Friday Challenge: Write A Covenant

Every fundamentalist church worth its salt has a church covenant that lists out in broad terms what is expected of the members. (In case it has been a while you can check out a good example here.

Your challenge for today is to write a fundy church covenant for accuracy. Here’s your shot to tell the truth about how it really works.

Thanks to Natalie for sending along this suggestion for a challenge and even finding the graphic for the post

86 thoughts on “Friday Challenge: Write A Covenant”

  1. As a nod to the previous post, everyone wishing to join Standards Baptist Church must be Biblically baptised, namely by our mog.
    Only the mog and male members of his family are allowed any positions of authority at Standards.
    The precious helpmeet of the mog is the church treasurer.
    Church members are expected to give up every Saturday morning to the whim of the church, be it SOULWINNING, cleaning the church, or washing the mog’s car.

    I could go on, but am waiting for Don’s work of brilliance.

    1. aahhhhhh, now I have pressure…. It will be later today before I can do this andy justice.

      *an aside: I have some friends who are the son and d-i-l of this particular M-O-g, who were dis-fellowshipped because she took a job at Pizza-hut. Why? Because Pizza-Hut serves beer. It is ok if folks go there for dinner but you can’t work there whereas the prohibition clause is in their Church Coven.
      Now that is Hardcore Fundie when you shun a family member who is trying to help out her family.
      *ummm george? shouldn’t that be covenant instead of coven…. or on second thought… no wait you shouldn’t insult witches like that.

        1. Members can’t work at any establishment that serves “demon” alcohol. From what I understand it was an ultimatum, “either choose the Church since you are the youth pastor’s wife or continue living in open sin and rebellion selling the devil’s brew and aiding the cause of Satan. Your answer will reveal your heart towards God…. ya-da ya-da ya-da…
          She chose to help her family financially soooo, *BOOT* to the curb, you brazen beer wench! Image is everything!

        1. Oh, are we calling Miller Light and Michelob beer? I always thought that was just some kind of semi-filtered sewer water. And we all know that evil sinners go to Pizza Hut to get drunk and pick up one-night-stands. ๐Ÿ™„

        2. Good thing Pizza Hut has a drive through and delivery so the Pastor and the deacons don’t have to actually go “INTO” that den of vice and sin.

      1. Maybe if they’d pay the youth pastor a decent salary his wife wouldn’t have to go out to work did they ever think of that? I remember once the mog preaching a heavy sermon on how it was wrong for women with children to work outside the home. One of the teachers at the Christian school had a wife who worked outside the home because the church didn’t pay him enough to support her and their four kids. When he went to the pastor to ask for more money so his wife could quit her job he was told they couldn’t give him anymore money. Total hypocrisy all the way. ๐Ÿ‘ฟ

        1. I’m not sure it was a paid position in this case.

          I know it was a position held by the pastor’s son (see “The IFB Book of Perpetuity Through Nepotism” for details on Baptist Succession. The 30AD-2011AD edition: Keeping it in the Family and Doing it Just like John the Baptist and Jesus did it for 1981 years Now )

  2. During hollerin’ time, the giant church covenant behind the pulpit was one of the ways I entertained myself as a kid. I read every song in the hymnal, the book of Genesis, the book of Revelation and the church covenant a million times each. Mostly, I remember the line in the covenant about not drinking alcohol.

  3. Church Covenant

    Having been led, by the Man of God, on the traditions of our faith, and having been subjugated in the name of the Pastor, and of his Son-in Law, and of the Head Deacon, we do now in the presence of this assembly, most unwittingly enter into covenant of promise, in spite of one another, for membership at Fundy Baptist Church.

    We engage, therefore, by espousing the filling of the Holy Spirit, to correct one another in personal standards, to strive for the advancement of this Church in the knowledge of Baptist Distinctives; to promote its financial prosperity; to sustain its man-worship, legalistic ordinances, and Baptist traditions; to contribute dutifully in the financial needs of the pastor for the support of his family, the expenses of his whims, the relief of his car payment, and the maintenance of his status among other pastors of like faith as they attend conferences across the nation.

    We also engage to maintain family and secret devotion; to indoctrinate our children; to cast judgment on the lost; to walk piously in the world; to be selfish in our dealings, faithful in our attendance and superior in our behavior; to avoid all tattling about our pastorโ€™s backbiting and excessive anger; to be zealous in our efforts to advance the kingdom of our Pastor.

    We also engage to judge one another in false humility; to impress each other in cooperate prayer; to ovoid those in sickness and distress; to cultivate pity in feeling and authority in speech; to be quick to take offense, to sow discord in the members of the body of this church and to be always ready for discipline and mindful of the words of our Pastor and to secure it without delay.

    Therefore, with this covenant, may the man of God be preserved blameless, that he may bless this union of membership between you and this body until he find you no longer useful to his purpose. Amen.

    1. Your covenant is excellent! However, it is incomplete in two important areas. I now put forward this motion for amendment:

      Being called as a peculiar people, we verily engage to conduct our services with the 1611 edition of the King James Bible. We also engage to bear witness against the Roman Catholic Church, which conducts its services in a language that the people can’t understand.

      Whereas our public image is of prime importance, we engage to abstain from all alcoholic beverages and all things that are sold in containers that look like the containers that alcoholic beverages come in. We also agree to never patronize restaurants or stores that sell alcoholic beverages, excepting that they be the only available option or that they have a marvelous buffet.

      1. I would like to make an addendum to Brother Josh’s motion.

        Whereas, we, being found faithful Independent, Fundamental, Baptists do hereby proclaim that we believe there is only one inerrent, infallible, holy, perfct, inspired and preserved living Word of God for the English speaking people (and therefore must be used to translate into all other languages and correct any discrepancies found in ancient Greek, Hebrew, and Aramaic texts)and that is the Authorized 1611, Scofield, Black Leather, King James, Holy Bible! A-men!

        Futhermore, I submit that all paragraphs within our Covenant must begin with either “Whereas” or “Therefore” (so we know what the Whereases are Therefore, amen?!) Being written in BOLD Caligraphy in order to visually underscore our unwavering committment to the Holy Standards set-forth within this monumental testament to this Church and our Man of God’s High Standards and Appearance of eschewing even “the appearance of evil” by our outward practices of Holy Living.

  4. So i clicked over the the Pastor bio and here are a few observations:

    1. good to see that the graduated High School. Although in rural WV, I know that’s a big deal – and I’m not just saying that to be an ass.

    2. “Further education from Duke and Eastern Baptist College…” Wait! No mention of a degree? Good thing you can fall back on that HS Diploma. I guess when they write in the convanent “We also engage to…religiously educate our children” they are taking ultimate liberties and celebrating equivocation. (you can go look that word up ๐Ÿ˜€ )

    3. His wife just looks miserable. Like she’s fed up with his church personality vs what he’s like at home. She’s tired up putting up with his shi*t and making his dinner all the time when he can’t even stop at the local market every now and then and pick up some flowers or something romantic.

    Here’s the link to the Pastor Bio http://www.faithindependentbaptist.org/pastor.htm

    Honorable Mention Quote:

    A New Name
    The church voted to change the name of the church from Christ Faith Independent Church to Faith Independent Baptist Church in August 1980.

    Really? Consumer use of the internet wasn’t even around in 1980. And if you were an upstanding FIBC member back in 1979, and are returning to the area, are you rally sitting down at a PC 30 years later to google the church for info…and that buried tidbit of info is gonna help you realize that this is the same flock that you once left. How old would this person be? Not to mention that they’re on their 6th pastor since then.

    1. “3. His wife just looks miserable. Like sheโ€™s fed up with his church personality vs what heโ€™s like at home. Sheโ€™s tired up putting up with his shi*t and making his dinner all the time when he canโ€™t even stop at the local market every now and then and pick up some flowers or something romantic.”

      Whoa. Project much? She looks like a nice, happy lady to me.

  5. I started to read the covenant and knew what the next word was! We had to read this every month before we had communion (not that we ritualistic or liturgical).

  6. Here’s another addition to the existing rough draft…

    “We also engage to make sure you pay your tithe each month with a check from your financial institution so we can track your giving. We will also engage to prevent you from holding any leadership position if you do not meet the tithe requirement, even if you gave more than 10% of your time, talents, sheep, goats or other resources. If you give your money in cash, without putting it in the sacred offering envelope fully labelled, you are also disqualified. If you are found giving to the needy instead of to our building fund, salaries, etc., you will be shunned and prayed for at the altar.”

    1. Again, I must insist on the Introductory “Whereas” for this addendum.

      I also feel that the last line should be ammended to reflect a more stern disciplinary approach. One’s first warning will be a thinly veiled sermon preached directly to the member(s) who fails to heed this dictum. The second warning will be using some newly purchased item or vacation trip taken by the offending member as a sermon illustration, or if the M-O-g sees fit he has the option to come into the congregatiion and loudly proclaim that “God has told me that you [the offending member] are to give a hundred dollars this morning.”
      Then finally (if it comes to this) the M-O-g will call the offending member out before the whole church assembly and question their committment to the church and question their heart before god.

      1. My husband was the only deacon on the board that questioned the m-o-g and so he was quite often a sermon illustration. Not in name but we always knew, oh we knew. In hind sight, it was a blessing as it opened our eyes.

  7. The line about alcohol seems so randomly specific to me now (although I suppose it wouldn’t have when I was a fundy) … everything else is pretty general, and then BAM.

  8. My truth-in-covenant covenant would be:

    “This is a piece of paper we are creating because it is expected. The MOG is able to ignore this at his pleasure.

    The church office will keep a copy of this covenant, so that we have a record of anyone who asks to see it – we know that no one except troublemakers ever read the covenant.”

  9. Whereas it being resolved that pastor brother reverend is a true Man of God, having been called through the mysterious (but not effectual, we’re not calvinists or anything) workings of the Holy Spirit upon his inner soul at the tender and not-yet sin-besmirched age of 4, and thereafter accepting Jesus into his heart (seven times) and following that most holy and mysterious leading of God to pursue The Ministry and having obtained Impressive Credentials from his father’s seminary held in the basement of the church on Saturdays when mom decides to cook pancakes and other impressive victuals and

    Whereas our membership consisteth only of those who have prayed the Magic Jesus Prayer&#169 and asked Jesus into their heart and accepted him as lord and saviour at least once and having been baptized according to our own standard as revealed by God to be that most superior method that doth set us apart from the world and those dress-wearing Catholics; which said method shall be applied by our Man of God who can trace his baptism back to John the Baptist, who also baptized Jesus, which makes him pretty impressive, and shall be by immersion in the Jordan river or if that proves untennable, then in our heated baptismal tank in the front of the auditorium under the giant cross just to the left of the Baptist flag and

    Whereas having abstained from all pursuit of worldly ambition including listening to music not produced by this Establishment of God or wearing clothing that is attractive or being successful at work, and having separated ourselves from the soon coming judgment upon those who drink demon alcohol, watch Hollywood movies, darken the door of a movie rental facility or establishment which doth trade in demon alcohol or its derivitives, including isopropyl, butenol, and/or nitrous oxide, and having declared that all homosexuals, demon alcohol drinkers, and Mexicans are children of the Satan and doomed to everlasting torment beneath the wrathful gaze of Abraham’s bosom and

    Whereas the holy ordinance of tithing being established by the blood of two or three witnesses and wishing to abstain from further bloodshed (not to mention the trouble of burying the bodies in brother Ted’s cornfield), we do surrejoinder to automatically deduct a full 10% tithe for the operation of God’s church directly from the financial institution where you have your checking account and stuff. This being the necessary Godly minimum for purchasing grace, we do also wherefore establish that the forthwith notwithstanding those persons in responsibility of the tithe shall also at their good pleasure and behest of the Man of God deduct such offerings as deemed necessary for the good of the missionaries we prayer support and the new gymnasium we want to build and

    Whereas occasionally the world will use such ungodly mediums (which are forbidden as Satanic in God’s Holy Word – Lev. 20:27) as internet and television to spread Vicious Lies about Fundy men of God who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and being under the attack of Satan and besieged by the powers of darkness (but not in a charismatic way) we do hereafter consign to avoid all appearance of evil by abstinating from television, internet, newspapers, and all other forms of Mainstream Media, excepting Rush Limbaugh. In fact, just don’t think for yourself, the Man of God will do all that for you. And

    Whereas the only Authorized King James Version of 1611 being the only authorized version as authorized in 1611 by King James, and it being the holy, perfect, preserved, inerrant, infallible, perfect, really good, received, traditional, error-free, God-breathed, without error, loquacious, pleonastic, prolixic authorized Word of God in English for all of God’s Christians in all times and places and having been established as the only fair standard for standardizing standards within the standard Christian church, we determinate to bind this book eternally upon our arms and upon our foreheads, and about our neck and be cast into the sea and

    Whereas this being the Last Days when many shall defecate from the faith and start listening to CCM and read perversions of the the Bible, having been deceived by Satan and critical thinking skills taught in Satan’s public indoctrination centers, we do solemnly swear that if you leave our fold, we will hunt you down, lock you in a shed, and pray over your soul while Sister Gertrude beats you with a leather strap while playing Jack Schaap sermons on repeat for twenty seven hours a day. And other church disciplination measures.

    1. This just kept getting better and better.

      I loved your comment about the tithe “being the necessary Godly minimum for purchasing grace” — oooo!

      And defecating from the faith! ROFLOL

      And Sister Gertrude? Oh, my. Now there’s no question why some of us are in the ex-fundy witness protection program!

    2. Defecate from the faith is about the best line I’ve read. You deserve a prize! ๐Ÿ˜†

      My mother’s name was Gertrude. Of course, she preferred to be called Trudy! :mrgreen:

    3. oh man this is the funniest thing in the world- “decieved by critical thinking skills in Satan’s public indoctrination centers”
      and that bit about the gymnasium and Ted’s cornfield. this was a good topic. i wanna be natalie’s friend now

    4. Random comments:
      Now THAT was a run-on sentence to be proud of!
      The ends of the paragraphs were very well done!

      “Impressive Credentials from his fatherโ€™s seminary held in the basement of the church on Saturdays when mom decides to cook pancakes and other impressive victuals”

      Impressive Credentials – can’t even bother to name the “degree”
      What Mom cooks really mattered to that little seminary…

      The list of synonyms describing the KJV was highly impressive (assuming they’re synonyms – can’t be bothered to look up the many I don’t know), as was that garbled bit about standardizing standards or something like that…

      “we determinate to bind this book eternally upon our arms and upon our foreheads, and about our neck and be cast into the sea”

      My favourite phrase in the whole thing! Like someone actually knew enough Bible to get caught up in a phrase and intermingle completely disparate quotes ๐Ÿ˜€ Plus, kinda what should happen…

  10. You know I posted this challenge with some hesitation because it was late at night, I was out of ideas and I had a slammed full day today without time to write something else.

    Church covenants are an arcane and not exactly fun topic.

    So I come back and find you all having a group project of writing and revising one together and it just tickles me to death. SFL has the best community in the whole world bar none.

    You guys rock my face off.

    1. “….not exactly fun topic”

      Anything to do with fundies can be fun. It’s just their nature. Their material is like a giant softball being served up to the Babe Ruths of SFL.

    2. Ummm, I motion that Darrell ammend his reply to reflect:

      Whereas, Church covenants are an arcane and not exactly fun topic.

      and

      Therefore, I come back and find you all having a group project of writing and revising one together and it just tickles me to death.
      ๐Ÿ™„ ๐Ÿ˜‰

  11. Seeing that times are a changing, the following clause needs to be added to any church covenant.

    We solemnly promise that we will bring only real printed Bibles to church rather than reading our Bibles on our smartphones or ipads. You cannot get distracted with email or Facebook with a printed Bible. We realize that we must give a good testimony and not even give a hit of a suggestion to those around that we might be playing Angry Birds rather than reading our Bible apps. Also, those around us will have no way of knowing for sure we are only reading the KJV on our smartphones. If at home, we are free to read our Bibles on our smartphones as long as we separate from Bible apps that have versions other than the KJV. And remember, if the electricity goes out, the printed Bibles will still work (can I get an amen?)

    1. Fred! What sort of finatical radical are you???
      The Projector screen has not even made its way into the covenant much less hand held technology. It will be another 15-20 years before Baptists will sully their Old Path Covenants with references to mere technology. ๐Ÿ˜† for now it will have to remain in the “unwritten” category. ๐Ÿ™„
      (didn’t we cover cell phone technology in church last year about with pastor who said he would confiscate and break any cell phones he saw out during church??)

  12. Article XXIV.III
    We understand that we are all sinners and shall respect one another with Christian charity. Amen.

    Article XXIV.IV
    The above article shall exclude the following sinners that are worse than all others: gays, DEMONcrats, purveyors of alcohol (like the servers of the Applebee’s down the street where we go to lunch after church), and those singled out by this week’s sermon. Amen.

  13. Ah, “covenants”…

    One of the tricks fundies use to ensnare people into following dictates they disagree with is to get them to vow to obey some rule book or contract or covenant as a condition of fellowship/employment/membership. That way, the “sheep” is no longer free to follow his/her conscience on matters they disagree on, because the MoG/administrator/Anointed Leader can play the “you promised to obey the rulebook/church covenant and you are breaking your word if you don’t” card. So it allows authority figures to control believers even in areas where the believers’ conscience would otherwise lead them to choose a different path, by recruiting the victim’s own conscience to control him/her.

    I call that type of manipulation “integrity traps.” The sad thing is, the more sensitive someone’s conscience is, the more they get victimized and enslaved by this type of thing. And of course it throws the priesthood of the believer and _sola scriptura_ completely out the window, but I suppose those things aren’t all that popular in fundyism anyway.

    1. Man, your comment is so TRUE! As I am sitting here reading this I vaguely remember signing a church covenant a few years ago the then pastor wanted people to re-sign them at a church anniversary or something. I need to go read it again. My kids are in the fundy school and I noticed that their “statement of cooperation” that everyone MUST sign is glaringly not available on the website, hmm could they possibly be embarrassed for the world to see how anally they try to control every minute aspect of the student’s life? Or maybe they are afraid it might get on SFL? ๐Ÿ˜ˆ

      1. So very true! It was easier for me to avoid movies, listen only to hymns, always wear skirts, and show up to church every time the doors were open than it is now to be patient, forgiving, unselfish, and gentle. (It’s ironic though because when I thought true godliness meant complying with a list of external standards, I felt burdened; now that I have the more difficult goal of being transformed from the inside out, I am filled with joy and am free because it is Christ working in me!)

        1. Yeah. Love is hard. But that’s because we are taught to forget what love is. And then we meet a girl through our sister who swears like a sailor, drinks like a stereotypical Irishman, and loves Jesus and the downtrodden more than any person alive you’ve ever met. And then you learn what love REALLY is, because she’s introducing you to your savior. And you never forget the people who taught you not to love, but instead of hating them, you ache for them. They keep you up at night because they never learned love again. And then you find it hard to embrace the innocence and beauty of God’s love, because it’s so much simpler than anything, even the love of that woman. And THEN you hit speed bumps in your relationship, lose faith in God for a bit, and see all the pain in the world, but now that you’ve learned how to love, you CAN’T STOP!

          Love is nearly impossible, but then you learn it’s easy, but then it becomes almost unbearable.

          That… turned anecdotal instead of responsive, but it’s 7:03 and I’ve been painting all night.

        2. Great stuff Sean, I’ve been away for a few days, and just catching up here at SFL, this made my Sunday morning.

          Oh that Love is such good stuff!!!Would to God that I would keep this message of love always in the front of my brain instead of elsewhere.

  14. Another way to get around a believer’s use of their freedom in Christ is to set “policies” about everything to avoid the fact that there isn’t a real Biblical basis for all the STANDARDS.

  15. We the Brethren of the First Independent Fundamental Baptist Church of the Whitewashed Sepulchres do agree to force each other to uphold the appearance that our shit doesn’t stinketh.

    We agree to pretend that the only music we listen to is the kind we sing/allow in church. We agree to publicly, loudly bemoan any music not produced by “our kind” while listening to what we wanteth when no one else from church will see or hear, amen?

    Anyone stupid enough to point out the hypocrisy of this will be shunned and labeled a rebellious, worldly backslider. We just want it to look like we follow all those rules who do you think you are to expose the truth?

    We all agree to always be uncomfortably dressed up and act like this is normal and we like it. We (women) know we wear pants when we are far away from church and that there is nothing wrong with this but we agree to pretend we believe someone has the right to tell us how to dress on our own time because they sign our pay check and our spouse’s paycheck. Plus, it makes us look different-if not more decent than others and a man who is a pedophile or whoremonger can get away with so much more if he “looks” respectable.

    We agree to one-up even our Lord, Jesus Christ in abstaining from wine. We agree act like we believe that the Bible really means grape juice or water with a couple of drops of wine in a gallon. When our kids grow up and realize we lied to them, well, we’ll deal with that later, they will be too busy attending BJU or HAC or PCC, amen?

    We all agree that even though female Deacons are mentioned in the Bible that their only duties were to watch women change for baptism and pour the grape juice for communion and clean the prophet’s chamber-that’s all! Amen.

    We will state that we have a testimony to uphold in our community even though we NEVER do anything for our community, we are actually as cold as iceโ€ฆbut we do have “hot” preaching…
    We agree to one-up our Lord once again and abstain from any and all public displays of affection at church especially between members of the opposite sex, only the fake “right hand of fellowship” is allowed.

    By no means should any member signing this agreement read Matthew chapter 23.

  16. A parody in conversation.

    MOG, “Thanks for stopping by today Eric. I understand you have a few questions about the church covenant. I would be happy to answer all of them for you.
    Eric, “Well, as I looked at the word covenant and did some reading on the actual word it became clear that covenant has almost always been agreement between two parties where they both agree to do something and/or refrain from doing something on behalf of the other party. So with that in mind I was wondering specifically what First Baptist Church of the Separated and Sanctified will do for me if I agree to sign the covenant?”
    MOG, “Excuse me?!?!”
    Eric, “Well, I’m agreeing to tithe, not drink, don’t swear, attend every service the church has, come to every activity FBCSS has, make sure my wife never puts on anything that resembles a pair of pants, and that includes pantyhose, and well, I was wondering what FBCSS was covenanting to do.”
    MOG, “I will be preaching and dictating every decision and choice your family will make, isn’t that enough?”
    Eric, “Well, I suppose, but you were doing that before we signed the covenant. By signing the covenant is there anything new that you and the church will be doing for us.”
    MOG, “First off let’s make this clear. I am the church. What I say goes. Understood? Good. The one thing that the church, and by church I mean me, will do for those who sign the covenant is pray for you. I will pray that you heart will remain devoted to me and that as you grow in grace with God you will never mature to a point where you get the idea to question anything I do.”
    Eric, “Well . . . ok I guess. But I have another question. Why a covenant? After all every message you preach mentions the evils of booze, Elvis Presley, women in the workforce, and how we live in a dispensation of grace, so if we are in the dispensation of grace why are we enacting a covenant? After all if the covenants in the Bible only took place during the first 4 dispensations, why are we bringing in back during the church age which is suppose to be in the age of grace?”
    MOG, “Eric, I’m concerned about your heart. It would appear by your questions that you’ve allowed your wife to began to rule the house. It would also seem as if though you’ve been reading the parts of Spurgeon that I’ve warned people not to read.”
    Eric, “Sorry I was just asking.”
    MOG, “No, you weren’t just asking. You are questioning my authority. You need to get right with God. You’re dangerously close to becoming a heretic.”
    Eric, ๐Ÿ˜ฏ

    1. Eric, you NAILED it!!! I could relate a couple VERY similar conversations in my former fundie life that left me wondering what was wrong with ME that I could never seem to “have the right attitude” about stuff that didn’t seem right to me. So glad I am no longer blind.

    2. ๐Ÿ˜ฏ As a new Christian I was told, “You’re just being contentious!” whenever I asked questions like this. Oh, and the group I was in at the time was a bonafide cult. Hmm….

  17. Not every Bible Christian believes in rules, rules and following men over God. I know these deceptions are moving into fundamentalist churches. I protested the use of covenants on my blog:

    http://galatiansfour.blogspot.com/2011/02/covenant-membership-and-federal-vision.html

    “I see Protestants or evangelicals speaking of “submission” to a church body especially during days now where false teachers and falling away abounds. Signing “contracts” or church covenants where you have to take classes and are “interviewed” and the rest, seems to be a part of this process. Seems all very formalized with vows to men being on the top of the list.[I chose examples here at random googling “covenant membership”]. Some churches even have ceremonies for when people sign the church covenant while others require a renewing of this covenant. Overall something doesn’t sound right where church members are forced to “sign a contract” to be part of a church. The focus should be on soul-winning and salvation and then discipleship not signing a list of ‘rules’ even ones that have a biblical basis. Christians are to operate in freedom and under the guidance of God.”

    and

    “I am curious, what if the church goes wrong? Connecting obedience to a church as being the same as obedience to God also is dangerous. The churches are full of people blindly following leaders automatically thinking they all speak for God. Also when everything in life is a “contract” and run like a business deal? Isn’t something lost? Watch out for any leader who asks you to make official your submission to him or a church organization!

    One comes to Jesus Christ out of love, and while God has covenants [OT and new one in NT] having God and your church presumbly treat you like an employee, that has to make ‘vows’ [isnt there a Bible verse against the making of vows, where it says let your yes be yes and your no be no?] Ah found it:

    Mat 5:37 But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil.”

    I would never sign such a thing…and no one else should either.

      1. As far back as I can remember, I remember seeing those looming plaques that hung in the churches that I went to growing up. They were like giant proclamations of rules that all who entered must adhere to.

        1. I suppose the one (and probably the only) advantage of this is that the rules are out in the open, rather than just being unwritten.

        2. @ Jo A
          Don’t assume that. There are just as many unwritten rules where one of these are posted. In Fact, what is posted is just a teaser for the 900 terabytes of rules that are to follow… ๐Ÿ™„

  18. While looking for info an Fellowship Baptist College in East Peoria I found a website called Online Baptist

    Someone asked a question about what to do with kids who bring non-KJV to Bilbe club. Someone asked the question, What did people use before the KJV. Someone wrote “that is actually not for you nor I to worry about, our job is laid out very clear.

    I’s that not a loud of crap!

    1. Re: FBC in Peoria -it’s strange you can find out so little online about it. They graduated a fair number of fundies.

      I know a lot of the alumni, some quite well, I find most of the churches to be exactly as the church you mentioned in your post. They stand stubbornly on the Kjvo, yet few are willing to offer any reasons as to why. Those that have been brave enough to post a sermon online on the kjv stand are so inaccurate it’s disgusting. They never supported advanced study of any sort.

      They would never support or encourage a grad going to seminary (cemetery -it’s where pastors go to die.)

      They made BJU, PCC, HAC, BBC, look like a bunch of satanic liberals!

      If i recall correctly, they closed due to infighting of supporting churches.

      I feel for them and the people they mislead. They didn’t start with that in mind, but that’s the result I’m afraid.

  19. This covenant shall be signed by all members of this only true church; and by signing said covenant the signer agrees to never leave the faith (aka, the church), and shall sign all later amended covenants as was most likely, or at least could have been, commanded by the apostles.

    Whereas, the member shall agree to walk the aisle in order to save the reputation of his church, his family, and most importantly his Pastor when it appears that by remaining in said seat would make him backslidden.
    Whereas, the signer agrees to scold all other “Christians” for their New-Fangled Perversions and advise that they buy a 1611 Authorized Bible (for, it is not a version, but the very words of God),
    Therefor, the signer shall agree to doubt whether a perversionist has indeed walked the aisle and prayed the prayer (for this is the only true means of salvation) because the Holy Ghost has not worked in his heart (by merely suggesting, because God clearly values the will of man more than his own sovereignty)on this matter.
    Whereas, the signer shall agree to never read the works of, or even hold a discussion with the fallen Calvinist. The name of John Piper shall only be mentioned in derision by the Man of God from the pulpit and any who have read the works of said Piper shall be derided from said MoG from unsaid pulpit.
    Therefor, in addition to deriding said Piper, the MoG shall also deride also previously unsaid Osteen for his Prosperity “Gospel”.
    Whereas, in the same message (this message is from God, merely spoken through the MoG. All who doubt this must walk the aisle again) the Mouthpiece of God shall threaten all who withhold from the MoG…er…God their tithes shall receive not the blessings bestowed upon those who indeed have given tithes.
    Amen

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