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Heading to Somewhere Else

1,239 Comments

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.
“I don’t much care where–” said Alice.
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat.
“–so long as I get SOMEWHERE,” Alice added as an explanation.
“Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “if you only walk long enough.”
(Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, Chapter 6)

Eight years ago I started down a road out marked “Out of Here.” Today I’m sitting looking at another sign named “Somewhere Else.” I think it’s better here. Time will tell.

Those eight years since SFL started have brought us 2,075 posts, 12 million visits, and almost 150,000 comments. A lot has happened in that time and we’ve experienced it together.

Yet with all the words written and replied, fundamentalism is not dead — mostly because fundamentalism will never die as long as human beings are what they are. Pride, fear, and greed are the ingredients we all carry with us; fundamentalism just has its own family recipe for the way they mix and serve them.

When Stuff Fundies Like started began to gain popularity about six years ago I told myself that every anniversary I would take stock of my personal motivations and the reasons I kept writing. Today as I sit here I can honestly say that the reasons are all gone.

I haven’t darkened the door of a fundamentalist church (or many other churches) in years. For me, my fundamentalist past has become a fixed point in time, a place I can’t ever really go back to because my personal story has changed and the fundamentalism I knew has changed. The old names and faces have started to fade away even while the methods remain.

The Independent Baptist movement is a shell of its former self. The winds of change are blowing and although you’ll always find IFB churches hiding in the hills and hollers of this land they’re quickly becoming a cultural oddity. Someday they’ll be spoken of in the same breath as the Shakers, Amish, and other breakaway sects who stood still while time marched on.

As for me, I’m continuing my journey to Somewhere Else which means moving on from here. The SFL archives will remain but (unless something unforeseen occurs) this will be my last post here.

The Facebook page and Twitter account will stay live so that I can keep touch with you all if BIG NEWS breaks out in fundyland.

You can also reach me over at darrelldow.com or my writer’s page where I’ve been doing some writing on other topics.

The forum will stay active for as long as I can afford the hosting. If you want to register just drop me a line.

I’m also toying with the idea of compiling a Best Of SFL book with my original pieces in it. If you’d be interested in such a thing let me know.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t take the time to thank so very many people who have supported, contributed, encouraged, chided, goaded, and otherwise made this blogging experiment one of the best experiences of my life. SFL took me halfway around the world. It reconnected me with faces I’d all but forgotten. It has brought me so many new friends that time would fail to name them all.

I love you all. I wish you joy.

I’ll leave you with this song that I recently fell in love with that gives a wish that seem so very appropriate for those who’s roads are taking them from Back There past my resting spot on the way to Somewhere Else. “I hope life without a chaperon is what you thought it’d be…and that all your favorite bands stay together.”

1,239 thoughts on “Heading to Somewhere Else”

  3. Darrell: I came late to the party, about three years ago, but I have enjoyed your insights and reporting of all the non-fun in Fundyland. I wish you joy on the rest of your journey, and do reappear every now and then so that we can know how things are going!

  5. Darrell, this site came to me at a very important step in my journey away from Fundstan and I have to thank you for the last several years as you helped in my own healing process. Godspeed and best of luck on your future endeavors.

  6. Book please, yes! Thank you for everything Darrell! I will miss you all but we can keep in touch on Facebook ~ Terri Lynn Plemons

  7. Darrell,

    Thank you for this place, and blessings to you and your family as you move on.

    Pax

  8. Glad Jim and I got to meet you, Darrell. We enjoyed the lighter view you brought in SFL when looking at my former world. Since he wasn’t ever a Fundy, I think it helped him understand me better.

    Happy you call us friends. We are glad you will still be writing.
    Yes, the book. Do it.
    Kindly,
    Wanda

  9. Longtime lurker, first-time commenter. I have enjoyed this site for several years. It’s a bit like a visit to the zoo, full of exotic creatures behaving in strange, fascinating ways I don’t always understand. I wish you luck in whatever’s next . . . and I’d read your book, too.

    1. You waited so long you’ll never know the joy of earning your very own butt cushion.

  10. Thank you Darrell, this site is probably the biggest player that both started and provided the inital motivation to keep moving away from Fundamentalism. Thank you, and every blessing.

  11. Brother Darrell,
    I cannot say how much joy and fellowship I have found here through the years. Titus and I are always quoting some of your uplifting pieces to each other on the way to some church activity (which is nearly every day).
    We have two children now. A boy and a girl. And the Lord has decreed that our quiver is full. I feel I will never measure up since we may never have to purchase a minivan, but I can always fill a church bus with kids from the neighborhood, amen? (That’s the joke Titus always makes. He’s so funny!)
    You may have heard the big kerfuffle that occurred at our very large church over the last couple of years. It began when a Head Deacon was placing a glass of water on the pulpit for the Pastor to have during his sermon (“Wherewith Shall He Measure”). The Pastor had left his iPad (which the Deacons were not sure about putting on the church budget, but apparently, time marches on) on the pulpit and it was open to some book reading function. Well, that book landed him in hot water. Immediately after that church service, there was a meeting and he was fired and evicted from the church parsonage. Titus was promoted from Youth Pastor / Bus Supervisor to Pastor that very night. Let that serve as a warning to anyone who might dabble in Calvinism. Our Pastor was fired for his unapologetic journey into Calvinism via John Piper. He even went to a CONFERENCE about it. We thought those trips out of town were fishy.
    The Lord works in mysterious ways and now I’m a Pastor’s Wife. It’s a heavy mantle (I think I can use that phrase, or is it only for men?) but I feel like I’m pretty well set in the modest clothing department. I have to build a set of speeches for Ladies Retreats since I will probably be asked to speak at them. I still play the piano. I’m very excited because we just got a new set of hymnals and they hold so closely to the Old Paths that I hardly have to look at the music anymore!
    Titus says that he has gotten so much sermon material from some of the websites you have featured. He would have had to study for hours in the old days. He doesn’t have time for that now that he is Pastor. One day, I will be able to give you a side-hug and thank you in person!
    We were very thankful to be able to move from the trailer into the Pastor’s parsonage. They left all their furniture (which is super-nice and NEW) and some of their groceries. I can’t decide whether to be thankful or not. How can I be thankful for someone going into heresy but how can I not be thankful for such a wonderful home (Central heat and air!! A dryer! No holes in the floor!)? God sure is funny sometimes. We also got the Pastor’s car. It’s a Honda but that’s okay. We are thankful for it! 🙂
    With so many wonderful Independent Fundamental Bible Believing Colleges and Universities closing, our church has considered opening one near us. But, we have to wait until Titus finishes his Doctorate online. It should only be a few months. Then, I can be the Doctor’s wife!! (That’s another Titus joke. ) We fear for the future of fundamentalism, especially now that you are laying down your quill. Whatever will become of it? Hopefully, there will continue to be people who will resist the Devil, hold to the Old Paths, be IN it not OF it, set a guard before their eyes, not go into the movie theater or the liquor aisle, and teach their children that “every date is a potential mate”. That reminds me that I have to set up a modesty lesson for the teen girls. One of them wore open-toed sandals to church Wednesday night. Modesty never takes a day off!
    Come visit our church and stand up to be recognized. We’d love to take you to Cracker Barrel afterward.
    In Modest Apparel,
    Camp Meeting Girl

    2. Camp Meeting Girl,

      You may take up the mantle of Pastor’s Wife.

      I hope Titus is worthy of your devotion. Jesus is, but people — not so much.

  12. Long-time Lurker.
    Thank you so much for these past years. Your posts (and all you who commented) helped me get through my senior year of PCC with some sanity. It gave me a place where I could acknowledge the craziness and start to detox from the crazy.
    You have seriously helped me over these past few years.
    Thank you. I can’t express how grateful I am.

    Best of Luck
    Thank you
    H

  13. Thanks Darrell!
    The SFL blog and forum were immensely useful for much needed understanding and support several years ago. I’ll always be grateful. Blessings to you and your family on your journey. May the peace of God , which surpasses all understanding, guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.

    -k

  14. What a journey it has been.
    I came on board “The Black Pearl of Great Price Before Swine” while recovering from recently exiting the IFB cult, and a broken ankle.
    SFL was group therapy. A place where I found others who were also on the journey out of the fundy compound.

    We have had some good times on board the this vessel. Some great friendships have been established, some skirmishes and battles fought, and some wonderful times round the white piano in the lounge.

    The Pearl has been a good ship, and I’m proud to have sailed on her. She was a rescue ship that came along at the right time, and a sturdy vessel in the midst of my storms.

    Darrell, you have been a worthy Captain and I’m proud to have sailed with ye.

    To all me mates on here, I’m glad to know ya. It’s been an honor. May all you ports of call be pleasant and profitable . Fair winds and calm seas to ye all.

    If any are interested in continuing fellowship in cyberspace, I’m on FB, Donny Gambill.

    1. For some reason, I cannot post my final — or nearly final –comment on this blog! I’m sure George has something to do with it. I’ve tried four times and kept being denied. But the computer is allowing me to reply, so I’m going to hit “reply” for now. Here goes:

      When I first started my journey Out of Fundamentalism, I was very scared. I was scared the first time I posted here! I was hurting from being rejected and judged backslidden by fundy friends and relatives. But as time passed, I grew more confident as I began to understand and rely on the love of God and accept that I didn’t have to be perfect, that I was loved anyway!

      Sadly, my journey to Somewhere Else has left me in a dark, deserted, lonely place. I was planning on changing my screen name because it no longer reflected my identity, but with SFL ending, I don’t have to worry about finding another one.

      I have so enjoyed my time here talking, reflecting, and laughing with you all. Darrell, you’re awesome and I wish you all the best.

      To all of you on the path to Somewhere Else:
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBcXKOjbD0U

        2. I have to add my “Amen” to that as well. When I think of SFL, the one poster that springs to mind is PW.

        4. Thank you, BJG. I was so glad of an opportunity to share what I was learning about the true nature of God. I literally heard messages when growing up warning us of the danger of LOVE! Learning to recognize that God really does love us has been a beautiful experience for me as well as a step of faith — trusting that He’s not mad or begrudging, that His wrath against sin was poured out on Christ and that I am truly forgiven and delighted in by God.

        5. WorkinMama, Guilt Ridden, and Michael, I’m so glad that something I wrote resonated with you! Thanks for your kind words.

      3. I always looked forward to your posts, so full of wisdom and encouragement. Your words, even some I read years after you posted them, have helped me immensely as I try to figure out how to get out (one more month!) and where to go from here. I am sorry your journey hasn’t lead where you thought it would. Praying for you and that someone will come into your life that will encourage you as you have encouraged so many of us.

        1. Thanks for your kind words. I’m glad things I wrote were helpful. Blessings as you move forward in your life. It truly is wonderful not being under the heavy condemnation of perfectionism and guilt many of us felt! I do appreciate your prayers as well. Leaving the IFB, heart-wrenching as it was in so many ways, was a picnic compared to what I’m now experiencing. I guess it’s a good thing that God reinforced to me over the past few years that I don’t have to live up to anyone else’s expectations of what or who I should be: that my worth is in His eyes and I am accepted in Him. “You’ll do so much for the Lord,” people used to tell my husband and me. But, you see, we don’t have to. JESUS already did it all. And whatever brokenness comes into my life because of this sin-filled world, Jesus still loves and accepts me. I am not a failure, even if I am in the eyes of the world (or the IFB).

        2. For what it’s worth PW, it’s hard to imagine anyone who’s had the privilege of crossing paths with you considering you to be a failure.

      4. PW, your voice has been one of kindness, encouragement, and grace at times when many of us have felt angry, broken, and bitter. You have been a healer to us in so many ways. May you find healing yourself.

      5. PW, you are so precious to me. You will never fully know the grace that your posts, in particular have brought. I do so hope that your somewhere else will eventually be a place of peace for your own soul. You’ve done so much for so many, and you are greatly loved.

        1. Thank you! I’m so glad my words helped people: there have been times when I felt that I had no voice, no ministry, no outreach, so I am blessed and humbled that I was able to reach out here in cyberspace.

          I’ve truly loved interacting with you all! In this sad time of my life, remembering the love and support of people here is a comfort.

  15. Reading SFL over the past 5 years helped me to move forward from a very dark place after leaving seminary. I appreciate all the posts and responses from fellow readers; they helped me realize I was not alone in my experiences. Please write a book, Darrell. I’d be proud to have it displayed in my office!

    Peace.

  16. Godspeed, Darrell, and thank you for all that you and my fellow commenters have written that made me laugh, and made me think. Much happiness to you and yours on your journey to Somewhere Else. Please write the book!

  17. You’ve helped so many people laugh through a very difficult journey. One I wish I hadn’t needed to take. So, thank you. At least I didn’t have to do it alone. I may be the most thankful for SFL, and I’m totally willing to fight about it.

  18. I read the title and I literally got anxious. My heart broke when my fears were confirmed.

    Thank you so much for this blog, Darrell. It has been truly a unique experience, to lurk and occasionally comment. I’ve never really attempted to be a part of any online community other than this one. There’s something really special about SFL, with its regulars, firsts, lurkers, and trolls. I’ve spent a good portion of my twenties learning from you and others here, and I frequently use quotes and examples from this site when talking to people and explaining my own exit from “religianity.”

    I had no idea I could get so attached to a blog. Thank you for that.

    Good luck in all your endeavors! You deserve great things!!

    1. I’ve never been in an online community either except this one (well, besides FB!) It was a new experience for me to communicate and care about people whom I’d only met virtually.

  19. This is so sad! I understand that a time comes to move on, but there are still many of us just leaving the fundamentalist circles. We’re still discovering how deeply they’ve affected our lives and belief systems. We still bear the guilt in day to day occurrences. This site was a great way for me to laugh and make light of something that sometimes seems so heavy.

    Thank you for creating this site! I wish you luck on your journey!

    http://godsfoolishness.blogspot.com/

  20. Darrell, when you started this journey, I don’t think anyone envisioned how much it would impact others, and in such a positive way. Your writing has been therapy not only for your own recovering (recovered?) self, but for many others. Thanks for putting yourself out there. You in part inspired me to do that blog of mine where I opened up and talked about missionary kid childhood and college life. Helped me a lot.

    Anyway, while I feel the bittersweetness of the end of SFL, I’m glad you’ve come to this point. And I’m glad we’ll always be friends. Definitely do the book. I’ll buy a few for the IFB pastors I still know.

  21. Thank you Darrell for all you’ve done with this blog. I remember when I first found SFL. It answered so many questions I had. I enjoyed the insights and humor. I made some real life friends and some virtual friends because of SFL. I wish you the best of luck and look forward to the book.

  22. Well, we all knew this day would eventually come. Peace and blessings on the road ahead to both you and your loved ones.

    Thanks for the insights, the humor, and the opportunity to interact with and swap stories with all of the good folks on SFL. This was my favorite website, and I was constantly impressed and by how bright, literate, and incredibly funny so many of the commenters on your website were. Once again, many thanks, Darrell, and all the best!

    1. Rats! Darrell’s final post and I stuck a superfluous “and” in the comment. I blame both George and Laird Don. 🙂

  24. Thank you so much for this spot on the internet. It has been one of the best tools in my recovery from IFB.

  25. Thank you, Darrell, for a safe space that provided many of us a voice and a safe place to share. Sorry to see you go here, but will follow at FB.

  26. Darrell,

    You have been a blessing to me for these past several years, though we’ve never met in real life. SFL was passed along to me back in college when I asked my friends where they got the Fundy Preacher Bingo (I think that’s what it was called). I’ve been a faithful member ever since and you have really created an awesome community here. It was fun to read your posts plus what others have written. Even if what others wrote upset or I disagreed with, it was still challenging and encouraging for me to read and understand. As you go on the Road to Somewhere Else, here’s an Irish blessing for ye:

    May the road rise up to meet you,
    May the wind be always at your back,
    May the sun shine warm upon your face,
    the rains fall soft on your fields
    and until we meet again,
    may God hold you in the palm of his hand.

    Bless you.

  27. This makes me so sad. But, I understand. Thanks for the laughs and for helping me and my family in a difficult time when we needed to get out and the loneliness afterwards. Will miss it! Good luck in future endeavors.

  28. I’ve been here since near the beginning, under different pseudonyms, because I was so afraid I’d be found out.

    SFL was the first place I realized others were asking the same questions I was. It was also the first place I felt safe asking those questions and expressing doubts.

    Darrell, thank you for the gift of SFL. It gave so many of us the courage to take our first, shaky steps toward grace and freedom.

    I’m finding myself unexpectedly emotional at the thought of the blog coming to an end, despite being only a sporadic reader for the last couple years. I think SFL grew to be more than just a blog where you shared your insights into the idiosyncratic hypocrisies of Fundamentalism. It became sort of a sanctuary for those of us still needing the community and support of a church family when our own churches and families were no longer safe.

    I wish you nothing but the best on your future endeavors. And may you find love, grace, and peace sprinkled liberally throughout your journey.

  29. Yours was one of the first sites I bookmarked when I was beginning my career as a homeschooler and Sunday school teacher at about the same time and needed to figure out the strain of weirdness that infects both. I’ll keep pointing people here for as long as the archives are up. Well done!

  30. Darrell,

    I have really enjoyed reading SFL for years now.

    Thank you for your dedication to exposing the crazy and for having such a huge impact on those leaving fundamentalism.

    This site and you will be greatly missed — and please write the book!! 🙂

    But I definitely am happy that your journey is continuing. 🙂

    Chris

  32. I was in so much darkness. I was so vulnerable. I could not handle the manipulation, the guilt trips and the spiritual abuse in my own. I came to this site and saw many people, you especially Darrell, replying back to the angry trolls with clarity. You all laughed at their attempts to deny us freedom. With intelligence and clarity, you squashed those abusers roaring because they lost their prey; because they lost us. I needed this site so much. I feel like I’ve just ended an amazing book with wonderful characters and terrifying monsters. I feel so glad to have been a part, to have made lifelong friends. Darrell, you may not see it, but this site is the work of a lifetime. Most of us were too raw, too shaky, too uneducated even, to have handled the writing, balance, and integrity it takes to deal with such work.
    Like many of us, I have moved on, which I think it means I’ve conquered all my demons. Meeting you in person Is on my bucket list! Much Love to everyone here.

    1. I got to meet Darrel IRL. I wish I’d been able to meet more of you though.

      (On a more serious note, blessings to you! You eloquently expressed how meaningful this site has been to many!)

  35. I have only been on this site for two years and only for recently took the final step in cutting ties completely with the IFB church. You’ve helped me realize that all of the craziness I was seeing wasn’t just in my head. I hate that you are leaving but I understand. All things must come to an end. Best wishes!

  36. As a long time reader and occasional contributer of fundy funnies (or is that fodder lol) I will miss your regular posts. Where will I send those horrid sermon notes, quotes & old David Hyles autographs? You’ve provided some great memories of laughing to the point of tears, shared anger at the obvious wrongs and encouragement that I and others like me weren’t alone.
    Thank you, Darrell.
    P.S. I will buy the book & copies of it for gifts.

  37. I remember when I first found SFL. I went back and read everything from the very first post. I ate it all up. I was in therapy at the time, and I owe so much to my therapist and to SFL. It was so good to know I was not alone in the abuse and craziness that is the IFB. It was good to have new friends to replace the friends who walked away from me. The last couple years I’ve lurked more than I’ve participated; I only check in to the forum occasionally now where I used to spend hours a day. I will forever be grateful for the bridge of SFL. Thank you, Darrell, for all the thought, time and effort you put into this site.

  39. Thanks, Darrell for the enjoyment, introspection, encouragement, and conversation over the years of SFL. While you were the driving force behind this interesting group of people, I also want to thank almost all of the posters who have been here. I think of many of the folks here as friends, even though I have met very few of you. I have often wondered how many of you I have met in my past, and how many of us may have mutual experiences and acquaintances.
    I thank my brother for forwarding me a couple of links during the early days to topics he thought I would find amusing. He was right.
    I would love to thank many of you personally for the conversations we have shared, and for the encouragement and challenges as I journeyed into what I hope is a more God glorifying, less self-centered religion. I won’t start listing names, because I would forget too many people, and I wouldn’t want someone to think I don’t like them. (Which could be true, and I don’t wish to be offensive. Well, not too often)

    I will endeavor to check the forum more often to keep up with things. Darrell, I will continue to stalk you on various forms of social media. I hate that Twitter has gone to silly hearts for “like”, but when I read your Dunces reference, I really did laugh out loud. That was funny.

    Because of the conversations here I have bought and read many books I may not have heard of otherwise, so I owe a thanks for that.

    Sorry this has run on. I am not good at using few words. I hope I haven’t been too annoying to too many of you.

    God Bless,
    Mike Hull

  40. I read the post and listened to the song and felt peace at closing that chapter. While the nightmares experienced following my time at PCC still occasionally come into my dreams and the aftermath still slams me in the face sometimes, mostly I want you to know I AM FREE. I have escaped legalistic enslavement relatively unscathed. You have helped me process my feelings and heal little by little. Thank you for your blog and your devotion to this cause.

  41. To Darrell and all the commenters at SFL:
    Thank you all a million times over. You all are so precious to me, even though I have not gotten to knowingly meet you all in real life. I first found this site while I was teaching in an IFB school in Korea, while at the same time loosing my faith, while knowing I still had another 4 years left on my contract there. You all have kept me sane these last five years. You have helped me see the crazy and the hurt, and have reassured me time and again that it is not all in my head, that the hurt and the issues really did need to be addressed. You have helped me to get to the freedom that I have today. You all have been an invaluable resource that I can point to when I try to explain to worldly people why I don’t know the things I “should” know or have the experience I “should” have in my early thirties.
    I saw this post as it first went up, but I had to go and cry and think about what I wanted to say before I came back and commented.

    I love you all so much. You have become my online family and church when my own family and church turned their backs on me. You let me process the questions, thoughts, and hurts that I had when my real life world was too unsafe for those things. You showed me grace and applied the Balm of Gilead so liberally to my wounds so many times. The forums and the comments have been so sweet to me, and Darrell’s writing is always so humorous and insightful.
    You all broke the news and let me process my feelings when Jack Schaap went down in flames. You let me laugh and cry and reconcile all the memories that come with being a cradle fundy. There really is a sweet, sweet spirit in this place (most of the time).
    My new tattoo even bares a line from one of Darrell’s recent poems – “That calf should still be mooing.” – that parable had always annoyed me and I never understood why until I read that poem and came to that last line. It is just so perfectly said.

    Thank you all again so much. You all have had such an impact in my life and I will be forever grateful to all of you. Darrell, thank you so much for the work of a lifetime.

    Please please please write that book. I will buy it! Also, maybe the Book of Everlasting Rules and Requirements should as well be published. I would buy that one too.

    With much love,
    formerHACgirl
    Rebecca Czekalski (feel free to add me on Facebook, y’all!)

    1. “That calf should still be mooing.”

      That made me think of how my late brother ordered a steak:

      “Just saw off his horns, wipe its butt, and serve it.”
      OR,
      “I want it so the vet can still save it.”

  42. Thanks Darrell, so much for SFL site that you have kept alive over these years. I exited the strict sect i was entangled with in 2007…some very dark days. Your site, as well as others helped me to process and come out on the other side. Stay in touch.

  43. Thank you so much for all you’ve put into this site over the years!

    I’d be totally into a book – especially if you could make one of all the funniest posts! As a latecomer, I’ve only binge-read your blog (twice), and I find the comical posts the most helpful. There’s something in being free to laugh. I particularly enjoyed the Rules and CMG (seriously, you have to include CMG in the book!). Let me know if you want an editor/reviewer. I have written a book and it is no joke how much time it takes!

    Thanks for all the laughs, and may God be with you!

  44. 1. Darrell, Thank you so much for your posts. They really helped pull me from my fundamentalist mindset and help me question some things that I had believed.

    2. I think there is more work to be done as evidenced by the testimonies from the commenters. Many have been “saved” from their hypocritical, fundamentalist past because of the posts. As someone above said, its like group therapy.

    3. Any chance guest posters and or/bloggers can continue to keep SFL active?

  45. Darrell,

    Thank you. SFL was instrument in my journey out of IFB. The first post I ever read was A Beka Church. I laugh, then started reading your previous posts. Reading SFL helped me process the spiritual abuse I was being subjected to and put a name with it. I am in such a healthier place spiritually than I was when I started reading, and SFL was instrumental in my spiritual healing.
    The responses from fellow posters opened my eyes to the fact Christians don’t look like IFB. I learned at SFL that just because someone disagrees with you doesn’t mean that they are any less of a Christian. SFL has been a place of growth, it has been a place where my beliefs have been challenged and for that I am eternally grateful.
    I am sad to see the end of SFL, but I am thankful for the journey.

    Karen

    P.S. Please publish the book.

  46. I don’t know how I found SFL, but it was 6 years ago. I had just left living at a charismatic fundy cult in their student housing, but was still attending and heavily involved. I grew up in the IFB movement in several different churches, left when I graduated high school, but somehow, through loneliness or need or whatever, wandered into a just as bad, just as fundy, just as worse environment.

    Finding SFL was an awakening for me. I recognized my childhood life and frustrations and fears in each post. I spent hours reading through the back catalog, and I’m sure I scared my family and friends by my manic glee and raging anger and depression that occurred as yet another thing was revealed inside me and my past.

    SFL, and other sites, helped me walk away from not only my IFB childhood but college cult years. And over time, helped me walk away from my third attempt in general fundygelicalism. It taught me that fundamentalism can come in many different stripes but really be the same underneath it all. It’s a foundation build on lies, no truth, and certainly no Christ or grace or mercy. It’s never been anything else, not once.

    Over the last two years, I’ve found myself hate reading the site, reliving the anger, finding things to want to fight and be upset about. It’s not been healthy, and I know I’ve pulled away. Even mentioned it to Darrell who could relate.

    I’m going to miss SFL, but at the same time, I’m glad it’s being retired. It was a healthy community, group therapy like some said above. It reset my mind many times over and set me free from fundy bondage. It helped me work through a lot of things. I’ll always be grateful for Darrell and the many commenters here who’ve shared and talked with me, like rtgmath and Dr Fundystan, two who come to mind the quickest. I’d come back to the posts weekly just to see what insight they had to say.

    Darrell…thank you so much for Stuff Fundies Like. It has been one of the best things in my life, even if it’s brought a lot of pain and alienation at times, lol. I’m sure everyone can relate. Very little good has ever come out of Fundamentalism in it’s 100 years existence; lots of evil instead. But SFL was one of the good things, God’s grace in the darkness. And seeing the community rise up to pitch in to help Darrell get a van was Christ in action.

    May this website continue to exist and help show others out of the lies that is Fundamentalism. And I hope one day to come back and see your book as the top post, guiding others out and into healing.

    Blessings to you, to all of you, and thank you for the past 6 years.

    – Stuart Blessman

      1. Totally. I’m in Edina. I’m locked out of the forum because I’m stupid and forgot my password, but maybe Darrell can hook you up with my email. Let’s do this thing!

        1. You can reset your password by request on the forum if I recall. We’d like to have you on the forum again.

        3. If three is not a crowd then I would love to join you guys for a beer. I’m in Burnsville.

  47. It’s been a while since I’ve been here, but I just had to stop by and say a thank you for what you have done. Once u became an adult and could make all these life decisions on my own, this site was really the one that helped me move out of fundamentalism and into things so much grander and more fulfilling. You helped me regain the rest of my life, and for that I am forever grateful.

    I wish you the best in whatever comes next in your Somewhere Else.

    Tim

  48. Well, this is a sad day for me. I only found your blog recently, Darrell, and it has come to mean so much to me. It has literally changed my life. But at the same time, I am happy for you. I know you will go on to do other good things, because of who you are. I agree that a book would be wonderful.

    Thank you for providing this safe space of sanity and validation. All the best to you in the next chapter of your life. I bid you Godspeed, may all good things come to you and yours!

  49. I think that one of the greatest charges that can be leveled against fundamentalism is that they are lacking in love i.e they aren’t nice. If this blog had simply served to highlight that aspect and all its ramifications, I would probably mourn its passing. However, when it served to replace the truths of fundamentalism with heresy, I know that many believers prayers have finally been answered by Darrel’s ending the blog. Nothing is/has been gained if by first pointing out one lie you then believe another.

    1. And what would Darrell’s farewell post be without one last visit from a troll.

      David, there have been statements made by some on this site with which both of us would completely disagree. Part of that is due to the fact that Darrell has allowed this site to be something of an open forum in that he generally hasn’t censored those of us who have visited here. Darrell has allowed people with very diverse theological and philosophical worldviews to share this site with him. What almost all of us here have in common is that we have experienced religious Fundamentalism first hand, and, by and large, our experiences haven’t been good. With regards to your view that you would have probably mourned the passing of this site if it had confined itself to highlighting Fundamentalisms’ lack of love and the ramifications thereof, I can only say that you are certainly welcome to create your own site that does just that. Those of us here who, while we did not agree on everthing, found value in the exposing of error and abuse, and in the humor and camaraderie, will continue to disagree with you, however, in our opinions of the worth of SFL.

      It may also be worthwhile to revisit your admission that Fundamentalism is largely a movement that lacks love. While perhaps all of us here would agree with that assessment, to me at least, it seems you don’t fully appreciate the implications of that admission. In the first place, “not being nice” and being without love are not the same thing. God’s love is the reason for the incarnation, the passion of the Christ, and the resurrection. To be without love is not some trivial failure, it is a core failure that strikes at the very heart of what it means to be a Christian. Second, like many visitors who are not fond of this site, I suspect you take the view that since since we’re all sinners, Fundamentalisms’ failures are mainly the result of the same human failures which are to be found in the rest of Christendom as well as the world at large.

      This is merely my opinion, but I see Fundamentalisms’ failures as being largely the fruit of profound theological error. Among what I understand to be error is the common (but thankfully not universal) substitution of biblical repentance and faith with mental assent to a number of theological truths coupled with a desire to avoid punishment and then followed by the magic invocation that has come to be known as “The Sinner’s Prayer.” Make no mistake about it, when a person genuinely comes to Christ, he is never turned away. The problem is treating the work of God as though it were a manufacturing process. This error, as I understand it, has resulted in multitudes of false converts and countless numbers of unregenerate preachers.

      In my opinion, there is also a widespread misunderstanding of the nature of the church. I believe there are preachers who would scoff at the idea of the universal, invisible church, and who would mistake their own assemblies, lost members and all, as being a part of the church for which Christ died. Instead of viewing the saved membership as being valued and needed members of the body of Christ, each with their own spritual gifts, many preachers behave as though only they themselves have any sort of divine calling worthy of that name. Rather than seeing themselves as co-laborers with the parishoners, these men see themselves as the supreme authority within their own little kingdom. Once again, I think the resulting abuse is rooted in and driven by theological
      error.

      We could continue with Fundamentalisms’ widely held view that only the soul is important. By holding that view, we could come to the conclusion that it is somehow possible to separate an individual’s mind and body from their personhood. We could also reach the absurd conclusion that it is somehow possible to love someone’s soul while hating their guts. This belief system is probably also behind many Fundamentalist’s contempt for “the social gospel.”

      Moving along, many of us here also look with contempt at Fundamentalist “Bible Colleges” that greedily take their students’ money and labor and in return swindle them academically and award useless credentials. We could continue by discussing how extrabiblical tradition has been elevated to the level of doctrine and how a misapplication of 1 Corinthians 6 along with a misunderstanding of “the cause of Christ” has been used to facilitate the shielding of criminals. We could continue, but for the sake of time, suffice it to say that modern Fundamentalism, among its other failures has mixed truth and error with the result that it has made truth look ridiculous. It has also harmed many of those within for whom Christ died, and it has turned people away from the faith. While I respect some Fundamentalists from the past, I do not believe that what the current movement has become is salvageable and am convinced that that movement is certainly not synonomous with biblical Christianity.

      1. Well said, Ben.
        I want to reiterate one of your points: Lacking love is not *an* error, it is *the* error.

        1. Thanks BG,
          Seriously, that means a lot coming from you. David B may be a nice guy and he may be sincerely trying to serve God, but by showing up at Darrell’s final post and figuratively clucking his tongue and wagging his finger, he has proven himself to be a troll.
          It’s a shame rtgmath didn’t get here first. I can’t match his precision and rigorous logic when it comes to dismantling faulty arguments, and it was actually a kick to watch him systematically (and with a little bit of condescension) go after the trolls.

        2. Thanks, Ben. Alas, I was busy doing lesson planning for tomorrow.

          I will miss SFL. I hope we can keep in contact with each other. Darrell may need a rest, and he should have it. I am grateful for my friends.

        1. “So.Many.Words.”

          Aw, c’mon! They were “goodly” words! Why, some of them even made sense when lumped together. 😉

    2. David, their prayers are not being answered. Darrell is leaving on his own hook, not because God is somehow punishing him or squashing the blog. No divine intervention has occurred in Darrell’s decision, other than the fact that Darrell has found peace in leaving Fundystan.

      Not all of us have achieved that enviable status as yet. I have some more wrestling to do. I will not be able to do it here, alas. But there will be other venues.

      In the meantime, keep in touch! We can spar as much as you like. And I’m sure that this decision will spur some of us to look at ways to spread out more. After all, it would never do to let fundies think SFL’s retirement was a victory for them.

      See you around! And yes, if you request to friend me on FB, I will cheerfully accept. Think of the fun!

  50. Goodbye Darrell, and thanks for everything you have done for so many people.

    Sadly, this has happened to several websites with similar goals. For various reasons the person running the website no longer runs it. In a way this allows the fundies to score a “win”, invariably they will announce how they have outlasted another of their detractors, and they will be right.

    I would propose creating a site that is not operated by one person but by a board of people. Then, when one of the board members no longer desires, or has the need, of being a part of the website they can step down and be replaced by another person who still has the need to work through what has happened and help others.

    2. I would love to collaborate on maintaining/starting a new blog, too. I loved blogging but stopped when I left the mission field a short time ago and felt like I didn’t have anything to blog about anymore…

    5. I’m relatively new here, but I’d be in, too. I think there is still work to be done and abuse to be exposed. My parents are still not out, and that’s a fond dream of my heart. (They’re *more* out than some, and they see some of the error, but they stay, and they still don’t see that abuse needs time to heal; God does not necessarily wave his magic wand and make it all go away. There are things to be learned in the healing and he deals with us all in unique and individual ways…. I long to see their natural compassion come out in a compassion for the spiritual needs of others instead of just quick, one-size-fits-all answers.)
      Anyway, I’ll be on the forums. 🙂

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