99 thoughts on “Parking Spaces”

    1. She gets publicly shamed in the next sermon, “y’all know ahm jus kiddin, right?”

      1. Pastors family was always fodder for the most mean and petty sermon illustrations at my former church. I hope they’re saving for psychotherapy.

        1. Same with mine. If I were married to that man, he wouldn’t like me much. It is sad how disgraceful how these pastors can be so ugly to their wives and even children.

        2. I know what you mean, but the poking fun at family members was mixed in with praise for being the most spiritual child, greatest helper, etc heaped upon the relative, so it probably evened out.

        3. Ditto. One of the reasons I love my current pastor – any sermon illustrations featuring his family are about how silly HE is. They only butt of jokes in his sermons is himself, which is just . . . astounding, after so many years of cringing at other pastors’ “family anecdotes”.

  1. Sorry about the duplicate post. My iPad was not indicating that it was connected to cyberspace.

    Is anybody out there? It is very quiet….I will continue to enjoy my first first!!!!

        1. It’s truly scary how good you have to get at faking it just to survive around here.
          I’m doing things now to get by that my koolaid drinking self would be horrified to know about.
          Of course, if they ever check my phone, I’m so toast. 🙂

        2. I understand. I picked up my daughter having returned from The Wilds. She thoroughly enjoyed her week at camp. She was also super-energized in showing disapproval of some of her dad’s jokes, as well as her dad’s known comments about fundies.

          After all, I shouldn’t be “trashing people,” but she could do the same to me or her brothers for showing independent thought or expressing things in a way that did not meet the unwritten fundy code.

          She said that one joke I told was trash and inappropriate. When I asked her “Who says it is inappropriate?” she put her earphones in and decided to ignore me.

          Sigh. Real Righteousness should not be so intolerant of differences. Only Self-Righteousness is so inclined.

        3. @Rtmath: On the other hand, depending on your daughter’s age, young girls can be the most judgmental people on earth, whether she’s a Fundy or not. 🙄

        4. Dear formerHACgirl:

          While at fundy church, there is no better place on the planet to be than SFL.

          Some finer SLF’s posts come as reports on happenings in fundy settings — Sword of the Lord Conferences and such. Then there was the big guy on the men’s room floor with his overalls folded neatly at his side.

          I keep threatening to attend fundy church to report back on service happenings. I almost made it this morning, but wasn’t quite there. Perhaps in a couple more years.


          Christian Socialist

        5. Rtgmath, next time she puts in her earbuds to blow you off, tell her that by using them even if she isn’t listening to ungodly heathern muzick she’s a bad example both to believers and those wickid unsaved people, haymen, because she might be listening to undgodly heathern muzick and how will anyone get saved if they think she’s listening to Neil Diamond or Barry Manilow?

        6. I’m curious (and not the slightest bit censorious). How on earth do you get away with it? Can’t people see you on your phone/tablet?

        7. Panda Rosa, it might even be worse than that. She might be listening to the Bee Gees’ “Saturday Night Fever”. Bad music, dancing, and Travolta in that immodest white suit.

        8. Rtgmath, sorry you have to be the recipient of her self-righteousness, reinforced by her week of enforcement in legalism.

          All the people with tongue in cheek saying that she’s being a “bad testimony” by listening to earbuds are right — if she wants to play legalistic games, she should live by her own standards and “avoid all appearance of evil.” No one knows what she’s listening to! (Of course, I don’t really think headphones are wrong, but, according to her thinking, they could lead something to think evil.)

          If she’s in a highly spiritual mood, you might ask her to list the top seven things she thinks God hates, then compare her list with Prov. 6:16-19. It might be chilling to her to realize that a proud look and causing discord among brothers (or in a family) are in the top seven!

        9. rtgmath, whatever happened to ‘Honor your father’? Does that not count anymore?

          My kids didn’t pull that stunt, but they were skilled in disrespect (there’s something particularly about middle school age that is the worst) and I more than once had to pull them up by the collar and say “I am your MOTHER and you will treat me with RESPECT!” between gritted teeth. They were usually pretty good about cleaning up their act after that.

        10. Middle School is where we put the children going through the worst parts of puberty. It prevents them from beating on the little kids while preventing the larger kids from giving them the beatings they deserve.

          All those Hollywierd Teen Dramas would be more realisticly set in Middle School vice High School, except the age of the kids would squick out the sponsers.

          (All three of my children survived middle school, which I attribute to my wife’s extreme patience. She’s a saint.)

  2. Ahh, and having your own spot is so the mark of a Servant with a humble attitude.

  3. There’s a city ordnance authorizing this pastor’s privileged parking space?

    1. City ordnance enforcing parking rules seems a little extreme. Are cities even allowed to have their own artillery? 🙂

        1. Ah yes, the sacred copy of the KJV (canon) that is used to whack the heathen who use other translations.

          The cannon is what will send pain into the royal rumps!

        2. Doesn’t that canon belong to that nice church musician Mr. John Pachelbel? 😀 Everybody knows about Pachelbel’s canon. (ducks to avoid tomatoes)

  4. I swear — people in our church had designated pew spots. Of course, no one’s butt was getting towed, but I do remember visitors getting massive stink eye for planting their heinies in the wrong places.

    1. Same at our church. We are creatures of habit. Makes it awkward for the visitors.
      On another note, at my present location, the staff and students literally have assigned seats, with name tags taped to them and everything. And no butt cushions!

    2. That’s very common in a lot of churches, including the distinctly non-fundy one I grew up in. It is amazing how protective of their own pews Christians can be . this is rather more difficult with chairs, which is probably one of the reasons why many fundies want to keep the pews….

    3. Historically, people used to buy their seats in church. I think the practice lasted into the early 20th century.

    1. My maiden name was *constantly* mispronounced as a curse word. And this was the kind of thing I would do alll the time — figuring out my future kids’ names, deciding what would go best when hyphenated, etc.

      And as it turned out, my married initials actually DID spell out a curse word. 😛 (I am a hyphenated hussy, though, so it’s a moot point).

      1. And you’re going to leave us hanging and not tell us what said surnames are?

      2. Oo, a Hyphenated Hussy! That is rare! Does that mean you’re both brazen and shameless? :mrgreen:

        1. It means that instead of taking her husbands name, as all “good” wives do, she has her name hyphenated.

          Nice alliteration, A! (alias H-H)!!

      3. Talking of names, I read s true story of a Canadian lady with the unusual name of Chamber Landis. She met an American man and they fell in love. Eventually they got married. The man’s name was Timothy Potts.

    2. The Capitol Steps folks do a skit with a character whose name is Hugh Jim Bissell (sp?).

  5. Our pastors, except for the pastor of students park on one side of the building. the student pastor parks on the other side of the building because it’s closer to the youth facilities.

  6. I don’t get it. Why would you threaten others with towing? Why is that spot so important to the pastor?

    1. The towing threat is pretty typical on reserved parking signs.

      However, why would a pastor want that? Isn’t it being WORLDLY – as in reflecting the values of the world: that the pastor is more important and that everyone had better stay out of his space or else? That is the thinking of the world! Jesus said, “In this world the kings and great men lord it over their people . . . but among you it will be different. Those who are the greatest among you should take the lowest rank, and the leader should be like a servant. Who is more important, the one who sits at the table or the one who serves? The one who sits at the table, of course. But not here! For I am among you as one who serves.” (Luke 22:24-27)

      1. Amen PW. Our preacher has his own place too, without the towing threat, but it is pretty clear that it is all his & nobody elst’s as Ernest T Bass would say..

  7. I know schools have private spots for faculty, but this is just so presumptuous.
    Question: Just how close is this spot to the church proper?
    And question: How much **coughcough** does the pastor *cough* displace the scales?
    I am going to get in so much trouble for this. 😈

    1. We were almost always the first people at church so we got our pick of the spaces without having to have a designated spot. However, we usually took a further spot, leaving the closer spots for others.

        1. The city where M*A*S*H was located is 14 hours ahead of Hammond. I have some friends stationed in Korea.

    2. Yes, our school has parking for faculty… it’s called: behind the school, near the dumpster, so parents (whom we are there to serve) can have the good spots.

  8. The threat of towing is tacky. It could easily be covered up. I have a handy cap license plate on my car. Maybe, just maybe the pastor has similar requirement? But if not it certainly doesn’t communicate servant’s heart.

    1. Handy cap? I have some but seldom use them. They’re stashed away in a drawer somewhere. I’ll probably use them in winter-time.

      (We just moved from Alabama to western Maryland.)

  9. Except for one of our pastors who has a true medical condition, the rest of the staff at my church are required to park in the back of the lot, or off campus. We even have a row of spaces reserved for visitors.

    1. No. A polite notice that the spot is reserved for the person’s health would suffice. Towing threats are not needed.

  10. Maybe, just maybe, someone had this made for him and put up as a silly gift and the pastor doesn’t have the heart to tell them he doesn’t like it. Or maybe not.

    1. Yes. I could see this as a church member’s idea of a good gift (or a funny one).

    2. I’m going with the Maybe Not, that someone just fulfilled the Man-O-gid’s dearest wish. ^_^
      Now if only it had been the Pagan version, “All others will be Toad” 😀

  11. For a while I visited a church that’s only marked reserved spot was for a disability. But members were frequently asked to leave the closest parks for elderly people.

    1. We had reserved spots for handicapped parking at the two main church entrances (Christian school was integrated into the main building, so there was a bit of sprawl involved).

      And then about the same number of spaces marked “Please Reserve For Senior Citizens”.

      The pastor had an ego large enough for a reserved space, but I don’t think he ever tried that.

  12. The UM church I worked at had 5 handicapped spots near the door by the offices – they were not legal as the painting was not on the ground. The parsonage was right near these spots. The fat assed pastor would drive her car, and take the handicapped spot right next to the church. She did not have a handicapped tag. After the right person was listened to, the removed the sign. She still had the first spot and would make the handicapped people walk farther.

  13. “Pastor Hugh’s parking only.
    All others will be mentioned in the next sermon”

    That should work.

  14. I saw a picture of a sign that would have been perfect for a friend of mine who is Italian, but works as a physics professor on Scotland.
    It said “You taka my space, I smasha you face”

  15. Remember the late 1980s sitcom “Amen”? That sign reminded me of the beginning of the intro; where we see a parking sign for Deacon Ernest Frye (Sherman Helmsley’s character) that mentioned under the “Reserved” notice “Don’t Even THINK About Parking Here”.

  16. I was at a church one time and the pastor parked his truck well away from the building, even with the lot empty. I jokingly asked why he didn’t take the closest spot. He just shrugged and said, “We’ve got older people who need them more than I do.”

    One of the few fundies that might have kept me in… if only he weren’t such a remarkable exception.

    1. At my previous fundy church the staff all parked far out in the lot, even beyond where it would typically fill up to. My current non-fundy church I don’t expect that this is a “rule” since they just don’t do that kind of thing, but I have seen many of the staff making the long walk, so I know they do it.

      Both churches have parking reserved for seniors, and a section for expectant mothers that are right next to the handicapped spots.

      I did visit a church once with the pastor’s spot closer than the handicapped spots with a similar sign as this. I cracked a joke to my wife about it on the way in, and there were about 50 more reasons we never came back after that one service, most of them related to the Mog and his kingdom.

      1. At another church I’m familiar with, there’s a covered drop-off spot just outside the entrance. It’s also the pastor’s parking space.

  17. I can’t speak for the towing, but my fundy church had the closest spot Reserved for Dr. _______. They even had the five spots next to it reserved for staff. I wish I had said something back then.

    I love the comments about the pastors who park far away. They have a true pastoral heart. More Philippians 2:3 and less Luke 11:43.

  18. I think most people in the congregation I pastor would put this sign on the dumpster…all in good fun :^) Why colleagues of mine assume we deserve some kind of special privilege because we serve in ministry is beyond me. It drives me nuts. Perhaps Pastor Hugh has received his reward in full.

  19. I park far away from the church so I can get out more easily when church is over. The place is always full, the church is on a hill and the parking lot wasn’t designed all that well. Its a mess trying to get out.
    I also have to go early to park in that particular place. If I parked close to the church I’d never get out of there.

  20. Jesus would have loved having his own special parking spot close to the main entrance with the warning that all those without such elevated status being warned of repercussions for their unholy aspirations. Jesus loved privilege. Just like IFB preachers. The first shall be first and the last shall be last. So saith the fundamentalist.

  21. Could be medical; if I were the pastor, I’d want the towing bit erased.

    Could be full of pride; at a previous church, the pastor said that CEOs of companies get their own parking space, and since he was CEO of the church, he deserved one as well. It wasn’t nearest the front door to the church, though – it was in the back, nearest to his office.

    I know that some churches have very odd parking lot rules- Bob Gray Sr used to insist that members park in every other space in the parking lot to make it look fuller.

    At a former church, we (as members) were instructed where to park for the glory of the church (maybe the MoG).

  22. I saw a similar sign at a local church, but the word “Towed” had been covered up in label tape, replacing “Towed” with “Forgiven”.

  23. For the record, after reading this last week, I felt guilty about parking in my usual spot near a door in the back of the church. Parked in the most inconvenient spot on the property instead. Who says it’s only IFB’s that guilt people into changing behavior? lol

  24. I know of a fundy church that had a designated parking spot for their dead founding pastor.

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