103 thoughts on “Bus Ministry Tips”

      1. Oops. “your” butterfingers.

        I remember getting demerits for having a skirt that was one inch too short. I hate Maranatha by the time I left.

        I love the freedom I have now. I even wear open-toed sandals. TEVAS are the best.

  1. I’d like to thank my bus ministry supervisor for allowing me to skip Thursday night cold calls to see if any of our riders will be bringing any of their neighborhood buddies….I’d like to thank my MOG for allowing me to skip the obligatory Sunday morning front pew sit-down for the “souls won numbers from the evil depths of the bus ministry”….I’d like to th….oh damn. It’s the invitation music….

      1. I thought the lint roller part was imaginative. And the hands in the overall pockets and other mannerisms while they stood and talked about squirrel fishing showed a keen sense of observation. There’s imitating a hick to be funny and being painfully dumb; then there’s imitating a hick to be funny and being reasonably successful. I’ve seen a lot of the painful in bible college skits. 🙂

        /shrug Perhaps I’m hard up for entertainment tonight.

  2. There is an active squirrel fishing community amongst the godless doper hippies in Gainesville, Fl. But they use peanut butter on the hook, and cast on the ground. Then they club the squirrels after they reel them in. It’s something to see (I’ve only witnessed it once.)

    1. I couldn’t take past the first half(ish) of the video. Was there a reference to squirrel fishing of some sort?

      I’ve seen squirrel fishing without hooks (from googling), I’ve can’t find it with hooks. It seems like a REALLY bad idea to use hooks to do that, not to mention cruel.

      I knew of monkey fishing as a hoax, hadn’t heard of squirrel fishing before, and the version of it with just a nut/string seems rather amusing.

      1. The parrallel between luring squirrels with baited hooks and luring “bus kids” to your church with promises of pizza and candy was too strong for comfort.

        Was the reference intentional?

        1. Sure was! Now the children should really be very careful how they eat their pizza, shouldn’t they. After all, the promotions are there to “hook them” and “reel them in” to church.

          You should listen to how the workers talk about some of the children that come to Bible School, AWANA, VBS, etc.

        2. Beyond creepy. Please Lord, protect those children. Not one drop of funny or sarcasm in my comment.

        3. Stuff Fundies Like: training on techniques for enticing children that are equally useful to Sunday School bus workers and pedophiles.

      1. The squirrel fishing I found on google is tying a nut on a price of string and then lift the squirrel up in the air holding onto the nut and doesn’t hurt the squirrel. I’m hoping the original poster was overstating his knowledge, and there aren’t idiots using hooks with bait to do this.

  3. I’m just speechless… not sure how to take it, or what they were trying to do; was this supposed to be a parody of what people think they are like?

    Wow. That was just off-putting. I didn’t find it funny. I remember thinking at one point in time that they couldn’t have picked a better way to want me to stay away from church if they’d worked on it for months.

  4. Pragmatic Churchianity:
    The Ends Justify the Means!”

    By hook or By crook…
    “Get them under the sound of the Pastor’s voice so he can save them sinners!”

    Dang Darrell, here lately you sure are picking a passel of posts that poke prickly points of my perturbatude, prompting me to publish plentitudionus proverbs of religious pugnacity.

    Common let’s go squirrel fishin’.

  5. Hicksville!

    How is it that fundies are all so gaga about acting ignorant, foolish, and mentally challenged?

    Oh wait. That’s what they get in the pulpit!

    1. But they do have a GPS!! Them fundies love them some expensive, worldly technology.

      Seriously, this has started bugging me more and more as I watch my sisters fritter their way through WCBC. Fundies are some of THE WORST for obsession with status symbols: brands, accessories, technology, etc. It’s pathetic. I have a GPS, but I don’t wave it in peoples’ faces like “ooh, look how cool I am, I have a GPS!” I leave it in my desk drawer at work because I prefer to find my own way around!

      1. Dude, a separate GPS gadget is so last decade. I have a GPS that acts as a phone and a computer! And a still/video camera! And a calculator … and book … and radio … and deck of cards … and …………..

    1. oh yes. Fugate is the Grand Poo-Bah of the “How to grow your Bus Ministry.” Bus Ministry is his Specialty and he has built an empire out of teaching ti to others. It is an annual requisite at the Sword of the Lord Conference as well.

      1. Thomas Built Buses from High Point, NC. (buy locally you know 😉 ) *I’m not sure who the bus dealership was at the last SOTL convention I attended.

        From what I’ve seen on the road, most churches are running surplus school buses that were sold because they had reached the end of useful life and were beginning to cost too much to maintain.

      1. I don’t think it was ever cool to let your kids get on a bus to an unknown destination with a bunch of total strangers. Not in my lifetime, anyway– and I’m old.

  6. SFL: Getting just as close to the line in marketing techniques so that you can get more people under the sound of preacher’s voice to tell them not to get anywhere close to the line.

  7. Okay I laughed. Nothing wrong attendance promotions if numbers are not the end all. People getting saved must be the priority. Saying we had 1000 for our big day aint we something is garbage. I still use Friend Day every year. I also use the church’s birthday to.

    1. This could be an interesting discussion. Can any promotion go too far? Where does one draw the line?

      Some would argue that by bribing kids to come to church, you have to keep it up when they become teens and adults or they won’t come.

      I was saved as a child (8-9), so I don’t have anything against evangelizing children, but we shouldn’t be in a hurry to call them “saved”

      (GR is tired of hearing about 100s “saved” but there is no evidence of a changed life or any interest in Jesus Christ or in any spiritual thing).

  8. I remember Wally Beebe singing:
    “There’s room on the bus for you, there’s room on the bus for you.
    Though millions have come, there’s still room for one.
    Yes, there’s room on the bus for you.”

      1. In the books, they don’t wear ties– they wear wizard’s robes.
        In the movies, they go for a British public school uniform* look.

        (British “public schools” = American “private schools”)

      2. Well, before you start being all critical and judgmental of the LORD’S WORK, at least they ARE WEARING TIES, just like Jesus did. He was “girt about the paps with a golden girtle.” That means He was wearing a tie!! Hay-men!?!?

        What have you done for Jesus today?? Have you worn a tie for Him?!?! Or have you just sat back and mocked true believers like the rest of the WORLD. The world don’t wear ties, HAYMEN!?!

        Brought to you by Steve Anderson & Co.

        1. Not only wasn’t I wearing a tie this morning, but I was running around in public wearing shorts and half-nekkid legs. Lord have mercy on me.

    1. Yeah. For real. I don’t want to gross anyone out, but white cream squirting from a pastor’s crotch is not even close to subliminal. It’s just gross. 😯

      1. Did you notice they put another paper plate on top of the cream to keep it from getting on his pants?

        Guys, if you’re gonna do slapstick, you’ve gotta commit to it, or you might as well forget it.

        1. Yeah, well when he turns around and we get a good look at the continent of Assia, you can see that the additional paper plate didn’t do much good. 😀

  9. 1:17 – that’s all I could handle….. It infuriates me when ppl think that it is funny to make Christians sound stupid. And then they wonder why no one takes us seriously when we want to tell them about Jesus:(

  10. I found the skit amusing but at the same time so pathetic.

    Not one time do they talk about showing these bus kids the love of Christ. It’s all about numbers and how that makes them look (appearance). How is must grieve the Holy Spirit. SMH. 👿

  11. I was providentially hindered from watching the video. It seems “This video is currently unavailable.” when I select the play icon.

    Just as well…no need to get my Irish up on such a lovely Friday. 😉

  12. So, first he says “it’s not just promos but . . .” and I thought he would say Christ. But he didn’t.

    Then he says “the key is . . .” and I thought he would say Christ. But he didn’t.

    No where in this video is there any reference to Christ and His work. It’s all man’s work and man’s achievement. 🙁

  13. Using a “promotion” to get younger people to church? Hayman!

    Using music written and/or produced after 1950 to get younger people to church? Satanic.

    Hypocrisy much?

    (I didn’t watch the video. I stopped it after the word “promotion” came out near the start of the “interview.”)

    1. At least it wasn’t 1920’s comedy vaudeville. If you look up on YouTube videos of FBC Hammond Youth Conference back in the day, it was all 1920’s comedy including blackface. When Hollywood instilled “Talkies” thats when Hollywood went to hell according to Brother Jack Hyles.

  14. Dear SFL Reader:

    What I want to know is, ‘what has any of this to do with being the presence of Jesus Christ in the world.’

    Christian Socialist

    1. Agreed. The squirrel stuff was just really disgusting to me and totally off-putting. I regularly hunt varmints around my property and have to dispose of pests like coons, groundhogs, possums, etc. So I’m not a PETA person. I do it grudgingly and humanely. Acting out the catching squirrels for fun and stomping on them for laughs is just sick.

  15. This looks like Jim Vineyard, the Duck Dynasty, and CNN all rolled into one asinine skit.

    Hey at least they weren’t using 1920’s Vaudeville comedy right 😎

  16. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. These folks make a lighthearted video about and they get criticized for not being serious enough. “They don’t mention Jesus” “It’s all about this guy’s efforts” I bet if Darrell posted the book of Ruth, all the comments would be about how there is no mention of God. Yes, this video is very amateur, but that doesn’t make it awful. It was funny. Funny is relative.

    1. The book of Ruth does mention God. You are thinking of Esther. stuff fundies like: being too quick to rush to criticize to bother getting their facts straight.

      1. Never mind. But I ask you, if Al Qaida made a lighthearted video about promoting terrorism would you be okay with that? Then why is a lighthearted video promoting a cult okay with you?

    2. There is something in what Jay says.

      Nonetheless, I find the first part of the video about having the pastor sit on a creme pie just juvenile and not funny; the second part about squirrel fishing wasn’t funny, and somewhat offensive and/or condescending.

  17. That’s a horrible mustache. Aren’t fundy’s not supposed to have facial hair. I had to hear Jimmy V give a sermon on facial hair, near bored me to death. I liked the school bus more than the “church tour bus”.

  18. Fundies apparently don’t take much time to develop and perfect their comedy writing and performing skills. Just freakin awful. I’m embarrassed for them.

  19. We had a bus ministry when I was the pastor of the church. Some of the “kids” are all grown up now and are fb friends with me. I also have infrequent contact with other “riders.” These days, I don’t know how churches can keep them running with gas so high. When we had the bus, I was put off by the fact that so much of the bus material was “copyrighted.” Jesus and His apostles seem to have pulled it off without trade marks, “branding,” copyrights, and protected franchises. I wonder what would happen if we “really” got back to the Bible, instead of just talking about getting back to the Bible.

  20. Just passing through I noticed this website and video. The only thing that i can find to say is that if all you people do on this website is look for ways to criticize these people then you either lack time or intellect. Or even both. Also, based on these comments that are posted I would dare say that the only contribution that you have to society is the continuing moral depravation that is found. I would suggest that you find something that you can do with your time that might benefit yourself! These forums are found all across America and the only thing they contribute is a negative attitude that demoralizes our country. What a sad day in this country when citizens, instead of finding a way to better themselves and better society, they look to degrade others they do not agree with and based on these comments your degradations are pointless. These “Fundies” may not do everything right but at least they don’t have Forums that waste valuable time. At least they contribute something to society.

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