225 thoughts on “Beating the Sheep”

      1. Great movie reference! ๐Ÿ™‚

        “You dirt-eating piece of slime! You scum-sucking pig! You son of a motherless goat!”

        Hey, that just might have come out of the preacher’s mouth too!

  1. The only correct thing he said there is “everybody is going through something.” Other than that line, he couldn’t possibly have preached worse. I would recommend he go back and restudy the milk/meat passage, as he clearly hasn’t any idea to what it is referring. Of course he won’t, but that’s what he needs to do. Also on his “to-do” list should be repent, step down, resign his pastoral credentials and then re-learn what a Christian and a shepherd are and who Jesus is. But other than that, he’s right on.

    1. Paul used the milk / meat analogy to inspire charity among the brethren. This guy uses it to beat down anyone who is still “on milk.” He needs to suck on the fact that he’s a jackass who doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about.

      1. It’s like a seminar in how to draw the wrong lesson from a good starting point.

        “Everybody is going through something.” Yes! That SHOULD lead to some sort of conclusion that we should sympathize with them, bear their burdens, help them, etc.

        Milk/Meat analogy: That SHOULD lead to remembering that even those on the meat were once on milk, should inspire patience and encouragement.

        But in the hands of a fundy, it’s the wrong conclusion every time.

      1. Ah yes, the ad hominem illustrations from the pool-pit.

        How many vacations have been cut a day short because the poor folks didn’t want to be pastor’s sermon illustration the next week about “lukewarm Christians traveling on Sunday”?

    1. I can remember one Wednesday night a couple years ago at my old Fundy church when I went to the mid week prayer service . Whenever I was able to go, I would often go straight from work and go without dinner to be able to make it by 7 p.m. I remember it was a crazy busy day and I was extremely tired/hungry, but still decided to go to the service. I felt rushed getting there and was concentrating on finding a seat and getting settled as the congregation was singing a hymn. A nosy, retired deacon walked up to me while I was just getting settled and said “you sure don’t look very happy.” I guess I wasn’t smiling and waving at the pastor during my attempt to find a seat. I almost answered: “what’s it to you”, but didn’t say anything as I was somewhat shocked he actually had the nerve to walk up beside me and say that. Again, only outside appearances matter.

      The thing that often angered me is how sanctimonious some of these fundies and fundy pastors always were about being on time to Wednesday evening services with a true spirit to worship when they often went home early (around 4:00) had a full sit down dinner made by their stay-at-home wife, and had plenty of time to unwind and get to church.

      1. And keep in mind many fundy pastors don’t even work a real job. Not that they won’t tell you how much work it is to prepare a sermon and how they carry the burden of all of our souls. Blah blah blah blah. Hogwash. How hard is it to act like an asshole like our friend Brent?

    1. Which in turn reminds me of the parenting philosophy that taught that you should spank your kids until they STOP crying. (If I recall, the prohibited response was REBELLIOUS crying, but still it made me feel sick reading it.)

        1. I was thinking the same thing. “You don’t know what the hell…”

          Not a major infraction but definitely frowned upon by most fundies I know.

        2. Exactly what I was thinking. I suffered through it twice to confirm what I heard. Also, how many times have we heard “bless God” bellowed from the pulpit? Grates my nerves.

      1. I was one of those kids that got more spankings for crying. I didn’t cry from about the age of 4 to 11 because of being warped into thinking I was being “bad” if I cried. I just couldn’t hold it anymore when I got older. Now I can cry at the drop of a hat. I love it, it’s therapeutic and completely normal.

      1. That would be a funny commercial!! A yelling maniac preacher and a deacon gives him a Snickers bar (instead of a communion wafer??)…….. AhAhhAhhha…….Angels sing and a kindly Pope or St. Francis appears…….

        1. There’s a snickers meme of Jim Standridge turning into Joel Osteen – can’t find it now ๐Ÿ™‚

        2. Used-to-be: I have it on my computer but can’t find it on the web – don’t know how to share it here

        3. I looked at your response through my too-early-in-the-morning-to-function-at-all eyeballs and the result was seeing ” … and a demon gives him … “. Seems to me that if you believe in that sort of thing, it would be a demon encouraging the screamer to scream, not to get all cuddly.

        4. Speaking about “bad days,” I wonder how Cox is doing, and if he still has some kingdom set up in a sound booth.

        5. Ah yes, young Cox. The veritable poster child of rebellion. Standridge really rode young Cox hard didn’t he? I wonder if he loved Cox as much as he loved that other dude. He should have marched right up to the sound booth and given Cox a big hug.
          the Admiral

  2. I feel really badly for the poor people who are paying to sit in that church and listen to him. I mean, they pay for the building, the fancy stuff in the building and the salary for the preacher who struts around in front of them like an unintelligent bully. What makes them stay?

    1. What makes them stay? Fear mostly, fear that if they do something wrong God will punish them, fear that if they don’t obey the pastor God will punish them, fear that if they leave the church God will punish them and they will be left alone in the wilderness of the world for the rest of their lives.

      Fundies know how to control people through fear. It’s very effective.

      1. I wasn’t really afraid of divine retribution when I left the compound. Nothing had happened when I cut out Wednesday and Sunday nights. The biggest thing that I wasn’t completely cognizant of was the social changes that came from leaving.
        It was one thing to be behind the wire when others escaped, but when we escaped it was an entirely different feeling.

      2. Right because if you can’ t inspire them, instill fear in them instead. Works like a charm on a lot of people, unfortunately.

        FDR was right, the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

        Fear mongering is a HUGE problem in our world and obviously in the church too.

    1. OK, I don’t know what happened with that HTML tag. But, it will still work if you click on it.

      And hey…maybe we’ll end up with a Google bomb that takes you to that clip when you search for “fundamentalism.” XD

    2. I love that last line, “Oh, why does everything I whip leave me?”

      By the way, I’ve seen sled dog races, and the mushers (sled drivers) do not whip their dogs or crack whips or threaten or scold them in any way. You don’t have to do anything to get a dog team to run: they love to run. Getting them to stop is the challenge.

        1. Yes, my brother in Fairbanks said even so, they had trouble scraping up enough snow and ice for the dogs to run on.

        2. NOAA had an interesting article on that. The dry, warm west avraged with the extra cold and snowy east this year ended up resulting in the warmest winter in history – which is not unique to North America. NESDIS reports that this was the warmest winter across the globe. We are probably past the tipping point, as far as our ability to reverse the trend.

        3. And, technically, Fairbanks is 360 miles north of Anchorage, but we in the far North are forgiving of the flatlanders in the Lower 48. God bless.

        4. I would attribute part of global warming to all the hot air coming from this and other fundy blowhard pastors.

        5. BJg, I remember once I was trying to ship something from Fairbanks, and I found out from the FedEx customer service line that the last pickup in Fairbanks had already happened, but the nice woman on the phone (who was somewhere in the “Lower 48”) said, “Oh, but we have a pickup in Anchorage in an hour and a half. Could you just take it over to Anchorage?”
          “That might be difficult in an hour and a half,” I said.

  3. I could not ever do church again where someone was yelling at me. Ever. I’m a teacher. I can’t yell at my children and a preacher shouldn’t yell at his people.

    1. My third grade teacher got very red and yelled at the class on occasion, but we all knew he wouldn’t hurt a fly and he’d be back to being the awesomest teacher within an hour. With many fundies, you really don’t know how violent they could get if they knew they would get away with it – I mean the ones that aren’t already known for doing horrible shit without any repercussions.

  4. Gotta love how they always think that the devil is spending all of his time figuring out how to keep them from church.

    Also how horrible places like this berate the very people that are filling their pews and lining their pockets. You can never be good enough unless you, too, are the pastorโ€”even “full time” service doesn’t make you immune.

    Shudder. Brings back way too many memories.

        1. Dear BJg,

          I’m not sure if there is a Basement Cat or a Ceiling Cat. I am sure about neighborhood cats — I’ve got plenty stalking about seeking what they may devour.

          I’m pretty sure about ceiling fans though, but only because I have to clean several of them on a regular basis. And I have a fan in my cellar.

          Regards,
          TIILS

        2. Uncle – I will disagree with you about the cat. Dinner from the Peking Dragon last night was very good.

        3. I read many SFL posts with my wonderful kitty companion of 12 years in my lap…trying to keep her from sitting on my Ipad or laptop. She enjoys the posts, although I am unsure of her theological persuasion (except she definitely believes in reincarnation by the way she behaves. If not this life, the next!).

        4. Doc, clearly you have Textile Misidentification Disorder. Either that or your credit card was declined.

      1. That’ll preach! Their institutions and bloviating windbags are the devil, in my opinion- life-devouring false religion. Diagnosis confirmed, doctor.

  5. Well… I’ve heard worse preaching. Certainly if that were directed at an individual, it is rough.

    At the same time, there ARE some people who just around in perpetual pity parties for themselves, and they need to be told, like Elijah, that they are not the only ones around.

    Christians are not plastic happy-people; we all have emotional swings, and it is a blessing to be a help to someone having a bad time.

    1. Even if someone were a chronic pity-partier, this would not be the time or place or manner to address that. I can understand coming alongside someone you know well and who has asked your input and gently prodding them into a less self-pitying direction, but that’s not the move for the general public to try. It’s certainly not something to be hashed out in a public meeting this way.
      I agree with Darrell, this sounds extremely targeted. I always detested potshots from the pulpit.

  6. Pastor is busier and more put upon than anyone in the congregation, yet also the most patient and wise. In my experience some assistant pastors and all church secretaries are more so.

    1. At my former Fundy church, many laypeople were overworked. Some commuted over 50 miles each way to work M-F and still had a bunch of church obligations to fulfill (three to thrive, plus ministry visitation, plus other volunteer ministry work, plus a never-ending barrage of special church events, etc.), all while trying to have time for their family. Then we would be told how poor pastor has to deal with more than we could ever imagine.
      (eyeroll)

        1. I am not sure what was the cause of his most recent sabbatical, or if it was actually as long as you stated. Back in 2003, I knew the background for a particular sabbatical (He won a contest with a very liberal organization – the type of place he would typically preach against), only to see it be “spun” a certain way to the congregation to avoid explaining that association. So honestly, I do not know what to believe about this more recent sabbatical.

          http://www.louisville-institute.org/grants/ggrantpast.aspx?id=6&year=2003

          Just IMHO: It is out of character for him to admit to mental struggles, so this is a possibility. I have heard him preach that depression was just too much of an inward focus and that these people need to go do more for others. I know people who did not seek treatment for their depression and other mental illness because of such teachings.

          That said, he controls the calendar and the crazy demands of that church. The congregation had to march to the beat of his drum, which was insane. He set up man-made rules and judged members’ spirituality and love for Christ by whether or not they follow them. This created problems for many. Many members were “burned out”. Staff were worked hard too, and their families suffered for it. It would be nice if he would dial down the crazy schedule and demands a bit.

          I remember an old saying he would occasionally use from the pulpit, “I would rather burn out than rust” (IIRC).

          I can imagine the way he chooses to run his kingdom might cause problems for him too. Would he get help from a real qualified psychiatrist, or just the BJU style (failed) “Christian counseling”? I suspect only the latter.

      1. Yet, they consider you “not right” if you don’t participate in all that (supposed) “service” to/for the church. BTW, that “3 to thrive” bit is absolutely fallacious.

  7. Ugh, this reminds me of my unfortunate time in the Fundy Church. I was suffering from severe depression and everyone told me to get over it. It wasn’t until I tried to commit suicide several years later that I got the help I needed and stopped feeling guilty for what I was struggling with. I’ve learned never to belittle anyone’s problems because it may seem like something small to you but to them it could literally be life and death. So glad I made it out of the Fundy Church alive and am now recovering and in a much better place!

  8. Sigh. I’ve heard this all of my life. My mother is still big on this “suck it up, buttercup” stuff.

    My pastor was just talking the other day about how he doesn’t believe people go through hard and/or dry spiritual times. If you aren’t in the church, happily serving in every way, then there’s a good chance you aren’t saved, according to him.

    1. On Saturday on his radio show, my dad informed the listeners of Las Vegas that if you are in a tax-exempt church and not convicted by the Spirit to leave, then you are not a believer. Why can’t it just be about “Christ and Him crucified”?

      1. Do you know or have the link to that radio broadcast or sermon? I’d love to listen to it.

        That’s an interesting comment. I thought that most churches are tax-exempt. Is that different in Las Vegas? I guess I don’t understand the context of that statement. Can you illustrate further?

        1. Yes, by definition, churches in America are automatically 501c3 and thus tax exempt. 501c3 is basically the translation of the word church into legalese. He is an archfundy. Did you expect coherence?
          The station is kkvv and you can listen online but they do not archive. He is on Saturdays from 9-10 vegas time.
          The context of my comment was in reply to “I fear a cage” mentioning his pastor adding church service to the list of works necessary for salvation.

    2. That comment is a load of bunk. “Serving” the (hireling) pastor’s church does NOT equate to serving the Lord. Another ruse from the IFBers.

    3. Interesting. My pastor (a good one) was recently talking about how both people and churches go through “dry spells”; it’s part of the cycle of life.

  9. I watch that and thank God that I only spent one semester at Midwestern Baptist College. I was there for two weeks when I realized that my life was going nowhere if I didn’t change course immediately. I feel bad for all of those who stuck around throwing their money away on a worthless degree…or worse yet, became pastors whose only training came from the leaders of that school.

    1. We start looking at verses that say things like that, we might also see that we’re supposed to give “wine unto those that be of heavy hearts” (Proverbs 31:6 – KJV even), and we can’t be having with stuff like that.

  10. There is a great shortage of compassion in the fundamentalist pulpit. Somehow they don’t see Jesus as an example worth following, who fed the multitudes as they were hungry, healed the sick, taught people about the love of the Heavenly Father.

    No, his example is Moses as He Dishonored God. Hear now, you rebels! I’ll give you what for for complaining and being weak! You’re hungry? Well suck it up. So are lots of people! You are hurting, well so are others. If I, the MoG am in distress, you’d better show your sympathy and concern. But I won’t show you any!

    These are the pastors that eat the sheep.

      1. Your local IFB “pastors” have a regular sheeple cookout. The sheep are invited to be dinner.

        Nothing like roasting one of God’s lambs who are in trouble. And the other sheep fall right into line, too! Afraid they will be next if they don’t practice cannibalism and eat on their brothers and sisters who are “in flavor” with the MoG.

        You know, cooking stores have these heavy mallets with the ends of the mallets coming out in latticed pyramid points (several of them). I forget the word describing such a structure. You beat on the meat to tenderize it. That’s what that fellow’s screeching sounds like. The sheep will be battered and bruised and will follow meekly and say “I love you, Preacher.” But he is killing the flock.

  11. “shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight… not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock. And when the chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory.”

    Looks like no crown for Stancil

        1. It looks a lot like Northwest Bible Baptist in Elgin, IL. But that makes sense – they’re a FBC wannabe church; they probably modeled it after their building intentionally.

    1. I saw that too A stand up double Bass would be fine, but that modern one with all those evil electrons pulsing through its horns is just a lightning rod for Satan’s power – and its standing at attention right up front there like they are proud of it.

  12. That’s a very motivating sermon! Motivates me right out of church, lol! ๐Ÿ™‚
    He probably heard a lot of depressing drama in his counseling sessions that week, then dealt with it in the flesh by blasting out at them on Sunday! ๐Ÿ™
    There is a fine line to walk when counseling folks, between refusal to enable and coddle while still showing necessary compassion and love, and being helpful.
    It’s just a matter of time until this in-the-flesh pastor will be out of his pastorate.

    1. He won’t be out of a pastorate because people who have been spanked until they were happy as kids and bullied into attending services to their own hurt as adults would not recognize the abuse as such. They won’t leave because they don’t know any better. They view compassion with suspicion and pain as weakness. How do I know? Well…

      1. What you’re describing as “church” sounds more like a social abuse club. God who is all-powerful loves these oppressed ones, and in some way or form, over time, will break these chains of oppression.

      2. TK, you just gave me a good insight into why there’s such a strong drive in that culture for boys to become preachers. It’s the only way to be one of the bullies instead of one of the bullied.

  13. Two thoughts:
    1. The comments about lack of compassion, sensitity, etc. are right on. I have nothing to add that hasn’t been already said.

    2. Another aspect of this is the fundy “fake it at all costs” mindset. Don’t ever let anyone see the real you. Don’t let anyone see your sin, don’t let anyone see your weaknesses, don’t let anyone know what you’re thinking, ever. Just fake being a good Christian, because having a fake “testimony” is the way to glorify God.

    1. Mag, it is also the only way to stay safe in Fundy circles. Never, ever let anyone get close enough to really hurt you because you will get hurt and hurt badly. So sad.

  14. One of the reasons I only lasted a few years in Fundystan was because I couldn’t figure out what they had done with the joy of the Lord. As a new believer, I was SO excited, but they killed the joy with the rules, the tough it out approach to life, and that all other Christians were the enemy. The good side of it-I was meeting other, balanced, believers outside of church and reading all kinds of Christian books by C.S. Lewis, Bonhoeffer, Stott, and a ton of missionary biographies. There was another way to “be” a believer, and I was so thankful to find a church in my college town that advocated the grand adventure of faith.

    1. I can’t imagine being a new believer, especially an adult, in a place like this. Growing up in it, it’s understandable I couldn’t get away til I was 18, but to willingly submit yourself as an adult…

      But then again, I did the same, but to a pentecostal fundamental cult, while I was in college…

      He return to our abusers, even if they look different.

      1. That’s why I only lasted about 5 years in the IFB. I joined the IFB in my 40s after years of no church. My old pastor preached like this a lot of the time. He was always angry and we could never do enough for the church. I mentally checked out after about 3 years. But unbelievably the scars remain. I guess that can happen when you sincerely try to do the best you can and yet you happen to be in the cross-hairs during any given sermon. It really sucks when you know you are the sermon illustration. And the pastor his red-in-the-face about a minor point.
        I cannot imagine growing up in this environment. I guess in some ways, kids don’t know any better. They only know what their parents/pastor tell them and that is anyone not in their church is a hell-bound-satan-worshipping-kitten-sacrificing-heathen. And that is just the bus kids.

      2. “We return to our abusers, even if they look different.”

        Part of that is because we are socialized into the mindset of a person whose status is to be abused. We carry that mindset into other relationships — our jobs, our marriages, other friendships. We don’t know how to change our vision of who we are.

        It is something I struggle with. I do not wish to abuse others, so I often put up with behavior that I shouldn’t. Fact is, I don’t know how to counter some of that abusive behavior without being accused of being abusive in return! So I wind up back in that position.

        The “Mommy, he hit me back!” attitude these abusers take on when countered drives me crazy.

        What we really need is a way to help us reset our own internal POV so that the aura we radiate toward others does not invite the dominance. I haven’t quite figured it out yet.

        1. It’s not easy and I don’t think it’s entirely possible to get rid of it. It can be mitigated to a large degree but that takes time and effort.

          It helps to surround yourself with people who see truth more clearly than fundies see it.

        2. I would agree with Lady Semp.

          And I would add that after 30 years of being characterized as the “black sheep” of the family, I have begun the task of standing up for myself (kindly as possible, yet firmly) to my family when the need arises. What my parents don’t know is that I was the good kid who didn’t go to dances, didn’t steal, didn’t drink, no tobacco, etc… But all of my siblings did one or more of these things without getting caught. I actually believed that I was the bad son until I took this “Fundy inventory” of sorts and realized I’d been manipulated most of my adult life with this black sheep thing and my siblings are now happy Fundies, save one.

          Finally speaking out when told that I was the bad one has really helped me.

        3. Yeah Eric, I tried. I can’t tell you the shock I got when I found out my siblings had been lying to my parents about their behaviour. I got mocked for being “uptight”. It was like a little cog in my brain slipped and I finally saw things as they really were.

    2. LInn, one enormous privilege I’m sure you experienced as a cross-cultural missionary is the opportunity to see faith and faith-in-community contextualized in pleasantly surprising ways, the awful misfit when foreign (“home” culture) assumptions are imposed, and fellowship with other devoted followers of Jesus who wouldn’t mesh well with our “home” contexts.

      I have found myself at times looking down my nose at provincial parochial thinking and behavior before I consider that people stuck at one particular vantage point maybe through no fault of their own have little opportunity to consider the validity of an alternative perspective.

  15. I’ll bet that when things go wrong for Mr Infallible Pastor, he’ll be the first to whine about how the Debbil is persecuting him. No sucking it up for him

    1. O yes! He cares;
      I know He cares,
      His heart is touched by my grief;
      When the days grow weary,
      The long nights dreary,
      I know my Savior cares.

      You can take that one, to the bank ๐Ÿ™‚

    2. I not only want to know that “He cares,” but that He is willing to do something about it. I mean, He is supposed to be God, right?

      I don’t want to have to just bear temptations and trials and bad days. I want to be able to fix things. I want to make things better for others and for myself. I want the Peace and the Joy, not just the continual suffering. I want to have the money to pay my bills, put food on the table, and have some to share. I don’t want to keep hearing, “God will provide” when He isn’t doing the job.

      (I know, I know. People tell us that we am forgetting what God is “doing in our heart,” and that we are being ungrateful for the little bit that is insufficient. We should be happy being miserable.

      Job said of his three friends, “You are all miserable comforters!” are all of you!” I think that is what has become standard fare for “comfort” in our churches — accusations of being ungodly, somehow deserving the difficult circumstances, being told it is God’s plan for us to suffer, and so on. The church in these situations has failed, miserably.

      1. RW4J (sometimes known as rtgmath):
        I hope you are in a local church family that is able to (and does) care about your needs in real tangible ways. My own church does that, and it goes a long way to confirming that God really does care for us–because His people proactively seek to know and provide for the needs of others in the congregation.

        the Admiral

  16. The real sad thing is that there will be some in that church that will say that this was good preaching. Hard preaching that convicted many to come forward.

    1. I would just want to stand up in this congregation and begin singing as loud as I was able.

      Are you weary, are you you heavyhearted,
      Tell it to Jesus, Tell it to Jesus,
      Are you grieving over joys departed,
      Tell it to Jesus alone.

      Tell it to Jesus, Tell it to Jesus,
      He is a friend that’s well know.

      You’ve no other, such a friend or brother,
      Tell it to Jesus alone.

    1. I think it would more effective to look him in the eye and begin singing,

      I must tell Jesus!
      I must tell Jesus!
      I cannot bear these burdens alone

      I must tell Jesus,
      I must tell Jesus,
      Jesus can help me, Jesus (not Brent Stancil) alone.

        1. Punching him in the snoot won’t make him love us more, but if he knows what it is like to be on the receiving end, it *might* make him *slightly* less likely to dish it out. It *might* …..

        1. Ha Paul, I don’t think he’s got any of those to be punched in. Bullies are always the first to hide when someone challenges them.

  17. I typically don’t put more than one or two comments into a topic, but this just came to mind. Another way they bully is no discussion allowed. I was reminded how one assoc pastor blasted out at a class after much discussion had ensued over a simple visual he put up on the overhead in his class. He blasted everyone and said he just couldn’t believe all this discussion when there were much more important things to be concerned about like soulwinning, what’s going on in Washington, the
    Middle East, etc. He critcized the group for dissecting and analyzing a simple illustration. Maybe those things were more impotant, but does the presence of more important things, or the fact that this was just a simple pic make it wrong to have a discussion? (there was nothing heated or arumentative said)

  18. If you are struggling or having a “bad day” I can’t think of a better way to lift your spirits than with these words;

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0XjqRZ9W_8

    Here’s a brief history of Charlotte Elliot

    “The night before the bazaar she was kept wakeful by distressing thoughts of her apparent uselessness ; and these thoughts passed by a transition easy to imagine into a spiritual conflict, till she questioned the reality of her whole spiritual life, and wondered whether it were anything better after all than an illusion of the emotions, an illusion ready to be sorrowfully dispelled. The next day, the busy day of the bazaar, she lay upon her sofa in that most pleasant boudoir set apart for her in Westfield Lodge, ever a dear resort to her friends.” The troubles of the night came back upon her with such force that she felt they must be met and conquered in the grace of God. She gathered up in her soul the great certainties, not of her emotions, but of her salvation : her Lord, His power, His promise. And taking pen and paper from the table she deliberately set down in writing, for her own comfort, “the formulae of her faith.” Hers was a heart which always tended to express its depths in verse. So in verse she restated to herself the Gospel of pardon, peace, and heaven. “Probably without difficulty or long pause” she wrote the hymn, getting comfort by thus definitely “recollecting” the eternity of the Rock beneath her feet. There, then, always, not only for some past moment, but ” even now ” she was accepted in the Beloved “Just as I am.”

    1. Set aside your butt cushions and come forward SFL-istan.

      An old fashioned altar awaits. Walk the aisle of the olde paths.

      Repent of your light-hearty, snarky.. yea, even “silly” criticisms and join your hand with the bare-skin-lusting hand of the opposite sex next to you.

      This verse is for you…

      *singing*
      Ju-ust as I aaamm, wa-aiting not…

  19. Reminds me of that time Jesus told the hungry crowd that they didn’t know what REAL hunger was. Then he told them to “suck it up buttercups” and stop whining about being hungry, so that they could focus on what He had to say.

    1. Yeah or the time Jesus went to a wedding reception/celebration at Cana, and the wedding couple and all their guests were having a bad day because the hosts ran out of wine (oops: grape juice). Jesus’ mother came up to him and said โ€œThey have no more wine.โ€ He answered her: “Woman, you and every one else just better suck it up, buttercup! What the hell do you expect me to do about it – change water into wine? You better tell them to get down to the 1st (century) Amendment liquor store before it closes and buy some more bottles. I sure don’t know why everyone expects me to deal with it. Ya bunch of winers….

  20. Hold on…

    I’m looking for that passage where Jesus preached like that…

    Okay…

    Here it is…

    Oops, that one of the imprecatory Psalms:

    Ah, here it is! Uh, nope, that was a Jack Hyles sermon stuck between Mark 13 and 14…, (what the H%#@ is a Hyles sermon doing in my NLT?)

    I know, it was Paul. Paul liked to preach like that? Peter? John? Matthew? Luke? Philip?

    I can’t do this anymore. I can’t listen to these Deotraphes-styled modern day pharisees who preach a false gospel as if they are the pope of their little fundy kingdoms.

    The difficult thing is for any of us to go back to the Gospels, or Acts, and read as if we’ve never read them before, or heard them as if we’ve never heard them through the lens of a fundymaniac lording over his flock of tithers and offeringers.

    Jesus was not like these men. He wasn’t like us. He did, however, show us that we could be like Him!

    B.R.1

    1. BR1, I don’t even know why, but that last part was awesome to me. And I don’t use awesome here in the cliche sense that those Nike shoes are awesome. I mean awesome in the sense that it hit something down inside of me that leaked out of my eye sockets.

      “Jesus was not like these men. He wasn’t like us. He did, however, show us that we could be like Him!”

      wow

  21. Preacher: How are you doing, brother Smith?

    Bro. Smith: (just lost his job) “ok, under the circumstances.”

    Pastor: Well, what are you doing under there?! (Walks away having fixed another bad attitude)

  22. Okay, now I know why all the crazies preach in churches with Congregationalist forms of government (i.e. local church with no accountability to the wider denomination). Because there is no way that someone who was THAT bad of a pastor could ever get ordained in a denomination with a structure of accountability!

      1. It happens all the time. It’s the congregation that calls the pastor. They call the kind of leader they want. Some manage to come to their senses and escape the asylum. Some stay to change things but that usually doesn’t end well.

  23. Its ironic that in my fundy flavored church I once belonged to that they use to complain that the Catholic church had no understanding of grace and forgiveness since monks at one point would whip themselves and one had to “grovel” before the priest in confession and beat oneself up over your sins. Oddly, I have found the Catholic Church to have a beautiful understanding of grace.
    The only difference between the picture the fundies painted of the Catholic Church and the fundies themselves is the fact that it is not self-flagellation fundies prefer but the abusive pastor yelling at them they endure.

    1. Yes, I grovel….I’ve stopped so many Priests at random times….and they are simply over thrilled about it. They want to take the time out of their (very very) busy schedules to spend time with me in that moment (no sarcasm).

      1. It is sad that the fundamentalists write off the Catholic Church so quickly. I find the confessional to be a beautiful gift. The fundamentalists are so anti-catholic they cannot see how the IFB has created a system in the image of their very misperceived gripes against the Catholic Church.
        The confessional has been turned into the pastor calling people out from the pulpit and demanding people to come forward for the altar call very publicly.

        1. I have often wondered why so many preachers find it so easy to call out others’ sins from the pulpit while painting themselves as the example to be followed. They have no issue with detailing the sins of those in the flock while only generally admitting that they to actually sin too. It makes me want to say, “it says ‘confess your faults one to another’ not ‘confess one another’s faults to everyone!'”

        2. Definitely. I have found that to be true of fundy preachers–they seem to find joy in pointing out others’ sins. But I also find it true of my fundy friends.
          When I talk to friends who are condemning abortion or homosexuality, I often say lets talk about something more relevant. We are both overweight, lets talk about gluttony and treating our bodies like a temple. Neither of us are tempted by abortion or homosexuality, but gluttony and neglecting the temple is far more relevant to our situation….the discussion usually shuts down at that point.

        3. Compared with homosexuality or abortion, things like Pride, Greed, Bitterness, Strife, Racism, sectarianism are not with considering…

  24. Wonder if ol’ Brent hollered at his dad like that when “Dr.” Stancil was boinking the young lady at Hyles-Anderson back in the day? Seems like anything Hyles influenced turned into self righteous, hypocritical nonsense.

        1. Yes! After years of hearing the narcissistic messages on how I can and should do awesome things for Jesus, and subsequently obsessing over how I was to do this while shunning my “ordinary life”, common sense kicked in and I started asking, what is so wrong with being a content nobody? After a couple generations, most of us will be forgotten, save a name and headstone. This somewhat depressing thought actually gave me freedom from the works-oriented religion that had weighed me down.
          Legacy, schmegacy. I’m focused on loving my family now.

        2. “Dr” Eric:

          Preach it!!! Family is where “legacy” begins and ends IMHO. I have seen so many good intentioned pastors (fundy or not) be so obsessed with their “ministry” that they lose a true connection to their children (except for being the authoritative head of family).

      1. Dr Eric, I was at church yesterday and the (guest) speaker spoke about Ananias, the guy who went to Saul/Paul and prayed with him. All we knowcabout Ananias is his name and that he was a Believer living in Damascus. An ordinary guy. But if he hadn’t been obedient would Paul’s ministry have even begun? The speaker also quoted a saying “It takes more Grace than tongue can tell, to play the Second Fiddle well.”

  25. Mean and cruel. Every time I watch one of these videos (I just can’t bear to watch some of them), I’m struck when I realize how most of the pastors I knew delighted in mocking, belittling, and crushing the spirit of the people listening to them.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.