-mentalist

Eats Kale
Hates fat
Gluten-free
Is that…
Foodamentalist?

Loves shoes
Pedicure
Reflexology
They’re for sure…
Footamentalist?

Foreign made
Black and White
Art house reels
Think they might…
Filmamentalist?

Mental is as mental does
Passions all have cages
Keeping pure is paramount
So goes it through the ages

56 thoughts on “-mentalist”

  1. Loves to salsa
    Has faith as a mustard seed
    Is always trying to “catch up”to be good enough.

    Does that make them a condimentalist?

  2. Hooray for our side!
    Armed in the pulpit.
    Obama YOU LIE!
    Only we are right,
    ALL others are suspect.

    Amerinarccistamentalist

  3. Reads minds while
    Tuning in to the universe’s
    Universal harmony.
    Yes, she’s a transcendentalist mentalist.

      1. Hahaha! Nah I don’t discriminate on races, I’ll run them all.
        ITBand – I’ve wondered if you’re a runner, based on your name.

        1. Yep. I’m an oft injured runner. My poor iliotibial bands (yes, both of them) have taken a beating.

          I train in the cold the sunshine and the rain Injuries abound
          Yet the pavement I pound
          Something must be off in my brain

          Run-a-mentalist.

  4. Lofty thoughts disconnected
    Head lost in a cloud
    Firm ground rejected
    Saying nothing but over loud
    Firmamentalist?

  5. Views their college
    Like deity,
    Bows to their authority,
    Treats you like an enemy
    If you fail to bow the knee . . .
    Alumndamentalist

  6. static single chord vamps
    loose and danceable
    Clinton, Brown, Isley, and Hancock
    Funkamentalist?

    (btw in American Jazz, “funky” could be defined as “returning to the fundamentals”)

  7. Quotes the Bible,
    Reads it all.
    Peering round
    To heed the Call,
    He can spot you
    Down the hall.
    Testamentalist.

  8. Brushes five times daily.
    Flosses hourly.
    Bop his head gaily
    Or even dourly,
    He’ll be a stunned dentalist.

  9. Preaches against Worldly music
    Hip hop, country and CCM
    Even if you listen to Mozart
    You will burn in Hell.
    Only fill you ears with hymns
    Garloch, Hamilton, Peterson and Bliss

    Musicmentalist

  10. Rejects science.
    Private schools.
    Uses only “Christian” sources.
    Distrusts everybody.
    Is certain he is right.
    Dumbdamentalist.

  11. Hey, I’m up late, so I thought I would toss this in here.

    THE UNOFFICIAL STUFF FUNDIES LIKE BINGO SHEET (SFLBS)

    Here’s how to play. Make a 6×5 grid–using the table function in your word processor, or just on paper–and write the letters SFLBS on the top row. Pick 5 items at random from each of the lists below and put them in the column under their letter.

    Seriously Awful Behavior

    1. The Shepherd Protects/Abets/Is the Predator
    2. Break Your Child, God Said So
    3. Give Me Your Money & God Will Make It Rain Cheeseburgers
    4. Assorted Purity Culture Creepiness
    5. Family Values = Only Certain Families Have Value
    6. You Don’t Need a Doctor, Just Get More Religion
    7. Assorted Dominionist Bumf
    8. Refusing Help for One’s Child = Holy
    9. Smash the World, It’s Gonna Burn Anyway
    10. Yay Me, I Adopted a Little Brown Heathen
    11. Assorted Patriarchal Poison
    12. Terrifying Children With Apocalyptic Nonsense
    13. It’s Only Moral If We Do It
    14. Serving Poor People Pie (In the Sky When They Die)
    15. Leader Flat-Out Lies About “The World”

    Funny If You’re Not the Target

    16. Rantin’ Ravin’ Spittin’ Preacher
    17. Newlywed/Neverwed Preaches Perfect Marriage
    18. If It’s Popular, It Must Be Evil
    19. 4 Years on the Hamster Wheel for a Worthless Degree
    20. Homophobic Hollering Through a Closet Door
    21. Conspiracy Theories
    22. Freakouts About “The Appearance of Evil”
    23. How Eye Babies Are Made
    24. Occult Cooties
    25. I Don’t Have a Clue What It Is, But I’m Agin’ It
    26. Old Enough to Go to War, Still Gets Demerits
    27. Pastor’s Pet Peeve = Expository Preaching
    28. Pastor’s Pet Obsession = Standards
    29. Bible-Believing Christian Hasn’t Read Most of It
    30. Altar Call, Again and Again

    Like Retcons, Don’t They?

    31. It’s Only Worldly for 30 Years
    32. Ignore My Printed Sermons, I Never Preached That
    33. I Never Knew That Guy (Now That He’s Fallen)
    34. Ladyhood Was Universal Before Those Nasty Feminists
    35. The Trail of Blood
    36. Slavery = Evangelism
    37. This Was Always a Christian Nation
    38. The Founding Fathers Were Just Like Me
    39. Eternal Bedrock Beliefs (That Change Every Generation)
    40. Everybody Was Happy Antebellum
    41. The Cold War Never Ended
    42. Calvin Hated Everybody
    43. He’s a Great Man (Ignore His Work History)
    44. Grape Juice. It Was Grape Juice.
    45. Look, There’s the Antichrist! No, Over There! No, There!

    Boy, This is Clueless

    46. Hep to the Young People of Today
    47. We Don’t Do Liturgy (Just the Same Thing Every Week)
    48. I Can Micromanage My Adult Children Over Miles and Years
    49. Science Is a Competing Religion
    50. Atheists Hate God
    51. Unfortunate Acronyms
    52. The War on Christmas
    53. It’s Good ‘Cause There’s a Fish on It
    54. Mad Godly Homemaking Skilz (Sophomore Dorm Level)
    55. Marvel at This Modesty. Marvel, I Say!
    56. Keep ‘Em Ignorant and They Won’t Have Sex
    57. Huh-BAAAAWWW We’re So Oppressed (Said the Hegemon)
    58. Prince Charming Is Coming Aaaaany Day Now
    59. Person of Worldwide Importance (In Our Tiny World)
    60. Church Planting in Cities Named After Saints

    Seriously?!

    61. Bus Ministry for the Win
    62. My Neighbor Saved My Stupid Butt Because God Likes Me Best
    63. The Magic Sinner’s Prayer Spiel
    64. Want to Be a Missionary? Shuck & Jive for $25
    65. Vacation = Mission Trip
    66. Cutting & Pasting = Plain & Literal Reading
    67. Hanging the Whole Gospel on Creation Science
    68. Courtship. Just . . . Courtship. And Everything It Involves.
    69. Bible in My Textbook/Bible Is My Textbook
    70. Don’t Need No Book Larnin’ in This Here Book-Based Religion
    71. Passive Aggressive Personalized Sermon
    72. We Love Israel (We Need It for Firestarter)
    73. The Holy Trinity: Father, Son and KJV
    74. Freedom in Christ (To Shun the Unworthy)
    75. Not Agreeing with My Entire Platform = Hating Christianity

    1. Whoa! Seriously good game here! Tale a card with you when you attend a fundy service! Yell “Bingo!” or “FUNDY” in the service when you get 5 in a row!

      Nicely done!

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