The Pre-Courtship Questionnaire

An SFL reader passed along this pre-courtship questionnaire checklist received from a church in fundy circles. Keep in mind, this is the Pre-courtship questionnaire, just to see if you qualify.

Life Influences
1. Do you ever seek advice from others?
2. How often do you seek counsel?
3. Who do you seek counsel from?
4. What type of things do you ask counsel about?
5. Would you be humble enough to go to counseling if I felt we need to?
6. Will you go to counseling even if you don’t feel the need to go, but I do?
7. Will you go the first time you are asked?
8. Are you humble about seeking counsel or do you already have all the answers?
9. Are you willing for us to share our problems with a counselor?
10. Would you include your wife as a counselor?
11. Would you ask my opinion or my advice before making decisions? (Especially big ones?)What are the primary events or situations in your life that have defined who you are today–the most formulating experiences and periods of your life?
12. What have been the hardest things you have ever had to work through? The hardest things you have ever done?
13. Who have been the main disciplers in your life and the people who have impacted and colored your life the most? As a child, adult–whenever.
14. Who were your role models and heroes? For what reasons?
15. You are the result of the influence of which people?
16. Which women/men do you admire the most and want to be like? Why? In which ways?
17. Which qualities and personality traits do you see in other women/men that you desire to have yourself?
18. What personality traits and/or strengths do you see in women/men you know that you would desire for your wife/husband to possess?
19. What did you grow up reading/watching? What books have had the greatest impact in defining who you are–children’s books, fiction, history, theology, anything. Which authors have you always most enjoyed and/or admired? What films have been influential?
20. Do you read?
21. What do you read?

Your Spiritual Life
22. What are things you see as God’s blessings? Do you desire and cherish these things?
23. Would you be willing to die for Christ? If you’re not dying daily, how can you be so sure you would then?
24. What breaks your heart? What delights your innermost heart?
25. Are you a spiritual person?
26. What are you expecting of your spouse, religiously?
27. What ministries do you serve in?
28. What can you offer your spouse, spiritually?
29. Who are your disciples?
30. When did you really start to seek the Lord?
31. When did you start to obey the Word because it was the Word?
32. What do you believe about Salvation?
33. When did [fruit of the Spirit x] start appearing in your life?
34. What is a besetting sin? What are yours?
35. What do you believe about sin? What do you believe about Rom 6 & 7?
36. What do you think about your family? Are you good friends? How is sibling ____ doing?
37. What does theology mean? Just lists of doctrines?
38. How do you get doctrine? How do you determine right doctrine?
39. What is your attitude towards historically held positions?
40. How big is your vision for your disciple-making influence?
41. What are your main messages?
42. Are you pursuing and involving yourself in fruitful projects that advance/build the kingdom?
43. Are you interested in/focused on continual spiritual growth – in yourself, your wife, and your family?
44. What is your heart towards the lost soul and what do you believe your duty to God is regarding that soul?
45. What is your vision for the Church?
46. What do you think are some of the main problems of the evangelical churches of today?
47. What do you think a Biblical Church looks like? How is it structured?
48. What is your view on the church and baptism, the church and communion, the church and evangelism?
49. What is the role of music in worship and the Church?
50. How many times have you read through your Bible?
51. Does God give you personal insights in His Word that are just for you?
52. Who do you share the insights with that God gives you?
53. How often do you have a prayer time?
54. When is your prayer time?
55. Do you have it on a regular basis?
56. About how long do you pray?
57. Do you have a prayer book or a prayer journal? Would you let me see it?
58. Do you plan for us to read the Bible together as a couple?
59. Do you plan to initiate Family Devotions with our future family?
60. Did your family have devotions together?
61. Who initiated the family devotions? Your Dad or Mom?
62. How often did you have family devotions?
63. What is your faith’s foundation?
64. Why do you believe what you believe?
65. Can you give me some examples?

Your Relationships
66. Describe your relationship with your father? Was (is) it honoring? Was (is) it obedient?
67. Does your father have any medical or mental problems that could affect you or your children?
68. Describe your relationship with your mother? Was (is) it honoring? Was (is) it obedient?
69. Does your mother have any medical or mental problems that could affect you or your children?
70. How many siblings do you have? What are their names, ages, cities of residence? Can you describe your relationship with each of your siblings?
71. Can you describe your relationship with your grandparents?
72. Can you describe your relationship with your friends? Have you ever been peer-dependent? How did you resist this?
73. Are you consistently faithful in fulfilling your commitments? Give examples.
74. Do you show a regular willingness to serve others? In what ways?
75. In what ways is self-centeredness expressed in your life?
76. How do you relate to authority in your life? If so, what adjectives would your employers use to describe you?
77. Have you ever been a supervisor? If so, what adjectives would your employees use to describe you?
78. Are you ever manipulative of others?
79. What kinds of situations cause you frustration? How do you respond?
80. What circumstances might make you impatient or angry? How do you handle anger? Have you ever been violent? Do you raise your voice when angry?
81. Have you ever had to deal with a broken relationship? If so, please provide the details of
82. What do you expect your relationship with the family of your spouse to be?
83. What do you expect your spouses relationship with your family to be?
84. Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)
85. How did you get to know them?
86. Why are they your friends?
87. What do you like most about them?
88. What will your relationship with them after marriage be?
89. Do you have friends of the opposite sex?
90. What is the level of your relationship with them now?
91. What will be the level of your relationship with them after marriage?
92. What type of relationship do you want your spouse to have with your friends?

Marital Roles
93. Why do you feel like I’m the one for you?
94. Are there any verses that helped you confirm the decision?
95. How long did you pray about this?
96. What counselors did you ask about it?
97. Were there any hesitations? If so, what were they?
98. Do you think we’re compatible? Why?
99. Do you think of us as a team?
100. Do you think of me as the wife:
101. Behind you
102. Leading you or
103. Beside you
104. What do you feel is God’s will for our lives together?
105. How do you see God using us as a couple?
106. What do you believe are non-negotiable elements of a Christ-honoring marriage?
107. After marriage, do you think that you are one to express romantic
feelings verbally?
108. After marriage, do you think that you want to express affection in public?
109. When there is a dispute in your marriage, religious or otherwise, how
should the conflict get resolved?
110. What is your understanding of a Christian marriage?
111. Why have you chosen me/other person as a potential spouse?
112. What is the role of the husband?
113. What is the role of the wife?
114. If you already subscribe to the concept of courtship, give me your definition of it.
115. Do you tend to be more of a leader or follower in life? Can you cite any examples?
116. In making decisions, what role does God’s Word play?
117. What is your attitude toward women? What is their purpose?
118. What is your view on the role of a wife?
119. What are your views on women working outside the home?
120. What are your views concerning divorce and remarriage?
121. Can you tell me your thoughts on how a man should provide for a wife and family?
122. Can you tell me your thoughts on how a man should protect a wife and children? How do you feel about guns?
123. How do you see your future relationship with your in-laws working out?
124. What has been your prior experience with dating and romance? Have you ever kissed or been physically intimate in any way with a girl/woman? If so, explain the circumstances.
125. What is your stand on abortion? What about in the case of rape?
126. How do you relate to children? How often are you around children?
127. What are your thoughts regarding birth control and family planning?
128. How many children do you hope to have?
129. What is your attitude toward adopting children?
130. What are your views on child training, including corporal punishment?
131. What are your views on homeschooling?
132. What are your thoughts on family worship? What would be the key attributes of such a practice in your home?
133. When you fail someone, what actions do you take to rectify the situation?
134. Are you honest? Do you ever slant the truth for your own benefit?
135. How have you prepared yourself for marriage?
136. In what ways do you think you may need to grow before marriage?
137. What does “leave and cleave” mean to you? Are you prepared to put your wife first, before all others, including your parents? Give me an example of what this may look like to you.
138. How do you think your spouse should spend vacations?
139. What is your view of Divorce?
140. Is there ever a cause for divorce?
141. Can you ever justify it?
142. Is there anything that separates a Man and Woman once God joins them together?
143. What about immorality or unfaithfulness in the marriage?
144. How would you respond to me if I notice something about a lady in relation to you that bothers me?
145. Would you listen to me if I asked you to stay away from someone?
146. What is your view of Marriage?
147. Do you consider yourself a giver or a taker?
148. How would your family and friends describe you in the above question?
149. What is your view of a:
a. Father?
b. Husband?
c. Wife?
d. Mother?
e. Son?
f. Daughter?
150. What part does each of them play?
151. What are their roles in life?

Moral Standards
152. What are your views on public swimming?
153. Do you use offensive language?
154. Do you watch television, R-rated movies? PG-rated movies? What were the last five movies you watched?
155. What kind of music do you prefer? What kind of music would you find offensive?
156. Have you ever been exposed to pornography? If so, explain the extent and the circumstances.
157. Have you ever been exposed to homosexuality? If so, explain the extent and the circumstances.
158. Do you currently use any type of drugs? Have you in your past? If so, explain the extent and the circumstances.
159. Do you have any financial debt? If so, explain the extent and the circumstances.
160. Have you ever been in trouble with the law? If so, explain the extent and the circumstances.
161. What tendencies do you have toward prejudice or racism?
162. Have you ever had periods of rebellion? If so, explain the extent and the circumstances. Are there any unsettled issues with your parents?

Your Future
163. Can you describe your life purpose, i.e., how you intend to use your interests, experiences, skills, and talents to serve and glorify God?
164. What role would your wife and children play in your life purpose?
165. What role would your job/career play in your life purpose?
166. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? In 20 years?
167. Where do you see yourself spiritually in 10 years? In 20 years?
168. When the Lord calls you home, how would you like people to remember you?
169. What are your goals in life? (Long and short term)
170. Identify three things that you want to accomplish in the near future.
171. Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long term.
172. What is the purpose of the family/what will be the purpose of your family?
173. What is your life’s verse?
174. What do you feel is God’s will and calling for your life?
175. What made you come to that conclusion?
176. What were the circumstances around you that caused you to make that decision?
177. Do you remember the date or time in life that you realized God’s will for your life?
178. Are you headed in the direction that you feel God would have you go?
179. Are you totally and completely committed to doing God’s Will NO MATTER WHAT?
180. Is there anything that would keep you from following Him?
181. Are you open to God changing His will and you going in a different direction if He so chooses?
182. Is quitting or giving up an option for you?

Personal Character
183. How do you express your admiration for someone that you know now?
184. How do you express your feelings to someone who has done a favor for you?
185. Do you like to write your feelings?
186. If you wrong someone, how do you apologize?
187. If someone has wronged you, how do you want him/her to apologize to you?
188. How much time passes before you can forgive someone?
189. How do you make important and less important decisions in your life?
190. How do you express anger?
191. How do you expect your spouse to express anger?
192. What do you do when you are angry?
193. What are the things that you do in your free time?

Priorities:
194. Who is the first on your list of priorities?
195. Second, Third …
196. What do you base those priorities on? Or why do you feel like they need to be in that order?
197. If full-time ministry is in the picture for our future and you had to choose between the church or our family being the top priority which would you choose?

Home
198. Do you love to have guests in your home for entertainment?
199. What are you expecting from your spouse when your friends come to the house?
200. Does the house have to be clean at all times?
201. What are the areas that drive you crazy if they aren’t clean?
202. What do you consider clean?
203. Do you cook or clean?
204. Will you pitch in and help out with the cleaning and the cooking?
205. What household duties do you enjoy?
206. What household duties do you hate doing?
207. Do you do Outside Chores?
Mowing, Gardening, Hedges…

Biblical Womanhood
208. On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate the worth of a woman?
209. How do you treat women in general?
210. How do you treat your Mom or Sisters?
211. Do you do special things for them occasionally or just when you HAVE to?
212. Do you open doors for ladies?
213. Do you let them go first?
214. Do you offer to help carry things for them?
Are they to only speak when spoken to?
215. Do you feel women have a voice and are encouraged to speak their opinion?
216. Have you ever taken a woman’s advice? Can you give me an example of this?
217. How important is it to you for you to be a gentleman?
218. Have you ever raised a hand to hit or have you hit a woman before?
219. How did your Dad treat your Mom in this area?
220. When at home or in the car who does the temperature have to be set to please, you or the others in the car? How about in regards to your Mom or Sister?

Modesty and Appearance?
221. What is your thinking on these issues? Be specific where you draw the line.
222. What bothers you in the area of modesty
223. What is your definition of biblical modesty
224. What if our opinions differ?
225. Do you have Bible to back up your opinion? Is it a conviction or an opinion?
226. Are pants ever acceptable
227. What do you think about name brand clothing and emblems
228. Will you regulate your children’s clothing
229. How will you approach your wife or daughters if they are immodest

Your Family:
230. How would you describe your relationship with your family choosing 1, 2 or 3?
1. We’re best friends/ We talk about everything?
2. We’re cordial but we don’t spend large amounts of time together./ When we are together conversation is kept to a general level.
3. We are enemies. / We never speak to each other.
231. Choose these options in each of the following relationships:
With your Dad?
With your Mom?
With each of your siblings? (if you have any)
With your Grandparents?
232. How much contact do you have with your family?
233. What type of contact do you have with them?
e-mail
written letters
phone
234. How often do you have this type of contact? Daily, Weekly, Monthly, Yearly?
235. If daily, how many times a day?
236. What do you feel are your current and future obligations to your family?
237. What do you feel are your current and future obligations to my family?

Family and Children
238. What do you believe are non-negotiable elements of a Christ-honoring family?
239. Do you support the idea of utilizing baby sitters?
240. Do you want to have children? If not, why?
241. To the best of your understanding, are you able to have children?
242. Do you want to have children in the first two years of marriage? If not, when?
243. Do you believe in abortion?
244. What is the best method(s) of raising children?
245. What is the best method(s) of disciplining children?
246. How were you raised?
247. How were you disciplined?
248. Do you believe in spanking children? Under what circumstances?
249. Do you believe in Christian school for your children?
250. Do you believe in home schooling for your children?
251. What type of relationship should your children have with non-Baptist classmates/friends?
252. Would you send your children to visit their extended family if they lived in another state or country?
253. What type of relationship do you want your children to have with all
their grandparents?
254. If there are members of my family that are not Baptist, what type of relationship do you want to have with them?
255. How important is the upbringing of children in the grand scheme of things?
256. How significant is it to be entrusted with the guardianship of their souls?
257. Do you want children?
258. Do you view children as a measure of God’s favor or an added blessing that He may or may not give?
259. How do you discipline children?
260. What are the duties of children?
261. What standard of excellence are they held to?
262. Where would we set expectations for them?
263. What would their education entail? (History, Science, Theology, Creation/Biology, Music/Arts)
264. How do you treat an unsaved child spiritually and practically in the context of a Christian family?
265. When does corporal discipline begin?
266. How do you begin to train infants?
267. What does play look like for children? Free time?
268. What attitudes or personality traits are held up as off-limits?
269. What words or phrases are off-limits?
270. What are the things you appreciate most about the way your parents raised you?
271. What would you do differently from your parents?
272. Who do you want your children to grow up to be?
273. How would we model ourselves to our children? Our lifestyles, traits, personalities, things we laugh at (or don’t laugh at), what we approve of, etc.
274. Do you believe in birth control? What type is O.K. to use?
275. Do you believe in abstinence?
276. How many children would you like to have?
277. Do you have a gender preference? If so, why?
278. Do you have a preference on homebirth or hospital birth?
279. Do you have a problem with nursing vs. bottle feeding our children?
280. Are you approachable in areas of child rearing or any area?
281. What is your view of discipline?
282. What is your view of Spanking?
283. How were you dealt with when you did something wrong when you were a child?
284. Do you plan on dealing with our children the same way?
285. Do you feel like it was a biblical way of dealing with the problem?
286. Were you ever spanked in anger?
287. How did that make you feel?
288. Have you dealt with that offense if any?
289. Do you have a different way in mind?
290. Would you be willing to listen to Dr. Davis’ Parenting DVD’s before and after we have children?
291. Are you willing to accept advice about parenting and ask advice of both our Parents?
292. If not, why not?

Finances
293. What is you definition of wealth?
294. How do you spend money?
295. How do you save money?
296. How do you think that your use of money will change after marriage?
297. Do you have any debts now? If so, how are you making progress to eliminate them?
298. Do you use credit cards?
299. Do you support the idea of taking loans to buy a new home?
300. What are you expecting from your spouse financially?
301. What is your financial responsibility in the marriage?
302. Do you support the idea of a working wife?
303. If so, how do you think a dual-income family should manage funds?
304. Do you currently use a budget to manage your finances?
305. Who are the people to whom you are financially responsible?
306. What is your current job?
307. Are you punctual or late for work?
308. Do you plan on handling the finances? Would you seek my opinion on purchases before hand?
309. Do you pay your bills on time?
310. Can I see your last 4 months worth of bank statements?
311. Do you have any debt at the present time?
312. Have you had debt in the past?
313. What did you do to get out of it?
314. How do you feel about debt? Is it a bad or a good thing?
315. Do you live on a budget?
316. Are you willing to live on a budget?
317. Do you have any credit cards?
318. How many do you have?
319. How much do you owe on each of them?
320. What is your goal or purpose in owing on and paying off credit cards?
321. What determines whether or not you make a purchase? Give me some recent examples.
322. Are you a wise spender?
323. Do you consider whether or not you have the finances before you purchase something?
324. Are you a compulsive spender?
325. Do you consult anyone before making a large purchase?
326. Would you ask my opinion before making significant purchases?
327. What do you consider a significant purchase?
328. Would you rather spend money on yourself or someone else?
329. Do you spend money on others even when you don’t have the money?
330. What is the most you have ever spent on any one thing at a time?
331. Would you rather rent or buy?
332. Do you buy used or does it have to be new?
333. How do you feel about a new or used car?
334. How do you feel about making car payments?
335. Who handles the finances in your parents’ home? Your Mom or Dad?
336. Has anyone ever taught you how to handle your finances?
337. Can you balance a check book?
338. Do you have a savings account? How much is in it?
339. Are you a giver?
340. Are you stingy?
341. Are you generous with what God has given to you? To what degree?
342. Do you tithe?
343. What percentage of tithe do you give?
344. How long have you tithed?
345. Do your parents tithe?
346. Do you give above your tithe?
347. How much generally do you give above the tithe?
348. Do you give on occasion to other needs that you hear about above your regular giving? (For instance, if a missionary with a need came by would you give additionally to a need that might have been heard or do you think that you have already given to him because of giving to missions already.)
349. Are you ever stirred emotionally to give?
Communication
350. How do you handle arguments?
351. Would you be willing to go to communication classes?
352. In your family, how are or were differences settled?
353. Is your family accustomed to teasing?
354. To what degree to you take teasing?
355. Do you know when to tease and when not to?
356. Are you willing to change your limitations on teasing to suit my upbringing?
357. Can you tell me no or will you let me walk all over you?

Anger:
358. What upsets you?
359. How long does it take you to get angry after something upsets you?
360. Do you have a short fuse?
361. How would you respond if someone were to tell you that you are angry?
362. How angry do you get?
363. Do you hold your anger in?
364. Do you hold your anger in until you can’t stand it and then let it out all at once?
365. Have you ever had such an angry outburst that you threw something, hit something or hit someone?
366. How do you react when something upsets you?
367. When someone upsets you do you write that person off and never speak to them again or do you go to them and try to work out the problem?

Changing:
368. Are you accepting of truth (new truth) that you hear? (Whether it may be from the pulpit, from a book or from a counselor?)
369. Does God have to “knock you over the head” before you will change something in your life?
Are you hard-headed?
370. Are you teachable?
371. How would your family answer these questions about you?
372. Can you give me an example of the last time that you recognized an area that you needed to change in your life?
373. How long did it take for you to change?
374. How long ago was it?
375. How long had it been since the time before that?
376. How often do you take someone else’s advice?
377. How often do you go to the altar?
378. Is your heart tender towards God, His ways and new truth?
379. How often do you feel conviction in your life?
380. How long does it take you to deal with a problem once you recognize it?
381. Does another person that you have had a problem with have to apologize first or do you go to them?
382. Do you try to communicate and work things out with that person?
383. How often do you follow through on what you have said that you do? (On a scale of 1 to 10?)

Health
384. Do you suffer from any chronic disease or condition?
385. Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician before marriage?
386. What is your understanding of proper health and nutrition?
387. How do you support your own health and nutrition?

Holidays:
388. Do you celebrate Holiday’s?
389. If not, why not?
390. Which Holiday’s?
Christmas (Presents, Tree, Lights, Santa Claus)
Easter (Easter Bunny, Egg Hunt)
4th of July (Fireworks)
New Year’s
Halloween (Costumes)
Valentine’s Day
391. Holiday Decorations?
392. How do you Celebrate Holiday’s?
393. Were holiday’s a big deal to you growing up?
394. What was a typical holiday when you were growing up?

Birthdays
395. Do you think you should give Birthday Presents?
396. Decorations?
397. Cake?
398. Are Birthdays a Big Deal? Or can you take them or leave them?
399. How about in regard to future children?
400. Are Birthday Parties O.K.?

T.V.
401. What is your view on having Cable T.V. in your home?
402. What is your view about watching Movies in general?
403. What is your view about Renting Movies?
404. Do you go to the Movies?
405. If not, why not?
406. How do you respond when you see a girl that isn’t dressed right?
407. Would you describe for me what you think is wrong or what bothers you about a lewdly dressed woman.
408. Would you have a Curse Free Unit?
409. Does Cursing in a movie bother you?
410. Would you set a time limit for T.V. watching?
411. What type of Cartoons are O.K. for future children?
412. Are you open to us making these decisions together?

Games:
413. Do you play games?
414. Do you have any problems with the following:
415. Board Games?
416. Dice?
417. Playing Cards? (not gambling)

Video Games or Watching Sports:
418. Do you own or play video games?
419. Do you do it in moderation?
420. None at all?
421. What happens when someone talks to you or comes in the room while you are watching a movie or playing a video game?

Thing’s I like:
422. Favorite color
423. Favorite foods
a. Desserts
b. Snacks
c. Fast food
d. Home cooked meals

504 thoughts on “The Pre-Courtship Questionnaire”

  1. 406. How do you respond when you see a girl that isn’t dressed right?

    I don’t do anything. However, I am a grammar Nazi so if you insist on asking questions worded like this one I shall be forced to divorce you.

    1. Are you implying that a girl is a *who?

      Because if so, you’ve been out of fundyville far too long …

  2. Fundystan in a nutshell:

    223. What is your definition of biblical modesty?

    Not what is a biblical definition of modesty? Rather what is your definition of biblical modesty?

      1. Doesn’t it make you unacceptably liberal if you acknowledge that there is more than one possibly correct reading of the Bible?

  3. 294. How do you spend money?

    I generally take it out of my pocket and hand it to the cashier. Sometimes I use a debit card but the process is nearly the same.

    1. I’m not sure I want to marry into a family where they don’t even know how money is spent. 😐

      1. It’s hard to imagine someone answering this, “Frivolously” or “On myself” or “With little foresight”.

  4. 84. Who are your friends? (Identify at least three.)

    *sobs softly. I don’t have three friends.*

  5. That questionnaire is longer than most of my past relationships.

    Thing’s I like: People who use apostrophes correctly.

  6. I remember this checklist from Bill Gothard’s ATI program.

    Yeah, it’s real…

  7. 20. Do you read?
    Yes

    21. What do you read?
    This stupid questionnaire. Ask me again in a week.

  8. 154. Do you watch television, R-rated movies? PG-rated movies? What were the last five movies you watched?

    Also, can we take a moment to appreciate that this list has apparently not been updated since the introduction of the PG-13 rating in 1984?

  9. Question #424 should be something about valuing education or attention to detail seeing the unnecessary apostrophe inserted in the word “Thing’s”.

    1. Ah, I’m coming late to the game. Now that I’ve been reading all the comments, I see that many of you have already commented on this!

  10. 233: Contact with your family?

    b) who sends written letters to anyone beside the amish, or for effect?

    d [missing]) No one has any in person contact with there family these days? (completely skips the possibility of ever seeing anyone in your family in person at all)

  11. 413. Do you play games?

    Maybe, but the person who hands this out is an expert at playing games! 🙂

    1. Follow ups to that specifically excludes the possibility of finding out if your potential courting partner has a gambling problem.

      Brilliant.

  12. 67. Does your father have any medical or mental problems that could affect you or your children?
    69. Does your mother have any medical or mental problems that could affect you or your children?

    It sounds like they’re evaluating a pedigree for breeding a pet.

    And how limiting on God, assuming that because a potential suitor’s parent had a disease that that suitor is no longer suitable.

    1. “It sounds like they’re evaluating a pedigree for breeding a pet.”

      That’s EXACTLY what this is. It’s disgusting.

      1. Especially when you consider this: “385. Are you willing to take a physical exam by a physician before marriage?”

        I will only consider copulation if you’ve been properly vetted.

        1. Snrk.

          Vetted.

          We don’t need to go to a regular doctor. A livestock vet will do just fine for us.

        2. Answer: Does it have to be by a physician, or can I get a physical exam down at Aphrodite’s Massage Parlor?

      2. “It sounds like they’re evaluating a pedigree for breeding a pet.”

        That’s EXACTLY what this is. It’s disgusting.

        What do you think a daughter/wife is?
        Breeding stock for the Patriarch’s sons & grandsons.

  13. 367. When someone upsets you do you write that person off and never speak to them again or do you go to them and try to work out the problem?

    Let me turn this one around: When someone answers a question on a questionnaire in a way you don’t like, do you write that person off and never speak to them again?

    1. If you answer this question in the affirmative, it has to be points in your favor…

      Because that’s what an Indy Fundy does. Shun.

    2. When a family member leaves a particular brand of Xianity, do you write them off and never speak to them again?

  14. I thought #254 pretty much sums up the insanity that is this list. Because anyone who is NOT a Baptist is not worthy, so apparently ALL Baptists (Independendent, Southern, Freewill, Missionary, etc…) qualify.

    1. Remember, this is just the pre-courtship questionaire. This just gets you to round to. The courtship questionaire requires you to be an independent, fundamental, KJV, pre-tribulation, non-drinkin’, sin hatin’, precher warshipin,’ old fashin’, Baptist.

  15. This one explains a LOT:

    263. What would their education entail? (History, Science, Theology, Creation/Biology, Music/Arts)

    No mention of Math, English, Literature (maybe under Arts?), etc!

      1. I often use English as a subject to mean English/Grammar. I’m not sure if it’s correct, but the classes I learned both in were normally just called English class.

        1. Me too. I was just continuing to poke fun at the punctuation mistakes on this questionnaire.

  16. This is the verbal equivalent of what some fundies do on their wedding night: they expect, in a course of a couple hours, to go from never touching at all to having sex.

    This questionnaire demands at the outset many things that would be revealed in time if people just spent some time together, but, in a pious attempt to remain pure, they make up onerous restrictions and then think, if they just follow the rules (or answer all the questions right), life will be perfect.

    1. Not just “having sex”.

      Having BARN-BURNING, SWINGING FROM THE CHANDELIERS, DYNAMITE S*E*X 24/7/365, fulfilling EVERY fantasy that’s been building for years, starting the first night!

      That’s what Fundy boys are promised as a bribe for staying virgins. (And they’ve been cultivating all their fantasies while waiting.) And Fundy brides have to become their hubby’s Perfect Fantasy Porn Star immediately upon saying “I Do.”

      This is not a realistic expectation.

      1. For some reason I’m thinking of Amish Erotica; wasn’t there some kind of advertisement for that a while ago?
        It may have been a joke, but it’s too good an image to let go. 😆 😈

        1. That’s sure to be a disappointment.
          The Amish do it the same way(s) everybody else does.

  17. 408. Would you have a Curse Free Unit?

    What does this mean? I’ve heard of a service that censored movies & resold them, and I believe got shut down for copyright infringement or something. Is there such a thing as a device that mutes/blurbs out swear words for TV/movies?

    1. There are a couple types of these, actually. The one I had growing up was a box that censored language, along with scenes of violence, and many other things (innuendo, disrespect toward parents, disrespect toward the American flag, etc). You had to go online and download the movie data onto a jump drive, which then was plugged into the box. It was a ridiculously long process and it wasn’t that reliable.

    2. A Curse Free Unit sounds like some obscure Dungeons & Dragons talisman, capable of repelling any spell. 😛

    3. I might have been a Curse-Free Unit when I started reading this questionnaire, but I achieved “Cursing a Blue Streak” by the midpoint, and moved on to scaring the neighbors with my “Psychedelic Pswearing” by the time I finished reading.

        1. It’s interesting to me that as much as I cringe at this list now, I probably would have loved it back in my fundy days. Growing up in a checklist-obsessed culture primed me for loving questionnaires.

        2. Me too. I still like taking fun quizzes like “Which Tolkien character are you?” But my perfectionist tendencies would also make a checklist like this overwhelming.

    4. There is a device (“TV Guardian”) that can be hooked up to your TV or maybe your DVR/DVD. It will block profanity from coming through while you’re watching. You can set it to strict, moderate, or tolerant. It’s motto is “No Cuss for Us.”

      1. My brother used to have a TV Guardian. It called the three tunnels in the movie The Great Escape “Tom, Jerk, and Harry.”

    5. Aren’t curses usually free?
      I’ve never paid for one, nor have I ever charged for one.

  18. I am very sad to realize that I know exactly the “right” way to answer all of these questions (if I were a potential suitor). Gothard-speak never completely leaves your brain.

    And relieved to realize that my “real” answers would bear little resemblance to the “right” ones. 😆

    1. ‘And relieved to realize that my “real” answers would bear little resemblance to the “right” ones.’

      Which makes you the same as everybody else.

    2. I feel the same way. As a person who also “left it behind” I’m both intrigued to remember how eagerly I would have filled this out in my jr. high school years, and sad that some people would still look at this questionnaire and think it was a remotely accurate indication of their future happiness. I used to know all the “right” things to say to impress people, still do, and am just grateful that I no longer define myself by the standards of others, but rather have learned to be happy being real, even if I don’t sound perfect all (or most of) the time.

  19. 332: Do you buy used or does it have to be new?
    Prefer new food, toilet paper, candy, etc. used might be difficult.

  20. “136: In what ways do you think you may need to grow before marriage?”
    A beard. Definitely grow a beard before marriage.

    “212. Do you open doors for ladies? 213. Do you let them go first?214. Do you offer to help carry things for them?”
    Look here. I help people when it is obvious to me that they are struggling, or could use the help. I don’t presume that just because someone happens to be female that she is incapable of opening a door or carrying something. That said, I open doors for people who want to go through them, whether or not they are women. It’s called being polite.

    “220. When at home or in the car who does the –temperature have to be set to please, you or the others in the car? How about in regards to your Mom or Sister?”
    Huh, the temperature does not have to be set to anything. What adults do, is they explain to each other whether or not they are uncomfortable, and they work out amongst themselves the best way to accommodate the needs of the most vulnerable first, and then the majority second., irrespective of whether or not that person happens to be a woman.

    “225. Do you have Bible to back up your opinion? Is it a conviction or an opinion?”
    -In my opinion, it is a conviction; therefore it is an opinion, but that’s only my opinion, which means it could be a conviction.

    “248. Do you believe in spanking children? Under what circumstances?”
    – I do not practice it. Physical violence against children eh? What do you think?

    “265. When does corporal discipline begin?”
    -Why ask if I believe in something, if you later assume it to be normative?

    “269. What words or phrases are off-limits?”
    -Would you like me to list them, or whisper them to you?

    “282. What is your view of Spanking?”
    -What the hell? Again?

    “290. Would you be willing to listen to Dr. Davis’ Parenting DVD’s before and after we have children?”
    -Is he a real Doctor (MD)?

    1. Since question 248 specifies spanking CHILDREN, perhaps #282 is referring to the husband disciplining his wife. (I don’t actually think it’s meant that way, but who knows?)

      You said,

      265. When does corporal discipline begin?”
      -Why ask if I believe in something, if you later assume it to be normative?

      This actually would be something to discuss because some people believe in spanking infants younger than age 1.

        1. My former pastor’s wife tried to convince my wife and me to start spanking at 3 months like she did to her children 🙁

      1. Since question 248 specifies spanking CHILDREN, perhaps #282 is referring to the husband disciplining his wife. (I don’t actually think it’s meant that way, but who knows?)

        Pastor’s Wife, let me clue you in on something called “Christian Domestic Discipline”:
        http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/06/19/spanking-for-jesus-inside-the-unholy-world-of-christian-domestic-discipline.html

        I will let Blazing Saddles speak for me:
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2ce-zC_n8E

        1. CDD, Christian Domestic Discipline, isn’t Christian or discipline! It’s demented and wife abuse!I wonder if they’ve been reading Debi Pearl’s books and gleaned inspiration from them? Those people are sick!

        2. Well, “Erotic Flagellation” (as they called it back then) was the most popular kink among Respectable Victorian Englishmen.
          “KINK OF ENGLAND!”

          This is just justifying their kink with a Christianese coat of paint.

    2. ““282. What is your view of Spanking?”
      -What the hell? Again?”

      I’m right handed, so that’s typically the one I use.

      1. I’m beginning to think whoever created this questionnaire had a bit of a thing for spanking.

        1. I guess if I ever get handed this questionnaire I’ll just ask her if she’s ready to skip the BS and go straight to the spanking part.

          And after the spanking…

        2. I’m beginning to think whoever created this questionnaire had a bit of a thing for spanking.

          “KINK OF ENGLAND!”

    3. “290. Would you be willing to listen to Dr. Davis’ Parenting DVD’s before and after we have children?”

      Sure, if you’ll listen to my 64-hour Screamin’ Jay Hawkins marathon.

    4. #269 “What words or phrases are off-limits?”
      I have explained to my children that in our family, we don’t say “Sucks”, unless they are referring to Disco, as in; “Disco Sucks”.

  21. 357: Can you tell me no or will you let me walk all over you?

    “No, I will not fill out your stupid questionnaire.”

  22. 377. How often do you go to the altar?

    Are we really supposed to be keeping track of this? Wouldn’t counting the number of times we go forward end up causing us to become either self-conscious or else a manipulator, using the altar call as a chance to look “super spiritual” and impress people?

    1. Answer: Every Sunday, to receive the Blessed Sacrament.

      Oops, I don’t think that’s the answer they wanted…..

  23. After reading through 368-383 (the section on your willingness to admit that you are wrong and change), I realized that most honest fundies would fail that section.

    Seriously think of every fundy that has been highlighted on this blog (hyles, Schaap, the Joneses, Hortons, Stephen Anderson) and imagine them answering those honestly.
    “Does God have to “knock you over the head” before you will change something in your life?
    Are you hard-headed?
    Are you teachable?
    Can you give me an example of the last time that you recognized an area that you needed to change in your life?”

  24. 93. Why do you feel like I’m the one for you?

    After this, I’m honestly not sure anymore.

    122. Can you tell me your thoughts on how a man should protect a wife and children? How do you feel about guns?

    More and more, favorable.

    123. How do you see your future relationship with your in-laws working out?

    In light of the above question, not so well.

    137. What does “leave and cleave” mean to you?

    At #137 of 431, I’m thinking of Leaving you with a Cleaver in your head.

    139. What is your view of Divorce?
    140. Is there ever a cause for divorce?
    141. Can you ever justify it?

    If I remember to keep a copy of this questionnaire for my lawyer, I think so.

    152. What are your views on public swimming?

    Mostly from a balcony with binoculars.

    153. Do you use offensive language?

    Right this minute? You bet your ass.

    185. Do you like to write your feelings?

    Yes. RAGERAGERAGERAGERAGERAGERAGERAGE.

    226. Are pants ever acceptable?

    No, unless I have to go out in public.

    294. How do you spend money?

    By exchanging bills in my wallet for shiny things in a store.

    296. How do you think that your use of money will change after marriage?

    I will no longer have bills in my wallet.

    301. What is your financial responsibility in the marriage?

    To keep my wallet stocked for you.

    306. What is your current job?

    Filling out this %*&($ questionnaire.

    395. Do you think you should give Birthday Presents?
    396. Decorations?
    397. Cake?

    Yes, I believe in giving cake. Always.

    406. How do you respond when you see a girl that isn’t dressed right?

    That’s a pretty personal question.

    423. Favorite foods
    a. Desserts
    b. Snacks
    c. Fast food
    d. Home cooked meals

    E. Alcohol

    1. I’d like to publicly apologize for the length and unfunnyness of the above comment and blame my lack of caffeine for my indiscretion. 😉

      1. Don’t be too hard on yourself. The “swimming pool views” one got a good snort out of me.

      2. At least you know you’re not fundy. A fundy never apologizes.

        BTW, you had nothing to apologize for.

        1. Hitting the submit button, I had a moment of “oh wait, I can’t take this back. Ack!” lol

      3. Until your comment length approaches 1/4 of the questionnaire length, no apologies necessary. Besides, your answers were amusing.

      4. It wasn’t unfunny. It was hilarious. Just ask my colleagues in our “open workplace.” I have been laughing my head off here. 😆

      5. I laughed. Lots! I think my favorite answer was to how my use of money would change after marriage — “I will no longer have bills in my wallet.” Too true!

    2. I noticed the gun one too. I rephrased that one in my head to be, “Are you willing and do you have the means to defend to the death your wife and children?”

        1. Any pastor who preaches a “Second Amendment Sunday/God & Guns” from the pulpit should be required to preach it in red speedos with matching bandoliers, black hooker boots, and a Zardoz helm.

  25. Holy. Cow. Every time I thought I must be getting to the end I scrolled down and there was more.

  26. 334. How do you feel about making car payments?

    I hate it but I do it anyway. Otherwise they come and take the car back.

    226. Are pants ever acceptable?

    On me yes. But never on Donald Duck.

    132. What are your thoughts on family worship? What would be the key attributes of such a practice in your home?

    Family worship sounds like pre-Christian paganism to me.

    190. How do you express anger?

    By bottling up my feelings. I am from TN. We are famous for bottling up spring water, whiskey and THINGS.

    351. Would you be willing to go to communication classes?

    Yes. Provided that you are willing to go to a remedial grammar class.

    243. Do you believe in abortion?

    I am aware that it exists.

    1. “Do you believe in abortion?”

      There are a couple of those “do you believe in” questions. Badly, badly worded, but on par with the generally poor quality of the work.

        1. 428. With what level of excellence do you do your work, recognizing that we are to do all we do to the glory of God?

          429. Are you details-oriented? If you are not, do you think God cares about little things? If He does, shouldn’t you? Errr, I mean, shouldn’t I, seeing that I typed out this questionnaire?

        2. (And to clarify, I was writing above in the voice of the author of this list. I, thankfully, had never seen it before today!)

        3. Ooooo! I just found a question about excellence! However, tellingly, it applies to CHILDREN and not to themselves: “260. What are the duties of children?
          261. What standard of excellence are they held to?”

        4. I’m so thankful that the supply of reasons to have left never seems to run out. I thought Japanese culture was strict, this puts them to shame.
          I also think of the quotation, “No more wire hangers!”

  27. I thought the Bill Gothard questionnaire that fathers are supposed to ask potential sons-in-law was bad. This is worse. Although, to be fair, Gothard’s questionnaire asks them how they feel about the sexuality, and I don’t see that here. Probably they got tired of coming up with questions before they thought of it.

    1. 444. What is your favorite position?
      445. When you let go of your collected gas, would you blame it on your spouse?
      446. After such an incident, would you be willing to see pastor man-o-gawd for counseling? (see numbers 1-10)
      447. If pastor man-o-gawd wants to live in our house, would you be willing to live in the basement and maintain the home?

  28. Almost 500 questions??? WTF is this, a background check for a position with the NSA???

    1. They think they can stave off pain and grief if they only ask the right questions, do the right things, and make the right choices, never realizing that time and chance happen to them all.

      It’s a mad treadmill of trying to achieve utopia by one’s own efforts.

      1. #24. What breaks your heart?

        This. The demands, the perfectionism, the endless striving, the wide-eyed hopes that will eventually crash into reality, the emptiness of legalism when God offers grace and freedom.

    1. Interesting how Dr. T’s name comes up on these control-freakish posts! Somebody knows Jack!

        1. Oh, yes he is! A doctor, just like all the other “Great Mogs” of IFBdom! They humbly accept their honorary doctorates and humbly wear the title to every pastor’s conference in the country.

          How dare you say he isn’t a doctor! 😉

        2. With liveried Armorbearers preceding them, blowing long trumpets to announce how Humble they are.

        3. “They Humbly accept their Honorary Doctorates…”
          From each other.

          Larry awards Moe an Honorary Doctorate.
          Moe awards Curly an Honorary Doctorate.
          Curly awards Larry an Honorary Doctorate.
          NYUK! NYUK! NYUK!

  29. 26. What are you expecting of your spouse, religiously?

    Sex.

    Duh.

    And since this is a Fundy questionnaire, I will be so bold as to say that it should be three times per week.

    “Three to thrive,” hay-men?

  30. There are some weird details in here like who sets the temperature inside the car or whether you serve cake on someone’s birthday.

    Yet even with all these questions, there are still more things that could cause division in their marriage.

    Shouldn’t they ask what NFL/NBA/college teams they support?

    1. Believe it or not, Bill Gothard even has a process that pastors are supposed to go through to hire a church secretary!!! Nothing is too trivial to be dictated. Even at my fundiest, I thought that was nuts.

  31. Gimme a “C” “C”
    Gimme a “U” “U”
    Gimme a “L” “L”
    Gimme a “T” “T”

    “What does that spell?”
    Independent Fundamental Baptist!
    yay!

  32. By the time a woman finishes filling this out she will be past child bearing age…

    Please tell me this isn’t real, that it is a parody of some kind.
    Who created this? Has anyone ever known someone who had to answer trash like this??

  33. Unless I’m mistaken, I know the man who wrote this thing. Note that I said I know him, not that I’m friends with him.

    1. I looked at their website. They may have a different church model than IFBers, but they are still fundies. I would venture to say that they appear a bit more cult-like in some of their practices.

      1. I agree. Legalism and control comes in many flavors. I once went to a “church” that told me to take off my tie. “We don’t wear those here.” I was told.
        Even someone with a soul patch can smell of the leaven of hypocrisy.

  34. #33 is really a nine-parter: “When did [fruit of the Spirit x] start appearing in your life?” Can you imagine even trying to answer this honestly?

    “Let’s see. I think I began to exhibit faithfulness on May 17th, 2004.”

    1. Even without trying to pin a DATE, how difficult would it be to evaluate when you STARTED showing self-control or gentleness or love?

      I have never believed those who say that there’s no such thing as a stupid question.

      1. Even without trying to pin a DATE, how difficult would it be to evaluate when you STARTED showing self-control or gentleness or love?

        Well, since a Fundy is expected to know the exact year/month/day/hour/minute/second he Said the Magic Words and was SAVED…

        (I am not making that up. During my time in-country I heard bragging about it, down to the second. And woe to anyone who DIDN’T remember it down to at least the hour and minute…)

        1. At various times, I’ve heard people insist that you had to know WHEN you accepted Christ as Savior. This terrified me because I didn’t know the exact date (much less the time). I’d try to remain calm by remembering that the Bible doesn’t record the moment the disciples believed either, but those preachers were so adamant that they used to really scare me.

  35. Oooooo, I could see #18 going bad very, very quickly: “What personality traits and/or strengths do you see in women/men you know that you would desire for your wife/husband to possess?”

    Well, Martha plays piano really well; I like that. And Mary has such a sweet, pleasing voice. And have you noticed how good Susie looks in those jean jumpers? I want my wife to look as good as Susie.”

  36. 160. Have you ever been in trouble with the law? If so, explain the extent and the circumstances.

    You’ll need to speak to my lawyer.

  37. 181. Are you open to God changing His will and you going in a different direction if He so chooses?
    182. Is quitting or giving up an option for you?

    Umm, how could you answer the first with a “yes” and not then answer the second with a “yes.” To onlookers, wouldn’t going in a different direction mean one was giving up on one’s original direction?

    1. Don’t 181 and 182 basically mean, “Pastor and/or your father-in-law-to-be have decided that you need to come work in our church for $11,000 per year, so you better do it or else no marriage?”

  38. 156. Have you ever been exposed to pornography? If so, explain the extent and the circumstances.

    If I am watching pornography, I am usually exposed.

  39. 157. Have you ever been exposed to homosexuality? If so, explain the extent and the circumstances.

    No. But your brother is kind of cute.

  40. 251. What type of relationship should your children have with non-Baptist classmates/friends?

    254. If there are members of my family that are not Baptist, what type of relationship do you want to have with them?

    😥

    Notice there’s nothing about whether they’re committed Christ-followers or not, just whether they identify as “Baptists.” This makes my heart hurt.

  41. 171. Identify three things that you want to accomplish, long term.

    Finish this questionnaire

  42. This is most definitely real. I used to attend this church & I know of two families who used this to question/interrogate the male before entering betrothal. For one, it took 4 hours. It is done in a sit down, one on one manner with either both parents or the parents & the daughter in attendance.

    1. I have to ask–did the gentlemen in question actually bring four months of bank statements?

    2. I read this as “before entering a brothel.” That’d have been funny.

      I still don’t get the difference between courtship and dating. Unless they’re just using a different name to be different from The World ™.

      1. I gather that they believe if you date you are giving away bits and pieces of your heart to different people instead of saving yourself for just your spouse. They want to avoid any “emotional impurity” (i.e., emotional connection with a person of the opposite sex whom you do not later end up marrying).

        They are also very concerned about “defrauding” each other or leading each other on, awakening interest (lust) that they do not intend to meet.

        To avoid that, they plan on courting: carefully choosing a potential suitor, evaluating that suitor’s qualities, and then entering into an agreement to “court” with the understanding that they intend to marry one another. Sometimes there are extra rules in that courtship about where they go or what they’ll do too.

        1. So, PW, after reading your summation, I’m still left wondering what is the difference between courtship and dating.

          I think that the difference is more along the lines of who is actively involved in the process. In dating, the young couple are mentally and emotionally engaged; the leading actors in the drama, while the parents are in the background. In courtship, the parents are mentally and emotionally engaged, while the young couple sits passively in the background and awaits the announcement of their doom.

          Courtship is for people who don’t let their children grow up naturally (with increasing responsibilities and freedoms as they get older), but who expect their children to go from Helpless Childhood to Responsible Adulthood in the blink of an eye…at the moment they say “I do.”

          But I never had to go through it, so maybe I don’t understand.

        2. Betrothal (as described by Davis on a tape when I was about 15) puts even greater emphasis on the parents doing all the choosing and decision making, with the daughter ostensibly getting to confirm the choice at the end of the process. Once the two are betrothed there is absolutely no out because in the Bible it says that Mary and Joseph were betrothed and he would have had to divorce her to get out of marrying her. Courtship is more like dating with parents chaperoning every encounter. Courtship is not as spiritual as betrothal.

      2. Unless you are going to a brothel for some very specific unusual stuff, you wouldn’t think bank statement would be necessary! 🙂

  43. “12. What have been the hardest things you have ever had to work through?”

    You mean besides endless Fundy questionnaires?

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