I have recently moved into your area with the mission of planting a bible-believing church. I have taken it upon myself to become acquainted with other churches in the area to see if any are compatible with our rules of faith and practice and in line with our standards. To that end I hope you would not mind completing a short questionnaire so that we can determine if you are Fit for Fellowship™
Would you characterize your music program as only using old-fashioned sacred hymns or do you worship Satan? (Hymn / Satan circle one)
What percentage of time do your people spend each time in soulwinning and how do you keep them accountable to that number? _____________________________________ (be specific)
When was the last time that someone in your church got under the spout where the glory comes out? ______________ (Please list exact date and time)
Do you use any other version besides the KJV, January 1973 printed by Oxford University Press with black leather cover? _________________________________________________________ (If not, please explain why you hate Jesus).
Does any woman in your congregation ever wear pants when she thinks nobody can see her? Please explain how you have taken steps to prevent this. __________________________________________________
How many did you see gloriously saved last year? ______
How many were just plain old saved? _______
How many got baptized by immersion (regardless of how many times they did it previously)? __________
How many are currently on the mission field in some place that makes for good slide presentations? _____
Use the following space to include any details of charity, community outreach, and participation in interdenominational efforts __ (this space had better be blank).
Thanks for your time in completing these questions. If you have been judged Fit for Fellowship™ we’ll be in touch with you shortly with details of exactly when we want to use your gymnasium for our youth outings. If you are not judged Fit for Fellowship™ you’ll be hearing about yourself in my next Sunday’s sermon.
Working in The Fields Of White,
Dr. Jimmy B. Aufschneider
Posted by Darrell