194 thoughts on “Jubilee!!”

    1. Sounds like Fred Flintstone theology to me. This line makes me think of the song Wilma sang on one of my all-time favorite episodes of “The Flintstones”,…

      “Make your hubby happy,
      Keep your hubby happy,
      When he’s a little chubby,
      he’s the happy pappy!”

      1. I would say “Make your hubby Chubby” but with that phallic symbol ruler/tape measure , I’d better not!!

    2. Eric, thank you. I think it sounds like a cupcake or something.

      (no offense to anyone who calls their hubby hubby ๐Ÿ˜‰ )

      1. I prefer it when my wife shouts, “Hubba hubba!”

        (The preceding bad joke is in honor of Natalie’s return to commenting on SFL.)

  1. This is only an hour and a half away from me. Too bad I have an elective lobotomy appointment I’d rather go to. I’m so glad our new pastor isn’t a big fan of SOTL.

    1. >>Too bad I have an elective lobotomy appointment Iโ€™d rather go to.

      HAHAHAHAHA One of the best lines I’ve read all year!!

  2. What in the world is the background design in the “Florida” box in the bottom right-hand box? It sure doesn’t look like an item of clothing they’d endorse…

    1. Apparently someone thought it would look nice if they copied and flipped a stock image of a palm tree. The fun part is they must not have noticed that now there are two suns. ๐Ÿ˜ฏ

    1. Every participant receives one to take home, so she and her hubby can measure . . . oh, never mind.

    2. It’s just another reminder of what they always preach at these things, how you don’t measure up! Get your act together! You’re not good enough! ๐Ÿ‘ฟ

      1. Something’s definitely up with the lewd outline created by the palm trees and the oddly shaped tape measure.

    3. Sadly I noticed that as well. Was reading the posts to see if someone else had before I brought it up. It’s also odd that it’s a tape measure like a tailor would use, not a retractable metallic one which would be in keeping with the “construction” theme.

    4. Mustn’t let the women get too hippy.

      Although I find it funny that it measures 3 inches and then you see 9 inches below it. The difference between reality and fantasy, I guess.

      1. The difference in that is 6. 6 is the number of inches to stay away from a member of the opposite sex. 6 is also the number of man. I’ve just said it 3 times which is 666. I don’t know where to go with this.. I don’t know how to use the doctrine of numerical flippigation. Where is Shoes?!? โ—

    5. I can hear it now…”Now ladies no matter what you are told, THIS is not six inches. But in order to keep your Hubby happy you should call it seven. heymen?” ๐Ÿ˜ณ ๐Ÿ˜‰

      1. Reminds me of the old, OLD joke about why women have problems with dimentions- all our lives we’ve been told *that* is 9 inches! ๐Ÿ˜‰ :mrgreen:

    6. The phallic design can’t be accidental. Someone was trying for it.
      I’ve seen a lot of tape measures– Dad used to build stuff, and Mom used to sew– but I’ve never seen one where the end of the tape was in that position relative to the roll. So the model for that picture was not a tape measure, it was something else.

  3. Fun, Food, Fellowship, and Friends! Sounds like the Bradenton Bible Baptists are really into alliteration!

  4. I must be counseling wrong. I keep telling the husbands that they have a responsibility to love and make their wives happy. Something about “husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it.” (emphasis obviously mine)
    I thought we were supposed to take that just as seriously. One thing I have learned outside fundydom is to take the whole counsel of scripture, not just the pick and choose of scripture.

    1. Some day I’ll figure out html manipulation. Only “gave himself for it” was supposed to be italicized.

      1. Yep, we’re supposed to enter her world and die to self there. Not exactly to fundie way no?

        1. Tubby–No, it isn’t the fundy way. Having seen the end result of the fundy way, I’ll stick to scripture and a happy marriage.

          I’m not the perfect example, but the whole die to self and more blessed to give teaching really work well. It’s like God knows what He is talking about. Without my “interpretation.”

        2. I died to self for 25 years before she divorced me and I wound up with a gun in my mouth ready to do it literally. Doesn’t always work. God is good though, there’s nothing like new life in him.

        3. tlorz, God’s plan is good, but both spouses need to be involved. A sweetly submissive wife will not always bring her abusive husband to saving faith in Christ. A sacrificially loving husband will not always cause his wife to be content and faithful.

          Your story is harrowing; I’m so glad God gave you a new life!

  5. I hate these meetings. I’ve only been to a few of them during my years in the IFB but each one brings so many painful memories. I know women who go to every one of them they can get to, and some are held yearly. The worst was the year it was held at my own church in Michigan. It was the one where all the ladies from First Baptist of Hammond came and since it was at our church we had to do all the work for it and do you think they gave us a discount? Nooo. We also had to provide all the food and we got no discount at all. It was so irritating. We couldn’t even attend all of the meetings since we had to be helping in the kitchen and attending to everything but though you missed a lot of it there was no discount. They might have at least given all of the ladies of our church a free tape (this was before cd’s) but no. They only gave them to the ladies who had traveled the furthest.

    Going to them means a long car trip and then trying to find a seat, and since the stupid things are so popular you have to arrive an hour and a half early and then sit cooling your heels waiting. They usually take place Friday evening and all day Saturday so you have to stay overnight in a hotel and then everyone sits up all night blabbing so you get no sleep. Then in the morning it’s more rushing around and getting there at 6:00 AM to get a decent seat. The topics are nearly always about child rearing and being a better (read submissive doormat) wife. The highlight is always the pastor of that church having a special message to the women and when he comes out everyone is expected to stand and applaud as though he’s some celebrity.

    Oh, the meals. Well I can’t really criticize too much since they do their best and when you have hundreds or thousands of people to feed you can’t really keep the food hot, but I wish at one of them they’d served something other than lasagna which is really awful when it’s cold.

    Then the long ride home on Saturday night and getting very little sleep that night so you can be up bright and early for church Sunday morning. ๐Ÿ™„

    1. Wow. You just described that so perfectly it gave me shivers. But you forgot that the content of the meetings was always absolute crap. In my best recollection I can’t remember EVER getting ANYTHING worthwhile out of any of those meetings. (and not for lack of trying) But the speakers were always giving examples from their own lives and if they ever used a verse from the Bible I never could figure out how they were making it fit in. It was random, all over the place and the only “Speaking” credentials most of them had was by virtue of who they were married to. (Or who had gotten a book published because of who they were married to.)

      1. Well to do that I’d probably have to start naming people and I’d rather not do that. I guess maybe you can figure it out if you know the ladies who do the preaching (and yes it is preaching not teaching, since it’s ladies only they can preach to us and some of their voices are so shrill it gives me a headache), one of them has weird facial expressions and the other brags so much about her father and husband that it gets nauseating. Oh and the skits. I mentioned this in another topic earlier this week, the skits are so lame and idiotic and the songs, they make the ladies sing the stupid VBS songs they have the kids singing rather than something of substance.

        As for the 15 kids, some women I know had to beg their husbands to let them go because it meant him taking care of his own children for a while. She had to prepare the meals and label everything so he wouldn’t have to actually cook anything. ๐Ÿ‘ฟ

        1. If you went to the ones at FBC, Hammond, I know exactly who you were referring to. LOL. I already love you!

    1. Mine too. I was just staring in horror. I have a friend who goes to the host church. Ugh. Hagerstown, I expected better from you. Though technically the church is closer to Williamsport or Clear Spring than Hagerstown.

    1. I was surprised about a “lady” Dr. too! According to the Lighthouse Baptist Church website,
      “Janet and I packed up our son, Sterling III (born 1986) and our daughter, Esther (one month old at the time), and headed to Hyles-Anderson College in Crown Point Indiana where I received a Bachelor of Religious Education. Since then, both Janet and I have earned Masterโ€™s and Doctorate degrees from Independent Baptist colleges.”

      As a woman, I don’t think I would last very long at one of these “Jubilees”. The flyer made my stomach hurt. ๐Ÿ™

  6. Yea!! I can learn how to be a “counselor”!! Oh your husband beats you- you are not being submissive enough!
    You’ve been abused in the past and are having deep triggers? Read your Bible and pray more and quote lots of verses that will fix everything.
    Got a problem you have no idea how to fix..NEVER ever point them to real qualified counselors- they are of the debil- just send them to the Man of Gawd so he can really “help” them!

      1. There’s been a few things I’ve seen on this website that has reminded me of that movie. It’s sooo funny! ๐Ÿ˜†

    1. Counseling my friend received from an IFB counselor:

      So your husband is a serial adulterer and is emotionally abusive toward you? Not only are you not allowed to ever divorce him (’cause the Bible does not allow women to divorce men ๐Ÿ™„ ), if he wants to divorce you, you must do everything you can to get him to change his mind and stay with you!

      ๐Ÿ‘ฟ ๐Ÿ‘ฟ ๐Ÿ‘ฟ

  7. Most ladies enjoy going to these because it’s one of the few times they can get away from their 15 kids at home, visit with other ladies, eat a meal they didn’t have to prepare and have something to go to the altar to give praise for on Sunday morning.

  8. I was trying to explain to a woman in my church why I never go to these things (even though the ones in my church now are nothing like *these*) but she just couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just let my past be in the past where it belongs. I can’t even listen to women speakers without cringing. It has been 30 years. I still can’t explain it. That is why this site is so important. In reading your comments I know I am not crazy. (Or if I am, there is a darn good reason)

    1. I still view women’s ministries as “fluff” and refuse to attend any of it.

        1. Beth Moore always appears to be on speed…at least that is my impression….I get anxiety trying to listen.

    2. Same here. I cannot describe the strength of hatred I reserve for the vapid mess presented to Christian women who don’t know there’s anything better than “Unlocking the Power of Prayer” or “Keeping Hubby Happy”.

      I’m going to stop now or I’ll get started on one of my feministic rants that my family members so patiently endure.

      1. You go girl, my inner feminist has recently started rubbing her eyes and looking around and calling me to task. I never fit it with those “soft-spoken” girly, shallow women at these things, I laugh too much and too loud and I guess I didn’t act feminine enough. Hate those things. ๐Ÿ™„

    3. Thank you! I, too, cannot and will not go to any women’s conferences, Bible studies, meetings, etc. (or, for that matter, read any devotional type books geared towards women), regardless of how liberal the church or author is on gender roles.

        1. Count me in on that. Hey soon there’ll be enough of us to have our own conference for unladylike women!!

        2. I will bring the rubber chicken for the “luncheons” or maybe thawed frozen quiche. Everyone knows that is all ladies like to eat.

        3. Martinis? I was thinking of beer. And cake. And any woman describing the cake as ‘naughty’ or attempting to resist the temptation to eat it will be outed as a ‘lady’.

    4. Sims, if you ever figure it out, please let me know. I experience exactly the same thing. Just reading an announcement of an upcoming “ladies” meeting or conference in the bulletin at the healthy non-IFB church I visit makes me heart race and my skin crawl.

      Used to be fundy, I heartily echo the “fluff” description. And yet there was so much passive aggressive manipulation going on that it definitely should be described as toxic fluff. For me anyway.

      1. I agree, Helen. Toxic fluff.

        I am so thankful to God that my children have been spared this.

    5. Amen! (and AWomen!) My break from fundy womanhood started young, (back in Jr High actually) and I hated the idea that all a good baptist girl could do was get married and have kids and maybe (if she married the right preacher boy) teach sunday school or direct the choir. As a fundy teen, I attended a few at the behest of my mother but was usually bored to tears during the course of the day (thank god she never had me attend a weekend retreat!). As an adult, I avoided them like the intellectual plague they are. Being single in a roomfull of married women (and it being implied that because I don’t have a man telling me I can go, I’m less worthy then they are) totally sucked. Not to mention the inane subject matter, which made me feel like I was losing IQ points every minute I sat there.
      Ah, memories {shudder} ๐Ÿ˜ฏ

  9. I say that we send Don back in undercover dressed in drag – sporting a beard, a Jack Daniels T-shirt, an ankle length jean skirt, brown socks and white keds, and one of those hats with a fake pony tail in the back that reads: “Prov 31 Helpmeet.”

    1. You beat me to it. My thoughts exactly. But I would really start to feel terrible if we sent Don again.

      1. Yeah, poor Don. I’m guessing he hasn’t seen these comments yet! Or, if he has, he’s convulsing in a corner somewhere! ๐Ÿ˜ฅ

    2. My initial thought was: I would pay toward this trip!

      On second thought: Haven’t we put Don through enough already?

      Still, very tempting. LOL! ๐Ÿ˜Ž

    3. The one who thinks of it first gets to do it, right?
      All in favor of sening Polished Shaft in drag to the Jubilee, raise your falsies and say “aye.”

      1. I don’t have falsies but I’ll say “aye”! And I want a report afterward. It would provide such a good laugh. I haven’t had a good ROTFL belly laugh all week! ๐Ÿ˜€

    4. If I lived closer I would go. Not in drag either. Just as myself, well maybe in a 3 piece suit and then I would tell the event hosts that Jack and Dave Hyles were my idols and I was simply looking for my next 3 wives.

        1. hup, there’s my out. Since I broke my ankle in 2010 I haven’t been able to wear heels. Dang-it. I guess someone else will have to attend. ๐Ÿ™ *not

  10. The sign with UNDER CONSTRUCTION: God’s Still Workin’ On Me means that there are all kinds of standards I can’t keep up with, and I’m going to this conference to find out which ones.

    Give me Beth Moore any day over these ladies. That’s worth the 30 minute wait for the bathroom.

    1. Oh yeah you reminded me of something I forgot. Since the whole weekend was ladies, and the ladies’ restrooms were not enough for the crowd they decorated the men’s rooms so they could also be used. They’d cover the urinals with fancy stuff as if that way we wouldn’t know what they really were. It was hilarious. ๐Ÿ˜†

      1. Seeing the urinals might make you envious of us men who get to stand up when we go. That leads to feminism and become=ing lesbians. A woman should never be enticed by a urinal.

      2. Lol thanks for the laugh. My church did that too and I had totally forgotten. They used little white trellis-things covered in cheap fake flowers….and stocked the stalls with the little baskets of feminine products.

        1. Nice that it comes in a range of colors, too, so you can have one to match every outfit.

      3. I’ve gone to non-denominational women’s events, where they opened the men’s bathrooms to women; they never bothered to decorate / disguise the urinals for those. Probably figured – correctly – that was silly. They did make sure the men’s bathrooms had feminine products though.

    2. I had to go my fair share of leadership conferences as a fundy pastor’s son. Bored me to tears. For the last two years I’ve run the electronics for the simulcast of the Beth Moore conference. SOOOO MUCH better and thats coming from a dude. . . . .

    1. My older daughter is in a semi-pro belly dance troupe. It started out as exercise, and she found she was good at it. She swears her head was made to hold a sword like that. I don’t see how she keeps it balanced, but wow. (No, she doesn’t dance cabaret style, which is the sort that makes fundies cover their eyes and scream).

      1. VERY cool: more power to her! ๐Ÿ˜€
        Personally, though, I think I would feel safer starting out learning how to dance sans sword…then take fencing lessons, then sword dancing. ๐Ÿ™‚

    2. I second that. Sounds more like a stress release, fun, and exercise all in one. ๐Ÿ˜€

  11. @Tammy

    This is about an hour and a half from my house also. I’ll send my wife and she can bring you back some material. Oh, wait, that would mean that I have to babysit. Nevermind. That’s not a mans job.

    1. “Babysit” your own children? That thought always makes me laugh. How must some of these men feel about their kids if they don’t even consider themselves enough of a father to take care of their own children in their own house as an everyday, normal thing?

      1. A good friend of mine is always astounded when people (usually women) comment on the fact that he spends a lot of time with his daughters. Strangers tend to say things like, “Oh, is it Mommy’s Day Out?” He says, “They’re my own children. I thought I was supposed to take care of them.”

  12. Seeing the hairstyles reminds me of a comment made by a student of mine at a fundy christian school. BJU had visited and he was looking through the catalog and found a two-year degree for cosmotology. His line: “How long does it take to learn one haircut?”

  13. Is it just me or does it seem as if the fundamentalist elite are scared to death of a woman who thinks for herself?

    1. Exactly how long did it take you to figure that out, there Jason?

      (forgive me)

      ๐Ÿ˜‰ :mrgreen:

      1. About one second after I heard that the pastor of the fundy church I attended while in Bible college told a woman that her problem was that she was a thinker.

        Not to mention the fact that women employees of the church were not allowed to go into the conference room at any time unless they were taking notes for the pastor.

        And in Christian Womanhood they taught that a man’s opinions should be his wife’s opinions.

        I’m not married but one day I hope to marry an adult, mature woman. Not a pet. Not a robot.

        1. Do you know that to this day I STILL feel lazy or guilty when HF does the cooking and cleaning? Like something’s slack about me.

          I’ve had strep, a migraine, you name it, and it takes him forever to convince me to just leave stuff alone and go rest and he’ll take care of it.

        2. I know that has nothing to do with women being thinkers, but I’d thought I’d just point out how ingrained fundyland is still in me.

  14. Maybe it’s because I’m self-employed, but I always find myself doing the math. From what some of you ladies have said is your experience, these things are well attended. Somebody said hundreds, maybe even over 1000 women attend? At $50 a head? So $50,000 for a 3-day “Jubilee” that has virtually no overhead costs??? The food is made and brought by the locals, the church probably isn’t charging anything for use of it’s facilities. So where does the money go? I just got done seeing a post about a $30 Witness Stick from SOTL and now I see they’re pulling in 50k for a no-cost weekend? Guys, these people might as well be Jim and Tammy Baker. This is a giant cash cow for whoever owns it and no one sees through that? WOW. They should change their name to Money Changers of the Lord. MOTL

    1. I don’t know what it costs now, but when I went, the entire cost might be around $50, that included chipping in for gas for the vans that took us as well as stopping at Mickey D’s on the way back or a snack beforehand. Of course you were also encouraged to spend money on their tapes and other stuff on their tables.

      Yes the food is provided by the church ladies, at their own expense and like I pointed out they get no discount on their own admission price (at least not that one time, but that might not always be the case). I think the money at that time all went to the speakers at the conference, I doubt the church made anything from it other than a load of very tired women come the following Sunday. That may be why they only did it the one time. It was months in the planning, and a lot of expense for the church plus those who donated everything, plus the cost of mailing several hundred flyers. They had sent us the addresses of everyone who subscribed to the Christian Womanhood magazine from within a 100 mile radius or something like that.

      I remember being so glad when that mess was over with.

  15. So, my favorite one (yes, heavy sarcasm) was at Murfreesboro, TN, home of SOTL. Half the church hated SOTL, which really notched things up. The topics were stultifying: change all the bedsheets the same day, or do one room a day? How to handle my nosy neighbor? What to do when my husband says we have to cut the grocery budget? Our privilege that was so standout was, these were the Rice daughters THEMSELVES dishing the goods. Yawn. I stayed for one interminable hour after another, feeling brain matter ooze out of my ears. It has been over twenty years ago, and I still feel my ears cringe at the memory. Why is it that fundy females accept dumbing-down as the will of God so readily? I felt forced to attend, no, not by my husband, who saw ot the same way I did, but by women in the church who felt we would all be refreshed by it. Yes, the kind of refreshing you get when you drink a room-temperature day-old capuccino, ๐Ÿ™„ and just as palatable.

    1. The one I attended at my former church on the West Coast featured the daughters of the late Curtis Hutson. They went on and on and on about their “Daddy”. Being skilled in the art of daydreaming is the only way I made it through.

      Same vapid topics, different day. Such are these stupid ladies conferences/jubilees.

    2. Hey, now. Who’s got my name? haha. Nice to meet a fellow “Renรฉe.” There aren’t too many out there. I suppose I’ll have to amend my tag and add my last initial to alleviate confusion. ๐Ÿ˜€

      Henceforth, I shall be known as “RenรฉeD.” *fanfare of awesome music* ๐Ÿ˜›

      1. Wish I could get my accent mark! I use it, when I write. You are very kind. I can be Renee XF. ๐Ÿ™‚

        1. My middle name is Rene`. Not with 2 e’s. Just one. Turns out, my dad was taking French classes while he worked at Michelin, and had learned just enough at that point to get me in trouble. I had a fine time explaining that one to my BJA French teacher. ๐Ÿ˜•

        2. @Renรฉe (I gave you an accent mark :-P) I can never remember the keyboard shortcut for it on a PC (which I use at work), but fortunately, I have a lovely Firefox add-on that lets me do it when I’m commenting away. The shortcut on my Mac at home is super-easy so I get to have my accent all the time when I type there. ๐Ÿ˜€

          @Beth. That’s hilarious and awful at the same time. ๐Ÿ™‚

        3. ReneeD, how nice you are! If my iPad can do it, I have not figured it out yet! Beth, that is hilarious! ๐Ÿ˜‰

        4. Renรฉe, I just discovered this on my iPod recently, and it may work on the iPad. If you hold down the letter for a second, it opens a secondary “menu” that has alternative forms of letters like accented ones. That might work.

  16. It’s extraordinarily appropriate that the poster’s “Under Construction” sign shows someone shoveling big steaming piles of … something.

  17. I almost had a heart attack thinking one of the ladies was our singles group director’s wife. I guess fundy women really do have identical hairstyles and smiles and everything.

  18. A construction theme for a ladies conference?? How… feminine. Knowing that they will all be wearing dresses heels and pearls, it’s an odd choice.

    1. I am amused that the little stick figure construction worker on the warning sign on the flyer IS WEARING A SKIRT!!! Shoveling dirt in a skirt. Sigh.

      1. I don’t know if that’s meant to be a skirt, or it’s another pile of whatever the figure is shoveling … which, given the context, is probably not dirt.

    2. You know you’re a good fundy wife if you look just like the mother in the ABeka Book Character Development Visuals–the one putting her child to be still wearing her dress and humongous pearl earrings ๐Ÿ˜€

  19. I don’t think the Israelites ever did observe the Jubilee Year – they evidently skipped a lot of other ones, too. So, given that the slaves/prisoners were possibly never set free, maybe it is appropriate.

    1. Seems to me that I also remember the year of jubilee as being the time when the land was to revert to its original owners–you know, the reason for all those literal landmarks fundies like to equate with whatever “standards” they want to impose on everyone else!

  20. My wife attended one of these Hyles type conferences in our area a few years back. She came home telling me about the dangers of open-toed shoes, the MOG’s wife who wore a weighted skirt when scuba diving with her husband, and the peddling of a modesty thing for church members who had too low cut blouses during the church service.

    I don’t think my wife will ever be attending another one of those again.

    1. Scuba diving in a weighted skirt sounds dangerous. “Help, I’m caught on something, and my air’s almost gone!” ๐Ÿ˜ฏ

    2. Wha- WHAT!? A weighted skirt? that’s insanity. Might as well through a millstone around her neck…

        1. Scuba divers do normally wear weights, to neutralize their buoyancy.
          But as far as I know, putting the weights in a skirt is this woman’s innovation.

        2. Several years ago while taking a dive trip to Bonaire, there was a fundy couple on our dive boat for the week, first day, the wife shows up in a full wetsuit, 3mm thick and a blue jean jumper on over top. The divemaster and captain of the boat tells her she can’t dive with the dress/jumper on due to safety reasons of drowning and they both start yelling at the boat crew. The boat crew gives in, we all go diving, the wife nearly drowns because her jumper was wrapped on a coral head and she starts panicking, runs out of air, and has to be assisted back to the boat buddy breathing off her husband’s tank. Once on land the fundy couple complains to the dive shop’s owner about the neglect and lack of training by his staff, after the owner consults with his captain and divemaster for the truth, he tells the fundys to either loose the jumper tomorrow, or find someone else to dive with. Needless to say, they were not on the boat the next day.

    3. Oh, I forgot to mention that my wife said that in the peddling of this modesty thing, the one woman nearly disrobed the other trying to demonstrate the virtues of modesty….talk about irony.

  21. Jubilee?

    “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

  22. I sure hope my mom isn’t going to this (my family lives in FL). =P

    Getting Teens on the Right Path –ie, the daughters prepared for being a doormat wives and the sons to be preachers and/or missionaries

    Keeping Hubby Happy – because that is the be all end all for a godly woman

    Resolving Family Conflict – 1) tell the kids to shut up and do as you say, 2) push things under the rug, 3) study fundy guilt tactics

    Raising Secure Children in an Insecure World – no TV, no secular music, no critical thinking, no novels, be at church every day

    When the Hurts Still Hurt – you must not be reading your Bible enough

    Becoming a Barnabas – eh, what?

    The Ministry of Encouragement – because every godly woman needs to know her skirt’s not long enough and her blouse is cut too low every now and then!

    How to Study Your Bible – read it daily, but ask your husband or the managawd what it means

    Unlocking the Power of Prayer – in 5 easy alliterated steps

    Transferring Your Values to Your Children – ie, how to teach your children not to think for themselves

    Me, A Counselor? – that’s right, any of you can tell someone to get their heart right!

    There, now nobody has to go. ๐Ÿ˜†

    1. “Becoming a Barnabas”

      Barnabas was apparently (thanks, Google!) the apostle known as “the Encourager,” who introduced Paul to the remaining apostles, convinced them to accept him as a genuine follower of Jesus, and kept Paul going when he would rather have slacked off and rested. I can only imagine how being an “encourager” would translate in Fundy womanhood: “Be a doormat, but be an ENCOURAGING doormat!” Ugh.

      1. That’s probably it! Of course, what was confusing me was the fact that Barnabas later disputed with Paul and got left behind. =P I guess that will translate into “bad things happen when you dispute with the manly authorities above you.”

  23. Has anyone ever noticed that fundies seem to really, really dislike the word “women”?

    So much in fundyland is divided into “men’s” and “ladies'” categories. Not men’s and women’s, or gentlemen’s and ladies’. I noticed that at PCC and I’ve noticed it in a lot of other fundy enclaves.

    1. I wonder if it’s because in popular speech, “ladies” has sort of come to imply severe dresses, pearls/jewelry, high heels, lack of passion, and comporting oneself rather like Cinderella’s stepmother, whereas the term “women” is more likely to be used when describing females who are athletic, passionate, independent, sexually attractive, or self-aware?

      1. I think “women” is a stronger word and “ladies” makes us look like flowers.

        Notice the guys never call themselves “gentlemen”… tee hee.

      1. I had Carol King’s Tapestry album blaring through the house the other day. No one can sing “Natural Woman” like she can…..”You make me feel, you make me feel like a natural whoooomannn…

        1. Blaring secular music especially with a woman lustily talking about her sexuality, wants and desires in a relationship is SO WRONG!!! I do it all the time, high five presbygirl. ๐Ÿ˜›

    2. There’s a tendency lately for high schools to call their girls’ sports teams “The Lady (name of the boys’ team).” This works OK when it’s The Lady Ducks or the The Lady Wombats, but sometimes it results in team names like The Lady Bulls and The Lady Stallions. Huh?

      Anyhow, why is it always The Lady Wombats, but the boys’ team is never called The Gentleman Wombats?

      1. I’ll go you one better. A school in our area has one of my favorite high school nicknames ever, the Lady Popes! I can’t even type it without smiling. ๐Ÿ˜€

        1. The team is called the Popes? Isn’t that Papist if it’s not a Catholic school, and sort of blasphemous if it is a Catholic school?

        2. One of the great things about Catholic schools is the team names they end up with. Generating some really incongruous statements such as ‘The Bishop of Winchester beat Christ the King 2 – nil today, facing St Walburga in the next round’. (These names are actual local schools).

        3. @Big Gary Yep their Catholic. All the boy’s teams are the Popes and the girl’s teams are the Lady Popes.

    3. The way I grew up, “woman” was an insult in the same vein as “feminist”, “Democrat”, or “Southern Baptist”. People were only called “woman” if they were unsaved (i.e. not IFB) and being used in a sermon illustration. All female church people were “ladies” and all little girls were “young ladies”.

      1. Can’t read the last without thinking of it as an scolding: “Now you just listen here, young lady!” ๐Ÿ˜†

    1. I lived in Hagerstown for two years and lived not too far from this church. Interesting that in two years no one from the church ever visited.

      Hagerstown is an interesting city.

  24. I’m not *saying* exactly where.

    I tried to stop the previous post and correct it but got that snippy message. :mrgreen:

      1. Big Gary: most of the women are probably married, and it would be totally stupid to sing that song (and pretty perverted, at their age).

        Don: No takers here — I’m sure you’re right.

        1. As I’ve said here before, that has to be the creepiest song in the entire history of creepiness. If you happen to know an even creepier song, thank you for keeping it to yourself.

      2. HOLY COW!! I had heard of, but never heard this. I’m glad my girls never sang this drivel. I wanted them to marry better. (One has, the other seems headed that way.)

    1. Many years ago I remember ladies singing this song at a fundy “ladies’ retreat”. Of course, the alleged hypocrisy in the song was referring to stupid stuff like wearing pants to Walmart and stuff like that…You know, not keeping their precious church standards on your private time.

      I kid you not, grown women were singing this childish song. ๐Ÿ™„ :


      Totally vapid, I tell ya.

  25. @Laurat99 Heymen! Give me Beth Moore over any of the Wilds (Wilds Camp!) women I used to listen to. AND you would never catch any of us singing that song, Don. Has to be a Majesty Music/Wilds song.

  26. There is no way that ruler/tape measure is not a phallic symbol!

    ๐Ÿ˜ฏ ๐Ÿ˜ณ ๐Ÿ˜ฏ

    1. Wow, if that’s progress, I guess recognition of their rampant racism would be dang near a total revolution.

  27. Wow! Thanks for posting this, Darrell! I don’t know that I’ll be able to attend. We will be in the middle of getting ready for our Heavenly Harvest Celebration. I don’t know how big it’s going to be this year, but we will probably have a lot of people since we are adding a petting zoo and CapriSuns drinks.
    I will see if they will have some CD’s of the speakers. Sometimes it’s difficult to get them because ladies don’t speak from the pulpit and the microphones don’t work right. I think it’s because they try to run the cables to far and it’s really old equipment. But, if that ever happens to Pastor, you know that he is preaching good because the Devil is messing with the sound system!

    1. CMG, are you going to have Biblical animals in the Petting Zoo? You know, like an ox, an ass, a camel, an eagle … If you need a lion and a wolf, you could borrow my cat and my neighbor’s shih-tzu. You know, like a miniature lion and a miniature wolf. But if you have fish, don’t let anybody swallow them alive. I hate it when they do that.

  28. Just once I’d like to see a women’s conference with useful workshops and speakers who can talk about something besides “being a joyful wife,” or “how to really love your kids.” These lectures often end up making women feel like failures in a back-handed way. Besides, they’re so theologically shallow, they’re just insulting.
    I’d like to see one with workshops that would actually be useful and save the household money. I don’t want to make a stupid dried flower arrangement with a sappy saying hot glued to the middle of it. I’d think the time would be better spent teaching women simple home repairs like fixing a leaky faucet, unclogging a toilet, or patching drywall. Give women practical advice on how to know when a mechanic is trying to rip them off, and how to know when something is wrong with the car. Offer a first aid class. But above all, make it actually useful, and not just another way to make mounds of clutter to have to dust later!

    1. Ah, but the workshops you suggest sound like the ones they offer in the liberal churches, hay-men? ๐Ÿ‘ฟ

  29. I thought it said “How to be a badass”.

    The biggest problem with this is the little sign in the corner “Under Construction, God’s still working on me”. While most Christians would use that phrase as a “God is changing me to be conformed to the image of His Son”, fundamentalists use it as a “I’m not good enough yet, so please excuse my behaviour”. In Fundamentalism, women are never good wives (I mean, they might be, but they won’t accept it), they are always trying to be better, and the men always find fault in something they do.

    What they need is a workshop on “Who am I in Jesus?”. Maybe then they will find that they have been perfected, sanctified and made free from this kind of religious bondage.

  30. Darrell,
    Just noticed the Hovertext. Those are not their current hairstyles either. Those are the same headshots they have been using for the past 20 years. I noticed that with the SOTL conference pics on the flyer as well. Those guys have a whole lot more hair in the pics than they do in person.
    I would hazzard a guess that they are much “younger” in the pics as well. It’s all about image marketing.

  31. My old pastor does that for every issue of “Revival Fires!” newspaper. I always wondered why they never updated it. ๐Ÿ™„

  32. I see nothing but white women. If they were following the “great commission” their meeting would be more ethnically diverse.

      1. Sonya Williams appears to be Black. Susan Filbey Rossi? I think she’s white. I could be wrong… Still, tokenism is not equal to diversity.

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