of Men, the advice of Paul unbidden by the Lord, stories, genealogies, and other sundry items. You could read much of it and never discover how to “get saved” or live a godly life. It contains some of the Words of God in the pages. But the Scriptures as a whole are not a coherent “message.” Certainly not one which is apparent to everyone.

      Hmmph. If they were, would we have 25000 different denominations, sects, splinters, groups, independents and whatall in the US alone?

    2. So his logic is, WE call it “the book”, so we have to read it on paper. What shall we call a logical fallacy that starts with a bad premise then combines it with a non sequitur?

      1. Formal logic says IF (false) THEN (anything) is true. Conditionals are tricky, and Arguments are just extensions of conditional statements.

        If any of the premises are false, then the argument is considered “valid.” I have never liked this, and I always tell my logic students that such reasoning is junk. Just lie with your premises and you can assert anything! Such is the reasoning of politicians, lawyers and sleazy used car salesmen. Oh, and fundamentalist preachers.

  28. The saddest part in all this is that I used to believe this drivel. It was a real point of pride for me to reject the worlds offerings. In our house we would never let another book or object be on top of a bible as it was not honoring to the word of god and it was shear blasphemy to put a glass of water on it. The bible was treated as a member of the trinity, after all it’s a living book and the very words of god.

    Today I still prefer to use my leather bound bible over my iphone app because I can turn to verses faster and bookmark pages easier. However, I don’t give it a second thought when I pull out my iphone and use my app.

    1. I remember the one time at a tent revival someone asked me to help them move the table in the back. I had my Bible with me but had to set it down to help move the table. There was nothing else close by so I place the Bible on the ground. Boy did I hear it from 2 different people who saw me do this. I was dishonoring God’s word by placing it on the ground!
      It is all so foolish.

      1. Why would those people act like you’re dishonoring His Word by putting it in the first available place? I mean, after all, you couldn’t hold your Bible and move that table at the same time; they ought to have understood that instead of judging. What did they expect?!

      2. Maybe they should have offered to move the table or hold your book.

        Nah, that’s too much like work. It’s easier and more fun to criticize.

      3. Reminds me of the time I borrowed my sister’s bible for Sunday school. She told me to take care of it, so what do I do after church but place it up on a canal bank so I could play. Being a Living Book, it decided to slide down the dirt bank toward the water at the bottom of the ditch. Thankfully, it stopped short of the water, and I managed to brush off most of the dirt and pretend nothing happened.

  29. After following SFL semi-regularly for a couple of years, very few things have left me almost speechless…this is one of them…how do these people get so f’ed up???

    1. It’s actually not so hard to get so screwed up. It doesn’t happen overnight but across months and years. A little here and a little there. Next thing you know you are way off track and out in the weeds but you think your still on track and everybody else is screwed up. Then you justify it by saying scripture says that broad is the way that leads to destruction but narrow is the way to eternal life. So here we are on this tiny narrow path, it MUST be the way.

      1. Yes you are right…anyone who deludes themselves (or is deluded by others) into believing that they have the exclusive, absolute truth will inevitably get to this point

  30. Library DeFundy Update:

    I just cleared out over half of the Bibles I had on my shelf to include my olde Thompson Chain Reference with original faux leather zippered cover, my early Cambridge Wide Margin (with my name scratched off), a plethera of other various and sundy KJV Bibles I’ve been-a-toten around from sea to shining sea for decades! I cannot tell you all how refreshing it was to hand over the box to the young tattooed fellow at the Goodwill!

    “Would you like a receipt for those, sir?”

    “No,” I replied, not wishing to profit one bit.

    I also did rid myself of many other fundy titles, such as Dollar’s History of Fundamentalism, Cornbread and Caviar, Walter Fremont’s outstanding work on family relationships, and ALL of “Dr.” Jim Berg’s stuff.

    I filed all my back issues of Frontline magazine (the literary arm of the Fundamental Baptist Fellowship International) in the circular file just behind my desk and next to the shredder.

    I have thirty-four issues of Biblical Viewpoint if anyone is interested. I haven’t quite convinced myself to send those off to the book purgatory known as the “Thrift Store.” But like W.T. Ellis’s book on Billy Sunday, I’m not anticipating a bidding war here!

    However, regarding our subject at hand, I prefer the printed page to electronic reading. I just like the feel of the book, turning the pages, putting a dog ear on my last read page, and writing notes here and there as I see fit. I have nothing against having a Bible on their phones. It did used to bother me back about 15 years ago when people had those devices where they had to tap the screen with a hard plastic stylus…which made all kinds of racket and made the all-mighty fundy Mog angry and fit to be tied.

    B.R.1

    1. I always prefer the printed page myself. There’s something about a book that the computer lacks. The smell. The sound. The feel.

      And used bookstores — ooh baby!

      Yes, I have issues.

      1. I can’t pass a used bookstore without going in and usually leaving with “new” books to read. I highly recommend Moe’s Books and Black Oak books in Berkeley, CA and Around About Books in troy, OH. They have all added to the stack.

        1. I don’t think my shift key likes me. I’m sure I hit it when I typed the proper nouns in my post.

        2. The best is a good library book sale! Only happens once a year most places but so worth it.

        3. Goodwill and other thrift stores have also added many albums to my collection.

          Find a good one, play it on the turntable attached to the computer, split tracks., enter information, save as mp.3.
          Voilà–a new digital album for the playlist.
          I just burned a Hot Tuna album. Next I’ll separate the tracks and label, then add it to the work playlist to introduce young people to “new” music.
          Another good deed accomplished.

    2. It’d have been more fun and productive to use the pages of Berg’s books to make pinatas out of. Imagine the fun of beating up his stuff and smashing it!

    3. I also love paper, but my app is so handy because I can navigate easily from one book to another, between versions and languages (Spanish/English). I think Fundies totally miss how wonderfully God can use all forms of communication. That preacher must have forgotten about all the bad stuff that is put down on paper.

  31. Back when the dinosaurs roamed the earth and I was still in fundyland, there weren’t any apps to be angry about yet.

    However, I once got an earful from the Man of gid when he angrily corrected me and taught me that listening to the good ol’ KJV on tape did NOT count as Bible reading because it wasn’t “reading” but lazily “listening”.

    He was genuinely shocked and upset that I would think listening to the Bible would be an acceptable substitute.

    1. Back in the day our pastor recommended that people that couldn’t read well listen to tapes while reading their bibles. He said it would help them learn to read better and get through the bible quicker. Of course you still had to have your bible open and follow along as it was quoted.

      This worked great for a few people but then there came the debate on which tapes were to be used. The most popular were voiced by James Earl Jones and we certainly couldn’t have a wicked, sinning, cussing, god hating, Hollywood actor help anyone read the bible. As usually happens in IFB circles, those that are the most extreme win and people stopped listening to the tapes.

      1. Alexander Scourby’s recording of Scripture was recommended by my first fundy pastor. I don’t think he knew Scourby was a soap opera actor.

  32. This jumped out at me….under #6 he writes…”When God is talking to you…”

    I think most agree that God speaks through Pastors and preaching, but that’s not what it means in IFB churches. It’s a weapon, not a comfort.

      1. I believe I have to side with the Dr. on this. If God really spoke through the pastor in a recent series I heard part of, the USA and abortion doctors are part of Amos’ prophecies. As well as other strange interpretations.

        1. And that tornadoes are God’s punishment for the US not siding with Israel. Or something.

        2. I think tornadoes are God’s punishment for locating much of our country in flat areas with a lot of atmospheric turbulence.

        3. ” the USA and abortion doctors are part of Amos’ prophecies. As well as other strange interpretations.”

          Yeah, yeah. Sure, sure. Riot!

          I “got saved” through the reading of Hal Lindsay’s The Late Great Planet Earth. I used to be into “prophesy” big time.

          Until I discovered that the absolutely 100% true prophetic connections between Scripture and current events were 100% bunk. The predictions of these “prophetic ministries” never come true, ever. They do rake in the $$$. They do sell books. They do get people hyped up. And they disappoint, always.

          I believe that Christ will come again. Someday. Maybe. Then again, Peter expected Jesus to come back soon after the conversions at Pentecost. The apostles remembered the words of Jesus to them and expected Jesus to return before they died. Paul expected Him back before he died. John the Revelator expected Him back before he died. And it is more than 1900 years later, and He still hasn’t made a peep. Despite the expectations and predictions of millions and millions and millions, Jesus hasn’t returned. Despite the Prophetic Teachings, doctrine of the Rapture and the Great Tribulation (started in the 1800s), and so on and so forth.

          Which isn’t to say that Jesus won’t come again. But I am not going to go to the hilltop, not for nothin! I will do my best to be faithful, and part of being faithful is ignoring these variable and distracting “winds of doctrine” the blowhards spew.

  33. Oh my goodness, I have a phone just like the one in the picture. Still has the magneto and everything. It was my parent’s phone back in the 1950’s. It’s just for show, of course. I remember my parents using it when I was small.

  34. The printing press did not exist during Bible times. The KJV should be read on papyrus. Auto could be used for evil such as drinking or coed swimming. From now on you will walk to everywhere you must go. Just like in Bible times. You can use a jackass, since you are familiar with them already.

  35. David Owens, Pastor, Luddite, and Chief Hypocrite of Westside Baptist Church in Pacifica, CA.

    With all this talk about why it is bad to have the Bible on the iPhone, maybe he can tell us why he quotes Bible verses on the internet? Is Technology supposed to be God-Free, Spiritually Neutral?

    Of course, not all fundamentalists would agree with him. My fundy pastor uses his iPad and iPhone in the ministry, including Bible apps.

    But what this article does have in common with all Fundamentalists is the tendency to take a minor pet peeve and try to turn it into some all-encompassing “this is the Will of God” and you dare not disagree issue. It is the flavor of Cult. It is hubris in its most refined and foulest form.

    It is all well and good to mock the author for his great leaps of illogic, and he should be laughed out of the pulpit — at least until he gets the point. But the big issue is that fundies forget the weightier matters of the Law in order to focus on the minutia.

    Matthew 23:23
    For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness.

  36. I don’t completely disagree with the guy. Not for the reasons he stated. I think 5/6 of his reasons are silly. I like a hard copy of the Bible or a prayer book for the senses. I ALWAYS have my phone on me, the wife (celebrating 17 days marriage today 🙂 ) has always teased me for that. I like the disconnect that paper brings. I concentrate better and can be more mindful of what I am reading and learning. I don’t fault others for using apps, I simply prefer the hard copies. Honestly, the same is true for all books now. I like the feel of pages, and smell of old books. My name is Token, and I am a phone addict

    1. Congratulations, marriage noob. (please take that in the fun and teasing way it is intended[this disclaimer from the HR department, who want no none to enjoy anything])

  37. I never carry my Bible to church with me anymore. I am usually all over the church building and constantly laying my Bible down to do something and walking off without it and then end up looking for it. My phone stays in my pocket with me and I never have to waste time looking for it. Often during the sermon I look through the various translations (from the Biblegateway app) to see how other versions translate various parts of the sermon text. Our pastor usually preaches from the NKJV.

    I don’t have a bunch of notifications that constantly show up on my phone. Besides, it doesn’t take that much for my mind to wander anyway, so just having the printed page doesn’t help in that regard.

    1. My Episcopal church sticks all the readings in the bulletin, so no one brings Bibles. Those of us with smart phones and tablets usually have at least one Bible app and I know of at least two of us who use the official Book Of Common Prayer app or free pdf on a tablet during at least some services.

      1. I go to Bethlehem Baptist where John Piper used to be pastor, pretty conservative. Tom Stellar, Academic Dean of the Bethlehem College and Seminary uses an Electronic version on his phone. That settles it. Bethlehem is going down the tubes. Pretty soon they will be having séances and sacrificing pigs on the altar.

  38. A Facebook friend who writes devotional books posted the other day that we should spend several minutes each day smelling our Bibles. I told her my iPhone doesn’t really have a scent, except for the time my daughter barfed on it. No response.

    Reminds me of the story my wife tells (verified by several other people): when she was a kid, they were having “close-your-eyes-and-raise-your-hand-if-you-said-the-magic-prayer time” at her church, and when it started the pastor said, “I just want everybody to close your eyes…and imagine you’re making love to Jesus.” (shudder)

    1. “Smelling our Bibles”?!? What spiritual benefit could that possibly have? I love book smell and all, but to turn that into a spiritual practice seems kind of weird. Actually, really weird.

    2. Not sure when this happened but if you go back a few decades “making love” meant something different than it does now. It was more about wooing. Still weird but maybe not quite as bad.

      1. I do not like CCM. But that doesn’t mean I will condemn those who enjoy it. It just has no place for me. I find much of the music shallow and vapid and theologically revolting. But then, much of the music in the BJU tradition is that way as well.

        I have had enough hurt from Christianity to not enjoy much of the music. There are certain hymns that still permeate my soul and that I respond to, but they are far fewer than I used to like. If I do not like the words of a hymn, I just will not sing it any more.

        My wife and my daughter like both the BJU-direction and the uncheckable direction of Christian music. I’d rather listen to j-pop.

        1. I recently learned “Guide me Oh Thou Great Jehovah”, the Anglican version, because they sang it at Kate Middleton’s wedding. It is very cool and lofty.

        2. I like the way you talk about “Kate Middleton’s wedding” without mentioning Prince What’s-His-Name. 😉

  39. I wandered over to the actual article to see about demolishing his logic in the comments, but there were no comments. Fundie blogs never have them. What are they afraid of, I ask you? Dissent, of course, but note that they are always insisting that “liberals” cannot take criticism. But liberals almost always have open comments. Fundies do not.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.