111 thoughts on “Would You Rather…”

      1. A butt-cushion?! You can’t use a butt-cushion in church! That would make you comfortable, like not wearing a suit and tie on Wednesday nights, and being comfortable in church is how you start slipping……….

  1. I really despise these egotistical quips that pastors use, which have nothing to do with Jesus or truth

  2. I agree. I have much more respect for a Catholic Priest than an IFB. *Comprising = consist of; be made up of.

    A Catholic Priest studies the Word. An IFB seems to only study Ruckmanism.

      1. Petra? Wow. I used to listen to them quite a bit back in middle school. And actually liked them quite a bit. But, of course, it was middle school, and I was a middle school boy. Don’t think I’ve heard a bit of Petra since then.

        Think I’ll go for the wine.

        I could go for some wine right now, matter of fact.

    1. I’d rather drink a whole bottle of wine.
      I’d get over that in a day or so, while the Petra curse would last a whole week, not to mention its after effects.

      1. Depending on the wine, you might be able to do both, as long as it is one bottle for each day you have to listen to Petra.

      1. Oh the many words in fundyland for pants — bloomers, split skirts, breeches, red-hot lust-inducing transvestite apparel.

        1. Logic:
          1. Trousers / pants / slacks etc are ‘men’s attire’ and stop women looking like women.
          2. They also incite male lusts.
          3. Therefore, male fundies are gay.

          Something like that.

    1. I’ll go with the slacks, having helped to raise a set of twins. You do get everything “over” (diapers, potty training, tantrums, first day of school) at about the same time, but it’s exhausting.

      As for slacks/pants…it’s all I wear anyway, so no great sacrifice needed. It should probably be a choice between dress/nylons and twins!

    2. I think a lot of men (me included) would want to stop the baby factory. I have had 4 children, and while I am thoroughly glad I have them, it has been impossible at times to meet their needs. Six? Eight? A dozen? Egads!

      And I would not do that to my wife, either. Pregnancy was hard on her.

    1. IFB comprises of hollow religious activities that worships an old translation. You can earn points by judging others not based on scripture, but based on traditions from between the 1800’s and 1950.

    1. Don’t forget–there are Catholic priests not in communion with the Roman variety. There are Anglican and Orthodox priests, too.

      1. But wouldn’t they be a catholic priest?

        In my attempt at vague, clever humor, I may have revealed ignorance. Dad told me a time or two, “Son, better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”

        1. Your dad would have liked my mom’s favorite saying:

          “If you had a brain, you would be lonesome.”

          It didn’t do too much damage to my psyche!

        2. Norm, I am an Episcopal priest. (The Episcopal Church in the USA is part of the worldwide Anglican Communion.)

          I was ordained in 1969 in the Cathedral Church of St. John the Divine, in New York City.

      2. There are also Roman Catholic priests not in communion with Rome–i.e., sede vacantists (who believe the guy everybody thinks is the pope is not really the pope). For sheer eccentricity, they could give your IFB people a run for their money.

        1. Are you talking about the “Old Roman Catholic Church” of which Bill Schnoeblen claimed to be a priest at the same time as he was a Wiccan high priest and a 99th degree freemason, oh, and a vampire, too. . .?

        2. Jay,

          So if you are an Episcopal priest, that makes you a catholic priest, right?

          This is a reference back to enlightenment on here from a while back when discussing the different creeds and how Catholic (with a capital “C”) was different from catholic (with a lower case “c”).

          So, again, it was an attempt at some vaguely clever humor which probably fell very flat and bordered on ignorance. Carry on. πŸ™‚

  3. I was once the focal point of a Bobby Roberson message at the annual SOTL circle fest. He mocked me for the better part of an hour calling me “Dr. Flippy Floppy” for being a “compromising IFB”. (Obviously, I write here under a pseudonym.) He accused me of “destroying one of the great pillar churches of the IB movement” among other things.

    I could not have been prouder. I even ordered a copy of the tape once people started calling me telling me about it.

    There’s no fool like an old fool. I wonder if he ever repaid the millions of dollars he lost of his staff’s retirement money chasing a ponzi-scheme?

    1. Congrats for changing the course of one IFB church. May your tribe increase.

      “There’s no fool like an old fool. I wonder if he ever repaid the millions of dollars he lost of his staff’s retirement money chasing a ponzi-scheme?”

      Yikes, how long ago did this happen? Was this part of the (now incarcerated) Thomas Kimmel financial frauds?
      I can’t imagine a Fundy mannogawd even acknowledging his foolishness in making such stupid investments.

      1. Oh, I wish I could tell you that the church changed. I’m not kidding when I tell you that within 48 hours of the moment I resigned, the “Old Guard” took back the reins of authority, dismantled the elder board, took over every bit of leadership they could and undid everything that wasn’t old school as quick as you could imagine.

        Today, they are a fraction of the size, living in the past and will be quite content to ride it into the dust ala “Highland Park Baptist” and other such places. The believe of the typical IFB is if we can’t control it, we’d rather kill it as change it.

    2. Why not post your name? Obviously the IFB doesn’t think too highly of you. Its sad that people have to resort to name calling to reinforce their argument. Tear down one person to make themselves look better.

      1. I left the movement for good and am now associated with folks who wouldn’t know a single name from the IFB crowd. I’d rather have to explain a degree from Brigham Young or Notre Dame than to have to explain why a couple of my degrees are from where they are from. Therefore, I work to keep my identify hidden from the present rather than from the past.

        1. Leon, you would be surprised to find how many IFB expats are out there, serving in a variety of different kinds of churches. I am always surprised when I bump into someone and find out about their Fundy “pedigree.” I figure since I left, and and still strong in my faith, it was just maturing into what a true Christ follower really is.

        2. Leon, while I post under a pseudonym, it is easy to find out who I am. I don’t mind, either.

          I was who I was.
          I am what I am.

          And telling other people what made the change has helped some to think about their own life experience, too.

        3. I post under my real ne. I’m not IFB but I grew up in the protest and tradition of Northern Ireland which is too similar in far to many ways,

        4. When people ask where I went to college, my standard reply is, “Tennessee Temple, please don’t hold it against me!”
          Alternatively, I just tell them where I went for post-grad.

        5. I’m no lady. Perhaps that’s why I get all those ads for dating Asian/Arab/Chinese/Catholic/Over 50 women.

          I am, however, female. And inimitable, because no one wants to imitate me.

  4. Trying to think of things that were outside my circle of experience (or often acceptance) in the IFB:

    Would you rather have lunch with tattooed pierced Goth 20-somethings or your twice-divorced, works-outside-the-home neighbor?

  5. Would you rather spend your lunch break listening to rock music or listening to your coworkers talking laced with profanity?

  6. Would you rather go to a Christian music concert or attend an after-school prayer meeting with fellow students from DIFFERENT Christian denominations?

    1. Can I pick the denominations? Like, putting Quakers and Pentecostals together? Or New Agers / UU and IFB people..?

      And does “Christian music” have to mean the genre label called “Christian music”?

  7. Regarding the tweet, am I to understand that he is saying this:

    “Though I disagree with Catholic theology so much so that I believe that it is idolatry, falsely teaching people that their good works get them into heaven, I will still respect that proponent of a false Gospel more than someone identified as Independent Fundamental Baptist if he does not continue to uphold traditional IFB positions on music, entertainment, separation, clothing styles, etc. “? Because, back in my day, a “compromiser” was a pastor who allowed his choir to sing Steve Green music.

    In other words, conformity matters more than doctrine.

    In a way, I suppose he COULD be saying that he respects someone who follows his church’s teachings (a Catholic priest) more than someone who “compromises” his denomination’s teachings. BUT THERE’S THE RUB! The IFB is HUGE on being independent. The I in BAPTIST (according to those Sunday School lessons some of us got) is supposed to stand for individual soul liberty. The IFB absolutely isn’t a denomination (THAT was drummed into our heads.) So then WHY is it so wrong for a pastor to follow what he believes God has shown him? Because, to them, apparently, tribalism is more important than the Gospel.

    (Not trying to get any of my Catholic friends riled up by my comments; just trying to reflect IFB teaching. They DO believe that most Catholics are unsaved so this tweeter apparently thinks that failing to point parishioners to the one way to Heaven is less important than failing to tout the IFB party line on non-essentials.)

    Of course, my whole post depends on what “compromising” means, but I know what it means to most IFB preachers based on what I heard from pulpits for much of my life.

    1. I’ve heard some of the extremely conservative (legalistic) ifb preachers say a variation of this like. . .
      “I have more respect for a man who has always believed pants on women is okay than for a man who once believed right (pants are wrong) that has changed. . .”
      “I have more respect for a man who has always been a southern Baptist (judge Adrian Rogers) than for a man who used to be independent Baptist who becomes a southern Baptist. . .”

      1. Dear Just Baptist:

        Pants are like some beliefs. Eventually, they need to be changed …

        Christian Socialist

      2. Explains so much. No opinion may ever be changed, on anything. Essentially the same thing as saying “thinking is banned.” Which, pretty much, is IFB.

      3. It’s so ignorant, prideful, and stupid to insist that it’s holy to never change your mind, especially on issues that aren’t clearly stated in Scripture.

  8. Gotta be honest…as giddy as this site makes me…following the Twitter links to these guys (and their friends) is laugh-out-loud-wake-the-neighbors funny!

    Like this gem: “More content often leads to less learning.”

    Or “You can’t have a Billy Sunday Revival w Sandi Patty Music”!

    Or “Thank God we have Calvinists to police Twitter while the IFB churches are out soul winning!” (Said the guy on Twitter.)

    Or “Sorry I haven’t been on here lately. I’ve been a little busy keeping people out of hell! #fulltimejob”

    1. That last one about keeping people out of hell made me laugh out loud, then it made me want to kick the guys teeth in. Good grief. Get over yourself buddy

  9. “As with Mobile Billboards, many of the 350 investors in Bull Mountain also live in the Triad and other parts of North Carolina. Investors included Hollenbeck’s former church, Gospel Light Baptist Church, which invested about $2 million with Hollenbeck, and a church as far away as Hawaii.
    The coal-mine investors eventually recovered about 75 percent of their money in a settlement distribution. A number of Hollenbeck investors recouped part or all of some investments through other out-of-court settlements. Gospel Light Baptist Church recovered all of its money, according to Bobby Roberson, the pastor.”
    http://www.journalnow.com/archives/hollenbeck-fraud-sentence-may-be-cut-by-a-third-for/article_bfe072f2-fbd1-578d-b10f-4941b9798b94.html

  10. The old buzzard is finally getting senile… by that very statement he is compromising so he has more respect for a catholic priest than himself which should make sense in the topsy turvy logic absent world of IFBism.

    1. I have heard Bobby preach in several meetings from my childhood until now. I have always had a great deal of respect for him and he has helped me with his messages. The last several times I have heard him it was more of stories of victories from the past instead of messages from the scripture. I did not mind because of the respect I have for the older generation and I loved to hear the tales.

      I don’t have a problem with the old time ways if that is the way they want to worship, but I do have a problem with the downing of anyone that disagrees with what they believe about standards that are not black and white in the Bible. Where God has spoken there should be agreement and where He has not the Holy Spirit should be able to direct each believer in the way that they should go for themselves.

      IFB need to examine their own house and stop examining the house of others. Just my opinion and I am an IFB’r.

      1. We *all* need to get out own house in order before we try to get somebody else’s house doted out. Unfortunately IFBers think their own house IS in order….

  11. Hmm….I recently received a very cool and disapproving reception when I made it known that, yes, indeed, our kids could watch “Sid the Science Kid” and “Odd Squad” on PBS. We left a BJU church…If we reverted to a hyper-crazy(to them) no cards/pant on women/serve pastor as God/seclude in everything (more than them) church, we would be treated with much more respect right now. Scandalous Teacher Suzy and Rug Time.
    https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=sid+the+science+kid+rug+time

    1. I’m a teacher who loves “Sid the Science Kid.”

      This is why I avoid talking shop with the homeschooling parents from my church. Although my church is not Fundy, some of the parents in the homeschool group use A Beka and worse.

    2. This is so frustrating to me: the independent fundamental Baptists I knew were always touting their independence — how no denomination, how no human institution, had the right to tell them how to live or interpret Scripture. They preached the individual priesthood of the believer. They talked about Christian liberty (usually explained as the freedom to do what you were supposed to do). Yet paradoxically all that talk of freedom and Christian liberty meant very little in actual practice: they judge and even isolate themselves from fellow believers who actually exercise that freedom, even over things like a TV show. Insanity. Or rather hypocrisy.

      I guess that’s why I ended up not in the IFB: I actually took what they showed me in the Bible as truth and decided to live it instead of following their behavior which so often contradicted what they would read out of the Bible.

      1. Pastor’s Wife, your comment made my day! I will be certain to use this argument when someone tries to tell me I am interpreting the Scripture incorrectly (by their standards). Since they without doubt accept the Priesthood of the Believer, who are they to judge “the Lord’s anointed”?

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