Top 10 Thing You’ll Hear Fundamentalist Pastors Say On Superbowl Sunday

The teams are chosen, the date is fixed, and all that remains before the Superbowl is hearing your favorite fundy preacher bloviate about how wicked it all is.

10. Those players should be in church!

9. Your posters on your bedroom wall should be a pastor or missionary not some cursing, fornicating sports star.

8. Why don’t people get as excited about soulwinning as they do about football?

7. The rock and roll debauchery of the halftime shows just shows how far America has fallen.

6. At the Great White Throne Judgement, Jesus isn’t going to care how far you could throw a football. He’s going to ask you how much you tithed.

5. What if we spent all the money that we pay those football teams on missions instead?

4. You all will go to a ball game and scream and yell but you come to church and I can’t hardly get you to say “amen” or get excited at all!

3. Those cheerleaders are immodest harlots. And you men who lust after them should be ashamed of yourselves.

2. Most of you aren’t going to listen to a thing I said here and you’re going to run straight home and put the game on.

1. Honey, are those nachos done yet? The second half is about to start!

115 thoughts on “Top 10 Thing You’ll Hear Fundamentalist Pastors Say On Superbowl Sunday”

    1. I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this joy, but this was actually my first comment! I have been following for almost a year (I found the site after the 20/20 special). So, “Hi, everybody!” It’s nice to join the ranks of the commenters. Quick resume: life-long IFB church member; IFB church didn’t have a school, but went to a Christian school where we requested to memorize our verses from KJV; alumnus of a Fundy U in Florida that shall remain nameless; taught for two years at a fundy school associated with a fundy church. I hope that qualifies me for the job.

      Regarding this post: I’ve heard most if not all of these.
      #10 & #9 remind me of @BaptistBritt’s recent tweet featured here. “You shouldn’t idolize THOSE men, you should idolize THESE men.” Really?
      #7 is the ubiquitous “Let’s pray for America to return to her Godly heritage” reference.
      Of course, there are several “cheer for preaching/soulwinning” references.

      The only remark I remember hearing was a condemnation of the churches who canceled evening service, moved the service to the afternoon, or (as “a sign of the times”) projected the game at their church with a “sermonette” during halftime. Other than that, this post was right on.

      1. To avoid my user name being abbreviated to IFB, it has been changed. The alternate acronym was purposeful, but not prudent. Thank you.

      2. Welcome!

        Yeah, I’ve heard most of these. Brings back memories. Not that I watch football games on Sundays anyways, but it’s nice to do what I actually want on Sundays and not be slaving away for some church.

    1. Now that that’s out of the way, this post reminds me of that song “You can’t scare God away” about how people cheer at a football game but in church they’re quiet. Well that’s what they expect of women anyway isn’t it?

      They love to guilt trip people on this like anything. I’m not a football fan but I do feel sorry for the men at this time of year when the pastor will rag on those who stay home to watch the game rather than be in church on Sunday evening. Of course the staff people HAVE to show up to church and if it happens that one of their favorite teams is playing it’s all the more reason to rag on him. He shows up to church and has to take a lot of teasing that he’s missing his team.

      I’m sure a lot of them are grateful that they can tape the game and watch it later even if it’s not the same thing. At least they proved their devotion to the Lord, they love the Lord more than football. ๐Ÿ™

  1. And don’t forget the self righteous back patting for being in church that Sunday night.

    Another reason I love my church: We’ve given up trying to have service/activities on that night. We’re encouraged to fellowship with football that evening. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    1. ^ This.

      For people who pretend to care so much about “attitude” they sure don’t get their own attitude problems. If you want to have church during the Super Bowl, fine. But to get up and blow yourself up in pride over the fact that you are more spiritual than 98 percent of the people in America reveals that you may not have the same problem as others, but your problem might be (and probably is) worse.

    2. My Fundy U undergrad church had a 4p and a 6:30p service most Sundays. Except Super Bowl Sunday (SBS). On SBS they cancelled the 4p service, and preacher (who was typically long-winded anyway – think about an hour per sermon, not counting music) went particularly long-winded (more like two hours). And anyone who griped was reminded that a Christian’s place was in church on Sunday night.

      There was another “mega”-church in the area that had two Sunday night services. On SBS, they brought out extra chairs and removed the dividers for the early service to accommodate the students and the “we usually attend the late service” crowd. The had no problems admitting they went out of their way to accommodate people who wanted to watch the Super Bowl. And to think – that church was pretty high up on the Fundy totem pole.

      Now my church has a 4p service, and last year my pastor made sure to wrap up in time to make a local SB party. ๐Ÿ˜€

    3. This whole holier than thou sanctimonious garbage about being in church rather than home watching the Super Bowl is really stupid anyway. If the game was typically played any other night of the week all of the men would be home watching it with no problem. There would be no guilt trip attached. Oh, unless it was soul winning night of course, or Wednesday, but if it was Saturday or Monday, no one would have a problem with it.

      It’s only because it’s Sunday and they have to have their sancro-sanct PM service that it becomes a problem. Do they know the Bible NOWHERE says there MUST be two services on Sunday? Or even what times they must be? Did it ever occur to them that in the Bible when it says they met on the first day of the week, just possibly they had ONE service in the AFTERNOON? Who says it HAS TO BE Sunday morning and Sunday evening?

      Is God against people sitting down to relax and watch a football game? I don’t think so. If they play it on Sunday well too bad. They could play it another day but they don’t. I don’t like football but I don’t object to my husband watching it, I just busy myself elsewhere.

      For these Fundy pastors to preach longer to make sure everyone misses the game as a test of their spirituality, or to refuse to accommodate those who would like to watch the game by changing the plan a bit on Super bowl Sunday is nothing more than power playing and I hate it.

      What if they had a pot luck after church that Sunday then went upstairs for the second service and ended it by 3:00 or so, and everyone could go home and watch the game? But that’s giving into the flesh isn’t it? Blah! ๐Ÿ‘ฟ

  2. First of all, I am not a fan….of football; soccer, hockey. OK, I think #2 is so off base, they don’t “wait until they get home” they check their blackberry! That pastor doesn’t have one. And # 6: really? God will ask you how and how much you TITHED?? There are going to be a lot of sad people if that is the case. #1 is so ripe!

    1. Yeah, last I checked (Matt. 25:31ff), He’s not going to “ask you” anything. He’s going to tell you: “to my right, because you did XYZ”, or “to my left, because you did not do XYZ”.

      And the “XYZ” list doesn’t include tithing, unless you count the spirit of the tithe (Deut. 14:28, 29; cf. Matt. 25:35, James 1:27).

      1. Actually, in Matt 25 the sheep and goats are separated by what they are FIRST, and then what they have done is given as evidence of what they are. You are reading it as though people are saved by what they do or don’t do, which isn’t the case. Romans 3:23 tells us nobody will be saved by obedience. Salvation comes only thru Christ’s atoning work on the Cross.

  3. I have heard #4 so many times I have lost count. Have not heard all of the others, though, and I am sure that is becuase I got out of fundy-dum in time… ๐Ÿ™„

      1. Oh, dear! I SOOOO want to start attending an IFB church just so I can hear a preacher say this and then start hollering, cheering, and jumping up and down! *evilgrin* I’ve never been escorted out of a building by security before.

        1. Exactly! *AS IF* any IFB pastor would find that behavior acceptable! And imagine the stuffed-shirted deacons!!! AND THEIR WIVES!!!

        2. My parents will swear when watching a state of origin match. They try not to, but they have that background and when they get excited it comes out. I’m sure that would be acceptable in church, lol.

  4. My church actually had an SB party, usually held at our extremely worldly house with our giant satellite access TV. All woman expected to stay in the kitchen or taking care of the kids…except me.

    “Miranda! Get in here and explain the tuck rule to the Reverend! And if you could modestly show how to run a route….”

    Fun times ๐Ÿ˜†

    1. Just to clarify, no one ever *really* asked me to run a modest route ๐Ÿ˜›

      But I was a running back in Pop Warner until I was 11 and started, um, blossoming. ๐Ÿ˜ณ

      Suffice it to say that my stepmom thinks I know too much about football, whereas my dad and my fiance say not quite enough! ๐Ÿ˜€

  5. I’m certainly not a fan of American football (I’m from Ireland, and I’m not a fan of soccer either – I never understood why someone should be paid so much for kicking a bag of wind about a field) but even to me football is a lot more exciting and *real* than the sort of life you are expected to live under fundy-dumb……

      1. FTW Scorpio! That was so funny, and so accurate! Especially with our former pastor whose motto was “Why say in 5 words what you can say in 25?”

        When I was being polite I’d say he was long winded. When I was not, I’d say he was a windbag. :mrgreen:

  6. This is my counter list of the top 10 things a preacher says on Super Bowl Sunday

    10. Those players should be in church!
    10. Oh good, it’s Super Bowl Sunday. That means far less adultery, fornication, and pedophilia committed in the back rooms of the churches.

    9. Your posters on your bedroom wall should be a pastor or missionary not some cursing, fornicating sports star.
    9. While everybody else is watching the lame, boring Super Bowl, I’m going to hang this Doctor Who poster on my wall. Nothing lame about that!

    8. Why donโ€™t people get as excited about soulwinning as they do about football?
    8. Why donโ€™t people get as excited about my coffee as they do about football?

    7. The rock and roll debauchery of the halftime shows just shows how far America has fallen.
    7. The only thing more boring than the halftime shows are the Super Bowl itself and Bowling for Dollars. Oh, and golf.

    6. At the Great White Throne Judgement, Jesus isnโ€™t going to care how far you could throw a football. Heโ€™s going to ask you how much you tithed.
    6. At the Great White Throne Judgment, I’m going to be sorry for everything. Might as well eat a chocolate bar right now.

    5. What if we spent all the money that we pay those football teams on missions instead?
    5. I wish I had some money. Maybe one of those lunkhead football players will drop some change on the field.

    4. You all will go to a ball game and scream and yell but you come to church and I canโ€™t hardly get you to say โ€œamenโ€ or get excited at all!
    4. People who scream and yell are morons. Or drunk. Say, I wish I had a beer.

    3. Those cheerleaders are immodest harlots. And you men who lust after them should be ashamed of yourselves.
    3. When was the last time one of those poor girls had a decent meal? (Without throwing it up, I mean.)

    2. Most of you arenโ€™t going to listen to a thing I said here and youโ€™re going to run straight home and put the game on.
    2. As soon as I get out of here, I am going to log on to Facebook!

    1. Honey, are those nachos done yet? The second half is about to start!
    1. Why did FOX cancel the Simpsons and put on this stupid football game? You can watch football any time!

      1. Big Gary, I sell coffee at the Raleigh Flea Market. I roast my coffee myself. It is delicious. On Super Bowl Sunday, nobody comes to the Flea Market. So I just sit there. And I am certain that drinking my coffee is better than watching the stupid Super Bowl any day of the week.

        PS: Bowling for Dollars is hilarious only if it is part of a Monty Python skit.

        1. I’d rather drink your coffee than watch the Super Bowl.

          Of course, I’d pretty much rather put a nail through my foot than watch the Super Bowl, but that’s no reflection on your coffee.

        2. Someday the Coffee Empire will rule the world. (That’s what I tell myself when business is slow.) But until then, we have to permit the Super Bowl to air on television.

    1. “At the Great White Throne Judgment, Iโ€™m going to be sorry for everything. Might as well eat a chocolate bar right now.” — Yikes! This one comes close to how I feel! Sometimes I feel a fatalist resignation that nothing I do is pleasing to God because I’m riddled through and through with flawed motives and incomplete service. Then I try to drown myself in Scripture, realizing that I’m accepted because of CHRIST not because of anything I do.

  7. Yeah at my old church some people would always condemn people who weren’t there during the evening service. Yet those were the same people who wanted the sermon to finish so they could race home and watch it.

    I just wonder how being at church and your mind thinking about the game is any different than not coming to church and watching it. If you want to come to church go to church. Don’t tell other people how they should spend their time.

    1. Yeah like that makes a lot of sense. I never could figure it out. The pastor rags all over the people who ARE there about the people who are NOT. I remember the Sunday School superintendent one week ragging on us who were at the meeting about those who were not saying, don’t they know the meeting is MANDATORY?? Then he charged us to tell the other teachers they ought to be at the meeting. Sorry buddy, that’s your job, not ours. Maybe if those meetings weren’t so BORING people would show up. And all they did was rag on you for not doing good enough at visiting your class, bribing them with enough treats, not getting there on time (15 minutes early) etc etc. Who wanted to sit through that? It was just an additional guilt trip to the preaching itself. Why did I put up with that for so long? ๐Ÿ™„

      1. I’ll never forget being at church the Sunday after Christmas one year, when the pastor gave a long rant about how we should not skip church at holiday times.

        On the Sunday after Christmas, of course, absolutely NOBODY is in church except for the most hard-core, never-miss-a-Sunday churchgoers. It would be hard to find a more perfect example of giving people the sermon they absolutely didn’t need.

  8. Many of you would probably consider me to be a fundie – but what you are going to hear me say on Super Bowl Sunday morning is: “Kick-off is at 5.20 – don’t be late! And bring food!” Also, “Go Patriots!” or, maybe, “Go Giants!” (I can’t decide)
    We show the game on the screen in the auditorium.
    And I do not care what my fundy brethren think about that.

    1. We show the game on the screen in the auditorium.
      And I do not care what my fundy brethren think about that.

      You might care what the NFL has to say about it, however.

      Just sayin’

        1. A couple of years ago there was a big Thing about it, mainly because of highly visible announcements of Super Bowl events using “Super Bowl,” which is trademarked. Following some congressional action, as long as you do this:
          1) Churches must show the game live on equipment they use in the course of ministry at their premises; recordings of the show are not permitted.

          2) Churches cannot charge admission for the party. The NFL has stated, however, that churches may take up a donation to defray the cost of the event.

          3) Itโ€™s advisable for churches to call the event a โ€œbig gameโ€ party rather than a โ€œSuper Bowlโ€ party, as both the โ€œNFLโ€ and โ€œSuper Bowlโ€ are trademarked and protected intellectual property.

          …you should be in the clear.

        1. I would beg to differ. Unless you have paid for the license to publicly broadcast the event you are breaking the law. Same for having a movie night at church… you have to pay the license to publicly broadcast any movie. At least that’s what the copywrite laws say… Christian ethics may vary. ๐Ÿ™

        2. Don, that isn’t quite the case with the Super Bowl in churches. My list of three things is from the copywright website. The NFL commissioner agreed to it as legislation to make an exception for churches to live broadcast for gatherings not labelled “Super Bowl” parties was passing. As long as you don’t charge money, as long as you play it live on your regular equipment, and as long as you don’t use any of the NFL’s trademarked stuff on your announcements and fliers, it is ok. You don’t have to pay for a license to show it.

        3. Don, I will refer you to ReneeD’s 2 answers – they are correct. And as for the insinuation that I would show a movie without a license – nope! We are showing Courageous this Sunday – paid for the license. We also buy a copyright license for music every year.

        4. Well Billy that is a refreshing change from most church movie nights I’ve seen around here… and most Church Choir special song books are filled with Copies that even say, “Unlawful to copy,” right down at the bottom of the page.

          I stand corrected on the prohibition.

          (Tells you how long I have been out of Fundie land. The Superbowl issue is not an issue outside the Fundie bunker system and I have not kept up with the controversy since leaving.) Party On!

        1. I live just south of Green Bay but since the Packers have packed it in for the year and my mom’s a Patriots fan, I’m rooting for them.

  9. An interesting footnote to this topic is the frequent Fundy glorification of baseball. Part of that all-American aura, I guess? Growing up, we didn’t have TV and all other organized sports were verboten, but we were allowed to listen to the Detroit Tigers. On the _radio_.

    The newest BJU “Unusual Film”, a tale about a 20s mill-town baseball team, is in church bookstores now, by the way. After you watch it, you’re supposed to go home and destroy the moonshine still in your backyard. I think.

  10. And my church chooses to have a conference on Super Bowl Sunday that always runs late ๐Ÿ™ Fortunately our sunday school teacher records it.

    Not that I particularly care about either the Giants or the Patriots, especially as the Patriots will most likely win….

  11. Flag that play, ref. These preachers would throw a penalty flag and slap a fifteen-yard excessive celebration penalty if’n the peeps in the pews clap during special music, but want us to act like lifelong Steeler’s fans during preachin’.

    And, your forgot the obligatory Tebow reference. No football illustration, incident, story, joke, or off-hand remark this year is complete without mentioning Our Faithful Hero, St. Tim the Persecuted.

    1. This bugged me!!! Our churches tended to be sober and serious with only a few understated “amens” from time to time from the older deacons, and we were often warned about the “excessive emotionalism” of Pentecostals and “liberal” Christians. However, every year around the Super Bowl, the congregation would get scolded for cheering more for football than for God’s Word!

      You just can’t win in fundyland!

  12. I’ve heard almost all of them:

    10. Players should be in church? Check
    9. Posters should be a pastor or missionary? Check
    8. Get excited about soulwinning? Check
    7. Halftime laments? Check
    6. Warnings about Judgment? Half a check. The tithing part was usually stated more generally as in “did you put Jesus first in your life?” or “was church your priority?”
    5. Money for missions? Check
    4. Accusations of not screaming for God? Check.
    3. Immodest cheerleaders? Half a check. The inappropriate dress and behavior of the cheerleaders might be mentioned, but it was not usually elaborated upon.
    2. No one listening ’cause they want to go home? Check
    1. Pastor watching NFL? Probably!

  13. I think this list is perfect for the making of a bingo card to take to church. I have heard only 8, 7, 4, and 3 plus many comments/attempts at humor about the service running long, etc. And number one is priceless… ๐Ÿ˜Ž

  14. Variations on number four are a regular feature of Evangelicalism every Saturday from August through November in Nebraska. The more the team wins, the more people start discussing “why can’t we fill the stadium with people cheering for Jesus?” and how sad that makes them.

    Then there are the fans who have to find subtle ways to protest the cheering being for football rather than Jesus. My favorite is an old college friend whose family has season tickets. They go and they cheer but they wear neutral colors like beiges and browns rather than red or even black (black being the color identified with the defense) out of “respect for Jesus”–as if anyone around them thinks anything about Jesus. I assume they are thinking “what’s up with the idiots wearing tan?”

    1. I have to say ,the wearing neutral colors is a new one to me. How totally bizarre. I cannot believe they think they are making a statement. very very sad, and a little bit scary. Anyway, anyone who cared to asked them, would be totally turned off to their god by the answer… ๐Ÿ™„
      WHY DO FUNDIES INSIST ON BELIEVING THAT GOD JUST WANTS TO PUNISH US AND DENY US ANY PLEASURE???? ๐Ÿ‘ฟ

      1. Their rationale is that if everyone in the stadium is wearing red, white or black, then they must choose something else so as to “not conform to the world” and that it proves their real allegiance is to Jesus and not the Huskers. And they wouldn’t want to wear the other team’s color…so it is usually head to toe khaki. They pick their winter coats for the purpose. Beyond absurd. And, yes, I’m sure if they explained this to any fans sitting near them, the response would not be any rush to go to church with them!

  15. When you don’t have Sunday evening services, you don’t have to worry about it. We have have the youth over for a party at my house. I have heard of church groups showing the game and blocking the commercials (the best part) and the half time show.

    Remember the wardrobe malfunction event, I was like, “is that what I thought it was?” the kids were laughing.

    My aunt and uncle go to a fundy-lite (GARB) church and they had a potluck after church then a short service after so people could watch the game.

    1. Blocking the commercials=typical fundie meanness. ๐Ÿ‘ฟ

      BTW, Eli Manning all the way!!! (Once the Eagles are out of it, I am all about those Manning boys.) ๐Ÿ˜‰

  16. Last year was our first fundy free Super Bowl Sunday. It was nice to be a able to prepare the nachos, put on the sweats and just enjoy the evening with family and friends without any guilt.

    In prior years, our assistant pastor, who refused to own a TV because it is a tool of the devil, would come to our house to watch the game. He was content for us spend the money on the flat screen and the cable, not to mention food, so he could watch the game. However, his family held to a set of standards higher than ours, so no TV for them. ๐Ÿ™„

  17. How many fundies would show up in church on Super Bowl Sunday if the cheapest seat in the house were $600? (We are not going to talk about the tickets that are going for over 15K for some of the better seats.)

  18. I heard all of those in my ex IFB church. #4 bugs me especially because if people yelled and screamed in church like they do at a football game, the IFB people would say the church is charismatic and (to them) unGodly & ebil (typo intentional… you can go away, George) ๐Ÿ‘ฟ

  19. At the fundie church I came out of, the pastor says every year that he’ll pray for all the tvs of those that stay home to watch the SuperBowl to blow up. Funny thing though, not one tv has ever spontaneously blown a tube or even fallen off the wall. So, he’s either not praying hard enough, not close enough to God for his prayers to be heard, or maybe God just doesn’t mind ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. The old cathode ray tubes could blow up (although it was never common).
      I don’t think a flat-screen can explode (unless there’s a bomb in it), although it could spark a lot or catch fire.

  20. I’ve heard most of these, with variations as noted below.

    10. I have also heard railing against the athletic “Christian” groups and how they aid players to skip church on Sunday.

    9. Check

    8. Check, or church services, or offerings, or whatever…

    7. I haven’t heard this very often; it was more common when the Janet Jackson incident took place.

    6. Or how many souls you’ve won, or how faithful you’ve been to His house.

    5. I haven’t heard this one; but I have heard railing against the salaries of sports figures verses what the Christian school teachers are paid.

    4. Check; sometimes an unfortunate volunteer is used to demonstrate this point.

    3. Not as often, but I’ve heard it

    2. Not just on Superbowl Sunday, but anytime during football season

    1. Don’t know

  21. “3. Those cheerleaders are immodest harlots. And you men who lust after them should be ashamed of yourselves.”

    I’ll bet the commercials for Axe and GoDaddy would make his eyes bleed! :mrgreen:

  22. I remember our previous pastor and Bible college President at an unnamed Fundy church, school, and publication center in southern California comment about how an elderly couple came to the church with tears in their eyes one Super Bowl Sunday afternoon saying that their own Baptist church in town was showing the game on the screens in lieu of having church.

    They were tears of sadness because their church had moved so far away from the fundamentals they once held so dear and tears of joy knowing that there is another church in town that has not yet bowed the knee to the altar of football… or has discovered the transformative power of TIVO.

  23. 10. Those players should be in church!–
    Had to hear the story of the runner who wouldn’t compete on Sunday about 4 times though.

    6. At the Great White Throne Judgement, Jesus isnโ€™t going to care how far you could throw a football.-not put exactly that way, but close. I thought He was gonna say “Come on in, I’m so glad you’re home!”

    I’ve heard variations of the rest of this too. Blah.

    We have had super bowl parties largely with the people who attended my former church. They enjoyed the game (most of them) although some of them wished they could have blacked out some of the commericals. Some of them enjoyed all of it and were definitely fun to be around! The pastor always used superbowl sunday as a tract time to make a larger point.

    We only had one service Sunday at my old church. It wasn’t totally fundy, it was more like “fundy-lite” Pastor was definitely old school fundamentalist though.

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