No matter what indignity, embarrassment, or outrage may be afflicted upon the fundamentalist youngster the rejoinder from his elders and betters is always the same: “it builds character.” What exactly is this character that we build by learning subservience to a vast and ever-growing body of arcane rules? Which virtue springs from self-inflicted penury due [...]

“For of all sad words of tongue or pen, The saddest are these: “It might have been!”~John Greenleaf Whittier “What if?” is a very special kind of fundy guilt trip because comes from nowhere, contains nothing but imagination, and can be used on anybody about even the most innocent of activities. Consider… What if instead [...]

To be a fundamentalist one must master the art of ignoring the illogical and absurd. Consider these bits of doublethink… We believe that Calvinism is a hindrance to evangelism…we also believe the Spurgeon and Edwards were the instruments great revivals. We believe that praying written prayers is vain repetition…we also believe that praying the exact [...]

Back in Israel’s desert-wandering years, there existed a big tent building that housed the various instruments of Jewish worship and sacrifice as well as the divine presence of God himself. God spends seven full chapters of Exodus describing in great detail the building plans, the materials, and the builders. Inevitably, various religious folks have spent [...]

Next up, the urgent matter of Adam’s belly button…

Once upon an Old Testament time there was a man named Achan who ignored God’s orders and took a five-fingered discount on some bling while plundering and pillaging the city of Jericho. The end result was that a bunch of people died because he had brought sin into the camp. The cry of “there’s sin [...]

Michael and Debi Pearl are the creative force behind No Greater Joy ministries, a source for all the resources discerning fundamentalists needs to end up in jail for beating their children. Who knew that a book called Smack That Child Until She Stops Whimpering could end up having such terrible consequences? Ah, well. those kids [...]

Fundamentalists are not content to stop at merely straining at a gnats. In fact, they’ll not rest until they’ve preached an entire series of messages on the only true biblical gnat catching techniques, written a textbook for their local Bible college on Gnatology 101, and separated from at least one other organization in a dispute [...]

Fundamentalists believe in the doctrine of Eternal Security otherwise known as the “Once Saved, Always Saved” approach to soteriology. However, this assurance robs fundamentalists of a vital tool used by other sects for keeping people in line; namely, the ability to threaten damnation for the malefactor’s eternal soul. Not at all deterred by this, the [...]

Other than the Antichrist himself (and his mark, of course), perhaps no other apocalyptic reference has been been given so many different possible interpretations by fundamentalists as the threatening specters of Gog and Magog. Who could these amassed radical anti-Israel forces be? A Revived Communist Russia? A Fascist Nuclear Iran? An Uzbekistan Buzkashi Team? And [...]