Someone help. He’s dying of first.
Coffee is a diuretic…
Coffee is the urination of many a Christian….
Dear SFL Reader:
God gave us coffee so we could change the things we can change, and beer so we could accept the things we cannot change.
I hate both beverages. I guess I’m screwed.
Bless your heart.
In Christian Love,
The One, The Only, The Innately Ignorant Lady Semp
Dear The II Lady Semp:
I drink both of those beverages regularly. As for your other point, well … that hasn’t happened in decades.
I don’t drink either one either. My drink is diet Coke which I keep being told is bad for me.
They have discovered a dangerous chemical present in virtually every soft drink made. Dihydrogen monoxide. It is a solvent and associated with several diseases. Yet knowing this, the FDA approves of its use.
The shocking truth is that back in 2005, a dihydrogen monoxide spill in Louisiana killed thousands. A similar disaster devasted New York and New Jersey in the fall of 2012.
Yet this chemical is still sold openly with no restrictions. It’s even distributed to children in schools.
I’m glad to have been the first person in decades to say “bless your heart”.
The Innocent and Innately Ignorant Lady Semp
rtg and BG – I have a degree in chemistry. You can’t fool me with your jedi mind tricks. 🙂
That’s right. Those weren’t the droids you were looking for.
It is a lot of fun having an intelligent group to interact with. Including the innately intelligent Lady Semp, whose wit is always well received.
Scorpio, even I didn’t fall for that and I’m ignorant!
Rtg, I knew there was a reason I liked you.
Holy smokes, keep that chemical compound far away from me! That sounds TERRIBLE! 🙂
Because to not distribute it would be “socialist” or “communist” or something.
It’s our CHOICE to poison our bodies.
And God gave us wine so that we could complain about the difference.
Yesterday was National Wine Day. I celebrated. It was good.
I would assume with those stickers that the van is driven by a dude, not a lady (re hovertext), but I guess you never know for sure.
The person who sent in the photo informs me that the driver was female.
If I may interpret a bit, she is just thankful for a husband who enthusiastically attends church with her, but he is the one doing the vinyl work on the windows.
Further, the graphic design could be worse, glad its not Papyrus or Trajan, or God forbid, Comic Sans.
“…enthusiastically attends church….”
Understatement of the year!
Well, I use Comic Sans on occasion. But I have to agree with you about the layout.
Bumper stickers, road signs, car messages — the usual connection is that the “font” or text is too small to read and they want to put in way too much.
So the put in every sin that pushes their buttons, try to include liturgically-sized passages of scripture plus warnings about Hell.
Any driver who tried to read it all would have a wreck and be on his or her way to the Next Place!
But these people want to scream and be heard and taken seriously.
I prefer the signs over the sound trucks with the blaring condemnations.
Signs are quieter.
Thanks rtg, you get it.
I think the graphic layout is just large enough for the main message, to know you are being condemned. Serves that purpose well.
Those that want more info, which is very likely no one, can come closer and read the fine print. Much safer for traffic, I say.
or is that… help-meat? o.O
I guess it beats walking down the street wearing a sign saying the same things. Still, I would suppose most people think such signs are stupid, and the owners of said signs are odd. I thought it was odd even when I lived in Fundystan.
Or, Wayne, even odd.
Jay, good catch, I’m surprised I didn’t notice it.
I am no English major, trust me, but I think a comma between the “odd even” in your original statement would make it work.
Oddly enough, even I caught it.
I’m an English major!
Once I was discussing with my bishop (Episcopal) about the name of our church. We wanted to change it. I told the bishop, “Never mess with an English major!”
He responded, “I’m an English major, too!”
For some odd reason this reminds me of a scene from “Horse Feathers” a Marx Brothers’ film. Groucho is a teacher at a College. Harpo and Chico are his pupils (the mind boggles)
Groucho: “ok baboons, what is a corpuscle?”
Chico: “Thats-a easy. first is-a captain. Then is-a lieutenant. Then is a corpuscle.”
It also seems like a threat
My thought exactly.
The fact that the three of us have that same thought scares me.
It’s definatley a threat but it indicates another threat too. These people are told, and believe, that one day at the final judgement an angry God will ask them why they didn’t tell more people about Christ. They believe they will not hear “well done thou good and faithful servant”. They also completely twist “the fear of the lord is the beginning of wisdom”. By instilling the fear of the lord they are doing the work of God and minimizing the anger that will be poured out upon them as unworthy sinners on judgement day.
More would have been saved if the font had been bigger.
Covering your car windows increases the likelihood of meeting your maker sooner than you otherwise would.
It provides the same service for any passengers in your car.
And this can be ignored.
Good morning george.
Eleventh that’s two firsts side by side I win
Dang never mind like 13 or something
This is obviously not driven by a fundamentalist. Fundies believe in judgment before death.
Seems like trying to read these signs while driving might be one way of sending people to their maker.
Nothing says love and grace like words of judgment and condemnation. Isn’t that how Jesus started the conversation with the woman at the well, “You’re going straight to hell, you H-A-R-L-O-T!” How or why anyone would think such an approach would work in our culture only reveals the acute cranial-rectal inversion they’re suffering from.
Scare them into heaven…..
Scare the Hell out of them first…
I’m not sure whether those people are pessimists condemning everyone to hell or optimists gloating that everyone else is going to hell.
Either way, they don’t sound like nice people.
I find it odd what some people consider to be “Good News.”
I have a hard time seeing any early Christians placing messages like this on their camel or donkey. Perhaps Paul placed hand-sewn messages on the tents he made…..
How many people crasher their camels in the first century because of messages like that one?
Long time lurker, first time commentor- but Leanne’s image of early Christians ‘pimping their ride’ with religious epithets has made me laugh for the first time in about three weeks – which I really needed. Thank you Leanne!
And to Darrell- this site is pretty incredible. I’m not sure you realize how far the ripples go, but all the religious discussion here has helped me think about my own beliefs.
So from the bottom my lapsed Anglican heart (which I understand makes me “heretic-lite”, but thankfully not a Presbyterian), thank you.
Welcome,. Leanne, from this active Episcopalian!
Glad to have brought some laughter. Welcome to commenting but beware, you think you can comment only once but that never works. You keep coming back!
Did you hear about the rebellious young lady named Mary Katherine who was forced to attend a Catholic high school. Shortly before this young woman was to graduate, the mother superior decided to have a talk with her to see what her plans were. Anyway, Mary Katherine wasn’t particularly happy about the scheduled interview, so she thought that when the time came, she’d try to get a rise out of the old nun.
Mother Superior– “So, what are your plans after graduation, Mary Katherine?”
Mary Katherine– “I think I’d like to become a prostitute.”
The mother superior gasped and then blurted out–“What’s that I heard you say?”
Mary Katherine– “I said, I think I should like to be a prostitue.”
Mother Superior (breathing a sigh of relief)– “Oh heavens be praised, I thought you said ‘Protestant!”
Just the image conjured up by your name makes me laugh, Marg 🙂 Awesome name choice!
This would be wonderful, if the door slid open and a trench coat wearing man dual wielding katanas stepped out.
Those quotes would make some pretty sweet tattoos.
I’ve seen some bikers tattooed with “Only God can judge me,” along with the usual skulls, bones, grim reapers, and whatnot.
Sort of the same theme, I guess.
If you travel through some back roads in the south you will find road signs like this. Random ‘Prepare to Meet Thy God’ and similar sentiments. Cheerful things.
elfdream, not just the south. My father had one on his house. I call them the Better people than you live here signs.
I think this one is nice and welcoming to visitors:
Wow, just wow! I don’t recall seeing that exact wording of Rev 21:8… my Bible doesn’t have divorce and television in it. That is appalling.
With the weather we have been having I wouldn’t mind a lake of fire.
Heyo!!! Thanks I’m here all week. Try the veal and don’t forget to tip your waitresses. They work hard for their money.
Lol – divorce and tv – adding to the bible?
Now I’ve got Donna Summer’s song going through my head. Thanks for that, Scorp.
Whoremongers liars the divorced and those who watch television get cooked in the lake of fire? What about the proud? The arrogant? The hypocritical? The judgmental? The bitter? No. In Fundystan that is called “Holiness”
Dear Jay Croft:
Note the suppressed premise that the devil never attends church.
Alternatively, some church people observe that the devil always shits in the same corner. I’ll leave it for others to interpret what that means …
Now you’re talking like my late grandpa used to talk. 🙂
There’s a sign about 20 miles north of Montgomery, AL on I-65–
Go to church or the devil will get you!
Here it is!
Also on Google Images, this sign is on a T-shirt modeled by an, ahem, young lady with healthy lungs.
Those aren’t lungs Jay. 🙂
She walks, she talks . . .
They get right in there and really show the product, don’t they?
She’s got huge….tracts of land
She looks all of 14 but acts younger.
Don’t all those End Times messages on the windows make it difficult to see what’s behind you while driving?
Hence the need to “Prepare To Meet Thy God.”
It’s a chick-tract on wheels!
The mini-van or the t-shirt model?
The van. The shirt is a Chick Tract on legs.
I wonder how effective this really is. I’m sure there are people swayed to ask questions, maybe pray a prayer, by the “scare the hell out of them” method. I wonder how often it works, though, when the billboard’s in front of you in traffic.
I don’t wonder how effective it is.
Effective at giving the owner a smug sense of self-satisfaction? Very.
Effective at changing anyone’s mind or teaching anyone anything? Not in the least.
Alabama isn’t so bad after all!
Roll Eagle! 😉
There’s an electronic billboard off the highway between here and the big city that used to display (I think it’s up for rent now) various bible verses, but I don’t remember glimpsing any fire-&-brimstone passages. Liberals.
Liberals don’t rent billboards. Only Fundamentalists and Atheists.
I know Fundamentalist Chrostians and hardline atheists and I struck by how alike they can be – arrogant, intolerant, and unable yo see why any sensible person could possibly think differently from them….
Paul Best, “unable to see why any sensible person could possibly think differently than them.” You hit the nail on the head there! That attitude, blinkered outlook is one of the things that really exasperates me about fundies of any persuasion.
Actually, you can meet the Devil in Church. Sometimes he is even the Pastor.
At other times, she is your mother-in-law.
Satan fell out of heaven into the choir loft, according to one of the Fundy savants we’ve seen here.
So as long as you stay out of church, I guess you’re pretty safe.
I thought the devil went down to Georgia?
yes – and he was looking for a soul to steal…
I don’t have a soul.
Or is that a misprint for “I don’t have a sou,” i.e., I’m flat broke.
That, I can relate to.
“… For that you traded your everalasting soul?”
“Well, I wasn’t using it.”
RTG, you have met my mother-in-law?
I had a roommate at TTU that initially told me I shouldn’t be listening to Southern Gospel, or country music as it was against the rules. More than once when he walked in while I was listening to it he would say “Prepare to meet thy God”. as if to tell me I was going to be judged for listening to it.
I finally got tired of it and fired back. “Who are you to judge me so just knock it off. What right do you have to judge me like a Pharisee” and from then on I continued to overtly listen to it.
He didn’t make much conversation with me anymore after that except to often say I needed to get my attitude right.
Thankfully he moved to another room the next semester.
No doubt he could back his beliefs up with scripture?
I shall micromanage your life in the name of gawd, and if you push back, even slightly, this will prove to you and me that I am right.
Today is Ash Wednesday. May we all have a blessed and holy season of Lent.
And to any Fundies who are lurking the site, don’t forget to find someone today with ashes on their head and remind them that there will be a lot more ashes where they are going. >:)
That’s some good preachin’ right thar brother Dr. Eric!!! Tell them katlicks that they are going straight to hell with their witchcraft!
I agree the signs could be interpreted as a threat.
If a muslim was driving around with signs like this with reference to Allah they would probably be accused of making terrorist threats.
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