Potluck Tree. Bigger. Better. Amen?

Evangelist Tree. (Or it would be if they really had Old Testament fire-calling power instead of just the gift of loudness)

Rapture Tree. Poof.

Standards Tree. Not conformed to the image of this world. Also not incredibly practical or safe — just the way we like things.

Church and State Tree. Because the camo trees all sold out early. Thankfully there were still some bald eagle tree toppers left.

Kent Hovind Tree. Proven decisively from Genesis to be only 3 1/2 years old no matter what your carbon dating says.

Ministry Staff Tree. You’re lucky blessed to be able to afford even this much.

College library tree, the limbs of which are to remain demurely covered at all times. What? Would you wish to celebrate the birth of our Lord with a NAKED tree!?

Soulwinning Tree. We’ve been using the same one for the last fifty years and it’s just as effective now as it was back then.