Fundy Comment Bingo

Many thanks to Naomi for putting this one together.

Other options she wasn’t able to fit were…

The passive aggressive calls to examine oneself: “What does this say about you??”
Don’t understand this is a humor site.
Drive-by postings
Usernames highlighting their fundy affiliation (HAC, etc.)
You’ll always be upset no matter what fundies do!
I’m unapologetic!!!
Shouldn’t you use a nicer tone to convince fundies?!

133 thoughts on “Fundy Comment Bingo”

    1. I especially love the “You’ve become what you hate” box. Rather like the “Atheism is a Religion” argument.

      1. It is a religion! If by religion you mean “a way of thinking about things”. Which of proves that it is perfectly righteous to hang, draw, and quarter New York Yankees fans (ducks as entire thread derails…)

        1. My disbelief or absence of belief in a particular thing does not qualify as a “religion”. I assume we both disbelieve in the muslim god Allah, and the greek god Apollo? We would share a “way of thinking about things” when it comes to the existence of these gods… but would we then claim this disbelief in Allah and Apollo as our “religion”?

          Are two ardent Christians that vote totally opposite on voting day in really different religions? It would seem that they would have to be if we stuck with the given definition of “religion” as a “way of thinking about things”.

          For instance, Christian’s don’t see eye-to-eye with Mormon’s about religion (as we have recently seen in the news) but, more often than not, a “fundy” and a mormon will have very similar ballots on voting day. In this case, they may have markedly similar views on morality, politics, ethics, a “way of thinking about things”… but they hold different opinions on the validity of the others religious views.

          It would seem that the fact that I doubt the existence of the judeo-christian god or the hindu gods as potentially unimportant when it comes to the way I vote, solve ethical problems, family relationships, business etc.

        2. Muslims believe in the same God that Christians and Jews (and other monotheists) believe in. “Allah” is just the Arabic word for “God.”
          Mexican, British, and German Christians don’t believe in different Gods, just because one prays to “Dios,” another to “God,” and another to “Gott.”

        3. Oh, Doctor of P! I just KNEW you had the right type of thinking on the Yankees!!!! πŸ˜‰

        4. The “Muslims believe in the same God” thing…yeah. They “believe in the same God” without believing in the trinity. I’ll let you decide if that means Allah truly is the same God of the Bible then.

        5. Mag, IIRC the Judeo-Christian God is called “Allah” in Arabic. Christians, Jews, and Muslims have different views of God, but all three do seek to worship the God of Abraham, albeit in different ways and using different texts.

          As an aside, our word “God” is a generic term that comes from the pagan Germanic roots of our language. That’s ok; it’s the dynamic equivalent of the generic Greek term Theos, just as Allah is the Arabic equivalent. Different words for the same concept.

        6. @Phil, I’m aware that the word “God” = the word “Allah.” Same concept, yes. I have no problem with that. I’m simply pointing out that if someone believes Christians exercise a form of polytheism because we believe in the trinity, there’s a bit of a disconnect and their Allah can’t be the same as mine.

        7. Sorry y’all…Muslims do not believe in the same God that Christians do. Allah is a totally different being, although it is based off of the Judeo-Christian conception of God.

          Muslims do not believe in the Trinity — they regard it as complete blasphemy. Their lack of belief in the Trinity causes some major problems in regards to their belief in Jesus.

          Also, Allah is fickle, limited god that has little regard for his followers. The best that they can hope for is that he might allow them into Paradise if they live a good life — but Allah just as easily might allow an infidel into Paradise.

          In some ways, Muslims are like Mormons in that they have distorted the Judeo-Christian God into a creature of their own desires. Also not too far off from what some fundies do.

    1. I frequently encounter the “Not all of us are the same!” or “We’re totally independent from each other so…” comments all the time from Fundy exfriends. πŸ™„

      1. The second (that I know of) time the book “Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse” made its rounds through the church, my former fundy pastor made a whole sermon of explaining that we are not like THOSE abusive churches. He gave extreme examples and did his best to distance himself from the book.

        SFL: Explaining how they really aren’t abusive, and giving an annual lecture…er, sermon…on the proper way to leave a church (hint: always quietly…never taking anyone with you) πŸ™„

  1. HOW DID I MISS THIS? I’M ONLINE. Daryl, your a bitter little man full of anger and hatred because. Im discusted with the how you have become what you so flippally mock!!!

    1. My turn:
      Derall, if you would look at your 1611 King James Authorized Version and spend more time in prayer instead of beeing so bitter and hateful, you wouldn’t be tearing down God’s church and stopping souls from being one to Jebus. Don’t you know if you can’t say nothing nice, don’t say anythang at all?
      You all ways point out all the bad apples that aare the exception to the rule. My man uv Gawd is not like those perverts and crepps you talk about. He has almost finished his probation and nobody can tell me diferant.
      I guess your so much better you can throw stones at glas houses, are you Dorrel?

      I’m only tellin you this out of christian love, since nobody else has ever hat the cuorage to konfront you and your little click of apostates.

      1. Sigh of bliss… I have always, ALWAYS wanted to be in a little click of apostates. Click, click, click. :mrgreen:

      2. I love how Big Gary’s spelling and grammar got progressively worse through his post. It actually looks like he is getting all worked up while he is writing it. Nice πŸ˜†

  2. Every time a fundy has something to say here, we should use that bingo card instead of responding, as in “speak to the card” {with a snap of the wrist, hand up}

      1. hahahahaha, I like that, we should do it, plus saying bingo means exactly that. Bingo! see what I mean?

      2. Didn’t Darrell (double-checked the spelling!) recently respond to a drive-by comment with a link to a post about the tactic the commenter had just used? And he left, knowing we had not only heard this excuse before, we had dissected it, labeled all its parts, and traced its pedigree.

        Maybe we need a dictionary of Fundie tactics on this site, so when someone uses one, we can just say “I call a number 7!” And while we argue over whether it was really a number 7 or more accurately a number 9, the troll can’t even pretend to know what we’re talking about without reading the post about his fallacy. We could even reference the comments of the post, e.g., “He’s arguing that it’s not a number 9 based on argument 9c, which was refuted in 9e-h.”

        1. Some commenters do this by referencing the Fundy Rules by number (see list of Fundy Rules 1-72).
          In fact, the drive-by fundies could save themselves a lot of time if they, too, just referenced (by number).the Fundy Rules they were invoking; e.g. “This post is wrong because of Rules 12, 15, 42, and 70.”

        2. @ Big Gary: Good point. I just bookmarked the Fundamentalist Rulebook so I can open it in another window while responding to a comment. While there are some rules specifically relating to to commenters, maybe we should make some additions.

          @ Sims: No trouble at all. They come around to convert us, and we have people here who enjoy turning their screeds into entertainment, Amen?

          “The devil… the prowde spirite… cannot endure to be mocked.” Thomas More

        3. We could just use the Bingo card here – spelling and punctuation errors = B-1, ‘Papists!’ = G-4, etc. Someone gets five in a row in one post, we yell ‘BINGO!’

  3. This is brilliant.

    Sidenote: Hi, I’m new to this amazing site, and it has quickly become my new fav. I was the PK of an Independent Baptist (in the South) minister…as well as the granddaughter. So many Jack Hyles, Bob Jones (whichever Roman Numeral you’d like to add), Bob Gray (ick) and Dr. Lee Robertson stories truly make up my childhood. So thank you for this site. Perhaps I too can step away from the guilt that comes with being a fundie.Ha.

    1. I had to be negative, because you obviously share a similar story to most of us here and are very welcome here but… you *may* wanna change your handle, on account that it’ll cause some of us to start twitching.

      That said, again welcome πŸ™‚

    2. Welcome to the site. I find it a healing process. To see that others have experienced the same kinds of stuff in their fundy churches I experienced in mine helps a lot. It’s easing my progress out of fundydom. πŸ˜€

    3. Welcome, Beam-n-Eye! I like the name. It shows a willingness to laugh at oneself all too lacking in Fundieland. I believe there was (is?) a Christian band by the name Plankeye, which I took the same way. I’ve found this blog and its readers remarkably positive and encouraging. It’s refreshing to be able to say, “So I wasn’t just imagining things? You saw it, too?” And I actually enjoy a little negativity when I have reason to believe those telling me to have a positive attitude are lying.

      1. “I actually enjoy a little negativity when I have reason to believe those telling me to have a positive attitude are lying.” LOVE that!

        PB, I’m beginning to like you. πŸ˜€

    4. Welcome Beam-in-eye. One of the rules to participate here is that you must strip youself of guilt imposed upon you from fundyland, take your time but get er done. Truely, I tell you, you have nothing to be guilty for.

  4. I want to try to print out the card, and see how long it takes me to get a bingo, assuming this site hasn’t scared away all of the fundamentalists.

    1. Scare away all the fundies?
      That’ll never happen!
      No matter how many you scare away, there are always more.
      Besides, you can’t really scare them away. If you’re nice to them, they feel welcome. If you argure with them, they are determined to show you the error of your ways. If you make fun of them, they believe they’ve been chosen to be martyrs for their cause.

  5. More to add; never wrong, arguementative, must have the last word (learned that from their preacher)judgmental (playing God) righteous but rotten, hard to get along with, anti-social, competitive (“I saved 27 souls and baptised 100 this week”)…..

      1. ROTFL! Yeah they can preach hour and a half long messages til you think they will NEVER finish and still never say it all! Enough already!!! πŸ‘Ώ

        1. Reminds me of a story or a little boy, who tried to sit patiently through a fundie sermon. Finally he turned to his daddy and said “Daddy, is it still Sunday?”

        1. Easily, picture if you will…purdy lady wearing a skirt 1 inch above the knees which is waaaaay above her open toed shoes.

        2. What is it with fundies and open toe shoes? Are they afraid all us guys will get an uncontrollable urge to suck them or something? I’m just asking…

        3. It’s the sexy nailpolish on the exposed toes. The preacherboys can’t handle it. πŸ˜‰

      1. The toes aren’t the only part of the foot that lead a man to sin. When I was attending BJU in the 80’s a visiting speaker preached an entire sermon (rant) about how women “defrauded” men by wearing clogs. The problem, those naked heels. Hussy’s! 😯

  6. Supplements income with sermon tape sales, Mails church bullitan instead of a get well card.

  7. I think we should start playing now, using past posts and comments. Just site the proper comment once you’ve dug it up.

    (Yeah, slow day at work today, thankfully.)

  8. “How many souls have YOU won this week?” Well none of course! Since God wins them not me. And in my false humility I can’t say I won them now can I? I can only say I “saw” them be saved, anything else implies I did it without God!

    And if you’re asking how many I got to say a 1-2-3 pray after me, that may be quite a few. How many of these actually got saved? Alas, probably very few…

    But I won the award for most souls saved this week, that has to count for something!

    “Well our way of doing it is better than your way of not doing it.” Pat fundy answer. That does not excuse your way of doing it, which gives you a lot of decision slips of people who will probably never darken the door of your church, and another few notches on your soul winning belt but very few true converts. πŸ˜₯

  9. Wow Naomi! This is impressive. Yes, let’s play some Bingo! Can we put Darrell’s face in the Free Space? πŸ™‚

    1. Great idea! I know a lot of people here could come up with wittier bingo squares, so we should totally improve it. Maybe we could put the template over on the forum… πŸ˜€

    2. I happen to think “Thinks they are the first fundy to correct us” is perfect for the Free Space. Because it’s true of practically all of them, so it’s a given.

  10. I’m going to save this to my computer and go on a stroll through the archives to see how quickly I can get a bingo, marking them off as I go. Wish me luck!


      (Perhaps there should be a box for excessive exclamation points.)

    2. OK, not as fast as I’d expected, but I was distracted by other stuff while searching… I filled quite a bit of the board in this time, but only just now got a bingo. I got…

      – out of context Bible references (loads of them)
      – “bitter” (quite possibly the most overused word I came across)
      – people taking the Internet VERY seriously (basically everyone)
      – “criticizing IFB hurts the cause of Christ!” (not in those words, but that sentiment, that anything remotely against anything remotely Christian was anti-Christian)
      – supposedly sickened/disgusted but obviously still reading

      The other ones I found were the spelling/punctuation errors like you would not believe (or maybe you would! :razz:), insisting they were “different” from those “other” fundies, a handful of demands that you know someone in person before you criticize them (mostly on the news posts reporting that such-and-such a pastor has been convicted as a child molester), saying nobody and no movement is perfect (and therefore you shouldn’t criticize anyone), that Jesus wouldn’t be happy with SFL, misspellings of Darrell’s name, and even an accusation of Catholicism here and there.

      All in all, quite a good harvest!

  11. Kaje-I hate to be the cause of twitching. My goal is to help all “beam-n-eyers” to assimilate. One “beam-n-eyer” at a time… πŸ˜›

    1. After I thought about it, I remember the “other” handle was Mote and Beam, so i feel all better now lol. 😳

      I just had this sinking feeling when I saw yours and thought, “oh crap, he’s back.” 😯

  12. How ’bout spaces for:
    “Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water”
    “I personally know many who were saved by the ministry of [insert fallen preacher here, i.e. Jack Hyles, Bob Gray, etc.]” (as though that excuses their immorality)
    “The fundamentalists I know are sincere”
    I could probably fill this card myself just with the combative e-mails I’ve received while trying to see my way out of the “movement”……oh, there’s another one:
    “We’re a movement, not a network/denomination!”

    1. I really can’t believe I forgot the baby. 😳 Baby in the bathwater is almost as common as The Bitter Cardβ„’.

      Just goes to show I threw the baby out long ago. My bad. πŸ˜‰

        1. However, they forbid babies from going to the baptismal font. Therefore, how can they make such a statement?

  13. i was goingto change my name and POST ON BITTERNES but was scraed derril wood no it wasnt a fundy newcomer cause he probly bugs the system with his russin frinds and knows who we all are who have post before and then he would send evil ccm to my computer as punishinment

        1. Papa Bear, we’re gonna have to keep an eye on you so you’re not taken in by the free candy on the church bus trick.

        2. No, George, that’s I Am His Beloved.
          The name I Am His Bleoved is available, though, if anybody wants it.

        3. Wow, I didn’t think anyone could ever contol my emotions again….until now. I thought you liked Big Gary’s Pickles comment over mine until I read your other post a few down the line.

        4. When I was a bus kid, they had a jar filled with coins to reach our hand in and fill our fist as full as we could. One time I won a large barbage bag full of popped pop-corn, I was my daddy’s favorite kid for the week. πŸ˜›

        5. I knew a guy who worked at the movie theater and he brought to church bags and bags of leftover popcorn. (Don’t ask how he got away with working at the movie theater either… I don’t remember what the special dispensation was. He must have been sleeping with someone important.)

        6. What special dispensation? He dispensed the left over discarded pop corn from the trash……eeeewwwwee, and he kept in in a garbage bag when he gave it to me.

  14. A little off topic here, but BJIII dropped this nugget of humility in chapel earlier this week.

    “It’s all the harder…for me, as about a 5-gen believer, to love Christ as we ought to, because the stain of sin isn’t so greatly upon us.” -Dr. Bob III, 10/9/2011.

    The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer: β€˜I thank you, God, that I am not a sinner like everyone else. For I don’t cheat, I don’t sin, and I don’t commit adultery. I’m certainly not like that tax collector! I fast twice a week, and I give you a tenth of my income.’ (Luke 18:11-12, NLT)

    I think he’s getting to the age where he’s just gonna tell everybody exactly what he’s thinking. No filter. It’s typically something about the cross he bears that’s brought on by how holy he and his family have been for 5 generations.

    1. I used to think this, not having the great “saved from a life of drugs, sex, and rock and roll” testimony made me think I had it harder than the gloriously saved. Turns out I just needed to learn more about myself, and that my sin was just expressed in a different way because of the spiritually safe environment I was raised in.

      For someone his age to still be this immature and arrogant about his own standing is mind blowing.

      And doesn’t God visit the sins of the father on the third and fourth generation? The stain of that sin IS so greatly upon him

      1. Uh, oh guys! The old man is getting senile. Better get him off to the home, along with Harold Camping…

    2. β€œIt’s all the harder…for me, as about a 5-gen believer, to love Christ as we ought to, because the stain of sin isn’t so greatly upon us.” -Dr. Bob III, 10/9/2011.

      This is a disgrace. And disgusting. And nauseating. 😑 πŸ‘Ώ 😯

    3. My mom works as a nurse for an adult day health center where people with dementia or Alzheimer’s come for social interaction and fun. She brings home some pretty crazy stories. Once you hit a certain mental age, you begin to lose social inhibitions.

      I’m guessing ol’ Triplesticks will stick around until they can find somebody to be the president of that place, now that Stephen has stepped down.

    4. Hooo-eeee! He thinks he sins less or has less original sin or something because his forebears were baptized?
      Where does he get THAT notion? Not from any Christian doctrine I’ve ever heard of, and certainly not from the Bible.

    5. Someone once said, “He who is forgiven much will love much.” I can’t remember who said it though. Some homeless dude.

    1. I just posted that egregious quote to FB. My prediction? Little to no reaction. No one here cares much about the Joneses, Hyleses, Schaaps, etc. Refreshing. πŸ™‚

      1. I just now saw it. I reacted. I just didn’t know what to say on THERE about it. Don’t feel bad, people care. I almost re-posted it and then realized I don’t think I have ANY friends anymore who even know who the Bob Joneses are. (And I don’t want to get into it with my family members) πŸ™„

  15. Nominate for best contribution post of the year! Excellent work, Naomi! We need an iPhone app now!

    1. I second your nomination RobM! Even though I’m a lowly woman and my nomination probably doesn’t count πŸ˜‰

    1. I don’t mean that CNN is really a Communist News Network, I mean legitimate for the Bingo card.

  16. Fundy bingo? Isn’t that an oxymoron, almost a sacrilege? I mean Catholics play bingo RIGHT IN THE CHURCH 😳 ! No real fundy would admit to playing bingo! Except to help out the volunteer fire department. πŸ™‚

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