Commandments Concerning Children’s Songs

And when it shall come up on thee that thou shalt spirit the children of thy congregation away to a separate place so that the sound of their crying shall in no way quench the spirit during the songs or the sermon or the invitation that thou shalt verily rehearse children’s songs in their ears that they may learn of great Bible truths and doctrines such as are meet. And the singing of these songs shall ever be on thus wise…

Thou shalt strive with all diligence to teach them of the Wiggle Worm and of the Poochy Lip and of the what they shall do with their hands and feet when they are happy and they know it. They shall then learn many motion songs and shall verily demonstrate that Father Abraham had both many sons and a wicked case of ADHD. They shall also sing of children of politically incorrect color designations and shall thereby signify that Jesus loves them regardless of their bad luck to be born that way.

And if thou shalt attend to follow all the words of this commandment then shall thy children certainly have joy down in their hearts (where? down in their hearts) and they shall let their little light shine and climb up sunshine mountain to make the devil sit on all manner of unpleasant things. But of the CCM song or of the Praise chorus thou shalt not sing. For they are repetitive and inane and prone to not be full of Bible unlike the good old songs we sang when we were kids and such as shall be sung by our children and our children’s children forever and ever, amen.

Independent Baptist Book of Everlasting Rules and Requirements p 662.

218 thoughts on “Commandments Concerning Children’s Songs”

  1. Re: the post, though, πŸ˜‰
    My first week as kid’s ministry director for my first non-fundy church, I was reviewing the music we had for the young elementary class and found Hillsong Kids’ “Jesus is My Superhero.” I remember being mortified at what I thought was empty, ridiculous music. It wasn’t until years later that I compared that to some of the old songs we used to see in my elementary class (“Apple-red happiness, popcorn cheerfulness, cinnamon singing inside…” πŸ˜† ) that I was able to deal with the new ones.

    1. They tried to make us sing “Apple Red Happiness” in children’s choir, and I refused. That got me in deep hot water with my parents. They couldn’t understand why, at 12 years old, I was embarrassed to sing that particular song. I couldn’t explain to them how trite it was, or they wouldn’t listen. I learned that whatever makes you uncomfortable or whatever you don’t want to participate in automatically becomes the one most important thing for you to do, and not to do it is rebellion as the sin of witchcraft. No one under the age of 21 could ever have a legitimate reason for not wanting to do something his elders wanted him to do. There’s no such thing as choosing to disobey, take your punishment, and move on. Not cooperating will earn you punishment without limit until you comply, no matter how long that takes. Refusal was not an option.

      1. And no refusal to comply ever has a legitimate reason. Even as far as into Bible college, every infraction was met with the “what’s wrong in your heart?” speech.
        *Shudder*

        1. Shoot. I know people in their 30s who are STILL expected to comply with every wish of their parents.

          The crazy is strong in the IFB.

        2. You have no idea how much that still haunts me, when I’m reluctant about anything, πŸ™ and I’m in my fifties.

      2. It doesn’t stop with the kids, unfortunately. Try being the only adult in the congregation who won’t be shamed into doing the tippy-toe thingy on “Love Lifted Me.” What? Are you ashamed of Jesus? Maybe you aren’t saved cuz you don’t shout and wave the hanky. Course the whole time I’m trying to figure out why we must do the tippy-toe but can’t take the bread and cup but twice a year. Maybe Jesus changed the ordinances and I missed the memo. So anway I’ve gotten used to taking my “medicine” from the pulpit (especially during revivals).

  2. All of you scorners on this site have a problem: you are not in right, out right, up right, down right happy all of the time. If you were you would be winning souls like lil teapots, instead of mocking men of Gid like Jack Hyles and Lestor Roloff.

    What great ministry have you built lately? Haymen? (quickly moves his hand to ear).

  3. “They shall also sing of children of politically incorrect color designations and shall thereby signify that Jesus loves them regardless of their bad luck to be born that way.”

    Brilliance. Thanks for the laughs this morning!

    1. That was the part I wondered about… that seems to be a decent song (or at least line). There’s nothing in there that indicates the other colors are somehow inferior… maybe Darrell just means how the leaders look at the people of other colors?

      1. That song isn’t the problem (or wouldn’t be, if they didn’t sing it every single Sunday for years on end, world without end, amen, amen).

        No. The problem is that the people sing that song, but then when their daughter starts to fall in love with a guy who MIGHT be about 1/8 Black, they go stark raving bonkers in their zeal to make sure that the relationship goes Not One Step Further.

        1. I have an aunt who married a nice Baptist man who was indeed 1/8 black. Her grandmother disowned her and never spoke to her again. It was really quite sad. When the old bat died, the kids, including my mom who really needed the money, pooled their part of the inheritance and cut my aunt the part that would have been hers. Grandma might have been a bigot, but they weren’t.

  4. I admit it: I like The Wiggle Worm. Never wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, never giggle, giggle, giggle … my kids are heinously infected by the wiggle worm. It’s tragic. I guess they didn’t fight, fight, fight the wiggle worm.

    1. That’s almost as bad as having Finger-itis, where you just *have* to pick up things and fiddle with them, usually until they break. My mother hated taking me into stores, esp ones full of fragile, delicate (and expensive) things; of course my son has inherited this tendency πŸ˜€

  5. I remember helping out in a Sunday School class where the kids were singing “one door and only one, and yet its sides are two, I’m on the inside, on which side are you?” I remember thinking that the kids had no earthly idea what they were singing . . . and I was right. When we asked the kids what we sang about, they all pointed to the door. “Climb climb up Sunshine Mountain” was another one that never mentioned Jesus once.
    The song about “I’m inright outright upright downright happy all the time” bothered me the most. Kids need to know that the Christian life is not all happiness, sunshine and giggles. Sometimes following Jesus hurts.

  6. Thou shalt teach them the depth and width of the fountain; and the opposite width and depth also. Yea verily, the fountain floweth according to the good measure of the hands.

    =D

    1. And when the power of the song grows too great, thou shalt substitute “mmm and mmm” for “deep and wide,” so as to not overwhelm the tender fragile minds of the child layperson.

    2. But not so wide that the hand even of one child shall smite his brethren in the cheek of his face nor the nose, nor the ear, nor any other part thereof, nor shall he in any wise smite his brethren accidentally on purpose.

      1. That made me LOL, Papa Bear! I’ve seen more than once kids (and adults too) when singing this song got “wide” enough to bonk their neighbor! πŸ˜†

      2. And despite all thy efforts, there shall always remaineth one child that ever gets it wrong and out of sync, and whether by error or design matters not, for it shall always be πŸ˜›

      3. We used to beat the snot out of each other on Father Abraham, every stinking Sunday. We weren’t such reprobates at an earlier age, when they still had us singing Deep and Wide every stinking Sunday.

  7. Even in my Kool-Aid drinking days, I never liked Father Abraham.

    The church that ran the Fundy High I attended was a regular at the Bill Rice Ranch. I even went with them a couple of times. I realize this is silly, but one song always bothered me. They would sing that the Bill Rice Ranch was the next best place to be (Heaven being the best), then come home and sing the same song, with the church substituted for the Ranch. In chapel we would be brow-beaten with honesty, loyalty, any falsehood is a sign you aren’t saved. Yet no one ever seemed to notice the inconsistency of all this.

    And, I wasn’t happy all the time. Another lie forced by the powers of conformity.

    1. What I find ironic is that the song is sung at dispensational churches. The “parenthetical” church age is not tied to the Abrahamic covenant in dispensational theology. Therefore, the “children of Abraham” include the true Jews will restore temple worship in the last days, not the kids in church.
      If they were consistent, the song would go something like this:

      “Father Abraham had many sons, many sons had father Abraham, I’m not one of them, and neither are you, but they will be restored in the last days! Right Arm! Left Arm! Right foot! Left Foot! Turn Around! Rapture! Temple Worship! Aremegeddon *BOOM*!!!”

        1. That made me laugh-but I was always taught that the song was referring to Abraham as the father of faith, not in his rope as the father of natural Isreal…Abraham is both according to Scripture

      1. I think the idea comes from this passage:

        Romans 4:11-12 And he received the sign of circumcision, a seal of the righteousness of the faith which he had yet being uncircumcised: that he might be the father of all them that believe, though they be not circumcised; that righteousness might be imputed unto them also: And the father of circumcision to them who are not of the circumcision only, but who also walk in the steps of that faith of our father Abraham, which he had being yet uncircumcised.

        And yes, the song is still ridiculous, just not necessarily unbiblical, IMO.

        1. Exactly… although as bad as father abraham is, the worst christian childrens son is the one that goes “you cant get to heaven…” it reenforces the false idea that one must be perfect to be accepted by Jesus. So thankful for God’s abundant mercy instead!

        2. Yes, but singing. . . .

          β™«Father Abraham
          Circumcised many sons
          And many sons did Abraham
          Circumcise.
          I am one of them
          (OW!)
          And so are you
          (OW! OW!)
          So, let’s just praise the Lord!
          (Chop! Chop!)β™«

          . . . .is just awkward.

        3. I can’t stand “You can’t get to heaven.” They taught my daughter that song at the Christian school she attended the last two years. It made me cringe every time I heard it. That, and “Do Right” The lyrics that say, “From the very start, have purpose in your heart, to do what’s right and never question ‘why?'” Rather than being taught to never question, I would rather have my children ask questions so that they may learn not only what is right, but why, and then be committed to doing it because they see for themselves that it is right.

        4. R2W,
          I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard. I think a customer my co-worker was speaking with on the phone heard. πŸ˜€

  8. The Happy and you know it song must be confusing for kids.
    First we teach them to clap their hands, stomp their feet and shout Amen when they’re happy. Then if they are ever happy in an adult service we tell them to be quiet.

    1. ‘cuz you shouldn’t be happy in church, obviously. You’re supposed to be sad for wearing pants (if you are female) or thinking about having a beer, or watching a PG movie. Those things make Jesus and the MOG sad.

    2. I was called out more than once for not clapping my hands, stomping, etc., because I wasn’t happy on that particular day. That was an early stage in my education about how adults don’t really mean it when they tell you to be honest.

    3. At every Fundy church I ever attended, the song was “If you’re SAVED and you know it, say ‘Amen’, etc.” We must have been more spiritual than the rest of you because EVERY child in our Sunday School was SAVED and KNEW IT.

      1. This was how I first heard the song. I’ve taught children’s church for years (and, yes, sang all the golden oldies that I’d been taught) and did change it to Happy because I didn’t want to force kids into declaring a salvation that they may not even understand yet.

    4. Very true!

      I told my husband a few years ago that we were training our kids to leave our type of church and attend a contemporary one: they got fun, upbeat songs with motions in children’s church and then had to go to a formal singing of hymns.

      Maybe kids would just think, “Well, that was OK when I was a kid, but I’m older now”, but it was strange to me that children could raise their hands in praise but not adults.

  9. Now we can’t leave out “Hallelu Hallelu Hallelu Hallelujah Praise Ye the Lord!” :mrgreen:

    Many times we’d see who could “outshout” who during that song. Some really great spiritual lessons we learned from that one. πŸ™„

    1. Did you guys do the standing up when you’re singing, sit down when the other guys were singing? Bopping up and down like prairie dogs, one side of children’s church then the other. Gets the kids a chance to get their energy out, and gets the leaders dizzy watching them! :mrgreen:

      1. We always split that song by genders.

        Always fun on the Sundays when that ratio was lopsided, because of course there was no temporary Honorary Boy or Honorary Girl status that would be church-appropriate to hand out for all of the three minutes required to get through The Special Ordeal of ‘We Can’t Hear You, Yell Louder Though There Be One Of You And Twenty Of Them, We Must Start Over Because You Did Not Yell’.

  10. Thou shalt also teach them that they shalt march in the cavalry, shoot in the artillary, and be in the Lord’s army (Yes, sir!). They shalt also learn to be careful what their little eyes, hands, and ears see, do and hear, respectively.

    This post was so many kinds of awesome!

    1. Thou shalt have the girls sing about being in the Lord’s army, and then thou shalt march them into a sermon where they shall hear that any woman being in any army is sinful, for such cannot be done in a skirt.

      And they shall emerge from the church after the altar call, mightily confused.

  11. And the Wise Man hath built his house upon the rock. For whence the building of the house on the rock doth cause the house to stand firm, the building of the house upon the sand doth make it go splat.

  12. This happened last night:

    Preface- I don’t go to a fundy church, but went to a conservative fundamental baptist high school (BJU LOVERS)…so i grew up singing those great ole songs of zion.

    Last Night, our church (who is trying to break out of the southern, conservative, hymn only pattern) had a youth outreach night for kids, youth and young adults. Someone came up to me and said “why don’t we do the Hallelu, Hallelu, Praise Ye the Lord song”…..I shook my head, said no as fast as I could. Of course, as i over heard the little kids meeting, i couldn’t help but sigh as I heard the 43rd verse of father abraham.

    True Story

  13. I always wondered why whoever was leading the songs in Jr. Church and on the bus decided to add the “I may never take a trip to Mexico, wear a big sombrero, eat a cheesy taco….” verse. I couldn’t figure out what that had to do with the Army and “never flying ‘or the enemy”….craziness. I guess it was just their way of saying Mexico was wrong too. ha!

    1. The first missions conference my husband was on staff at our first church the adults had the children sing this. I had never heard that “version” and my mouth dropped. I couldn’t believe that was thought to be normal. We were supposed to be bringing in visitors for this and that is what they have to hear. The best part was no one seemed to think it might bother the pastor’s Hispanic wife. I was so embarrassed to be there. 😯

  14. We weren’t allowed to sing if you’re happy and you know it (maybe because fundamentalism has nothing to do with being happy?!), we sang “If You’re Saved and You Know It” shout amen, praise the Lord, go to church, etc… instead πŸ™„

    1. My xFundie church was like that. Years ago being in the christian school (for a whole semester) our lunchtime recess consisted of cleaning the church buses. Me and this other kid were doing a little singing (fundie approved songs of course). The school attendants (no certified teachers there) came out and told us we were having too much fun and to get to work.

      Ahh.. I am so NOT missing my fundie days.

      1. Yes, there is no real “fun” in fundamentalism unfortunately πŸ™ I am not missing it either. Still working through some of the guilt and brainwashing, but not one thought of going back since I officially left.

    2. At PCC we had to sing this song at hall meetings. I added a verse. If you’re saved and you know it speak in tongues (raise hands in air, wiggle fingers and make a blalalalalala sound).

      That was a quick trip to the dean’s office for me.

    3. We learned “If you’re saved and you know it” too. I guess I should have read all the comments before posting above. Since our church also taught “Once saved, always saved,” is it any wonder that when they got to their teens, some of the kids said, “Well, I’m saved, so why can’t I just sin all I want?” This happened a lot, and really upset our pastor. He always blamed the kids, though.

  15. LOL I just had the kids sing “Father Abraham” last Sunday! The lesson was about Abraham and Lot, but I sang it to wear them out more than to teach them doctrine. πŸ˜†

      1. Agreed after 15 years in Children’s ministry, most of these songs are to keep the attention of kids or wear them out! I detest Father Abraham, but have jumped into song and verse just to help get extra wiggles out.

        The Father Abraham song is no worse than the “IF Cartoons got saved song” from the modern era.

        1. C’mon! Cartoons got Saved is great! I especially like Yabba-dabba-do-ya and Scooby-dooby-do-ya! πŸ˜†

  16. “I am a ‘C’
    I am a ‘C-h’
    I am a ‘C-h-r-i-s-t-i-a-n’
    I Have ‘C-H-R-I-S-T’ in my ‘H-E-A-R-T’
    And I will ‘L-I-V-E E-T-E-R-N-A-L-L-Y’

    (repeat a gazillion times getting faster with each verse…. but we won’t sing any of those 7-11 praise and worship songs, amen?)

  17. I wasn’t raised fundy, but I’m the child of one who tried to make fundy-ism and pentacostalism (the foursquare brand) and whatever other theological beliefs she had all work together.

    Anyway, we sang these at my foursquare church. When I sang “Father Abraham” when I was a kid, all I remember was mumbling over the line “I am one of them” and thinking I AM NOT A SON! Six year old feminist in the making.

  18. How about… there is (deep breath) pow’r pow’r pow’r pow’r, pow’r pow’r pow’r pow’r, wonder working power, in the blood, of the lamb.. there is (a little faster now!)… you get the point πŸ˜‰

  19. O how fun to walk round and round the block, ringing doorbells for my Lord…with motions included…use your imagination…sung to the tune “Leaning on the Everlasting Arms.”

  20. I laughed at a lot of this, but the first line was therapy. I’ve said for some time that in our last church, the Holy Spirit was reeaally finicky and couldn’t operate if there were ANY kid noises other than Hollywood sweet. It was a small church, and guess who most of the kids belonged to? That would be me.

  21. Ten and Niiiiiine
    Eight and se-ven
    six and five and four
    Call upon the savior while you may
    (Here is a five year olds first taste of “Sir if you died tonight where would you spend eternity?”
    Three and two, coming through
    the Clouds in bright array (in what??)
    The countdown’s getting closer every day

    1. Was I the only kid to notice that, while we were singing this song in the 1980’s (and for all I know, they’re still singing it) the rocket on the cover was clearly a Gemini-Titan, and all the manned Gemini missions occurred in 1965-1966? Because the song was an obvious attempt to get with the times, but once the picture was outdated, we were going to keep using itβ€”to do otherwise would be wasting God’s money, Amen?

  22. What about “Watch, and be ye ready for the Lord may come today. (Repeat once)

    He will come again in the clouds for me
    and take me home for eternity so…

    (Repeat first line)”

    Or the Crayon Box song…Wordless Book song. πŸ™„

      1. That’s the Wordless BOOK Song. Surely you’ve heard of the Wordless Book?
        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wordless_Book

        So naturally, there’s a song to go with it. You turn to each page as you sing about that color:

        My heart was black with sin, until the Savior came in.
        His precious blood, I know, (red)
        Has washed me white as snow.
        And in God’s Word, I’m told, I’ll walk the street of gold.
        To grow in Christ each day, I read my Bible and pray. (green)

    1. When I was just a little child no higher than your knee, my mother bought a box of crayons just for me. I picked them up and I opened them up and I looked way down inside and the colors they reminded me of Jesus when He died.

      Chorus:
      Oh-oh-oh red is the color of the blood that He shed, brown is for the crown of thorns they placed upon His head, blue is for royalty which in Him did dwell, and yellow is for the Christian who’s afraid to tell.

      Well I colored and I colored til the crayons were all gone and though I’ve grown much older now the memory lingers on. And when I see a little child with crayon box in hand, I tell him what they mean to me and I hope he’ll understand.

      Repeat chorus. End with “…so don’t you be a Christian…who’s a chicken!!”

      1. I actually learned this one as “yellow for the streets of gold where Christians sing”. I’m sure a fundy group would say the people I learned it from were cowardly Christians not brave enough to stand up and tell it like it is to everyone else.

      2. I learned it as “so don’t you be that Christian who’s afraid to tell.” Nothing like fundy guilt early on.

        Do you know the optional verse after the second chorus?

        “Afraid to tell of a Saviour, Who died on Calvary?
        Who died for all the sinners like you and me?
        Well, He’s coming back again someday to be a king,
        And the colors of the crayonbox you will see.”

        1. Now that you mention it, I have heard a variation of that verse… let me think how it went… (and now it’ll be stuck in my head all day!)

          So let’s tell of the Savior who died on Calvary
          Who died for all the needy sinners just like you and me
          And some day soon he’s coming back to be our king
          And the colors of the crayon box we will sing.

          Again I suspect I learned the liberal namby-pamby version of the song. Definitely not fundy-approved. πŸ˜›

    2. I knew “Watch and Be Ye Ready”; we had the watch visual aide too (along with the Stop sign and “Go” sign).

      I never sang the Crayonbox one though.

  23. And surely ye shall sing of Zacchaeus and his small stature. How he climbed upon the tree of sycamore that the Lord created, for to see Him, called Jesus, born of a virgin. And when Jesus passed beneath the bows, verily he admonished Zacchaeus with a shout, to descend in hast and go with him into the house.

    1. And this shall be a sign unto you: the sign of the smallness, and of the climbing, and of the shielding of the eyes, and of the walking, and yea, of the wagging of the finger. And DOWN shall be shouted from the rooftops with great concern for the soul of Zacchaeus in the day the song is sung.

  24. One of my Sunday School teachers loved the one that goes “Jesus wants me for a sum bee, a sum bee, a sum bee” and I sang along enthusiastically, having no idea that we were being “sun beams”, spreading light. 😳

        1. Wow. I remember being completely shocked the first time I heard my mother say Gee. I was going to Christian School then and we weren’t allowed to use such language! Mind, as an adult I once heard my mother use the f word. I don’t think she knew I was within hearing though. πŸ˜‰

        1. And here I thought we only had Spelling Bees πŸ˜†
          And then there’s also the Do Bee and the Don’t Bee (guess which one I was). :mrgreen:

    1. Alexis —

      One of my Sunday School teachers loved the one that goes β€œJesus wants me for a sum bee, a sum bee, a sum bee”

      When I’m feeling ornery, I sing “Jesus wants me for a hippie…” which I feel is closer to the truth, anyway. 😎

      (now, let’s see if this formatting gets through)

  25. And of course there was that theologically involved one that goes “Deep and wide, deep and wide, there’s a fountain flowing deep and wide.” After fifty choruses of that you can reverse it for another fifty: “Wide and deep, wide and deep”.

  26. Apple-red happiness, popcorn cheerfulness, cinnamon singing inside,
    peppermint energy, gumdrop holiday, when you give Christ your life.

    The benefits of God’s great love
    are super super satisfying.
    So throw away your sin, let the sun shine in,
    try it and you’ll see how you get…

    Apple-red happiness, etc, etc…

    Oh yeah, solid theology all up in here. πŸ˜†

      1. And a double thumbs up to Granny Smith!!

        I have never heard that song, so I never had any apple red happiness. Do my Asian friends have Yellow Delicious happiness?

      1. Of COURSE you can! The entire NT can be summed up in “Jesus turned water into grape-flavored water” and “stop sinning.” Seriously. Just those two, over and over, like it was written by a Stephen King character.

  27. My grandma wouldn’t let me sing ‘Father Abraham’ with the other kids. I never could figure out why.
    Don’t forget “Rise, and shine, and give God the glory, glory, rise and shine, and give God the glory, glory, everything is hunky-dory-dory, children of the Loooooord”.
    Or “I’m a sunflower in God’s garden, I’m going to bloom bloom bloom. I’m a sunflower in God’s garden. I’m going to bloom bloom bloom. I’m gonna grown in this spot *stomp stomp*, I’m gonna give it all I’ve got *stomp stomp*. I’m a sunflower in God’s garden, I’m going to bloom bloom bloom.”
    And in regards to the post, a while ago I was trying to entertain my cousin, so started to sing “Jesus loves the little children”, and suddenly realised that, wait a minute, did they seriously just refer to ‘red’ children? As in First Nations? As in ‘the redman’? A kid could get kicked out of school for singing this! Yeesh! So, that song is officially off of the child-entertainment repertoire.

    1. “Rise, and shine, and give God the glory, glory, rise and shine, and give God the glory, glory, everything is hunky-dory-dory, children of the Loooooord”

      Little known fact: That song was written by a catholic priest. My dad knew him. πŸ˜‰

      1. My mom objected because all the black bus kids danced when they sang it and we were much too good to dance. We set the righteous, sober, white person example for all the poor heathen about us.

    2. I actually learned and sang the “Rise and shine and give God the glory, glory” in Girl Scouts. Since it was about Noah’s Ark, which both churched and unchurched kids know about, I guess it wasn’t considered only “churchy.”

  28. Walk, walk, walk the Bible way. Read your Bible daily, don’t forget to pray. Walk, walk, walk the Bible, read your Bible everyday. Smoking, drinking, fist fights and dirty talk they don’t help you walk the Christian walk. Repeat chorus. Anyone ever sung that sing?

    1. I remember this one quite well. I was always scared of Junior Church and refused to sit in it, instead staying in the adult service. Junior Church was too loud. The pastor wasn’t happy, but my parents didn’t care. Because of this, I learned a lot of the “kids’ songs” working a bus route at HAC. I actually enjoyed that one.

    1. Or the ever-popular Patch the Pirate song, “My Quiet Time.” That one is in the Majesty Hymns book too, and it was hilarious to hear the entire auditorium of my fundy church (800+ adults) singing that song whenever the music pastor decided to get cute.

  29. Inanity is the center of IFB children’s ministries. I saw that when my children were little and that is why I taught my children all of the Catechisms. Each of them could answer for you the following questions: Who made you? What else did God make? Why did God make you and all things? How can you glorify God? Why ought you to glorify God? Who is God? Can you see God? Can God do all things? Does God know all things? Where do you learn how to love and obey God?
    and a hundred and twenty or so more.

    1. I’ve been slowly learning the Baptist catechism over the last couple years. I found it set to music and intended to make my kids listen to it (which they like well enough) but I find I’m the one really learning and the more I learn, the more I wish I’d been catechized as a child! It’s nice to be able to define difficult concepts in 1 or 2 sentences. I could have done with less memorizing of obscure trivia (Did you know Mahershalalhashbaz is the longest name in the Bible? His brother was Shear-jashub and they were Isaiah’s kids.) and more understanding who God is and who I am.

      1. Yeah, that is true. I have seen kinds who were raised in Christian homes who didn’t know anything substantial about God. And it was a shame. I was not raised in a Christian home, although I went to church as a child, and when we started our family I was determined to spend the time I had with my children teaching them as much as I could that was of substance. My prayer and hope is that they all turn their lives over to Jesus. And I do no think that the way to do that is to put them in hundreds of situations where there is a “1-2-3 repeat after me” kind of salvation presented and then emotional manipulation applied during a bunch of stanzas of Just as I am. That just takes the kids who are easily manipulated emotionally and gets them to say a prayer that many times they don’t even understand.

        I wanted my children to know who God is and what he says about himself so if they came ot him, it would be real and powerful.

  30. Let’s not forget that even your birthday was warshed in the blooduh. We don’t sing “happy Birthday” like the unsaved heathen sing it. Nosir! We sing:

    “Happy Birthday to you
    Only one will not do
    Take Christ as your Savior
    And then you’ll have two”

    Now before you blow out those candles Timmy
    take a good look at those flames.
    If you closed your little 6 year old eyes in death right now…

  31. And when thou preparest thy song visuals, thou must form for thee two cardboard signs of eight equal sides. Thou must attach to these a tongue depressor or ruler.

    On the front side of the first sign thou shalt write the word “STOP” in large enough letters to be seen in the next shire. On the reverse of that sign thou shalt write “And let me tell you what the Lord has done for me.”

    On the front side of the second sign thou shalt write “He forgave my sins and He saved my soul.” On the reverse of the second sign thou shalt write “He cleansed my heart and He made me whole.”

    And when thou singest this song in Junior Church, thou shalt bring forward two bus children, who shall not turn them at the correct time. Thou shalt act astonied and bring forth two church kids, who shall turn them correctly as thou singest the song again, and they shall be applauded. Thus shall it be done throughout thy generations.

    1. To this day, any time anyone ever says “Stop”, I immediately think “and let me tell you…” Once this song in particular is in your head, there is no power short of God’s that can remove it.

  32. This bus/VBS favorite, where you stand up and sit down every time you hear the “B” sound (to the tune of My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean):

    I left my BiBle on the church Bus
    I left my BiBle on the seat
    I left my BiBle on the church Bus
    So Bring Back my BiBle to me
    Bring Back Bring Back oh Bring Back my BiBle to me, to me
    Bring Back Bring Back oh Bring Back my BiBle to me.

  33. Anyone ever do this one:

    One, two, three
    The devil’s after me
    Four, five, six
    He’s always throwing bricks
    Seven, eight, nine
    He misses every time
    Glory, Hallelujah, Amen!

    Nine, eight, seven
    I’m on my way to Heaven
    Six, five, four
    There’s always room for more
    Three, two, one
    The devil’s on the run
    Glory, hallelujah, Amen!

    Or the jumping up & down one…

    Hallelu Hallelu Hallelu Hallelujah!
    Praise ye the Lord!

    Lots of noise seemed to be the point!

    1. One, two, three, Jesus loves me. One, two, Jesus loves you. Three and four, He loves you more, more than you’ve ever been loved before. Five six seven, I’m goin’ to Heaven. Eight, nine, a mansion is mine.

    1. My father picked at the guitar a little in his younger days, and I remember him singing “When He Cometh” to me and playing guitar. I was very, very little, and it’s always been a special song in my heart.

  34. How about patch the pirate’s Obedience… Obedience is the very best way to show that you believe…

    Gives me shudders.

    If I ever have to hear Keep Your Sunny Side Up, one more time, I swear on the KJV 1611 that I will go postal.

  35. Read your Bible, pray every day, pray every day, pray every day,
    read your Bible, pray every day and you’ll grow, grow, GROW!

    Neglect your Bible, forget to pray, forget to pray, forget to pray,
    neglect your Bible, forget to pray and you’ll shrink, shrink, shrink.

  36. I’ve sung as a child (and as a teacher) nearly all of these.

    As Darrell pointed out, it’s mind-blowingly ironic that they attack CCM for being simplistic, repetitive, and shallow while promoting this. Of course, they excuse it by saying that these are just children’s songs.)

    Interestingly enough, many of the CCM choruses which they claim to hate are actually Bible verses (often from the NIV).

    For example, the chorus of “Be Exalted, O Lord” is this:

    Be exalted, O God, above the heavens
    Let Thy glory be over all the earth!

    Ps. 57:5 says, “Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth.”

    Fundy objections to choruses lost total ground with me when I realized that they were objecting to people singing Bible verses. πŸ™

    1. An awful lot of John Michael Talbot’s work is scripture, set to music. If you want something to meditate by or uplifting to sing during the day, he’s your guy. I have a couple of his albums that I play when I can’t sleep (dare not play them while I’m driving, now that I’m conditioned to drop off!). I find his work to be, for lack of a better word, a blessing.

      Just don’t tell your pastor that John is a Roman Catholic. :mrgreen:

      (And not just RC- he’s a member of a secular Franciscan order, and founded a monastic center called the Little Portion, which has daughter centers now, in Texas, and Oklahoma, if I remember right. John also does a lot of fundraising for Mercy Corps.)

    2. Ain’t THAT the truth. BJU constantly criticized CCM of any genre. When I left that whited sepulchre and moved to California, I started learning the Bible that was so completely lacking from the daily BJU church services. And I learned many of these important Bible verses (like Micah 6:8) by singing those “horrible, ungodly” CCM choruses.

      To be fair, I learned MANY Bible verses at my IFB church through childhood and high school, through its AWANA program and through my parents. Then came the Years Of Darkness at BJU, and then the sun came out again once I started listening to Steve Green, Steve Camp, Keith Green, John Michael Talbot, and many other people who would have gotten me expelled from BJU.

  37. Grin Again Gang
    “Grin again gang get gung ho about Jesus
    Smile sweetly Sister so you send Satan sadly away
    Take a bunch of bitter boys and make a bunch of better boys with big, big smiles
    Grin again gang get gung ho about Jesus”

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