SFL Helpmeet Conference

An Anonymous Guest Post

I want to start out by saying that I am just so, so blessed to have this opportunity to talk to you ladies of “Stuff Fundies Like” for your first-ever Christian Ladyhood conference. My name is Mrs. Pastor Managaud, and my dear husband is the pastor of Victory Faith Bible KJV1611 Baptist Church and the administrator of Victory Faith Bible KJV1611 University and Pastoral Seminary Academy. We have been just so, so blessed by God, and to be asked to speak here is just such an honor and a blessing.

I’d like to start out by saying that I understand each of us is on a journey. Our walk with God is just so unique, and we each have our own paths. Still, God’s truths are universal, and we can each apply them to our own lives in order to become more like Him, amen, ladies?

I take as my text Proverbs 31, which is, of course, the rulebook given to us by God Himself to explain how all ladies should behave. Ladies, we will be reading verses 10 through 12 in the 1611 King James Bible. “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.”

Wow, ladies. Just wow. Isn’t that so precious? Can you imagine? God is telling us that we are more precious than rubies if we can just be virtuous. But what does God have to say about women who maybe aren’t so virtuous? I think it’s important that we look at that, don’t you?

Proverbs 9:13 tells us that big-mouthed, loud, or quarrelsome women are ignorant and that they know nothing. They are a folly! Harsh words, aren’t they? That’s not all. In Proverbs 23:26-28 he tells us that promiscuous women are evil and that annoying wives are a deep well. A deep well – that means that her husband will be dying of thirst because he cannot reach the cool, refreshing waters of her love and respect! Ladies, what harsh words, and those aren’t from me! Those are from God!

Proverbs 25:24 tells us that it’s better for a man to be homeless, to live in a filthy gutter, than to have an unpleasant wife. Proverbs 11:22 tells us that beautiful women are no better than disgusting pigs. Vanity, ladies, vanity. Are you vain? Then you are no better than a pig! God tells us that! And in Proverbs 5:4-6 God tells us that our feet can even lead our husbands down to death.

Oh, ladies, we have so much responsibility to our husbands! They are our leaders, but if we try to usurp their authority, we can destroy them! And that’s not me telling you that — it’s God. Ladies, get deep in His Word and find out what He has to say about your behavior, your attitudes and especially your dress.
Now, I don’t want to get in too deeply into the other aspects of our ladies’ conference, so I’m going to leave you with an assignment. Yes, ladies, you didn’t think you were going to get off easily, did you? We’re going to have an exercise so that we can put some of these lessons into practice. We’re going to talk about how we can be a glory and an honor to our godly, heaven-sent husbands instead of being a disgusting pig snout leading our husbands to their deaths.

1. Ask your husband how you can help him. So often we get absorbed in our daily activities and our own responsibilities that we forget our primary title is “helpmeet.” So this week, you’re going to ask your husband how you can help him.

2. Be more organized and responsible in your own life. Ladies, too often we get caught up in gossiping with the girlfriends that we leave the dishes in the sink, the kids in dirty clothes and the carpet unvacuumed. This is not ok! These tasks then get shuffled to the end of the day, a time that you should be dedicating solely to your dear husband, and then he has to wait in line behind the house, behind your children and behind your mess for your attention. This does not honor God!

3. Always put him first. He should never be waiting behind your kids or your other responsibilities. That means his work is more important, too. His goals, his hobbies and even his free time should always be your priority.

4. Obey. Oh, ladies, this is a tough one. Especially since we live in such a fallen world! But we must obey our husbands even as the church obeys God. As we spend the week setting aside our own goals, desires and dreams and focus on our husband’s, obedience will get a little easier every day.

God bless you, dear sweet ladies of “Stuff Fundies Like”! I can’t wait until our next conference meeting!

95 thoughts on “SFL Helpmeet Conference”

  1. If the keynote speaker for the ritual October Women’s Conference at First Baptist Church articulated your post verbatim, it would be absorbed by its attendees without a wince!

    The restrictions always drove me insane! What about my own professional goals? I remember joking around about going to college to get my “Mrs. Degree” when I really wanted to become a pediatrician! Oh but “Helpmeet” was so much more highly esteemed and proper! In similar reference to all the pig innuendo I say HOGWASH!

    ~~~Heart 😯

    1. Oh, do you really think I could get invited to the First Baptist annual women’s conference? Oh, that would be just SUCH an honor!!!

  2. Our ladies group is studying Proverbs 31 and I’m so glad it isn’t being taught like this!

    Prv.23:26-28 and Prv.5:4-6 are NOT references for the Prv. 31 woman, they refer to the “strange, adulterous” woman.

    Surprised she didn’t sneak in the demon pants on ladies, or wearing the “pants in the family!”

  3. Is anyone else reading this in the typical sweet, butter-wouldn’t-melt-in-her-mouth pastor’s wife voice? A voice that gets sweeter with each nasty comment?

    Anyone? Because I sure am. 😯

    1. The writer got the tone of the speaker just right. Yes, that buttery-sweet, fake smile as she’s talking came across loud and clear.

    2. I was picturing the lady in the ugly pink suit outfit from the Harry Potter movies. The one with pink roses and cats all over. She talked sweet as pie as she drew blood on the kids. Yucky barfo. I think I would get a fit of giggles nowadays if I heard this “speaker”. I would get kicked out but oh what fun! :mrgreen:

    3. “Ladies, ladies, ladies.”

      Why are fundies so averse to referring to adult, female human beings as “women”??? 👿

      And sorry, I can’t hear or read the adjective “precious” without thinking of Gollum. :mrgreen:

      1. Using the word “lady” is meant to be a sign of respect, but somehow it just doesn’t fit here. Seems to come off as Fundy-speak for “females (and therefore lesser)”. 🙁

  4. I was picturing this woman speaking the entire time I read it. It reminded me of the snobs from The Help.

  5. I am jist soooo overcome with gratitude: it’s obvious this precious Woman of Gawd shared these Blessed Words of Wisdom with the sinners and pagans here on this heathen corner of the Interwebs (as a good Titus 2 woman should) before she delivered this message to the dear Godly Ladies at the National Sword Conference.

    I am humbled. I am honored.

    …I am gonna hurl.

    1. Don’t hurl, it would be a fun thing to witness. All the women of SFL stepping in on a Tuesday morning meeting like this… yeah, that’d be fun to watch.

      1. Hee hee:

        Usher: (as hordes of pants-wearing-hussies invade, whispering) What should we do, Brother Thomas?

        Brother Thomas: (adjusting his tie) I don’t know. Git yer wife. She’ll know.

        Usher: (texting furiously) “Ethel, come to the Fellowship Hall. Hurry!

        {Enter Ethel, stage left.}

        Usher and Brother Thomas, together: (Loudly, with great intensity, shielding Ethel’s delicate eyes) DON’T LOOK ETHEL!

        {But it’s too late. She already seen ’em, y’see. Cue music: “There they come, boogity boogity, There they come, boogity boogity, And they are way-air-ing *PANTS*!!}

  6. It is true that women are not a doormat. Which my wife is not and she guts enough to tell when she thinks I’m wrong, and I love that about her. We cannot, however, that the bible does speak about proper roles in the home. IFBer’s have taken it to the extreme though. I tell my wife that first and foremost she is to be obedient to Christ. Beyond that marriage is a partnership. Women do like a man to be a man. Don’t flounder make a decision.

    1. I’m so sorry you have to put on a facade in order to impress your own wife – the one person you should be able to be honest with, and have her support you through the times you have doubts and fears. That really sucks.

      1. I actually asked her about it today. She’s finds decisiveness in a man a very attractive quality. As far as trying to impress my wife, I still like to do that it’s fun. 🙂

  7. This is typical of many sermons I’ve heard. After reading the text, Mrs. Managaud says this much about it — “Wow, ladies. Just wow. Isn’t that so precious? Can you imagine? God is telling us that we are more precious than rubies if we can just be virtuous” — before jumping to passages about wicked women.

    No mention of Christ; instead it’s all our own effort: “if we can just be virtuous.” And little focusing on the positive but an immediate refocusing on negative warnings.

    1. And there’s that nasty veiled implication that if you AREN’T virtuous in precisely the way she tells you to be, then you’re worth nothing at all.

  8. Proverbs 32 woman:
    1. An excellent wife – where can one be found in 2013 ? She is far more precious than anything.
    2. Her husband trusts her in everything including the credit card, debit card, check book and she lacks nothing.
    3. She does him good & makes sure he knows how good he has it being married to her.
    4. She seeks items from Wal Mart, Target, Belk, JC Penney, , Payless Shoes and works with her nail polished, manicured hands.
    5. She is like the Queen Elizabeth cruise ship & brings her food from afar such as the deli at the local grocery, including rotisserie chicken, kids meals, Milo’s, and on specials occasions – Jim n Nicks, Outback or O’Charleys.
    6. She rises while it is yet daylight & provides food from her microwave for her household.
    7. She considers a piece of property from her local realtor and negotiates the lowest price; with her manicured hands she plants the seeds of gratitude from her husband and her children because she is worthy.
    8. She girds her loins for battle with the band parents / soccer moms and makes herself heard with her strong voice.
    9. She knows without a doubt that her sanctity is her most profitable asset. The power of her words are felt throughout the night by her husband & children.
    10. She puts her hands on the steering wheel and she holds the dual note horn always at ready.
    11. She opens her hands out to those less fortunate & sends donations to the needy.
    12. She is not afraid of bad weather for her household for all her children are clothed appropriately for the weather conditions.
    13. She insures that her side of the bed is covered. Her husband has to fend for himself. Her clothing radiates the beauty of her love.
    14. Her husband is known in the community & the deacons at church as being the one lucky enough to be married to the Proverbs 32 woman.
    15. She makes digital scrapbooks & sells them. She delivers professionally Photoshopped images to Instagram & to SmugMug.
    16. Strength & sanctity are her accoutrements & she laughs at the times to come.
    17. Her emails are filled with wisdom & her Tweets & Facebook posts are filled with kindness.
    18. She looks well to the ways of her husband & children & does not eat 2 day old bread.
    19. Her children rise up & called her blessed. Her husband also lets everyone know how fortunate he is.
    20. Many women have done well but this woman has outdone them all.
    21. Charm can be deceiving, & beauty lasts only as long as the Botox, but a woman who fears The Lord & puts fear in her children & her husband is to be praised.
    22. Give her the fruits of your labor & let her works be praised throughout the gates of Facebook and Twitter.
    23. And finally, brethren, remember the most important thing is that if Momma ain’t happy…nobody in the house of The Lord is happy.
    Keep Momma happy !!

  9. So… either this is FOR REAL or all those conferences I had to go to/sit through/ladies’ Bible studies were satire…

    (I feel awkward when I “submit” to this site; that’s just for my husband, you know).

    1. “I feel awkward when I “submit” to this site; that’s just for my husband, you know”
      😆 You made me snort!

      1. Prohibition was the worst thing in the world for ugly people. Alcohol Goggles: everyone is beautiful for a little while… 😉

  10. Her admonition not to push the housework off till the end of the day reminded me of the cardinal rule of being a good IFB wife: have the house spotless for hubby’s return home and have the kids run to greet him at the door so he feels like the king of his castle and life revolves around him. I have no problem with families who do this, but a big problem with advice given to fundy women by fundy women is that all men are supposed to want the same things of their wives. My husband has told me he would not want me to do that because he knows toys on the floor just demonstrate that living is taking place! My BIL prefers to come home & see what the kids have been doing while he’s gone.

    1. My ex wasn’t even a Christian (or Xian), and yet he firmly believed that every woman should be an absolute IBF wife, presenting him with a spotless house, a homecooked (never from a mix) meal, and perfectly behaved children. 🙄
      That wasn’t the only reason we broke up, but it was right up there.

  11. If us brothers have to keep our cars covered in Armor All then the least we can expect is a vacuumed home. HayMen brothers? Your wives are at home, its ok for you to say amen now. Unless you are too sissy. You probably have lace on your underwear.

  12. Yes, we’re so much more enlightened nowadays, when a “family” is just any grouping of people who share sweet feelings and a refrigerator, and men and women are equal because they are not different anymore.

  13. I have heard two interpretations of Prov. 31 that counter the Fundy interpretation that the passage is God’s chore list for women. One is that the woman may be figurative for wisdom. The other is that the passage looks at a woman’s entire lifetime, not one exhausting day to be repeated each day in an effort to be “good enough.” I like that! This isn’t who I have to be today, it’s who I am *becoming* day by day as God continues His sanctifying work.

    1. In the context of Proverbs, the woman described is definitely a metaphor for Wisdom.

      But this comment would be censored from any Fundy text, because I used that filthiest of all words, “context.”

    2. Actually, from what I’ve heard, it’s a poem that Jewish men recite to their wives on the Sabbath. (Rachel Held-Evans learned that from a Jewish woman who lives in Israel.)

  14. “Ladies, what harsh words, and those aren’t from me! Those are from God!”
    “And that’s not me telling you that — it’s God.”

    Reminds me of that chapter-by-chapter review of Debi Pearl’s “Created to Be His Help Meet”, in which Debi Pearl threatens and browbeats her readers, and then scurries behind the defense of “but it’s totally not ME making up these dangerous and impossible rules, it’s definitely God. So you’d better listen to me, because I’m the only one who can properly interpret the word of God over here.”

    It’s the perfect “win everything” defense… because if you disagree, then clearly you are a sinner and a heathen who isn’t listening to God, because remember, it’s not ME telling you you’re a failure, it’s God.

  15. 1. The wife’s role is to help her husband and to have an attitude of submission to his leadership. The husband’s role is to love his wife and lead the home (Ephesians 5:22-29; Colossians 3:18-19). The best wife is one that pushes her husband to lead, rather than taking over the leadership role. My wife has to do that every once in awhile, and I am grateful for it!

    2. The wife is the keeper of the home (Titus 2:5), but not the servant of her husband. I had to learn early on that we could either have a spotless home or children; not both. Some days we are thankful that we all made it through the day alive!

    3. The wife is to put Christ above all, even the husband (Luke 14:26). They are partners, not master and slave. She is not to be silent at home, but help. I go to my wife for advice and thoughts (even regarding the church) all the time. We are partners in the ministry; I could not be a pastor without her!

    4. The wife is to put Christ above all. Jesus has given us certain roles to play and gives us our desires as we surrender the day to Him (Romans 12:1-2; I Corinthians 15:31). The Bible does encourage ladies to be in subjection to even their lost husbands to show them their true belief in Christ (I Peter 3:1-6). Above all they must be in subjection to the Word.

    I do not know where you are going with this or if this is a “message” that many IFBers preach (I have heard a few myself), but this is not what I preach or what our church believes. We believe that we ought to obey the Word, even regarding the home, though our culture is different today. We also hold our ladies that obey the Word in great esteem for their faith and obedience. It is an honor to teach your children and keep your home just as much as it is an honor for the husband to provide for the home and lead!

    1. It’s also an honor for men & women to form whatever family that fits them best, and not be forced into roles they aren’t made for.

      1. Respectfully, there is a difference between fitting where we like and submitting to God’s Word. The Bible does not give men and women a choice of roles; but tells us what roles we are to take by faith through dying to self each day and being filled with the Spirit.

        1. Argh. It’s not supposed to be a power struggle. The point of all this is love one another. Paul is basically telling women not to be obnoxious and men not to be jackasses (I have other, less fitting words that would normally be put into those adjectival spots). Be Good Girl Gina and Good Guy Greg for those of you who are meme-friendly.
          Start with loving. Find out what the other person wants and do it. More than likely that will end up looking like submission/nourishing and cherishing (how many IFB preachers encourage men to be cherishers and nourishers? They’d probably call that “being pansies.”) Let’s play on a familiar trope: It’s not about roles; it’s about relationships.
          The problem has arisen where “submission” means “Victorian/1950s housewife” [without the fun Victorian sex life] and “loving/cherishing” is twisted into “controlling so nothing bad happens to the angel of the household.”
          Submission will look different in many situations/cherishing nourishing will as well. Your wife has similar definitions of “house,” “church,” “roles” to yours so it works out for you two because you’ve defined your terms and work within the parameters of your house/culture. That’s awesome.
          However, with many others those definitions vary (within set boundaries–“church” can’t mean “pagan love fest”). Within those definitions and boundaries, each is to submit/love/nourish/ care for/etc. the other.
          It’s when you say “love” HAS to mean “husband makes all money; wife balances budgets*” that controversy happens.
          You have to define what “submit” means or what “helper” means before having a meaningful conversation. If you find out you’re forcing the exact same definition on every other couple, you’ll realize the problem might be that.

          *exaggeration for effect”

    2. Oh, thank you, Brother Jesus, for dropping by to add your wise and scriptural words. I’ve been very blessed by them! Please stop by again sometime. I’m sure the ladies of SFL would love to hear more of what God has for us!

        1. There’s no such thing as rigid prescribed guidelines that men & women must fit into defined in the Bible.

        2. I don’t have to interpret what doesn’t exist. Even if you claim submission & leadership, those are vague concepts, and very malleable.

        3. Are you saying, no ridged defined roles outside of Eph.5:22-24; the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is Head of the Church, the wife is subject to her own husband as the Church is subject unto Christ?

        4. I stick by I don’t even see “headship” as some kind of rigid prescribed role. That can mean any number of things to to whomever in various circumstances.

        5. I’d argue it’s cherry picking manipulation to try to force the scripture to say that gender is irrelevant, and I’d argue the same to try to force scripture to say all women should submit and be family/home focused, or whatever mold a person thinks women/men should fit into.

        6. Thanks for responding.

          To me, it seems that Paul assumed the early church understood exactly what he meant in Eph.5 by using the examples of the church and Christ to define the husband and wife relationship/roles, regardless of various circumstances. It sounds clear and straightforward enough, but the church today seems to have problems with it. Just an observation.

        1. Ephesians 5:21 – “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

          I hope you make sure you preach the whole husbands submit thing. Since all Christians are charged to submit, not just women.

        2. The reaction, or answer, to such a thing would be… It disagrees with what is written in our doctrine. Therefore I must refute it at any scripture twisting cost. Let’s see, what could I say Tiarali?
          I know! That’s only men in Ephesians 5:21! No, I got only it. Only laymen! Yes that’s it. Phew, crisis averted. Now I don’t have to submit to someone without a “doctorate”, or even worse, a woman.

        3. No, you’re just selecting a section of the “word” and ignoring the whole.

          As Tiarali pints out, the final section of Eph. 5 actually starts with the admonition to Mutual submission, which is then expounded upon in order to convince both parties, using different example arguments for each. the bulk of the section (25-33) is devoted to convincing husbands to love their wives.

          Selecting verses 22-24 out on their own is your choice.

          Interestingly, Eph 5 makes no effort to convince wives to love their husbands…

    1. By mistake I was listening to this and to Monty Python & the Holy Grail’s Burn The Witch! at the same time. The segments went together chillingly well. 😎

  16. If I hadn’t actually heard this message given numerous times in my past life as a fundy, this post would be funny.

  17. I’ve spent a good portion of my life putting aside my goals, desires, and dreams, only to find out it’s been a huge waste. I’m a person, not a robot. Gag.

  18. Oh Lord, this brings back memories. And rage. Lots of rage.
    I remember being about 11, and at a prayer meeting that most members of our church were at, where we had reached the fellowship portion. One man was there with his wife, and she said something, then he said to the room in general, “Thank God for a good helpmeet!” and laughed. I felt so angry, all of the sudden. Insulted and disdainful. For him to reduce his wife – this fantastic person, full of life, full of God’s breath – to a mere accoutrement, an assistant. Sickening.

    1. My husband showed me a post from a fundy missionary whose wife was dying of cancer. The only praise the man gave her was that she’d been a good helpmeet, nothing personal about her. It was so hollow.

  19. Guilt tripped. Unable to measure up. Fearing the hand of God’s wrath smiting me and walking around with my head down hoping I can duck when the thunderbolts strike. I am such a worm; despicable wickedly sinful. As my wife says, “Shut up all the dumb-talk!”

  20. Ugh.

    One of my worst ladies’ conference memories:

    The speaker was telling us how we need to be understanding when God calls our men away all.the.time to help at church. We need to not resent the time he spends “serving God” (which is typically just serving the mannogawd).

    I knew of two women (attending the conference)who had previously complained to me about how their husbands were in three major volunteer ministries, worked full time jobs, and were practically never around to be part of their own kid’s lives. These women were miserable.

    After the speaker guilted them about “supporting the work of the Lord” they gave a testimony about submitting to “God’s will” for their husbands and families.

    👿

  21. This reminds me of taking Pat Berg’s class at BJU about being a good wife. Our big project was to make an outline contrasting the virtuous woman and the foolish woman throughout Proverbs. She had a long list of required verses we had to use, and the outline had to be “mirrored.” In other words, we might have a section on the Words of Virtuous/Foolish woman and the Ways of each. She told us if we waited until the last minute, we wouldn’t do well. I waited until the day before, and got an A. Unfortunately I have lost this project, so I will be unable to speak from those notes whenever I get invited to speak at women’s retreat.

  22. I want to run screaming from the room. But there is no room to run screaming from. This is bringing back dreadful memories of “women in the Bible” at BJU.
    Whoever wrote this has GOT to be a person who was frequently pressured into sitting through “women’s seminars” . . . either that or Darrell has extremely accurate sources 🙂

    1. Sweet baby Jesus in the manger, that “women in the Bible” class was appalling! Totes squirmed me out every. single. class with the whole women in subservience theme. That & the TMI about the Bergs’ sex life. 😯 👿 :barf:

  23. Granting that Proverbs 31 was from a different culture, I find it more progressive than the interpretations given it in many churches. The woman has initiatives.

    1. It’s a description of a woman who has a lot of power, earns and keeps her own wealth, and yes, takes a lot of initiative on her own.

  24. How about ‘submission creates submission’? Instead of just saying what you need or want, you submit first, and then, maybe, if you did it right, you’ll get what you need or want. It’s the key to a happy marriage! If you don’t have a perfect marriage, where you get everything you need or want, then you are not submitting right. So, in conclusion, it is all, once again, your fault. 😥

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