Time Wasted

My friend, your life is but a vapor. Time is running out to do something great for God. You are only one heartbeat away from eternity!

So hurry! Don’t delay! Come quickly and join us as we go out to the highways and hedges to act like total jackasses.

This may be your last chance in this life to not accomplishing anything at all! Don’t let this opportunity be lost forever.

95 thoughts on “Time Wasted”

    1. Thought for sure I had that one! (What with all the time I waste sitting around waiting for new posts!)

  1. My clearest memory is the time our assistant pastor set up a speaker and preached in the parking lot of the new porn store in our town. His favorite thing was to shout at the people walking in “You’re going to hell!” He was later charged with having sex with two under-aged friends of his daughter’s after he got them drunk. Imagine that.

    1. I guess his attempts to pick up dates at the porn shop must have been unsuccessful.

  2. “Oh look!!! Another angry man yelling at everyone telling them they are going to hell… Next.”

  3. Nearly shaved head + cloudless blue sky = sunburn for God. A few days later: “You’re flakier than a pan of Mama’s biscuits, Joe.”

    That’ll get him rep points in heaven!

    1. Because while the rest of us are out shopping and playing golf and going to the pool, and doing all kinds of fun things, they’re stuck standing on the back of a pickup in the hot sun with nothing but a bullhorn and a pack of hecklers for company. IMHO, the poor guys should at least be allowed a couple of beers to rehydrate with. :mrgreen:

  4. They value style over substance, earnestness not effectiveness, going through the motions instead of giving true compassion.

    They think they get points for mortifying the flesh, forgetting that Jesus gave up His body to death in order to save us so we are completely free from the need to prove ourselves to God.

    Do they really think they’ll reach people this way or are they just trying to prove how dedicated they are?

  5. The mouse-over text askes what did the Bible he’s holding do to deserve such rage. From what I’ve learnt about Fundies, then I presume he’s trying to scare an NIV/RSV/[insert other version] into a KJV.

    He needs to yell louder.

  6. Grammar point: I think it should be “…to not accomplish anything…” Redirecting further complaints about split infinitives to /dev/null.

  7. Is it just me or does the writing over the clock he’s yelling in front of say “Weirdsville” on top of it?! ๐Ÿ˜ฏ :mrgreen:

      1. Oh oh oh!! Reidsville!!! I am so unobservant…didn’t notice that. We’re very familiar with Reidsville. Large Hispanic community there. Cue Wagnerian “Kill de Rabbit” music: “Save the Catholics! Save the Catholics! Save the Catholics, Save the Caths!”

  8. Let’s keep “the masses” too busy to think!

    After all, if “they” don’t keep busy, the Holy Spirit might speak to them.

  9. “Time is running out to do something great for God”

    Where does this ‘do something for God’ idea come from? It sounds so irrational to me. It is like thinking a grain of sand can do something great for the universe.

    1. Darrell, I know that you are just stating a fundamental idea from Fundyland. I just don’t know the premises on which this concept is based.

      1. Wow, that is a great point. Just one of many fundy concepts that sounds “spiritual” but has no basis in a Bible it claims to interpret literally. If God is really so infinite and all-powerful, he doesn’t need our overt “help”. It’s just an ego boost for the person who says it.

      2. “Only one life – ’twill soon be past.
        Only what’s done for Christ will last.”

        Oops. You asked for Scripture. Perhaps the verses about doing all to the glory of God, that our life is but a vapor, and that deeds that are wood, hay, and stubble will be burned at the judgment seat.

    2. It may result from passages like 2 Timothy 2:4. As a side note, “for God” is kind of ambiguous. It’s like “love of God.” Is that God’s love for us or our love for Him? Similarly, doing things “for God” could have two different definitions. It could be doing something to please Him or doing something as His representatives on earth. The Church is called to carry out God’s mission and thus be His representatives. All that to say, the bad version of doing things “for God” could be the result misunderstanding how “for” can be used.

  10. At OBC this was REQUIRED for every Pastoral Theology major 3 times a week. We had to turn in 3 different outlines to be graded and had to have two witnesses vouch that you had preached them for at least 10 min each on the street. ๐Ÿ˜ก

    1. What is OBC and oh my gosh I am so sorry you went through that. ๐Ÿ™ ๐Ÿ˜• ๐Ÿ˜ฅ

  11. Say… is that the new “Touch Not God’s Anointedโ„ข”, “KJVOยฎ”, direct connect “Raptureยฎ” tablet? He must not be in a “Good Service” area. Looks like he may have weak reception there, it seems he is having to shout, “CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?” ๐Ÿ™„

    1. No, wait… it looks l-i-k-e… Yes it is! He is definately shouting, “BAM! …. Qualified!

    2. Everyone should Replyยฎ to Don.

      To insert the ยฎ symbol on Windows PCs, hold down the ALT key and enter 0174 on the keypad.

      1. ยฎ
        Hey, I think I got it! I could never make that work before. ๐Ÿ˜Ž

  12. For me, this brings to mind a fellow by the name of Brother Jed and his wife who run around various secular campuses here in the Midwest, loudly calling all passers-by “whores” and “whoremongers.” Really winsome stuff. I imagine people of Jed’s ilk would probably point to the Old Testament to justify his in-your-face tactics and language. I don’t suppose it would occur to him to look up the story of Paul at Mars Hill in the New Testament, and his trying to open a dialogue with people in order to help them understand the Gospel.

    But that would probably make Paul a namby-pamby liberal Christian who Jed would yell at as well.

      1. He hung out with hookers, hicks who smelled like fish, and representatives of the occupying forces. He told right-thinking upstanding pillars of the community that they were full of crap. He created a public disturbance in a time-honored sacred place. He didn’t marry and he sure as hell didn’t get up on a white horse with a sword and git’r’done! And the sonovabitch didn’t even speak English.

        Dirty hippie. He was probably French.

        1. Years ago when we first entered the cult, I can remember my dad preaching a sermon at the SBC church where we had gone for years. We left shortly afterwards, since Tabernacle required all their students to be members there unless they were pastors at their own churches. Anyway, Dad tried to make the point that Jesus had a cut like Caesars, since that was the style of the day. Yeah. I’m sure he’s burned the notes to that one by now. ๐Ÿ˜ณ

        2. Not that it matters what hairstyle Our Lord had, but a Jewish religious teacher almost certainly would NOT have worn the style of the Roman centurions and senators– especially when you consider that the Torah says that men must not shave, trim their beards, or cut the “corners” of their scalp hair.

        3. Now that was an interesting article BigGary. In all my years of fundydom I never read that one. Wear your hair contrary to cultural changes and make it short with pride in being a Christian and patriot.
          With absolutely no scripture supporting that, plus God’s take on pride the complete opposite.
          Hate hate hate this stuff. The same crowd who touts scripture as final authority rearranges it to meet personal preferences at every turn.
          so very tired of it.

        4. @Tiffundy
          Everyone in the IFB knows that god* is an American. From his throne in heaven, where he sits next to Jack Hyles, they sing, Proud to be an American together.

          You know, god* is soooo lucky to have a man like Jack by his side to guide him on how to rule the universe. That’s why he called Jack home, so Jack could take his seat of glory and god* could honor him. ๐Ÿ™„

          * god with lowercase “g” denotes the god of the IFB.

      2. @Big Gary. I read that article. Here is a quote, “The oldest representations going back to the first Christian centuries and found chiefly in the catacombs of Rome all pictured Him without a beard. All the pictures of Christ down to the beginning of the first century and even later are of this kind.” There are no representations of Jesus, at least none that I have ever heard of. He made it all up. I could not read past the first 2 paragraphs.

        1. I think you are saying that Hyles’ “evidence” is mostly in his own imagination, and those of some equally ill-informed people he quotes. If that’s your point, I couldn’t agree more.

        2. I don’t want to think about what went on in that imagination. Dude had a mental whorehouse.

        3. He’s beardless in early depictions because the artists took their imagery from Greco-Roman art and Mithraism. The Jews had almost no figural art tradition to borrow from. Even the art in the Temple of Solomon seems to have been knock-offs of the art of Assyria and Babylon. The long-haired, bearded depiction of Jesus came in a bit later, and was further stylized during the Byzantine era. Compare the early realistic paintings of Jesus to the Fayyum portraits.

    1. Not only the midwest. Brother Jed and sister Cindy would preach at the U of Arizona when I went there in the early ’80’s. I couldn’t believe it when I found out a few years ago they were still going around to college campuses.

    2. Brother Jed! I have personally had the pleasure of listening to him yell. He and his wife believe that being truly saved means never sinning. He claims he hasn’t sinned since like 1973 or something.

  13. @Big Gary. I went to your link and started to read… ๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ™„ what sloppy proof texting! That kind of logic used to work on me when I was guzzling the koolaid but now I only twitch at the stupidity of it all. Stopped reading after about ten sentences, had too wonderful of a day to fill my brain with that doo doo. That guy was really a loony…

    1. It would take days to describe all the things that are wrong with that little essay, so I just show it to people and say, “There.”

      It’s the kind of craziness and ridiculous self-importance that would be very hard to make up if it wasn’t right there in black and white (and, on that web site, in fluorescent yellow and blood red).

  14. When I was at Maranatha, it had been required for every student, every semester, to go soul winning and knock on at least 10 or 20 doors. I can’t remember which. At the end of every semester, tons of students wen down main street right by campus.Over the years the same doors got knocked on hundreds of times. Eventually, people called the police and they came to the school and asked them to stop. So, they changed the requirement and wouldm bus students to Milwaukee and make them go up to strangers on the street. Now, isn’t that the kind of place you want your 18 year old son or daughter to go, where they make them walk up to strangers in a big city and get in their face?

    1. Bob,

      Do you know when Maranatha had the soulwinning rule? I taught there from 1981–1986 and never heard of such a thing.

    2. That’s very curious. I know there’s a Milwaukee rescue mission where some students work, but I’ve never heard of this requirement, and it definitely is gone now. It almost sounds as if someone there was influenced by the Hyles-Anderson crowd.

  15. There is a town somewhere in the Bible belt where all the screaming street preachers congregate on the weekends for a month, and living in the town becomes a trip through a minefield because people are always trying to avoid these idiots.

    I can’t remember the name of the town but I saw it on a CBS news program in the 1990s.

    1. Wow, that sounds like some kind of legend, or maybe like a nightmare. If you find out which town that is, let us know.

  16. At least this man will not enter into heaven empty handed. Myself, I have seen over 1000 cars gloriously saved while preaching to them at stop lights.

  17. This looks like what my dad used to do all throughout my childhood. Very annoying, and I can’t remember him winning a single convert through this type of tomfoolery. It would be very annoying to live anywhere in the vicinity of a street preacher’s favorite corner.

  18. I wonder if he has sunscreen on, or if he plans to be a living illustration of burning

  19. can someone please tell me what MOG stands for?

        1. You may be thinking of “GOH” which stands here for “Grand Old Hymn.” On this site, the phrase is sometimes used ironically, to indicate a ridiculous Fundy song or a horrible performance of any hymn, and sometimes seriously, to indicate a hymn that really is great.

  20. I’m not sure it’s time wasted. It gives passers-by a good laugh. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Several of these folks used to stand on the street corners in downtown Walnut Cove, NC, on Saturday mornings. We would pass them en route to Cove Haircutters, where the kids get their haircuts courtesy of Barbara the Barber Lady. Mom and Dad always sedulously avoided making eye contact with the street preachers, but the kids thought they were a hoot and went out of their way to engage them in conversation. We acquired a few tracts that way.

    1. bwahahahaha
      I work in Walnut Cove. You can’t spit without hitting a Fundie Church around there. I don’t get up there on the weekends but I’d bet they preach in the park next to the ABC store.

    1. “Man of God.” In Fundy jargon, that usually means a pastor or a preacher.

  21. Right now, as I type, the local Spanish-speaking fundamental baptist church is having their parking lot service at the dumpy little strip mall about 1/4 mile away. They’ve got this crappy sound system that makes everything sound like Charlie Brown’s mother in a styrofoam cup.

  22. I remember reading in some local newspapers online archives that there used to be a street-preaching family in our town everyone hated, bach in the 80s. He had their sons preach at their elementary school, calling the other students “whores” and “fornicators”. Apparently this story was really big, and they were on several national talk shows. The tension was so great that the then pastor of the fundy church they attended (the same church I’m from) kicked the family out of the church, and the kids were barred from returning to school so they became homeschooled. I’m not sure what happened to all of them, but I know one of the kid’s family’s children attend the church’s school now

  23. One could argue that you stating that street preaching is a waste of time, is in fact a waste of time.

    One could also argue that you are a jackass to the fundies that you are critiquing.

    Anyways it’s hard to tell if you adhere to Sola Scriptura and you believe in public. Biblical evangelism; which is how the gospel has been primarily spread through out the New Testament and history, or if you oppose only that public evangelism, which you deem to be cruel.

    The reason why it is difficult to tell is because you focus your critique on passion, rather than the content of the message.

    Anyways Darrell I prefer your work on Storage Wars, rather than this and I may suggest that you stick to that. All in forewarned? Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuup!

    1. ” public. Biblical evangelism; which is how the gospel has been primarily spread through out the New Testament and history,”

      You have a source for this?

    2. Sola Scriptura didn’t exist until the reformation. <500 years is not a majority of anyone's history.

    3. yeah… I’m sure Paul did evangelism just like this, picking a street corner and yelling bumpersticker theology at passing chariots and handing out tracts to pedestrians. ๐Ÿ™„

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