Dissing Divorcees

DivorceIn fundamentalist circles there is a definite pecking order to sins committed. Being a former drug addict or murderer is actually a plus since it makes for a great testimony and turns you into a walking example of the transformational power of the gospel. On the other hand, being divorced in fundy circles consigns one to the kind of second class positions reserved for those who struggle with homosexuality and people who admit to having voted for Bill Clinton.

To a fundamentalist there is never a good reason to get divorced. Even if one’s spouse turns out to be a combination of Jack the Ripper and Attila the Hun the fundy code insists that there can be no escape clause from the eternal bonds of matrimony. And the ex-Mrs. Hun still doesn’t qualify to teach Sunday School or be on the missions committee lest others in the church see her example and be tempted to unwittingly marry a marauding philanderer.

It would appear that the only recourse for the fundy divorcee who wishes to have a place in ministry is to move to a remote part of Florida and start their own King James Only sect.

21 thoughts on “Dissing Divorcees”

  1. Funny…

    As I was reading the post, I thought of that person in Florida. : )

    Truly the worst of all things you can do. You can throw your whole life away as a reprobate, get saved, and become a great, out of context Fundy evangelist, but don’t EVER get divorced. I’d be suprised if they let you sing in the choir.

  2. Well, to be fair, the rest of the Baptist sect has only recently figured this out too. Only now do we have divorce-care and I was still surprised when I found out that an SBC friend of mine (who is divorced) was accepted to be a chaplain in the US Navy. Maybe the SBC figured he couldn’t hurt them in the Navy! I don’t know.

  3. Divorce – the unforgiveable sin.

    ex – Mrs. Hun should have tried harder and prayed more. It’s all her fault. Never mind that Mr. Hun never set foot into the church, was a pot-head, abusive, and addicted to porn.

  4. I agree about divorce being the unforgivable sin. Because of my wife divorcing me for no biblical reason I had to give up my calling of being a baptist minister. Ironiclly, her church is one of the few that doesn’t view it as an unpardonable sin and she’s a Sunday School teacher!

  5. This is so true. In a larger sense, the sad part is the way certain sins are treated as being “worse” than other sins. Jesus hates division, yet gossip is largely condoned in fundamental circles (i.e. “just passing along a prayer request.”). . .

    The worst thing is many fundamental churches offer no help for significant and real issues like divorce, marriage problems, abusive situations, etc. . except for “read this Bible verse and pray more.” Seriously.

  6. My church dis-fellowshipped a man because of his unrepentant adultery. He later divorces his wife and is now engaged to his mistress. He has joined a church across town. His former wife has informed us that since his fiancee is Roman Catholic, he is seeking to have his first marriage annulled by her church so he can marry her. (Can anyone explain to me the Roman Catholic practice of annulment?)

    We need a better understanding of I Cor. 7:10-16. Perhaps we would be better able to help if we did.

  7. Or you can (if a lady) write a book attacking every modern Bible version as the product of a vast New Age conspiracy, making sure that your book does not tell the reader you are a lady. Then you can go around lecturing on why Greek and Hebrew study is EEVIL!!!

    Worked for Gail Riplinger!

  8. The RCC will not “recognize” your second marriage unless your first marriage is annulled by the RCC. It is a process by which you must be vetted, so to speak, by your priest and the Archbishop of your state’s diocese. The Archbishop will contact the first wife or husband by a letter letting them know that your former spouse wishes to annull your marriage.

    Even though it is nothing more than a piece of paper to satisfy the RCC it is still quite humiliating and painful for the first spouse. They are being told that the marriage was never legal and that would make any offspring from that marriage to be illegitimate.

    Its bunk.

  9. @Amy
    I have gone through the annulment process. What you voice are common misconceptions of what it is. Because a sacramental marriage cannot be put aside, the Catholic church discerns through the annulment process as to whether or not a sacramental marriage between two parterns existed. If there was an imediment to the marriage (such as one partner’s alcoholism at the time of marriage), then that is considered to be a mitigating factor and may have prevented a sacramental marriage from existing.

    Two very important points: The Catholic church does not say the marriage wasn’t “legal” in the secular sense, nor does it say that any children from an annuled marriage were illegitimate.

    1. A Catholic lady who was a good friend of my parents once said that a Catholic Marriage can be annihalated, only if it hasn’t been consumed. I suppose she meant if it hadn’t been constipated. stil, even though I’m single myself I think divorce is made a lot easier these days, and that it is often the first option taken instead of being the last resort. If divorce was as easy when my parents were first married, i wonder sometimes if their union would have survived. It was stormy at times, but they worked through their problems, and the marriage lasted almost 54 happy yrs until my father died aged 82.

  10. I have a colleague whose wife left him for another man. They were both expelled from the church and asked to never return. He was in trouble because he surely hadn’t provided for her as necessary and drove her away to another man. This was some sort of fundy “Brethren” church back in the early 80’s; sadly, he has never returned to regularly attending a church because of it.

  11. This tore my aunt up. She recently had her 2nd divorce, and both times, her husband filed a divorce without telling her. In the state I live in that is leagal, you can become divorced without consent. On top of the devistation of being left TWICE, she is now dealing with even more devistation becuase of what the people at her church might think or say, shes really scared they might not let her teach sunday school anymore. She is too nice and loves her church too much to leave, but it makes me so angry that the people that should be supporting and helping her through this difficult time are only making things worse.

  12. My mom actually left the church because she didn’t feel like she fit in anywhere and was tired of being shunned by the married people.

    I hated listening to the sermons about all the negative effects of divorce on children. It made me feel like a statistic. And when people found out I was a DK, they usually looked at me like, “Wow, you seemed pretty normal until you said that. Now I’m wondering how dysfunctional you are.”

    You’re right about divorce being near the bottom of the sin pit. Who created this sin pit anyway? Pretty sure God doesn’t rank sins like we do …

  13. Even being seperated is unforgivable, as a friend of mine found out when his parents, who were missionaries in a fundy-type society hit a seious problem in their marriage, and seperaed in the sense that they went to live in different houses. Instead of coming close to them to help them be reconciled, the church not-so-politely told my friend’s parents to leave. Do did the missionary society. The marriage ended in divorce, both ended out of work and my friend rebelled against the Church and against God. I’m still praying for him.

  14. I was raised in and went to a fundie church for over 50 years. Because of a broken marriage, partly her fault, partly mine, I left home. I was immediately ostracized by the church…most of my life long friends don’t or won’t speak to me any more. I was lied about and half truths were told about me…Ben Franklin said it best, “Half a truth is worse than a whole lie.” I remarried…but my father, who still goes to this church, called me an adulterer and would have rather be still married to the old wife and in misery than be married to the new wife and in total happiness.

    Now, that I have been away from that life, I realize how blinded I was. I am now free to live as I want and not as they think I should. I am remarried to a woman who truly loves me. I lost a lot in my divorce….I had nothing to give her monetarily. She makes way more money than I, has her own house and pays her own way….in short, she does not need me. She WANTS me…and therein lies the difference.

    The divorce costs me both financially, physically and mentally. It has cost me friends and some family members…but I can tell you, the cost was well worth the pain.

    If you beleive the Bible, especially the KJV, it gives reasons for divorce…but nowhere did I fince that those were the only reasons..

  15. Perhaps this is my own skewed interpretation of the matter, but as far as I’m concerned ‘adultery’ means any breach of the marriage covenant–physical, emotional, financial, and sexual abuse included along with betraying the trust of one’s partner.

    I remember an encounter with a former friend when we were discussing the situation of a woman who had been beaten by her spouse. “God hates divorce,” he said, when I mentioned the idea that she’d leave him. “I’m sure He hates people beating up His daughters even more!” I replied. He mumbled something about that not being mentioned in Scripture, then the conversation abruptly ended.

    We were both single at the time: I had never been married; he had been divorced. I wonder why??? 😕

  16. Hmm..I don’t know about the homosexual brother. No saved person could ever possibly struggle with that sin according to most fundy’s that I know. If they are leaning that way, it’s because they were never really saved to begin with and they must be banished from the ranks of the holy. Seriously..when the news broke about Kirk Talley being gay, I know people who burned his CD’s that they had bought and up until that point had been blessed by his music..but no more. Also the sheet music for “Thank You” by Ray Boltz somehow went missing from the files in the office.

  17. My dad, who was divorced before he married my mom (who was also divorced), was once asked to consider becoming a deacon. He let the pastor know that he’d, some thirty-five years before, divorced his first wife. He was informed he was disqualified.

    My dad, rather irked about the situation, commented, “I’d have been better off if I’d killed her.”

    Sadly, in fundy circles, he’s right.

    1. With divorce so prevalent it’s going to be almost impossible to find suitable xian workers.

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