Prophecy Conferences

the-endIs your church sluggish and listless? Having trouble packing folks into the pews? Need something to really fire up the congregation? A prophecy conference is just the thing to bring folks in to your church and set them ablaze! The end of the world is here again.

Yes, sir, nothing will stir the fires of people’s heart like hearing about the tribulations, the anti-Christ, and the Great Whore of Babylon. Folks will flock in to hear latest ways in which the book of Revelation applies to the headlines. After all, there’s big trouble in the Middle East right now…and that’s never happened before.

And just look at how technology is fulfilling the prophecies. Forget all that stuff about 666 being hidden in social security numbers, bar codes, and debit cards. Make sure that your church knows that the mark of the beast is those new computer chips they implant to track animals. This kind of instruction is time well spent. Spending a whole night expounding theories the mark of the Beast is just the kind of edification that the body Christ needs.

Revelation is just the ticket to get those pews packed. After all, you’ll notice that there was never a series of gripping fiction books or movies based on Romans or Galatians. It’s the end of the world as we know it…

9 thoughts on “Prophecy Conferences”

  1. Dumb. Know the last time I heard a sermon on revelation? Neither do I. Know what I do hear all the time? GO WIN SOULS! Which is what you should be doing…oh yeah, but you’re calvinistic. ’nuff said.

  2. JRT: I am “Calvinistc” but only because it is the clear teaching of scripture. I also preached on Revelation for 8 months….but only because it is in the BIble. I also do the work of an evangelist…but Only because that is in the Bible (I do’nt go win souls…cause they don’t have that Carnival in my town…and it is not in the BIble.)

    You would do well before spouting stuptarded stuff at the end of funny post to be a bit more aware: The Modern Missions movement was started by Calvinist. Some of the most effective evangelistic church in American and in the American Church planting movement are Calvinist….

  3. HAHAHAHA! Great Whore of Babylon….love it. Did you ever have Dave Virkler at your church? Love the man.

  4. Posted today on the “I am an Independent, Fundamental, KJV only Soul Winning Baptist!” FaceBook site…. “Earthquakes in divers places… Do any of you hear the “rumblings” of Matthew 24?” Jack Van Impe where arrrrr yooooooo??

  5. ok @JTS you obviously know nothing about calvinist doctrines and the puritans and the history of our faith and missions.

    don’t you dare ever quote spurgeon or jonathan edwards again and then deign to accuse calvinists of not being concerned for the souls of men.

  6. So, ignoring JTR, the troll-fundy who is just begging for attention… 🙄

    I had been in churches that taught “the end is near” for so long that it wasn’t until recently that I actually started to think seriously about how valid their arguments were. The biggest one I kept hearing was, “just look at the trouble in the Middle East!” I’m not sure when exactly it struck me that there has been trouble in the Middle East ever since… it was the Middle East.

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