Bible Covers

Fundamentalists are great fans of Bible covers. Where else can you store 43 gospel tracts, a year’s worth of bulletins, cough drops, gum, extra strength tissues for repentance-quality crying, two pens, six highlighters, 4 bookmarks, a Read Through the Bible in Year guide from 1983 and (if there’s still room) a Bible.

But the  question the fundamentalist must ask  is: what kind of statement does my Bible cover make? Let’s explore some of the options:

Thy Word is a Lamp Unto My Feet…and also doubles as an emergency reflector.

I’m in the Lord’s army. And the Idaho Citizens’ Constitutional Militia.

Finally, a Bible that matches my outfit!

I’m a Southern Baptist on the Inside

I also have an extensive decorated plate collection…

Thanks to this cover, I no longer worry about getting lost in the church vestibule.

I’m patriotic. And home schooled. And I also sew name tags in all my clothes

I have Beach Boys tapes hidden in my closet.

I’m a Preacher Boy. And I’ve got the business cards to prove it.

29 thoughts on “Bible Covers”

  1. I have seldom laughed this loud or this often. This post brings back a lot of memories–and I realize now that the Bible cover is a sort of anti-metrosexual means for fundies to accessorize.

  2. Wow, loved the first paragraph! I think I did carry about that much stuff in my Bible cover back in the day. It was always amazing how much lighter my Bible was after my yearly Bible cover cleaning-out binge. Interestingly, I haven’t used a Bible cover on any of my Bibles since leaving fundamentalism (unless you count my old KJV I no longer use). Coincidence?

  3. I’ve got a bible upstairs in a cover and its still full of papers. I go through them every once in a while just to shake my head at. Old notes from really boring sermons…. a “do you have a piece of gum card” that was used many different services… lol memories, memories….

  4. A Bible cover in a KJVO church would also be handy to disguise the fact that you use a modern translation of the Bible.

  5. I couldn’t think of a caption for this Bible cover:

    Perhaps some of you would like to take a stab at it?

  6. Obama has to humble himself, pray, seek God’s face, and turn from his wicked ways! Specifically, he needs to repent for his support of abortion.

  7. I think we all know that you don’t have to be a fundy to have a bible cover. I grew up with them. Still, the homeschooled one and the Kinkaide one made me laugh out loud!

  8. Laughed from the first sentence on! Haha! I remember those days. Carrying pens to supply a whole youth group. Having a cleaning out every so often. Fun times…
    And i’ll just avoid the whole political side of this…

  9. Your mention of all the pens and highlighters that you can carry in a Bible cover reminded me of one of my Bible teachers in Christian school. He actually spent several classes teaching us how to mark OUR Bibles HIS way. We had to bring pencils of a certain color to class. I don’t remember any of the specifics, but it was something “highlight the verbs with orange, the proper names with blue, the conjunctions with yellow” and of course ALWAYS find out what the “therefore” is there for. It’s more evidence to me that we dissected the Bible more than we read it.

    1. I’ve heard one preacher say that you should always mark your Bible because it shows that you take what God is showing you seriously. Yet another preacher (from the same pulpit, no less) said that you should never mark your Bible because if you do you are emphasizing your words and thoughts over God’s. 🙄

      The tendency of many Christians (not just fundys) to practically worship the paper and ink that their Bible is written on, while ignoring what it actually says, is really very sad.

  10. I just stuffed my Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, leather-bound and gold-leafed, into the cover. It was the perfect size. I was such a heathen! 🙂

  11. My mom still uses the one her best friend made her 20-some years ago from a quilted place mat. 🙂

  12. SNORT! This is hilarious! Thank you for giving me a smile on a slow evening at work. Perhaps we should have a “design your own Bible cover” competition on here some day …

  13. I’m SO glad I still don’t have my Bible cover. It looked like a purse and was trimmed in lace.

    It was actually made of estrogen.

  14. For the record I don’t see a single Bible cover that would be acceptable in a legit Fundy church. Looks like a bunch of liberal compromisers Bible covers for ESVs. 🙂

  15. I am so grateful to Mandy, for posting here today, because then I saw it in the scroll thingy on the right. THIS IS HILARIOUS. Well done, Darrell. 😆

  16. My former pastor (a gracious and humble man of the word) carried his bible in the original bible box. All the preacher boys who attended the assembly for which he was the senior pastor did the same thing.

    I still have my bible in the original box (Mostly Cambridge, but now my NASB box is well suited!)

    I haven’t had a bible cover since my SBC days wherein was my Thompson chain reference! Hey, I still have it along with the various and sundry incidentals located therein. 🙂


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