Commandments Concerning Election Season

And when it shall come to pass that another four years has come and gone and the season shall again turn to the selection of a new President that thou shalt surely gird up thy loins and quit thee like men to stand against hordes of evil, humanism, and socialism. And thou shalt campaign for God’s Choice of candidate with thy every waking moment. For God sits on His sovereign throne directing all things by the will of his power…but it’s the government who can raise your taxes and take your guns away.

And thou shalt craft thy sermons with care, drawing liberally (but not the bad kind) from the stories of Israel’s triumph and thereby destroying thine own made up rules about dispensations. Thou shalt cry aloud against the forces of liberalism (the bad kind) will be the very death of everything that is good and just and right. And in the day that the men (and maybe even a few women if God can’t find any men first) with the R behind their names are seated in power then will the windows of heaven open and our cattle shall be fat and our menservants and maidservants shall be many. And then shall all the congregation of the people know that God’s blessing and sovereignty is totally dependent on politics.

And when thou hast entered thy voting chamber and shut thy door, then shall thou harken to obey the voice of the commandment which was given aforetime that thy days may be long upon the earth. For to the candidates of the filthy Democrat and of the pot-loving Libertarian and of the new-agey Green thou shalt not pull the lever, neither shalt thou even glance in their direction. The fate of the country is totally and completely in your hands. And God’s too, I guess.

Independent Baptist Book of Everlasting Rules and Requirements, p 128

112 thoughts on “Commandments Concerning Election Season”

    1. Now with that out of the way, it appears that the best deal for a moderate-to-liberal Christian is to be a Republican running for office. You could casually drink, attend a motion picture every now and then, and even listen to CCM openly. You’d get support from even the most hardcore of hard fundy pastors.

      Well, maybe not the “most” hardcore…

      1. I’ve got one that’s better than that: you can be a working mom who is exercising authority over men and still get their support. πŸ˜‰

      2. Right now, the hard-core Fundies seem split between supporting the moderate Mormon or the extreme Roman Catholic.
        Interesting.

        1. According to fundies God needs politicians who He would otherwise damn if they were ordinary citizens.

          Maybe this is a Deborah Moment? God has no choice since no Real Christiansβ„’ will run?

          It is funny to watch all of the “separated by conviction” fundies being all ecumenical.

        2. Many fundies in my area were supporters of Herman Cain until his campaign fell apart. They now seem to favor the adherent to the doctrines of the “Great Whore of Babylon” πŸ™„ over the Mormon.

          I don’t even want to try to understand their logic.

  1. Before I came here, I was told that voting was easy. American IFB missionaries told me that all Christians vote republican and that’s just the way it’s done because republicans are Christians and Democrats are not. I’m not a citizen here yet, but if I was this time around I believe I’d vote for Obama lol. And last I checked I was a Christian.

    1. Are you really, really sure? πŸ™‚ ‘Cause I was told from the pulpit, on more than one occasion that anyone who votes Demoncrate should examine his heart and soul to be sure he REALLY is a xtain with xtain values.
      {sarcasm mode off}

    2. One of my favorite IFB political quotes: “Now I’m not here to tell you who to vote for–but no good Christian will ever vote for anyone who supports gays, abortions, and gun control!”

    3. Abortion is murder. No, a Christian cannot vote for an abortionist candidate, and a Christian cannot vote for a political party that has as it’s official platform support for abortion, homosexuality, pornography, etc. The Democratic party in America is such a party.

      So no, a true Christian would not vote for an abortionist like Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter, etc.

      Those who support abortion and homosexuality are sick.

  2. Awww man. You guys get a new president, and we have to hear all about the drama anyway! Well, the media’s biased version of events, lol.

  3. Now that I live in Canada I can’t vote in the states. Just as well. I dislike all of the current choices. πŸ™

      1. We are also the state where our governors make our license plates!
        I’m waiting for all the media hoopla when Bloogo goes to jail in March.

    1. I just moved to Illinois last year for a job with the Navy. So awesome that immortality is just a few steps away! Although I’m still registered to vote in California, so I’m probably a heathen by most accounts.

    2. No wonder there is such an outcry against requiring a photo id for voting… it is clearly a violation of the dead’s civil right to vote.

      1. See this is how the Zombie Apocalypse began. You give them the vote… then they will want the American Zombies Act passed, then they will have Zombie Occupy Cemetary Street demonstrations, and will call for Zombie Affirmative Action.
        Next thing you know one will be on the presidential ticket…oh, see, SEE! Biden has already been elected. It has already begun! Be afraid… be very afraid!! 😈

        1. Of course Fundies don’t have to worry about the Zombie Apocalypse… Zombies only attack those who exhibit they have a functioning brain. *doh, did I go there? Why, Yes, Yes I did.*

        2. Seeing as they’re usually looking for brains, IMO, the current GOP slate is in no real danger.

        3. @ Phatchick
          The the case can be made that the entire DC beltway is a Zombie Free Zone, and in the event of a Zombie uprising Congress would continue business as usual while the Executive Branch continues its 4 year mission to seek out new Vacation spots and boldly go where no taxpayer can afford to go. πŸ˜€ πŸ˜‰

        4. Expert opinion seems to be divided.

          Putting “Cheney is a vampire” into Google gets 1,100,000 results, including:
          http://www.politico.com/blogs/scorecard/1009/Alan_Grayson_v_Chris_Matthews.html
          http://vodpod.com/watch/1444298-daily-show-interview-with-a-vampire-cheney
          http://open.salon.com/blog/glenn_crake/2008/10/07/dick_cheney_vampire_part_1_of_an_ongoing_series

          On the other hand, “Cheney is a zombie” gets you 1,530,000 results, including a web site called “dickcheneyisazombie.com”:
          http://www.dickcheneyisazombie.com/

          One piece of evidence for the zombie hypothesis is that Cheney apparently has no pulse. But do vampires have pulses? I’m not sure.

  4. Judging by the current crop of choices, all parties, I want to vote the line that says “None of the above (and no one currently on the ballot is allowed to run again)”.

    1. Oh could we really wish hard enough for that option to emerge? And then the follow-up election has to take place in 8 weeks … wait … that’s basically the Parliamentary system and it isn’t looking so bad again this year.

    2. Judging by the current crop of choices, all parties, I want to vote the line that says β€œNone of the above (and no one currently on the ballot is allowed to run again)”.

      This. Absolutely this.

  5. I hate politics. πŸ‘Ώ But I loathe Fundy political stumping from the pulpit. The implications that if you’re a good Xtian you’ll vote R and if you vote otherwise you’re an apostate. :shudder: 😈

    The fact is that preaching politics from the pulpit is cause for the church’s tax-exempt status to get yanked (and if it happens, the MOg is sure to cry, “Persecution!!”). Oh, and let’s completely ignore the premise that the pulpit is for teaching God’s word, not pastoral opinion gilded with random scripture quotations. Vote early & vote often (if you can get away with it.) It’s what Jesus would do!

    Anyone else find it ironic that elections are the only time Fundies support Christians who any other time would be deemed anathema? πŸ™„

    1. Unless he follows “Dr.” Gibbs’ scare the bejeebers out of mog seminars. Then he will know what words he can use to be political and legal at the same time.

      We all know the Democrat’s true goal is to take away tax-exemptions and close IFB churches.

      1. Under current law, you can be a tax-exempt church/charity, or you can be a partisan political organization, but you can’t be both. I think that’s the way it should be.

  6. Love it! This is the first time I’m planning on voting for the other side. I’m friends on FB with my Baptist pastor from my high school years. The logic that they use to choose their person of choice boggles my mind.

    I’ve voted republican for president since Reagan ram for his second term. My middle son, who is bi-racial, was not happy with me for voting Rep. last time. He was all excited on election night as the results came in, but had to go to bed. I’ll never forget the look on his face when I woke him upand handed him the front page of the paper. The smile that came across his face was priceless. I almost started to cry, because he knew that he could have a chance to be the Predident of the United States.

    1. Strangely Warmed, that’s a very heart-warming story. πŸ˜€
      I love it when America acts like it’s as great as we say it is.

    2. That is an awesomely good story. The day after the last election my coworkers were bemoaning the outcome. They asked my opinion. Tell your son that I told them I had never been more proud of my country in my entire life. I hope your son becomes whatever he wants to be.

      1. So you agree with the people that voted for Obama only because he is black? That is a pretty weak reason to vote for him. If you like his politics, fine then, but to only vote for his color is crazy.

        1. You’re reading a lot into what I wrote. Since I’m very clearly and sometimes pitifully white, I can’t speak for black people. But if I were black, I might have voted for Obama for that reason, since really, I truly never expected us to elect a black president in my lifetime. Thus my comment of being proud for my country. You see, I have this dream……

        2. @ Stony,
          But Dr. King wanted people to be judged on the content of their character, and not the color of their skin.

  7. I voted for Cynthia McKinney last election. Rawk on!

    My Republican father would kill me if he hadn’t already disowned me. Bahahahaha! πŸ˜†

    1. I was close … it was a toss up between Cynthia and Ralph Nader for me. I haven’t voted for a major party candidate in the last 4 presidential elections. Some pastors really try to lay a guilt trip on people, saying if you don’t vote you are violating Romans 13. Since when is voting a commandment?

  8. One thing I don’t miss about Fundystan is all the political talk. I was always upset when the Mog talked about politics. If I wanted to hear about politics I know how to use the internet and radio. I go to church to hear from God’s Word.

  9. I believe Jesus was a commie. I doubt the communists will be on the ballot this year.

    “Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me.”
    Matthew 19:21

    1. First of all, Jesus was NOT a communist. He told the person to go, sell his things and give to the poor PERSONALLY. Communists think the government should be the middle man and should decide who gets what. Secondly, don’t be so sure there are no communists on the ballot.

      1. No, Jesus was “communist” in the purest sense of the word. Then again, so was the early church if the account in Acts is any reflection.

        I’d also argue that God set up the perfect “socialist” system (by pure definition again) in Leviticus. Nobody too rich, nobody poor and wanting. Everybody worked who was able to work.

        But that’s a whole other subject.

      2. Actually, original Marxism is fairly Utopian and predicts the “withering away” of government along with total democracy. To say that Communist governments haven’t lived up to Communist ideals is a huge understatment.

  10. I’m not into politics much.

    Reading all the literature about each candidate gives me a headache. Sometimes I have to put it down and walk away from it for a couple of days.

    It’s just alot.

    That being said, I think voting is important.

    If you’re not a woman or black you probably wouldn’t get the importance, but since voting was something that not everybody got to do in this nation of the united states of america at one time in history…I’d feel real bad if I opted out.

    Even though there has been times when I really, really wanted to.

    😳

  11. And then, when thou findest out that the politician thou supported was simply using thy values to get elected, though shalt cast thine eyes to and fro for a more conservative candidate on whom thou shalt bestow God’s favor

    1. Seriously!! I would like to hear a pastor give the definition of “pandering” to the parishioners. And while we’re at it, let’s talk about the candidates that say they were “lead by God to run”. More than one of them? And if you believe that you were, why did you drop out?? Surely God would have taken you to the end over all obstacles if it were true. So clearly you were flat out lying in the name of God. And yet no one calls you on your fraud. If you can’t tell, this topic gets me spun right up.

      1. If you believe the candidates, God told every one of them to run for office.
        If all of them are right, then God’s just messing with us. 😐

  12. Endured 20 political phone calls just last Monday–not counting the 12 plus a day for weeks before that–all I can say is “God is in control. He knows. It rains on the just and the unjust (of whom I am chief)”.

  13. I see it’s not just my dad that harps on politics, he goes on about it like a raving maniac like it’s a religion of it’s own. I don’t talk to him often, last time on Christmas day, I told him, “I don’t want to hear it”. He gives me anxieties.

  14. The Bible college of my former fundy church in Lancaster once permitted a lot of college students to be hired by the pastor’s preferred mayoral candidate – to knock on doors and pass out literature.

    It is certainly within the rights of college students to work for a political candidate, but would the pastor have allowed them to work for this politician’s opponent? Of course not.

    And what would have happened to the job-seeking college student who refused this particular job because it violated their political conscience?

  15. And the politicians that were allowed pulpit access at my former church!! Y’all remember how much Fundy pastors say they protect their “sacred pulpit”???

    Dan Quayle – a Presby

    Congressman J.D. Watts (also an ordained Baptist minister, but not of the IFBx variety) – who surprised us all by preaching a full sermon out of a modern version! He was scheduled to just give a little speech before our pastor’s sermon. I think he just did what he wanted to. :mrgreen:

    Gov. Arnold Schwartzenegger, who said a few naughty words from the pulpit during a police officer’s funeral.

    Local Mayor – A good *and filthy rich* friend of the pastor. This guy is an ambulance chasing lawyer, and not known for being faithful to church.

    Yet lowly college students get yelled at for all sorts of silly reasons… πŸ‘Ώ

    SFL: Being a respecter of persons

    1. “SFL: Being a respecter of persons”

      Certainly. The richer and more powerful they are, the more respect they get. The Fundy version of God only favors the rich and powerful. Too bad for the rest of us, no matter what that Jesus fellow said.

  16. Americans especially, no longer grasp the concept of a Sovereign King who rules over them. We are a people of self determination, the Captains of our own destinies, the rugged individualists who have cast off the bonds of Totalitarianism.

    Self determination has infiltrated the American Christian’s worldview to the point that we have placed ourselves on an equal plane with God. We give lip service to the Sovereignty of God but at best we practice a modified deism. How many of us, who call ourselves Christian, actually earnestly pray according to 1 Timothy 2:1-2? (To my shame, I’ll admit that I don’t.) Yet when we hear “God Bless America” we cheer and join in.

    We have it in our minds that somehow, in someway we Americans are God’s chosen people for this time. Yet we deny God his place of worth in our hearts. This is never more evident than during the silly season of the election cycle. We believe that if we elect the right person, or group of people, to office then they will right all the wrongs and bring us peace and prosperity… oh and if we need to we can assail God with requests to return us to a Christian Nation, especially if the right group doesn’t get elected.

    We treat God as our own personal cosmic teller machine, we only go to him when we need something. We don’t really see him as the Sovereign King over all creation. The way we handle God is sinful. We have substutited a god that only has the power we give him. He can do nothing without us and our approval. God have mercy on us.

    I dare say that we no longer see God active in the affairs of men because we have declared we no longer need him, we have ourselves. Do we no longer really believe what Daniel said?

    Daniel answered and said:
    β€œBlessed be the name of God forever and ever,
    to whom belong wisdom and might.
    21 He changes times and seasons;
    he removes kings and sets up kings;
    he gives wisdom to the wise
    and knowledge to those who have understanding;
    22 he reveals deep and hidden things;
    he knows what is in the darkness,
    and the light dwells with him.

    Yes we poke fun at the political circus that our Nation puts on every four years. But our hope is not in the halls of Government, nor is it in the walls of Church buildings… our hope must be first and foremost in Christ. No matter what circumstances we face, no matter the economic situtations or the cultural upheavals… we must see him for who he is, the Sovereign King over all creation. The one by whom and through whom we receive all things.

    *Sorry for the soap box sermonizing but this topic really struck home with we today. I realize that I am part of the problem, and I realize I have been lazy as a Christian. I have taken God for granted and expect him to continue blessing me, mine and our country… just like always. God forgive me.*

    1. Don–as much as prefer not to get serious on SFL, it does happen. Thanks for the reminder of Him as King. That is something really missing in many of our churches and lives. I have tried to get my classes to understand this over the years, and have recently been living very differently. WOW, did I need the soapbox speech/reminder. Thanks.

      to quote you:
      oh and if we need to we can assail God with requests to return us to a Christian Nation, especially if the right group doesn’t get elected.

      (I would use that cool quote tool Darrell uses, but I’m not that smart)

      Another way to annoy a Fundy is point out that we are not really a Christian nation, just one base on what has come to be called Judeo-Christian values. We are a country whose beginnings were from men with Episcopal/Anglican, Congregationalist, Presbyterian, Quaker, Reformed, Lutheran, and other backgrounds. Even 3 Catholics. Many had a denominational listing but claimed to be “Deist”. I haven’t found a Baptist on any historical lists yet.
      How does one return somewhere they have never technically been?

      1. ‘Many had a denominational listing but claimed to be “Deist”.’

        Can you tell me which ones this applies to, and cite the source of that information?

  17. The thing I love is they they try to create a fundamentalist testimony out of their chosen candidate. I heard so much about how Bush was the godliest man ever and we should pray for him and his godly family, the same family that is currently not ashamed of showing their pro gay marriage and pro choice stances now that good ole dad is out of office.

    1. You’re so right.
      “Faith” is the current marketing slogan to get the Moral Majority.. the Religious Right… the Evangelicals… and whatever religious group is out there, to elect, Who Jesus would vote for. WWJVF

      It is sickening how god-marketing works in order to get out the vote. Image is everything. grrrrrrrr πŸ‘Ώ

  18. One of the things I got so tired of with conservative evangelicalism or fundamentalism was this incessant cry to “reclaim America for Christ” Really? I am not interested in living in a theocracy, period. We have a lot of people living here with a variety of belief systems. I can’t see Jesus talking to people on the streets telling them the virtues of low taxation and a free market economy, either. Blessed be the 1 percent, for the order of the free market economy has rewarded their upright lifestyle. (I’m being sarcastic.) I would have guessed Jesus to be hanging around the people who didn’t have anyone sticking up for them, actually…

  19. And don’t forget the endless speculations, hand wringing and sermons, “Are we in The End Times?” when the “wrong” candidate(s) win.

    1. Yes!
      “Times have never been this bad!” πŸ™„
      and the piece de resistance, “I believe the Lord could return this year, look around at the things that are happening in the world. I believe the antichrist is alive, in power and ready to make his pact with Israel. We are almost out of here, thank God, there has never been this much sin in the world.” (all those supersaints who will never have to suffer any persecution just amaze me)

  20. Ah, America! You do make me giggle! I’m a Briton, but the media follows the American election quite closely, and I do personally, simply because it’s all so alien.

    I suspect that it’s because the parties in the US are so obviously demarcated that it’s easy to see the right and the left, and where ‘traditional Christian values’ are upheld. Whereas in the UK, all the parties worth voting for are one step from the centre, so it’s quite difficult for a church leader to tell you who to vote for – simply because they espouse different elements of the faith.

    Also, you really should work on shorter elections. We have 4 weeks, from announcement to polling day. Bish bash bosh, it’s over, and we have another government to blame for the next x number of years. You should try it.

  21. An interesting thing I’ve noticed is that a lot of fundies seem to adore Ron Paul, which is strange given his positions on certain social issues.

  22. Does anyone else get tired of hearing about our war “heroes” in Iraq and Afghanistan? Unfortunately, both sides like the blow the trumpet on this one. Military veterans are thugs and killers of innocent children and mothers. I get so sick of both sides, but especially the Republicans talking about the Iraqi war “heroes” fighting for our “rights.” Sorry, I just don’t see a lot of Iraqi’s in America fighting to end our freedoms. I do understand that a soldier is just doing his or her job, but there is no way in the world I will honor him or her as a hero or even an honorable person. It’s not honorable to kill innocent people. That’s probably why most Iraqi and Afghanistan war veterans are so screwed up. At least they have a conscience that tells them they are in the wrong.

  23. Even if someone did mention Ron Paul, Darryl would probably delete the comment for being too pacifist. Darryl seems to be a gung-ho war promoter, no matter the party.

    1. tut, tut, tut…
      Surely you anc do better than that, why that’s not even a half decent insult around here. And if you want to be censored you are going to have to come up with something much more imaginative, original, and BOLD. Now look at that post you made there… maybe the Darryl you are referring to would spank you for such a lightweight infraction. Our Benevolent Dictator Darrell probably just yawned and clicked on. πŸ™„ πŸ˜‰

      1. Don, I stand corrected. (Or else Darryl changed his mind) Since we are talking politics, I made a comment on how BOTH sides of the aisle try to outdo themselves and fall all over themselves in honoring our “heroes” who fought (read: killed innocent people) for our “freedom” in the USA. The comment didn’t show up for awhile so I just assumed that Darrel is either a military veteran or one who panders to them. It looked like he deleted my comment and that’s what I was referring to. I have new respect for Darryl in that in hindsight he did not delete it. Maybe Darryl actually went to college. I’m basically conservative and vote Republican, but I have to admit that in this regard, there is no difference between Democrat and Republican: They are both pro-war, pro-American Imperialism. One of the few politicians to actually say the truth was that Democrat who said educated people go to college and the uneducated, uneducable rednecks join the military (or however it went). The sad thing is that if he actually had been elected, more than likely this would have been all talk and no action and he would have continued the warmongering just like the current administration.

  24. I know I’m probably opening myself up for all kinds of flames for this one, but here goes. I’m not going to vote for Obama. What has he done over the past four years? Drink beer and shove a piss-poor health care system through Congress. You think health care needs reform now? Just wait. Oh, yes, he DID “end” the war in Iraq–just in time for it to be remembered for re-election purposes and on a timetable set by the Bush administration.

    Then again, on the other hand, what do the Republicans have to offer? Nothing but spoiled children as far as I can see. The idea of President Newt scares me. And the others are too busy slinging mud and pointing fingers to suggest doing anything useful.

    I suggest that all good Americans write in “NOBODY” on their ballots come November. Maybe if enough people do this, we’ll have Nobody for President come January 2013. Who knows? Maybe without a President for four years, things might get DONE.

    1. I agree with voting NOBODY lol I don’t follow politics very much: too depressing. I don’t want Obama for another four years (and no, it’s not just because he’s black), but I don’t see anyone else stepping up to be a real leader either.

      I suppose I’d go for Romney just because I remember him from last time πŸ˜› Great reason, huh?

  25. Ok, last comment for awhile. I’m not trying to take over the thread. I’m just surprised no one else has talked about this. For the record, I have no problem with fundamentalists for the most part. This is a funny site that highlights some of the funny and illogical beliefs of fundamentalists. Much of this site is funny. I consider myself a fundamentalist in that I belief in the core fundamentals which were delineated in the early part of the 20th century. One does not have to be IFB to be a fundamentalist, and I am not. But in my interactions and fellowship with the IFB, I have noticed that they are a “rah, rah rah”, pro-let’s go to war, pro-American military, Pro-Fox News War Hoopla. That’s why I think this issue is relevant to this site. But perhaps it’s too serious a subject compared to much of the other light-hearted banter.

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