Tag Archives: exegesis

A Spirited Defense

Today we have a guest post from Hunter Hansen who comments on SFL as Viniator3 and blogs at WritingAllWrong.com.

The Holy Spirit. To a Fundamentalist, it’s not just a teacher, comforter, illuminator, and expositor-in-chief: it’s the best defense of Scripture’s meaning east or west of the Mississippi. Who needs heretical, man-made teachings such as historical-grammatical exegesis or context when you have the Holy Spirit backing your self-chosen heresy carefully guided interpretation?

The formula is simple: take any Scripture passage from anywhere. See how it agrees with what you’ve been taught? That’s the Holy Spirit showing you what the Scripture really means.

For example:

Ephesians 5:18 – “Be not drunk with wine.” = Don’t drink, ever.

Leviticus 19:28 – “Ye shall not … print any marks on upon you.” = No tattoos, ever.

John 13:35 – “By this shall all men know—” Oops, let’s skip this one.

Malachi 3:8 – “Will a man rob God?” = Tithe or die.

Once the Holy Spirit has “shown” you these meanings, the defense is set. And it’s impervious against all manner of attack or dispute. Observe:

Scorner: “Dude, you’ve got it all wrong. That’s not what that verse means.”
Fundy: “Brother, you’re gonna need the Holy Spirit to enlighten you on this passage.”

Shortcomer: “Well, the Holy Spirit showed me something different here.”
Fundy: “Brother, since I have more of the Spirit than you, I think you would be wise to see what the Bible really says.”

Deceiver: “As you know, I’ve steeped myself in the Holy Spirit, and I came to a different conclusion on that verse.”
Fundy: “To him that thinketh he standeth, brother: take heed, lest he fall.”

Compromiser: “But this is what God-fearing, Bible-believing people hold to, and there’s no real issue with it.”
Fundy: “Brother, as Scripture teaches, even the very e**ct shall be deceived in the last days. And in this Laodicean Age….” Note: “Elect” censored here, as fundies typically dare not utter it.

Liberal, clandestine Calvinist Bible professor: “So as you can follow, the context gives us a different meaning there.”
Fundy: “That might be what ‘man-made’ theology says, but I’m gonna go with what the Holy Spirit says about that.”

The Holy Spirit: Because the last thing God wants is for you to be wrong about interpreting the Bible as it should be interpreted. With the Spirit on your side, you’re always on the winnin’ side. Thanks be to God for his unspeakable gift!

Finding New Stuff in the Bible

biblemagnifySomeone once said that most heresy is started by one man sitting alone in a room with a Bible. That person was not a fundamentalist. In fact, a staple of many fundamentalist sermons is this line: “I was reading this passage this week and I found something there that I’d never seen before…” What’s even more striking is that nobody else in orthodox Christianity has ever seen it there before either.

What follows next could be just about anything from facts about Jesus not having belly button to suggestions that anti-depression medications may cause a mild case of demon possession. Whatever the case it will be highly entertaining and elicit a lot of amens from the preacher boys who will then and there determine that they too will someday uncover such scintillating jewels of truth.

It is important to note that not everybody gets these same discovery privileges. If a woman should happen to discover from the Scripture something as strange as the office of a deaconess she will be informed that only people with an extra helping of the Holy Spirit get to find new things in the Bible and that she’d be better off quietly re-reading Proverbs 31 a few more times.

“You won’t hear this preached anywhere else!” That’s for sure.