106 thoughts on “Vanity of Vanities”

  1. Yeah, our pastor would say from the pulpit that he couldn’t go to the beach anymore because of the thong bikinis. Then a year later he was posting vacation pics..at the beach.

    1. It took me years to figure out such restrictions were only for the little people…Pastor and family were totally fine vacationing in places like Maui, where visitors can not avoid seeing people (meaning women and girls, of course) in immodest attire.

    2. Dwelling in Imladris sez:
      “Yeah, our pastor would say from the pulpit that he couldn’t go to the beach anymore because of the thong bikinis. Then a year later he was posting vacation pics..at the beach.”

      I guess he finally got his body back in Bikini Shape, eh?

      1. Well, weren’t there were a couple of “Fat Man” nuclear devices tested near the Bikini Atoll following WWII?

        1. “Fat Man” was the name of the atomic bomb dropped on Nagasaki on August 9, 1945.
          “Little Boy” was the A-bomb dropped on Hiroshima on August 6.

        2. Yeah, that was a bad joke in response to your comment about “Bikini Shape.” I believe the nuclear bombs detonated were plutonium implosion devices of the same kind as was used on Nagasaki, though.

        3. The ones tested at Bikini (Able & Baker) were “Fat Man Mk.1″s, the exact same model as the one used on Nagasaki. They were the ones to be used as followon strikes after Nagasaki but never were after the surrender. They were code named “Fat Man” during development because of their five-foot diameter to fit the bulky implosion-squeeze “Gadget”. All handmade prototypes, very temperamental, Bikini Able was way off-target because of a tailfin failure; the bomb casing was completely redesigned for the Fat Man Mk.4, the actual production model (a Mk.4 casing was on display in front of the China Lake Museum as of last year).

    3. Are you sure it was the beach? My old pastor made a differentiation between the beach and the shore. The beach is where people hang out almost naked and drink alcohol. The shore is where Godly people go in modest attire to appreciate the beauty of Gods creation.

      1. There are no “shores” in California, only beaches. Where I live, the locals always tell the newbies which beaches are for the folks who prefer to sun in the buff, just to avoid unwanted and embarrassing surprises.

  2. Bumper stickers like these make want to avoid the driver at all costs, but if I see rainbow flag stickers, anything to do with equality or cute quotes, I want to role down my window and say you seem nice so let’s have coffee at Starbucks.

    1. KJV Only stickers -> tell me to keep a safe distance
      Rainbow stickers -> hey, we probably have some things in common
      Rainbow stickers + Jesus fish -> now there are my people! 😀

    2. This is a very good observation. I can’t imagine hanging out with this person, especially at the beach. I can hear the snorts of disgust and sighs of contempt and snide comments every ten feet now.

      The rainbow COEXIST sticker person? Yeah, let’s get some fair trade coffee and chat about our rescue animals and the beauty of an increasingly fair and equal society.

    3. Ditto. I find bumper stickers in general annoying. People are so insecure in this present time they have to proclaim their sentiments either on their vehicle or T-shirt. I guess I’m a little obtuse and curmudgeonly in my old age but most things used for getting attention don’t impress me much.

        1. Some people brag about their athletic exploits. A sticker like this with 26.2 would indicate that the person runs marathons. The sticker in the link proudly proclaims no running of any distance.

    4. Rule-of-thumb for Christian bumper stickers:

      The more of them there are on a car, the more you have to beware of the driver.

  3. Dear SFL Reader:

    I used to ❤️ my Toyota. Ran like a charm for 16 years.

    Christian Socialist

    1. I feel that way about my VW bug. Nearly 129,000 miles, 14 years, and still gets me where I need to go.

        1. I should apologize, Doctor. I was far busier than usual during my week working at the Kentucky prison. Perhaps in a future trip we can get that bourbon.

  4. He is also paying taxes to the “evil” government in order to get out his message. Isn’t that a personal violation of separation of church and state?

    1. Ah, yes, the “foreign” cars – designed in Japan, parts manufactured in Mexico, and assembled in the US.

      1. And if I ‘m not mistaken, a good portion of American cars come from and/or are assembled in Mexico or Canada.

        1. Dear Scorpio:

          But then, plenty of US companies close shop and open plants in Mexico and elsewhere to buy cheap labor. It may devastate US communities and exploit foreign labor. But while operating abroad, these factories at least line US owners with greatly enhanced profits. If extortion makes us wealthier, it must be right. You can’t argue with success!

          Christian Socialist

        2. Dear Christian Socialist,
          I agree completely with you. I hate to buy Apple products made with child labor in China. It’s just that I understand the darn things.

      2. You might rather ask why labor is so expensive here that a manufacturer would have to go to the trouble of relocating. And then whether those things that add to the expense is due to government running things (socialism?) or the market running things.
        Extortion doesn’t make us wealthier, but buying a relatively cheaper car and having enough left over to buy additional products, does make us wealthier. Exploitation is subjective, you cannot make the decision for a mexican worker whether the wage he accepts is exploitative. If he feels the wage:work ratio is exploitative he will refuse it if any options he prefers are available.

        1. If elected POTUS, I wonder if Trump will let the cars and parts from Mexico through his wall? 😉

        2. As an MBA grad, I quite simply cannot think about the situation in the terms you present. Not only are your categories irrelevant to macroeconomics, they aren’t even adequate to describe the market dynamics. Nothing personal, but I don’t anyone can be helped by thinking about global trade in the terms and categories you propose.

        3. Dear Joshua Crosby:

          I’m thinking that tomorrow, I’ll post a reply to this. But it should go in the ‘forums’ section where Darrell advises that the political stuff be ‘banished.’ I’ve never been ‘called’ for promoting a political agenda here, and I intend to keep it that way. Blessings!

          Christian Socialist

  5. The fact he would put these bumper stickers on his vehicle shows that he doesn’t necessarily love money–he has devalued his car even more than the normal wear and tear….

  6. Iowa license plate for a car in Navarre, Florida. Somebody’s is having time away from home. Which is fine with me. However, be careful. As dramatized in the movie BABETTE’S FEAST, a pleasure may lead to enjoyment which may lead to an inroad to grace which may lead to all kinds of uncontrollable chicanery.

    Like reading the NIV.

  7. Its ok to go to the beach as long as you wear culottes and go like 3 miles away from all other people

    1. I knew someone who came from Pentecostal Holiness circles. They could never go to the beach, but they might spend a weekend at the “coast.” *rolls eyes* (Then again, it reminds me of the BJU foolishness back in my day of calling movies “films” as if that made it something different.)

      1. Hahaha! My Dad used to do the same thing. We weren’t allowed to watch movies aired on TV but if a war movie was on, he would watch it, I suppose because he was in the war. Then when my mom would ask what he was watching he would say “oh, just a film”.

  8. I was introduced to the world of King James Onlyism a few years ago while in the checkout line at Barnes and Noble. I was purchasing a copy of the New Oxford Annotated Bible (NRSV) when a voice from behind informed me that I should get a “real” Bible. The voice came from a very petite lady who looked to be in her early 60’s. I was curious and asked her what she meant by a “real” Bible and she informed me that the King James Version was the book that God wrote and all others are modern perversions. My retort was that the KJV was a fine translation but good modern versions have almost 400 years of additional manuscript discoveries to work with, not to mention the advances in our knowledge of ancient Hebrew and Koine Greek. Her response was that those new manuscript discoveries were “corrupted by heretics” and could not be trusted. At that time I had no idea that this lady was quoting chapter and verse from the KJVO Handbook and it took a 20 minute conversation in the parking lot before I realized that she wasn’t defending her favorite Bible translation; she was defending an article of her faith and was immune to any appeals to logic or history. People are certainly free to worship in any peaceful manner they see fit, but I do worry when that worship is based on a demonstrably false set of assumptions as King James Onlyism is.

    1. I would never go to a church that said that if your Bible did not say “walketh” instead of “walks,” then you were not truly saved (i.e. making it a standard of the faith).

  9. Ironically, if he’d study the Hebrew for that verse, he’d discover that the love of money is the root of all KINDS of evil, not simply all evil. But then, doesn’t the King James correct the originals?


    1. Greek not Hebrew but why bother with either original language when 17th century English is God’s chosen language. Isn’t that kind of similar to the Koran in Arabic only?

      1. If the Bible had originally been written in English, it would be like insisting on the Quran in Arabic only.

    2. Greek not Hebrew but why bother with either original language when 17th century English is God’s chosen language. Isn’t that kind of similar to the Koran in Arabic only?

  10. I have to admit – that Corolla is backlit nicely. Is this from some sort of KJV-only film?

    1. Maybe the driver got himself raptured.

      Maybe even raptured by a bikini-clad young lady.

  11. They are at the beach simply “to see if it’s as bad as they say it is.” It the same “just doing research” excuse I’ve heard Pastors make, when they’ve been caught with porn. Wish I was joking.

  12. How does a fundie afford a nice car like that? I mean, it’s not 20 years old and falling apart. He must not be tithing but God will get him! God will allow the devourer to take that car and he will be left with NOTHING, loose his job, kids will go hungry, wife will leave him. All because he dared to drive an almost reasonable car!

    1. He’ll have car expenses equal to the tithe owed. I heard that on the radio a couple years back.

  13. I have no control over myself. Thanks to the perverts that wrote the word thong, I have fallen into lust.

    1. If thou hadst but enlarged thy phylacteries, thy vision would have been obscured and haply thou wouldst not have stumbled.

    2. You shouldn’t even know the word ‘thong’ in relation to the garment. The word has been corrupted; back in the day the fashion abomination of the sandal currently known as the ‘flip-flop’ was called ‘thong’. Would that there be no thongs, whether meant for the foot or the butt.

  14. Dontchaknow that it’s only the holiest of holy people who can go to evil places like the beach and witness to the people there. Only truly holy people can go to evil places to win the lost. That’s why Josh Duggar had an Ashley Maddison account – to win all those heathen cheating women 😉

  15. Will someone please explain to me why these fundamentalists make a special point to say that the only “true” bible is the King James Version? How did this bill of goods get sold to people? Why do they believe it? Can they explain it if asked? Is there a real reason or is it bandwagon thinking?

    The fact that the bible has “versions” should be your first clue that something is wrong with that picture.

    1. I think it goes like this: the church that uses the NIV or The Living Bible is also the church that lets the kids wear jeans, performs rock music on stage, and doesn’t preach separation 24/7. Therefore, the “liberal” versions of the Bible helped lead the church into other liberal debauchery. So the fundies cling to the tradition of the KJV just as the Amish cling to the tradition of churning their own butter, as a way of not being ruined by the awful culture out there.

      1. The Living Bible is a paraphrase, not a translation. Not for use in worship in the Episcopal Church and probably not in other liturgical churches.

        The NIV is a translation–as is the KJV–from the earliest texts. The problem with the KJV is that the English language has evolved over the past 400 years, and scholarship has grown and evolved.

        1. And the KJV was commissioned by Kynge Jaymes I, who wanted a uniquely Anglican translation that stressed his own obsessions with Divine Right of Kings and Subjugation to (My) Authority. Kynge Jaymes was also as homosexual as all five Village People combined.

      2. You nailed it. It’s the war on modernity, Part whatever. If I feel threatened by all the scary changes in the culture, anything that helps me feel anchored to something that seems ultra-tradition feels like a lifeboat.

        1. And the KJV was the translation used liturgically by the Church of England, and thus propagated over the Anglosphere.

    2. Part of it is based on tradition. Most of us are socialized into our particular belief system and when we’ve heard something presented as truth for our entire lives, we tend to believe without questioning. The KJVO belief is so deeply ingrained in so many people because they’ve never heard anything else. These folks know their talking points and will shut themselves off from any meaningful discussion of other points of view.

      I think another aspect of KJV Onlyism is that it is yet another way to separate the wheat from the chaff. As other posters have pointed out, it is an easy way to determine who is “right” with God and who isn’t. If you use any version other than the KJV, you are a sin-loving, God-hating heathen who will burn forever. This viewpoint can be very attractive for those who want to feel morally superior without having to do much of anything because works are meaningless and it’s all about believing on Jesus in the right way.

      Finally, I think there may be a more sinister motive among some pastors in the KJVO universe. I don’t want to cast stones but some of these fellows use the archaic language of the KJV to elevate themselves above their congregations. I know this is a generalization but the Jacobean English of the KJC is above the comprehension level of many folks in the pews. They need someone to explain to them what God’s Words really mean, and that’s where the pastor come in as disseminator and interpreter of what God really meant. Isn’t it ironic that so many KJVO folks are virulently anti-Catholic and yet they elevate their pastor to the position of mediator between God and the congregation.

      1. I agree re: King James English. It always strikes me as funny when people pepper their prayers with this language, using Thees and Thous even when talking about ordinary things. It’s not holy language! It’s just the way people talked 400 years ago!

      2. Kynge Jaymes himself was a fanatic about The Divine Right of Kings — so fanatic that it’s said several of his most powerful nobles in England had to confront him in a private attitude-adjustment session to knock some sense into him, i.e. “That may be they way Kings act in France, but THIS is the way it’s done in England!”

  16. I’m struggling to think of a similar slogan about all the modern Abhisamayalankara translations. “Conze only, no Sparham or Brunnholzl” doesn’t quite fit on the bumper sticker.

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