306 thoughts on “Ladies’ Conferences”

  1. This reminded me that for a while I actually went to a church known as ‘The Galaxy’. They used a former cinema called the Galaxy and though they called themselves something slightly less cosmic, for a while they were generally known as the Galaxy until eveyone forgot about the cinema.
    We had perspex tubes lit up in the walls as well which gave it a spacey feel, in an eighties type way.

    1. Not that I want to attend a conference like this, but if I did, it’d be to get away for a mini-vacation. I wouldn’t want to bring my kid to the hotel with me.

  2. Does anyone remember that Sunday School song that had the spaceship countdown. “somewhere in outer space God has prepared a place for those who trust Him and obey…”?

      1. 10 and 9, 8 and 7, 6 and 5 and 4
        call upon the savior while you may
        3 and 2, coming thru the clouds in bright array
        The countdown’s getting lower every day! :mrgreen:

    1. LOL, Bassenco!!! It would take copious amounts of alcohol to get me through another brainless Fundy women’s conference. We could make a drinking game out of it – take a sip everytime they mention submission.

      So glad I no longer have to endure Fundy women’s meetings of any kind. Thank God I am free.

  3. “Please dress modestly according to the Bible”

    Translation: You don’t know how to dress right and we’ll tell you that you don’t read the Bible© (KJV 1611) if you even think of showing up in pants! πŸ‘Ώ

    1. Eewwwwww! Still more proof that fundies think of women as little children. When the largest figure on a flier for a conference on Christian Womanhood hasn’t lost all her baby teeth, you know there’s a problem.

      1. Gag me!

        Do Fundy men like the idea of going at it with what basically amounts to a little girl in an adult body? Where the @#$@#$ is the “womanhood” in any of this? It’s more like “here, let’s help you throw away the brain God gave you and keep you mentally in the single digits forever… or at least until your husband gets tired of it and starts boinking his secretary.” YEESH! πŸ‘Ώ

        1. @LMcC,
          “boinking” THAT is classic stuff. Reflecting on the flyer Jane pointed out…Whoever made that should be fired..those aren’t healthy images to put into peoples minds…making a child an adult? Kids are kids…dress them like kids, let them act like kids.

        2. Or starts boinking the 16-year-old girl he’s supposed to be counseling.

          Almost prophetic …

        3. If recent events are any indication, they apparently prefer going at it with a little girl in a little girl’s body. πŸ˜₯

    2. JoBeth Hooker’s sessions inspired me: “How to Want Intimacy When You Don’t Feel Well; How to Plan for Intimacy When Kids Are Around; How to Desire Intimacy After He Has Disappointed You; How to Be Intimate After 35… Period!”

      There’s so much wrong here it’s hard to know where to start!! First of all, her last name is Hooker. Okay… maybe that better be last too. Laughing too hard to write more.

      1. So looking at the list of topics on offer, women’s lives consist of family relationships, health and appearance issues. Nothing about work, education, skills, politics, social issues, creativity …

        I remember reading an article about the stereotyping of women in Christian circles and I remember one quote ‘I asked for a sword and they gave me a nail-file.’

      2. For singles: “Lessons learned from 20 years of being a single lady”. Really? That’s an attractive class. And first on the list for sexual abuse? Forgiveness. But apparently nothing on how to work through the trauma. Yes, the biggest problem abuse victims have is holding a grudge. πŸ™„

      3. How about it’s none of JoBeth’s business about my intimacy. BUT, if she REALLY wants me to go there….

        “How to be intimate after 35”. Well, I AM 35, and its simple. Here’s my advice in one sentence (and censored).

        Throw his &*# against the wall/bed/etc. and have your way with him.

        He won’t mind.

        1. Speaking as a representative of the assaultees, I can say that approach would be appreciated after 45 as well. 😯

  4. Uggg if you can bear it. Listen to “A Woman’s Dress
    Code” In the beginning this “mighty preacher” tells the audience not to take notes, not to bother turning and reading what he is saying from their own Bible and just “look at me.” Then he begins to somehow connect looking pretty with Eve eating the fruit. http://www.baptist-city.com/dr_owens.htm

    1. Don’t check the Bible?!?!? That ought to be an enormous red flag even in fundy circles! My old pastor was indeed very conservative and old-fashioned, but apparently not fundy because it made him happy when people checked the Bible, because it meant his sermon was Gospel-approved.

      1. Well…in most fundy churches, its OK to check your Bible as long as you don’t come up with an interpretation that’s different from the pastor’s. πŸ™

        1. A friend was just visiting in an IFB church where the pastor was on a rant against CCM. He said, “Check the Psalms.” My friend checked the Psalms and was showing me what she found: verses on clapping, playing with cymbals, singing with gladness (that’s an emotion — the preacher opposed “emotionalism” in singing), and praising Him with the dance. Check your Bible – it doesn’t say what they think it says!!!

        2. Indeed, all kinds of rejoicing and merry-making are Biblical. So is emotion, for that matter.
          I don’t know where some folks get the idea that having too good a time is impious, but they don’t get it from the Bible.

        3. True; heck, King David “danced before the LORD with all his might; and David was girded with a linen ephod.” An ephod, essentially, was an undergarment; modesty much? Regardless, he was DANCING. And then God punished his wife, Michal, when she told David off for such dancing. A cautionary tale?

  5. I love, “We will have a free lunch on Saturday for all paid delegates.”

    Then, its not free.

    Delegates? Not attendees, not guests, not any normal of things you would be called if you went to a conference anywhere else.

    But, it IS in Outer Space.

    1. I wish they’d just played the theme out all the way and called them “astronauts” or “space travelers.” πŸ™‚ “Delegates” sounds like something political.

  6. Al Lacy, the speaker at the Old Path’s Conference, was a great influence on me. He preached a revival at my IFB church and after hearing two of his sermons I decided to start my search for another church. Any church that would entertain such drivel from the pulpit was certainly not one I would want to be a part of.

    1. Well I guess in Fundyland more is … more.
      There ought to be a ‘law’ that says that the number of different fonts in any one publication is in inverse proportion to the integrity of the designer. Maybe someone could formulate this better than me.

  7. Has anybody else noticed that the church website from which this is pulled looks almost exactly like that of That Guy With the Glasses? Hilarious site, but liable to be met with disapproval even outside of fundy circles.

  8. Wow… this is that jerk (Jeff Owens) that had the youtube video sermon “We need to stop burning flags and start burning fags. We need hunt-a-homo week.”
    They are crazy. What a nice way to show the love of God… Disgusting. He ranks right up there with Steven Anderson. Owens used to be a VP at HAC. He doesn’t even have a real doctorate. Another fundy cultist.

    1. This is not crazy. This is a criminal act. Inciting violence against anyone is a criminal act. Anyone burning homosexuals is also committing a criminal act. (Obviously I am a godless, commie, heathen fag.)

  9. I was SHOCKED to come home the other day and find this very brochure on my buffet. ACK!!! It had come to our church; I guess the former pastor must have gotten our church on the mailing list.

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