Fundamentalists are great fans of Bible covers. Where else can you store 43 gospel tracts, a year’s worth of bulletins, cough drops, gum, extra strength tissues for repentance-quality crying, two pens, six highlighters, 4 bookmarks, a Read Through the Bible in Year guide from 1983 and (if there’s still room) a Bible.

But the  question the fundamentalist must ask  is: what kind of statement does my Bible cover make? Let’s explore some of the options:

Thy Word is a Lamp Unto My Feet…and also doubles as an emergency reflector.

I’m in the Lord’s army. And the Idaho Citizens’ Constitutional Militia.

Finally, a Bible that matches my outfit!

I’m a Southern Baptist on the Inside

I also have an extensive decorated plate collection…

Thanks to this cover, I no longer worry about getting lost in the church vestibule.

I’m patriotic. And home schooled. And I also sew name tags in all my clothes

I have Beach Boys tapes hidden in my closet.

I’m a Preacher Boy. And I’ve got the business cards to prove it.