100 thoughts on “Gospel Gimmicks: Knife Throwing Wild Mountain Man Edition”

    1. Oh wow. The beginner’s sunday school class starts to introduce children to doctrine. “Though a lot of information is given…”

      Age for this indoctrination class? From six and up.

    2. Ooh. Under the ‘do I go to the right church’ page, they claim that churches that aren’t boring are entertaining because they are only after your attendance and money, and aren’t interested in teaching proper doctrine. So instead, you should go to a church that is using proof texting to try and justify absurd beliefs like you should only read the KJV. Cause that’s totally teaching proper doctrine. ARGH.

      That one actually makes me mad.

      Actually, so does six year olds in indoctrination classes. πŸ‘Ώ

      1. From that page: “Many Churches today are only interested in two things, attendance and money. So the purpose of the church is to draw a crowd any way they can. The focus goes from teaching the Bible to entertaining an audience.”

        But as long as wild men throwing knives use the KJV it’s ok!

        1. It’s always the other guy who’s using worldly methods to get you in… Not us, just them…

        2. That’s the first thing I noticed, too. “… the purpose of the church is to draw a crowd any way they can.”

          Instead of sticking to traditional practices grounded in sound doctrine, like knife-throwing acts. πŸ˜›

    3. Ok, now I’m worried. Their world missions page says they are supporting missionaries in Australia. Well, I know at least one who shouldn’t be here. At all. So I hope they don’t have that on their conscience.

      1. Don’t worry. My mother’s church had missionaries in Australia. They called in quits 3 years ago. They could never get more then 10 members in their little house church in the “Deep North” of northern Queensland.

        I was in Australia in 2004. I want all along the east coast from Port Douglas to Sydney. I wish I could have stayed.

        1. πŸ™‚ There is one particular missionary couple here that I wish would have their support removed. The man stated that the bible says that a woman should submit to her abusive husband until the point of death.

          This upsets me, firstly because he is dragging my Lord’s name through the mud by claiming that he supports such abuse. And secondly, this man has since set up a church. He will possibly be conducting marriage counselling and teaching people about marriage relationships/how to support abuse victims from the pulpit. Lives will be destroyed if he can ever get anyone to listen to him.

    1. Ooooh, yeah, it’s hard to think of anyone you’d rather have throwing knives and tomahawks than Mike “beat those chillun ’til they whimper” Pearl.
      ‘Cause he’s not at all crazy or anything.
      Oh no, not at all.
      😯

      1. An evil part of me secretly hopes that he will injure the pastor, thereby eliminating one more false preacher and also exposing Mr. Pearl to extensive legal liability at the same time.

  1. So I guess this guy is the Fundy equivalent of having one of the “Duck Dynasty” guys at your evangelical church? Seems like one of those guys is in the local area here about once a month visiting an SBC church or a Methodist men’s retreat.

        1. Probably not, but I’ll tell you.
          In their book “To Train Up a Child” and in other writings and talks, Michael and Debi Pearl recommend whipping children with quater-inch plumbing supply line (narrow, flexible but hard, plastic tubing) in order to “train” them.

          http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2011/10/03/did_the_disturbing_philosophy_of_how_to_train_up_a_child_lead_to.html

          This is the first I’ve heard of his using dolls to demonstrate the technique (how to hit kids isn’t really that complicated), but it isn’t surprising.

  2. I like it that the church’s website has as its main header “Standing for the AV1611”, because the version of the Bible a church uses is the most important thing a church should stand for πŸ™„

  3. I hope the pastor is right with the Lawd. Gives a whole new meaning to “if you were to cross the road, in front of our church, and got hit by a semi……”

  4. I also read that the two guys listed on their staff page are from Pensacola Bible Institute, which was started by good ol’ Peter Ruckman. I can just imagine how wacky the idolatry towards the Bible gets at this church.

  5. The guy getting knives thrown at him…

    …that’s my brother-in-law. πŸ˜†

    And the guy throwing the knives…

    …that’s the brother of my wife’s best friend. πŸ˜€

  6. I REALLY dislike the “no confusion” argument for the KJV:

    1. How uneducated do you have to be to be confused because the pastor reads from a different version?

    2. How stubborn do you have to be to insist that people are more confused hearing two versions read than hearing the Jacobean English of the KJV?

    3. How controlling do you have to be to be upset that people are reading from different versions in a Bible study?

    4. How arrogant do you have to be to basically say, “I can end all your confusion now. Just do exactly what I do. See? Confusion replaced by confortable conformity to my personal preferences.”

    1. Excellent points. I actually prefer it when the person teaching has a different version than mine – I like hearing how different translators use words, and think it adds to the learning experience, not the other way around.

      1. Me too! At my church, we have a Bible reading/study/whatever you want to call it on Sundays, and while we do use the KJV as the version we read the passage out of, people regularly reference other interpretations. I personally like to keep the ESV up on my iPod Touch so I can compare how things are translated differently.

        We’re going through the tabernacle right now, so understandably there’s a lot of different translations of some of the more unusual words! And it really helps to picture it when you have multiple ways to look at it.

  7. I really don’t see what all the hubub is about…I’m quite certain that the Apostle Paul utilized the “spear throwing eunich” gimmick at Mars Hill. It must be right there in the KJV or else these guys wouldn’t do it.

  8. I’ll say one thing in favor of this place–on the “Do I go to the right church page?”, at least the longest response is about salvation, as it should be. Unfortunately (and not unexpectedly), the second-longest is, of course, about whether or not it’s using the KJV.

    1. Nah. The beatings are reserved only for disobedient children…and possibly unsubmissive wives. It would be improper to treat a man in such an undignified manner. πŸ‘Ώ

        1. Of course. Because it’s a peer relationship where one is placing implicit trust in the other.

          “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil…” πŸ™„

  9. This reminds me of the time Martial Arts Evangelist Michael Crain threw sharp objects at kids at my former church in Lancaster. Kinda like: Here kid, hold this balloon. Oddly, kids were required to have a signed permission slip to ride on the bus, but not for this! Later that evening, the pastor had Crain throw the sharp implements at his new finance employee. Jeez, the things people will do to make that pastor happy…

    http://www.stufffundieslike.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=5245

    And it is not like Crain had never made a mistake and hurt someone either…

    http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/blog/ball_dont_lie/post/Jordan-s-brush-with-death-by-samurai-sword?urn=nba,188589

    And he was later discovered to be a perv too:

    http://rheaheraldnews.com/story/15463

    1. An excerpt from the article where Martial Arts Evangelist Michael Crain cuts Michael Jordan on the abdomen – yes, THAT Michael Jordan – while doing his cut the watermelon blindfolded trick:

      “See, the sword trick calls for Crain to chop a full-grown watermelon in half while it rests on the volunteer’s stomach. Most everyone who winds up as the fruit platter declines to do so at first, especially after watching Crain, a burly Southerner decked out in an all-white martial-arts suit accented with his black belt, slice the air with cold steel for a few minutes.

      But Jordan was more skittish than most β€” and emphatically said, “No.” Crain wasn’t fazed. He worked the thrill-hungry crowd of inmates to his advantage, and when he began hinting to Jordan that maybe he wasn’t quite man enough to handle the job of human cutting board, the 19-year-old responded to the challenge just the way you would expect. He climbed up the wooden platform and laid himself back on a weight-training bench that had been used in an earlier act. And Crain placed the melon on Jordan’s belly.

      As Crain produced another black sash and began blindfolding himself, a panicky Jordan started to get up. Crain held him down lightly between the produce and the bench. In a scene that looked like a jailhouse staging of Shirley Jackson’s The Lottery, the brothers in the yard inched closer to the stage. Crain told Jordan to shield his eyes so stray rind and seeds wouldn’t blind him, but MJ’s eyes were already shut tightly enough to secure a home.
      Crain drew back his sword and slashed into the juicy melon. But his blade traveled too far south, and the rail-thin Jordan’s protruding right hip slowed the blow. The watermelon was torn, not severed. The crowd was now hypnotized and drew even closer to the laid-out Jordan.

      Down came the blade a second time, and now shards of watermelon went flying into the sky and across the stage. Crain knew from his audience’s reaction that he succeeded in dividing the fruit, but he had the queasy feeling that he might have gone too far. This whack was in the right place, but Crain had misjudged the amount of give in Jordan’s lean belly. After pulling off his blindfold, Crain checked to make sure his volunteer was OK. When he and Glass wiped away the juice, melon and seed that covered the front of Jordan’s white jersey, Jordan spotted a tear in the fabric.

      Jordan was irate.

      “Look whatcha did!” he screamed at Crain. “

    2. We had a karate guy at our church once, too. Wonder if it was the same one?

      Your story reminded me of a church carnival we had once. All the church kids and the bus kids were out there, and all the teens and adults were manning the booths. I had the balloon/dart booth. While I was reloading the balloons, some smart ass decided not to wait to throw his darts, and I ended up with a dart in the rump. I was NOT a happy camper.

      It’s funny now, but I was not pleased with that kid at the time.

    3. “… Crain estimates that he has performed the watermelon trick 1,750 times and has cut 16 people. “That’s not a lot,” Crain jokes.” 😯

      Cutting 16 people is “not a lot”?
      What would he consider to be a lot of cut people?

  10. I really don’t understand the strange marriage between extreme fundies and Michael Pearl. Mr. Pearl himself is NOT an IFB-promoter. His church is called something like the “Church at Cane Creek” precisely because he believes (and teaches) that what gives him the authority to found and pastor a church is basically just because he decided to do so. He don’t need no denominational accountability or approval, haymen?

    Long story short: fundies like him because he preaches “beat your kids.”

    1. “… he believes (and teaches) that what gives him the authority to found and pastor a church is basically just because he decided to do so. He don’t need no denominational accountability or approval, haymen?”

      Isn’t that the standard IFB doctrine on church authority?

  11. This church is in San Antonio! I could go there next time I’m in the Alamo City.
    It looks like I’ve already missed the Wild Mountain Man, but I’ll have to check their schedule to see when the next fire-eater, mud-wrestling tournament, contortionist, juggler, sword-swallower, lion-tamer, alligator wrestler, carnival geek, or Gospel Birds show is planned.

  12. The site is so current! Archives all the way back to August 2011 up through, uh, August 2011. Wait, let’s check the “headlines” page – it’s up to…..August 2011? So relevant.

    1. I did check it out and I’m baffled. Is the church in a warehouse district? The big building across the street is well-kept but the church itself looks like it’s part of a brick warehouse building.

      1. Nevermind, I see the church runs the whole length of the building. Apparently they are either adding on or repairing the back (front?) part of the building.

        1. It would appear San Antonio, Texas did not have enough Baptist churches and so one was set up in a commercial warehouse district. Or the pastor could not find employment at an existing church, so he created his own church. There are a growing number of warehouse churches where I live.

  13. Hmm, looks kind of exciting to me! πŸ˜€ At any rate, I would much rather see this, than the swallowing of the live goldfish my old fundy church did every year. Made my stomach turn πŸ™

    1. The Pearls also suggest using other instruments, such as “a 12-inch willowy branch” for babies and a ruler, paddle, belt or larger tree branch for an older child.

      “Give 10 licks at a time, more if the child resists. Be careful about using it in front of others — even at church; nosy neighbors might call social workers.”

      Yep. They say you should hit *babies* with switches, and older children with larger tree branches. And be careful not to let anyone see you doing it.

      I guess that’s what you’re supposed to do if just making the kids watch your knife-and-tomahawk-throwing demonstration isn’t enough. 😐

    2. I cannot snark on this. This man should be in jail as a murderer. Multiple children are dead because of his teaching.

      FTR, also check out video of his interview by Tuchman on CNN’s Ungodly Discipline series. He and his wife both (in addition to their very dangerous teaching) look like uneducated idiots (not redundant; they are both) who can’t even bother to bathe and put on clean clothing before being interviewed for national television.

      What in the world is wrong with people?

  14. I see no difference in this knife throwing spectacle and snake handling…
    As for Pearl’s spanking/beating, seems extreme from what little I’ve seen and bits I’ve read.
    S.M. Davis seems to have a Scriptural, well-balanced approach to spanking.

  15. I thought I’d point out that the pastor of this church (my BIL if you’ll read the comments above) has grown tremendously over the last several years and, in my opinion, is looking more and more like Jesus.

    While there are still issues that we strongly disagree on, those disagreements are more of a debate among brethren than a cause for separation.

    For evidence, people should take a look at their latest website. (same address)

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