Posted by Darrell
RATS!…I thought I would be first
RATS!…I thought I would be first this time.
Sounds like a calf dying in a hail storm.
not first! (again)
Now to watch the video and contribute.
Great song to wake my kids up to this morning. My 7 year old wanted to know if his pastor died. I said its a woman singing, I got a funny look.
I have been battling some strong depression (or maybe demon possession) and this song really cheered me up this morning.
I hope you’ll feel better, Liz. I’ve been there many times. Do something to distract yourself if you can, and get some exercise. That tends to help.
The “testimonial” in the middle was a nice touch.
We used to have this guy named Russ who would always stop and give us a tearful monologue in the middle of the “specials” that he would sing to us. One time, I kid you not, he stopped in the middle of a song and renewed his wedding vows to his wife.
This one is better
Independent Baptist (IBF) abuse song: “Pastor Crabby”
Yep, the creator of that video stopped by for a chat in the forum earlier this year.
I adore that video.
I had to replay 2:42-2:47 to make sure I heard it right. I did. That may be more truth than many churches ever did hear preached! LOL!
That’s my favorite part.
That sure made me chuckle! So true! Jesus didn’t die so you could be an a$$hole!
That is too funny and so spot-on. Thanks for posting that, it made my morning.
Well, Mark resurrected it.
There’s a delicious picture at 0:48. A church sign (somewhat atypically, from a United Methodist church) says in all-caps:
“TSUNAMI – AIDS – WAR
“DO YOU HEAR ME NOW!
Under that, in the same font, it says:
Uh, welcome to what, exactly?
Pastor Crabby, this is simply great. Praise the Lord for your ministry!
This is truly messed up.
“Go Team Jacob*!”
*I’m ashamed that I even know that
Thanks for the extra LOL, Don!
Must be a full moon tonight
You should never moon a werewolf
Actually I used to be a werewolf myself, but I’m completely cured nowooooo!
“The words that she has to say that God has placed upon her heart.” – nice touch! ‘Cuz we all know that that’s PREACHING!
“Each year to Hammond I have went.” – lol! Gotta love the grammar.
As we discussed yesterday, grammar is not an IFB strong suit.
This spot down, the words, the grating voice, the all-but lack of staying on the tune, the crying in the middle.
She’s just waiting for someone to tell her to cut an album. Oh, she’d never admit to it of course, talking about your own talents is a sin, but it’s perfectly okay to agree with people who praise you, all in the name of JAY-zuz, of course.
“You shore sound sweet, ma’am, just lahk an angel! You should be on T—vee!”
The “Pastor Crabby” song is so accurate its not even funny. Ok, yes it was funny….
I was going to cry foul at him describing her as “obedient.” And then I heard her singing. Is that really a woman? It sounds like … It doesn’t sound like a woman. lol.
Someone (Darrell?) pasted together Jack Hyles introduction and then another singer.
That was truly… awful singing…
It would have been GREAT to paste a part afterward by JH stating how blessed he was by the special.
Was that Darrell doing the fake falsetto singing?
You forgot to exaggerate the extreme vibrato!!!!!!! Remember the ridiculous reverberation? I just couldn’t wait for the song special to be over with! So many of the women put soooooo much vibrato it ruined the song!!!
You gotta make another with the exaggeration!!!!!
Like I say…
Live, Love, Laugh, SING… & Laugh & Laugh & Laugh…
I too remember the extreme vibrato. We had one woman in our church who would get up and sing and you couldn’t tell if she was singing a hymn or an aria. Very annoying. I think we must have grown up in the same circle.
Our southern baptist church (that we attended before my parents decided that God wanted us to “find a church full of little old ladies” which ended up being the local IFB church) had a music professor come in and do a class with the choir and he told the women to “quit singing like a bunch of goats.” It was quite funny.
He also pointed out that true vibrato is a highly-refined vocal technique involving a certain number of tone variations per beat. Just “wobbling” your voice randomly doesn’t count. One lady in particular who was gunning to be a professional Southern Gospel singer was mortified. We were subjected to a lot less “vibrato” after that.
Wha-a-a-a-ats wr-o-o-o-ng w-i-i-i-th sss-i-i-ing-i-i-ng l-i-i-ke a-a-a go-o-o-o-o-oat?
(That barely scrapes the surface of the Google hits on “singing goat.” Here’s a special bonus:)
formerHACgirl, Deacon’s Son, & Big Gary,
You guys have me rolling! All those years ago at FBC they really needed someone to be so bold to tell these ladies about goats!!! LOL Vibrato can be absolutely gorgeous but that aimless wobbling of voices was treacherous!!!
By the way, I was born and raised in California but when to Youth Conferences in 1977 and 1979 then HAC in ’79-’82 and a bit after that, and visits throughout the years because I’m still in that area. I do have to say though, that the midwesterners tend to “vibrate” more… LOL (the female voices, that is…lol)
There was a girl I knew in high school, same year and me but we didn’t have any classes together. I only knew her as an insufferable prig who though she was better than everyone else. She was in choir, and at the talent show one year she came out and sang, something rather innocuous but very fancy ‘style’ and came in 3rd.
Imagine my reaction when she showed up at my churc towards the tail end of our junior year. She promptly took over the youth group (‘She has so many great ideas!’), wormed her way into the choir, and soon was on the rotation for singing the special. Very showy, the vocal exaggerations, broad gestures, etc. She mentioned to someone that her hero was Sandi Patti. That explained soooo much.
Funny though, about 6 months later she stopped coming, and I never heard of her again. Wondered about it for years now.
Dangit George, can’t you proofread?
Loved it! And I’ve definitely heard a testimony just like that. LOL!
I call shenanigans. That’s Darrell singing, and it’s hilarious.
“The words she has to say that God has placed upon her heart.” Negative. Would never happen. Up there you have to get all music approved through the music office before you can sing it. You’re chances of singing something that God has laid upon your heart are about .01%.
Ugh. Not ‘you’re.’ That should be ‘your.’ I think George hates me.
The Jack Schaap song now being played in Sunday Schools in IFB churches across America.
Congratulations, DDH, you have found the perfect and definitive sound track for this hideous visual.
Honestly… What in the world was jack schaap thinking… he had to prepare for his sermon. Did he intentionally say to himself… “Ill get there attention in a subliminal way…” or was it an unconscious cry for help because he was in such deep sin that it was oozing into all the facets of his life?
One of my college girl friends who has stayed at FBC and raised her kids there, said to me that following Wednesday night at FBC (I attended just because I wanted to see how the church was going to handle this) that “Preacher” had “…recently got involved with the high schoolers and college students of the church more… and that the young kids were so distraught…” At the end of the service, they had instructed those group of young people to a special meeting for them at the old church building. Damage control I guess, but all that to say this, apparently, having jack schaap become involved with the young kids proved to be too much for his “sinful” nature.
It’s a shame that he allowed himself to remain in the presence of that which was too tempting for him. Surely he knew his faltering well into his involvement. What a shame and travesty of a “preacher”!
It pains me to see this video because he got to that point, not only by himself, but was enabled by silence… just look at the men behind him, Ray Young and the others… what a shame!
Thank God we are not there any more! Now go sing about it!!!
“Preacher” had “… recently got involved with the high schoolers and college students of the church more …”
That’s one way of putting it, I guess …
As has been said by better men than I, the problem was that for years and years (under Jack Hyles), the staff and people were trained that “preaching” is listening to the pastor provide his opinions and philosophy on subjects, regardless of how much support there was from the Scriptures. (True preaching should always be “what saith the Lord?”)
The FBCH crowd was so used to listening to whatever the preacher wanted to say and NOT checking it against God’s Word that they just didn’t notice as the preacher got further and further ‘off the reservation’ (so to speak).
The measure of a good sermon is NOT the antics of the preacher, or how/if we were touched emotionally; it is how well did the preaching bring out what God is trying to tell us?
Pastoring a church is not about persuading people to my opinion; it’s about preaching what God says on a subject and all of us getting on God’s side.
I completely agree with you! I feel so robbed for the years that I was under that preaching because of being a minor and obedient to my parents and then for the years that I was still “conditioned” that that was where I was “supposed to be.”
I am so glad to be free from all of that, but as with any sort of “brain washing” it is hard to shrug off and live life without it effecting my life in some sort of jolt now and then.
They have done so much harm! I say again, it’s such a shame that jack hyles ever was able to influence so many people… it was only that he used God on his side to lead these individuals and who dares to challenge GOD!?
It’s good to be free from that Fundamental Bondage!
Free yourself if you’re not free yet! It’s a work in progress, to be sure, but exhilarating and honest! You will be happy and truly come to a personal relationship with God rather than the “preacher!”
Heart; these are not entirely my thoughts – I heard a message promoting many of these points, and thought it was spot-on.
This video is hilarious. Too perfect, right down to the testimony about her pastor in the middle of the song. That part about being 100% Hyles made me lol. This sounds just like camp meeting invitation time! Thanks for the laugh!
I’ve heard this before, but I still nearly spewed coffee at “I wear culottes and I’m content.”
What’s she doing raising her hand?!?
Throughout the video, I wondered if the “he” in “I’m so glad he made me IFB” was deliberately ambiguous. I was glad to get confirmation at the end that “he” is “my pastor” and not God.
“Don’t read, but I carry a KJV”
Sooo funny. I especially enjoyed the talking part in the middle: “and if you don’t love your pastor you need to get right with God.” The only thing missing was the loud chorus of “haaaay-mens” that is supposed to follow a statement like that as every man tries to outdo himself proving that *he* loves his pastor.
Move over Handel….
“TSUNAMI – AIDS – WAR
“DO YOU HEAR ME NOW!
Sorry, that was supposed to go under the IFB Abuse Song.
That doesn’t make you want to run in the doors? Why ever so?
Hey there Natalie,
I just wanted to say THANKS for explaining the “butt cushion” thing! I never got a chance to respond to your eloquent explanation! I think there are those individuals in almost every church, so it did strike me funny!
Thanks for sharing! You’re a card! Maybe I’ll get my “butt cushion” one day, “butt” then again, you all are so quick to the draw… I might just be stuck sitting on the hard pew in the front row to boot, if I don’t get my game on! LOL
Well, Sugar-Pie-Honey-Cake (can ya guess I’m from the South?), you need TWO butt cushions! A Winter and a Summer one.
Just for being a sweetie-pie!
Thank you so much! I feel like part of the group now and pretty special!
The Jack Hyles voice was convincing, but would you like to know what gave it away as a parody? Men like Hyles (MOG) don’t GIVE introductions, they GET introduced. At the time this would typically happen in a service, the MOG would still be hiding off-stage waiting for the flock to hit a “fever pitch” before making their appearance. They are far too important to sit through the “preliminaries”…they only come out for the main event (i.e. sermon).
Top THAT, all of you “special singers” who don’t know what this vocal technique truly entails! XD
That’s beautiful vibrato technique!
Thanks for sharing!
Allow me to share and boast a bit too~~~
~~~My Breath of Beautiful, Ashley Marlene
Check out this video on YouTube:http://youtu.be/1CWm5J41MtA
What, no new post today?
Dude sings like a lady
The only thing missing from the song is the shouting from the congregation. And maybe someone running the aisle or waving the Baptist flag.
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