Of all the ways to celebrate a fundamentalist church’s 70th anniversary, I just wouldn’t have foreseen an entry for “Get a John Wayne impersonator” as being anywhere on the list.
One can only assume that Texas fundamentalists are a breed unto themselves.
Pastor RA Smith lays it on the line, Bless God.
If you’ve ever heard a preacher multiply the number of cubits in Noah’s Ark by the width of the wilderness tabernacle and then add the numeric equivalent of the Hebrew letters for the word “potshard” to come up with proof positive that there will be a pre-tribulation rapture…you might be a fundamentalist.
Admittedly the above example is a bit extreme. Therefore, in the interests of accuracy, please consider this real life example that I am not making up from the website of the good folks at Gethsemane Anabaptist Church.
Number 9
Fruit of the Spirit. (Galatians 5:22).
Galatians is the ninth book in the New Testament. It is spelled with nine letters.
Holy Bible is spelled with nine letters, as in King James.
Isaiah 9:6 promised fruit from God.
1611 adds up to nine.
For more numerology fun and games check out the meaning of numbers site from biblestudy.org.
thanks to James for the link
As a rule, fundamentalists firmly believe that all sex education should happen at home between children and their parents. If the parents happen to be absent, immoral, or too timid to have ‘the talk’ then the fundy church provides them with a safe, caring environment where they can learn…pretty much nothing. Sorry, kids! Maybe someone on the Internet can help you out.
The Bob Jones high school biology text notwithstanding, education about matters reproductive in fundy schools often consists of thundering chapel messages about fleeing fornication. Even there, some kids who haven’t gotten the scoop on what “fornication” means may only know it happens at public schools and liberal churches and probably has something to do with breaking dress code and watching late-night television.
If you were old enough to vote before someone clued you in to where babies really come from…you might have been a fundamentalist.
If you think that wayoflife.org is a hoot to read, try listening to all 5 parts of David Cloud’s sermon “Dangers Facing Fundamental Baptists.” I double dog dare you.