164 thoughts on “FWOTW: VictoryBaptistChurchLakinKS”

        1. Amen. It is joy unspeakable and full of glo-ho-ry, full of glo-ho-ry, full of glo-ho-ry. Oh! The half has never yet been known!!!

        3. glo-ho

          Don: no, I won’t go there… nope, no-sir-ree. I won’t do it.

          george: “Shiny” you know, like the day-glo-logo from the other day.

          Don: go away george, don’t get me started.

          george:“glo-ho” sounds like something at a Duke Lacrosse party or something.

          Don: Enough george, that’s it let’s just post this and move on. Ok?

          george: Ok. “glo-ho”

        4. Well, to be fair to me, that song was not on our approved short-list of hymns that we sang at my church growing up. I was only exposed to it later during a brief stint of attending Southwest Baptist Church in Oklahoma City.

  2. Wow, um, I can’t even see the underlying website because the fallen angel overlay has a black background that completely obscures the site. At least that’s how it displays on my computer.

    1. IE10 in quirks mode seems to be the one thing to choke on the background. It’s supposed to start black and then start showing the page. IE is also the only browser not to ask my permission to run quicktime for the automatic muzak.

      2. In IE 10 Click the Compatibility Mode button on the address bar (Looks like a broken piece of paper). It fixes the website….

        Unfortunately, it doesn’t fix it in the way it needs to be.

  5. Sort of a masterpiece of early-90s animated computer dingbats flung at the screen by a blindfolded child.

        1. That’s a quote from The Devil’s Advocate, not the bible. What’s a ‘deacon’s son’ doing watching that anyway? How do I know about that movie myself? Well I watched it only to be relevant. 😎

        3. Ahhh nice pull! I don’t remember that quote being in there, but to be honest I had a hard time after about the half way point of that book. It got tedious to me. That’s a reflection of my stupidity not Milton of course.

        4. Star Trek also quoted it and attributed it to Paradise Lost in the original appearance of Khan!

        5. Scotty: It pains me for a good Scotsman like myself to admit this, but I’m not up on my Milton. What was Lucifer’s answer?

          Kirk: Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven.

  7. The church building doesn’t even look inviting. Let alone that whole mess of a website.

        2. In other words, it was a tank town on a rail line.
          I don’t know what they have against saying that outright.

    2. Judging by the way the snow is melting off the roof, I suspect no insulation and a freezing cold church.

    1. Same old gag.
      But I clicked on it anyway, just to see if it would be different this time.

      1. I did think the emphasis on the “and thy house” Scripture was an interesting and novel twist.

        1. Household Salvation! If the Head of the House gets saved, everybody is saved!

          I’m sure fundies have been confronted with the logic of that scripture verse and have gone to some length to refute it.

      1. I guess when the door knockers come this Saturday, when they say “Can I ask you a question?”, I should respond with “You just did”.

  9. I went there. It took me to the Pastor’s page. Words fail me. If I leave quietly, maybe he won’t follow.

      2. The picture makes me think he has had an electric lead stuck somewhere it shouldn’t be stuck…..

    2. I’m surprised they couldn’t come up with one besides and obvious selfie taken on a phone.

    3. It’s a selfie by somebody who would have been better advised to use an otherie (if that’s what you call a picture someone else took).

    1. Most of the Baptist “ladies” I grew up with would think that was just the most bee-yew-ti-full thing they had ever seen.

      2. I don’t know if that angel is weeping or just trying not to see the Victory Baptist web site.

  12. Their doctrinal statement makes the crucial point that communion must consist of bread and grape juice. Yet, earlier, they hold the King James Bible to be the literal word of God. Except for the part where it says wine, I guess.

    1. Now what am I going to do with all these pretzels and all this pineapple juice? 🙁

      1. Reminds me of a Missionary Story I once heard where they used tomato juice because . . .

        Wine = the “fruit of the vine”

        Jesus used wine at the last supper.

        Therefore, Jesus used the “fruit of the vine” at the last supper.

        Tomatoes grow on vines.

        Tomato juice = the “fruit of the vine.”

        Ergo, tomato juice is an acceptable substitute for communion wine.

        QED

        1. Makes sense to me.

          I just need some Bible verses to justify using V-8 for communion wine.

        2. Cucumbers, zucchini, summer squash, pumpkins, etc., also grow on vines. Mmm, let’s all partake of zucchini juice.

        4. ” …100 gallons of sweet red wine, made from the biggest watermelons on the vine. Help yourself to some, but obey the law. If you drink don’t drive, do the watermelon crawl.”

          Just had to throw that in.

        5. Lacking wheat and grapes locally, we use a manioc/cassava derivative as unleavened bread and açaí juice for the wine. Açaí is actually a palm fruit, but is purplish red–closer to the color of blood than the local fruit of the vine, maracujá, which resembles watery orange juice. Also contributing to that choice, I believe, is the fact that açaí juice, though it isn’t served fermented, is referred to as açaí wine. The manioc product comes out much whiter than wheat flour.

          I’ve often pondered when considering this contextualization, which symbolism should we strive more for, blood or fruit of the vine. Nice when you can have both in one, but in my opinion the blood wins.

      2. I once went on a missions trip to clean up Alabama tornadoes. The youth pastor/leader served us sweet tea and leftover yeast rolls from a BBQ. He filled a red solo cup with the tea and we all broke off a piece of roll to dip it in, one by one. It was actually very worshipful and meaningful. We felt close as a group and close to God. I suppose it doesn’t count since the bread was unleavened and the wine was…erm, brown?

        2. Since in Alabama sweet tea is almost a holy beverage, I’m cool with that. But seriously, that’s rather sweet.

          A few years ago I read a newspaper article about the Catholic Church telling the churches in Finland that they couldn’t use fruit wines they had made, and insisted on only grape wine, which they had to import. That seems ruder to me than the grape-juice argument.

        4. Once there was a Plains Indian who wouldn’t stop drinking the beverage until he finally drowned in his tea pee.

          Let that be a warning to you.

  13. It looks so depressing, just sitting out there alone in the snow, as if it’s been locked up for the last twenty years, 😯 or else the setting for a bad horror movie about a really remote village worshiping demons. 😈
    What are they trying to promote with such a frigid welcome? Even a photo of the (no doubt portly) pastor would have been a faint shred of warmth, but this? The black-on-blue lettering is difficult to read, and the falling angels are annoying. 😡

    2. Nope. Did you see the photo of the pastor of this place? Fits right in with the theme.

  14. I liked this quote about the fall of man in the doctrinal statement,

    ” The Fall of Man We believe that man was created in holiness under the law of his Maker but by voluntary transgression fell from that holy and happy state, in consequence of which all mankind are now sinners, not by constraint but choice, being by nature utterly void of that holiness ”

    So which is it? If my very nature is that of a sinner, how is it that I am a sinner not by constraint? It would seem that being born a certain way would be constraint to me.

    1. but what about the fall of ANGELS? because clearly, judging by this site, the world has lots of fallen angels to contend with.
      Lots of them. Lots and lots and lots.

      1. Lots and lots and lots???

        Well, the Bible does tell us to remember lots wife.

        Ba dum pum.

        Sorry, I couldn’t resist. Been sick for a few days and I am loopy.

        1. it’s ok, I was perpetuating an equally corny running joke I make every year when the light-up angel inevitably falls off the upmost peak of our Christmas tree.
          “uh oh, a fallen angel!”
          *drumroll* da doink-chump.

    2. The statement is from the New Hampshire Baptist Confession of 1833. Its authors considered it in harmony with, but in a milder form than, the doctrines of older confessions which expressed the Calvinistic Baptist beliefs that existed at the time. This phrase, “sinners, not by constraint, but choice,” is not found, say, in the London Baptist Confession of 1689.

      However, I think the intent of the phrase is to express that there is no external agency which acts to cause, coerce or compel a person to sin, but rather, that a person sins because it is entirely his own inherent and natural choice.

    1. Someone pleeeaase hack the site so that it says ‘doh’ every time an angel hits the bottom.

  16. Victory Baptist Church.
    yes, my friends, that is indeed the face of victory.

  17. Wow…the first page opens to a full sized photo of the MOG?! Whoever designed that website must’ve totally and miserably failed computer class. 🙄

    1. Well, maybe it was a computer class at a Bible college. You know, classes like “The Internet and Ministry” at WCBC, where they “study how the Internet works and how to use it as a support tool for the greater mission of the local church.”

      1. The workings of the internetz is a mysterious process. It involves cats and cheeseburgers.

        2. tube cats take the data from my mouse/keyboard all the way through the tubes to the server cat and return with the cheeseburger I clicked on is my understanding.

  20. Read all the comments and finally went to the FWOTW. Bleah! That’s five seconds of my life that I wish I could forget.

  21. I made the church site as large as I could on my phone. On it the angels look like they have long blond hair and gray/ brown beards. Along with the hooded wizard robes they look a bit eerie.

    1. Sooo, basically they look like what would happen if Gandalf and Legolas got together and had a baby.

    2. Why don’t they use this photo on their website? It’s much much better. Well…at least there isn’t any snow.

  24. Okay, I stand amended. The Pastor looks just as inviting as the church. 😯 I wonder how often they have to reapply the embalming fluid?

  25. This one just has to win some sort of award for creepiest pastor pic of all time. I almost shreiked involuntarily.

  26. I could get tricked into attending that church under the assumption it has something to do with my favorite band, The Kinks.

        1. For real: I read the URL as Victory Baptist Church LA Kinks. I just figured the LA was part of L-O-L-A, Lola.

  27. Could you imagine having to walk into the office of that nut-job and talk about anything serious?

    Me: Hey Pastor Manogid, I have a serious case of depression.
    MOg: Have a seat brother, let me put on some good music and throw some angel confetti to get us in the mood of confession.
    Me: Oh, that’s nice doctor man o gid. Thank you.
    MOg: Lock the door, won’t you sweetie-pants?
    Me: Doctor man o gid, 😯 what’s with the knife?
    MOg: Shut up 👿 and puts on da lotion.
    Me: Why do you hate me so!?
    MOg: Hate? Stand up big boy? Do you know how much I love you? *hug*
    Me: You’re scaring me a little doc…
    MOg: Now, before I circumcise you, tell me, what is this sin that keeps you from tithing what you should?

    To be continued…

  28. How are the sheep at this church suppose to go “soul winning”?

    Isn’t Lakin,KS out in the middle of the plains?

  29. If ever I find myself here, and find courage to knock on the door, I would not be surprised to see a frightened walrus whisper, “Call the poliiice!” 😉

      1. That sounds like bayou punk. A new genre? Is Clifton Chenier playing that accordion?

        1. I think Louisiana folks think of it more as Zydeco Hip-Hop, but “Bayou Punk” is close enough. I couldn’t find any credits for who plays what on that recording, except that Stephanie McDee sings the lead. Apparently, she has also done some Gospel records (which I have not heard).

  30. Two thousand people in town and they’ve got an Assembly of God, a Mennonite, an Episcopal, a First Baptist, a First Christian, a Presbyterian, a Lutheran, a Church of Christ, a Catholic, a Wesleyan and a Methodist. How deluded they must be to put the pressure on “three young men” to go calling and build themselves a youth group! Reminds me of the Alaska missionary comments made previously. (and the pastor’s picture is a “selfie.” Eeriely like a certain candidate for mayor in NYC.

    1. But they probably proclaim that they are the only Bible-believing church in town.

      Which means that another fundy camp missionary will hear The Call™ to spread the Gospel in Lakin, KS because there are no Bible-believing churches in town.

  31. I thought that if I clicked on one of the falling angels there would be a short trumpet sound “Ta-Da!”…
    I was sorely disappointed.

    (Wouldn’t it have been quite fun if each angel had a different trumpet tone, and you could try to click them in the right order to form a melody, and if you got the right one there would be a secret page loading or something? Maybe an exclusive Chick tract on the dangers of serving real wine at the Lord’s Supper? I know I’d have spent more time on the page if they did this…)

    Actually, I’m glad the angels were there. If they hadn’t been, I’d probably have been able to actually read the texts, and thereby quite possibly aquired a headache. Guardian angels stopped me.

  32. OUCH the red…letters…they’re BURNING my eyes out……!!!

  33. Darrell, did you set it up so that when we click on the picture it goes to the picture of the pastor? If so you’re an evil dude. 😀

    1. I checked (the links, not with D), and he sure did intentionally pick that to link the pic to instead of the homepage!

    2. Maybe it depends on what browser you’re using, because when I click on the link, it takes me to the home page with the picture of the snowy church (It’s not raining men there, but it seems to be snowing angels). I have to click on the button marked “Pastor” to get the pastor’s photo.

      1. You try clicking on the picture above, and not the link? The link goes to their homepage, the pic goes to the pastor selfie. Sneaky of “Papa Darrell”!

      2. Rob is right, at least with my browser. The picture leads to the pastor’s pic, and the link leads to the home page. Actually, both are scary…but hands down, that face wins.

        2. Good call on the Bachmann eyes! Someone should mock up the old “Betty Davis Eyes” song for Michelle!

  35. I expect that if you zoom out the pastor’s picture he probably has a machete and a clown mask in his lap.

    1. …really really loves you boys and girls, henh-henh-henh-henh-hunh, hunh, hunh…
      😈 😯 🙁 😡

  36. So how many prostitutes’ bodies do you think that creepy preacher has under his house, 2o or 30?

  39. I bet you anything that this church has a drum set on the platform (giving Fundy’s heart attacks).
    The reason that they have drums on the stage is because they’re so far out in the Plains of Kansas that no one from the Hierarchy at FBC Hammond, North Valley in California, PCC, or Bob Jones sect will come in and expose them.

      2. Dear RobM:

        If they have a drum set, I sincerely doubt they have anyone who can play them properly.

        Christian Socialist

    2. I think this church is so far down on the IFB pecking order that the likes of Trieber, FBC Hammond, Vineyard, Brown etc. pay no attention to them. They may even watch TBN nad have Rod Parsley and Joel Osteen come in for “revival”.

      It wouldn’t surprise me if they had drums. Someone in the IFB needs to get charismatic and challenge the powers that be and introduce drums, guitars, bass guitars, keyboards and synthesizers and start a “Praise” band ala Lifechurch.TV

  41. I’m reading their statement’s of belief. Holy moly, what a hodge podge of terms the ready in a theology book and combined randomly.

    #2 They seem to not have any concept of homo-usia, but and espousing a united equal distiction. Maybe trying to express homo-usia one-ness, but it sure seems to fall short of standard trinitarian theology.

    #3 They seem to think that the law existed prior to the fall and did indeed establish a righteous holy human being prior to the fall? Very contradictory to NT teaching on what the law is capable of.

    #4 Salvation itself is mediated by the son, and atonement accomplished by the Father? Feels like they know the terms atonement & mediation, but don’t really know what they mean?

    #5 I think they are using the definition of mercy or maybe imputed righteousness for justification?

    I think I know why they stopped proof texting their beliefs after 1, the rest with the poor verbiage on their beliefs are difficult to impossible to find. 🙂

  42. Dear SFL Reader:

    The little angels from heaven keep falling.
    Not one of them takes the upward path.

    Why IS that?

    Christian Socialist

  44. some facts about the pastor: no bible college. plays electric bass guitar in church. embraces southern gospel music. no affiliate with any bible colleges.
    father was a pastor, no bible college. family sang.
    he takes selfies a couple of times a week and posts them. And he is obsessed with the size of his member. and i don’t mean church member.

  46. I looked the place up on Google Maps’ “street view”; Google took their photos of the site in the summer. Victory Baptist is on a quasi-triangular lot that is mostly grass, and their narrow dirt parking lot is on the right of that picture….in fact it’s part of a dirt alleyway that connects North Campbell and Dickinson streets. The church itself is very narrow; I would guess it’s big enough for 50-80 parishioners.

  47. Pastor Tyson? Seriously scares me. LOL. I think he’s off his meds in that pic.

  48. Since they’re in the middle of the Kansas plains, one of the bigwig IFB groups may have to go “Soul Winning” and make sure there are no “Drums” and women wearing pants to service.

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