Announcing: Fundy Sex Week

Here on SFL we’re going to spend the next couple of days talking about sex, drugs, and fundamentalism. But mostly we’ll talk about sex. And since this is talk about fundy sex, it’s guaranteed to be boring and unenjoyable but at least you know it’ll be over quickly.

Seriously, though, sex and sexual politics are a huge part of the human experience and it’s important that we face these issues head on (or in whatever other position you prefer). So I’m going to do my best to set aside the natural inclinations of my New England Puritan heritage to blush and hide when people talk about (whispering) s-e-x and get this party started.

One final note: I know that we do have parents of younger children and people who surf SFL from work or school. The content probably won’t get that risque (who knows, I haven’t written it yet) but just in case each post is going to be hidden when the page loads and will require you to click on a button to view it just to avoid any awkward questions from your boss or your fundy parents who are visiting for the weekend.

151 thoughts on “Announcing: Fundy Sex Week”

    1. Heck, Iโ€™m not sure I want to be anywhere near this one at all but since itโ€™s kind of my job I guess Iโ€™ll put on my big boy pants and do it anyway.

      1. Hey, I already censored a pun and a comment closely resembling Don’s. And another double entendre. So be impressed with my ability to refrain from sexualizing everything.

    1. I graduated from an IFB college but as of yet I am not a pastor or a youth pastor. I guess that’s why I am still a virgin.

      I can’t believe I just said that ๐Ÿ˜ฏ

      1. And there’s a difference in being informed about the “how to’s”, and “technique” (which is not a sin) and being a complete ignorant prude which is both a sin and dangeous. The more you know…*shooting star* /end psa

        1. T2, just a friendly word of advice–it helps to take *off* the granny panties before having sex. Keeps them from getting bunched. They’re a terrible prophylactic, anyway.

    1. Let’s not have any talk about Grannies panties. I don’t know if my heart can take that much excitement, and I need to pace myself if I am going to make it through the rest of the week.

  1. All I have to say is that I’m glad my mom never tried to teach me about sex, and that I and hubby were not afraid to read the how-to books. ๐Ÿ˜€

    I can honestly say I don’t know anything about fundy sex, except that they must have it with those dozens of kids they have. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  2. SFL: Giving the Bride and Groom a marriage book just before the wedding date. Can’t give it to them too soon cause then it will give them ideas…

    1. Yep, we were given “The Act of Marriage” one week before the wedding and were both supposed to read it.

      As if I had any time to read it, I was planning a wedding!

      Well, we already had ideas, and frankly, it didn’t say much I hadn’t already found on google. ๐Ÿ™„

    2. Thou shalt take item labeled 1a in diagram I and couple to item labeled 2a found in diagram II. It shouldst look something akin to the figure thou shalt find on page 6. If thee findest thy positioning lookest like the figure on page 96 ye needest go back to page 3 and review the step-by-step procedures found therein.
      – 1st Salations chapter 69 1611 King James Embellished Bible

    3. Exactly! And, as part of the instructional series, the couple is issued a sheet with a hole cut out in the proper place; thereby assuring that the man isn’t exposed to sights that could compromise his thought processes and spiritual life… ๐Ÿ˜‰

        1. I take Peter being a rock just as literally as I take Jesus being a vine, door, shepherd, or sheep gate.

  3. Hey, I graduated from BJU, got married that afternoon, we were both virgins until our wedding, and it actually all worked out. Very well. Just sayin’.

      1. Whoops, that should have said wedding *night*!!! Until our wedding night!!! Dang, that’s the first time George ever got me on here, and it had to be this topic!!

    1. I had a roommate at BJU who also got married the afternoon of graduation in War Memorial Chapel. She was required to read a book given to her by DOW a few months earlier. It was ancient, as in from the 40s. Had actual diagrams of the missionary position in the book. we just cracked up as we looked through it.

  4. Hate to throw in a serious comment here – howevah – it is a difficult subject for me to discuss so openly because of the sexual abuse I suffered at the hands of the ifb church I grew up in. There was so much to hide. Getting there, but I haven’t arrived.

    1. And that’s the heart-breaking thing.

      Sometimes we giggle about the whole fundy awkwardness around any mention of sex, but the sad reality is that sometimes that very lack of openness let some truly horrible abuse to be kept hidden – from shame, from fear of rejection, from a Christian culture that values a Victorian reticence over dealing with the difficult aftermath of sin and crime.

    2. I’m so sorry! It’s a wonderful thing to know what you’re ready to talk about and what you’re not, choosing where you want to talk about things, and to protect yourself. We all respect you going at your own pace, and making decisions you feel comfortable with!

      You’re right that this can be a very serious (and painful) topic for many here, because of past abuse and assaults.

      I would not be surprised if some of the discussion this week were less than totally mature (guilty myself!) partially because so few of us grew up with a healthy view of sex and boundaries (which is just really sad). If you’re looking to avoid juvenile discussion, I bet the forum will be active with other topics!

    1. Nice =) My first kiss was with my husband…however, we were not married, and we were sitting on a bench outside the M&G at BJU. I kissed him – he calls it a hit-and-run. He caught up the next night, though, in one of the drawing studios in the Sargent Art building. I had friends who high-fived me when they discovered that my first kiss was in public at BJU as a student.

      1. I dated the man who became my husband for three years at BJU and never kissed on campus – because I was so freaked out about getting caught. We did use to kiss behind an ice cream store near the mall though. And we got turned in for hugging on Paris Mt.

  5. I have a funny feeling that this week will include comments about Jack Hyles and his secretary, Dave Hyles and his many victims, and Jack Schaap at the LORD’s table! I can’t wait!

      1. Story illustrating my stupidity:
        Back when I was a fundy missionary (and proud of it!) I would sometimes have to fill out forms. These forms frequently asked about my employment. They asked Company______ Position_______. I am sure you have seen them. Anyway, for the longest time I would answer those questions, Self-employed, Missionary. Finally, someone got really upset at me and thought I was being sarcastic or something because I wrote Position, Missionary. I cannot believe I did not notice that on my own. ๐Ÿ˜ณ ๐Ÿ˜ณ ๐Ÿ˜ณ ๐Ÿ˜ณ ๐Ÿ˜ณ

    1. Sadly, (I hate to admit this) my sister and b-i-l have gone to this conference! ๐Ÿ™ ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

      That tells you how deeply entrenched in fundyland I was! Now that I have freedom and see things for what they really are, I don’t understand why others (particularly family) can’t see it too! It’s very heart-breaking and frustrating.

      This whole “sex” thing has been a major issue for members of my family due to fundy “teaching” ๐Ÿ˜ก

      1. I attended the 2009 conference when I was chugging the kool-aid. It’s been highly encouraged at my church for years. We have a group going this week, as a matter of fact. Sometimes I’m embarrassed by how entrenched I was – I truly, truly believed this was all good and right.

  6. I have the sneaking suspicion that fundy men suck in bed so much because they’re closeted gays. That’s why they screech so much and so loudly about homosexuality.

    1. “Suck in bed” doesn’t really sound like “closeted” gays to me. Just saying..

      The other thing that comes to mind is – do they? and how do you know this?

      1. Unfortunately my usage of “suck” did not denote “suck” in the good way.

        I dunno if all of them suck but my ex did – I imagine his many fundy-originated mental pathologies were the major contributing factors to his excessive selfishness in bed. If this were the case then I imagine the control issues, self-hatred, and unhealthy self-refuting hangups about women that fundy men all seem to have would be red flags for a woman looking for a decent sex partner.

    2. An awful lot of Fundie preachers _do_ sound like they’re deep enough in the closet to see Narnia, but I suspect at least some of it is because they apparently think (and preach) that GIRLZ IZ ICKY.

  7. Yeah… the fundy version (or lack thereof) certainly does lead to a lot of complications in a lot of ways!

    I “found” a few years ago an excellent “Christian” website that deals with marital sexuality in a very tasteful (and might I say, BIBLICAL) manner. The author/moderator of the site holds the viewpoint that if it is NOT in the Bible it is open to a lot of speculation and interpretation, therefore it is just personal preference and comfort…. NOT a BIBLE PRINCIPLE. Very good stuff if anyone cares to look at it.
    http://site.themarriagebed.com/

    I’m sure I’ll be back to comment more, later!:grin:

  8. Yeah… the fundy version (or lack thereof) certainly does lead to a lot of complications in a lot of ways!

    I “found” a few years ago an excellent “Christian” website that deals with marital sexuality in a very tasteful (and might I say, BIBLICAL) manner. The author/moderator of the site holds the viewpoint that if it is NOT in the Bible it is open to a lot of speculation and interpretation, therefore it is just personal preference and comfort…. NOT a BIBLE PRINCIPLE. Very good stuff if anyone cares to look at it.
    http://site.themarriagebed.com/

    I’m sure I’ll be back to comment more, later! ๐Ÿ˜€

  9. Darrell,
    I’m not sure what “NSFW” means, but we have labels on the books in the church library that say “ABP- Approved By Pastor”. I wonder if there’s a way to get those labels on websites?
    It’s funny that this series is going on this week. My Pastor’s Wife just gave me a copy of “Intended for Pleasure”, “Created to Be His Helpmeet”, “Fascinating Womanhood”, and “What Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew About Men”. I’m only allowed to read that last three before the wedding. I’m supposed to save “Intended for Pleasure” to read after the wedding as we drive to our honeymoon spot. I know I can get the others read before December, though.

    1. EGAD!!!! ๐Ÿ˜ฏ

      Throw out “Created to be His Helpmeet” and “Fascinating Womanhood” ๐Ÿ˜ก For crying out loud… get some up to date applicable material to read. :mrgreen:

      Try “Love and Respect” by Emerson Eggerichs, “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, “Sheet Music” by Kevin Leman, “Sex Begins in the Kitchen” by Dr. Kevin Leman…. and just about any/every thing he writes!

      While “Fascinating Womanhood” has some good points that still apply to today…. it is way outdated and very one-sided. As for “Created to be…” by Debi Pearl, don’t even touch it!!! THEY are total right-wing weirdos that don’t even fit the IFB description.

      Trust me, I was raised fundy and given all this same trash to learn from. Don’t waste your time. Also, you NEED TO KNOW about good healthy sex and a happy sex life BEFORE you get married. (I don’t mean go and do it, but read, learn, ask questions, find answers before you actually get into the physical act.)

      A good website is http://site.themarriagebed.com/front-page

      1. Dear Learning Freedom,
        Thank you for your input. I’m not sure what to think since none of those books are in our church library. Also, I don’t know if they are okay for a single girl to read.

        I cannot click on your link because I don’t want to put any unclean thing before my eyes (you should listen to Rand Hummel’s sermon on this! It is awesome!) and it’s not on my Father’s approved list so far. I will see if my brother, Uriah, will check it out for me and let me know if it’s safe. He has all kinds of software that he has designed that filter words and images. He’s so smart at figuring stuff like that out.

        1. Sure, sure! By all means get Uriah to check out that website. Of course, there are no pictures, but his filters will (I’m certain) block out at least 80% of the words used on that site. :mrgreen:

          After all, it is about marital sex and all that stuff! ๐Ÿ˜ˆ

      2. At Learning…you do know Camp Meeting Girl is an alter ego of SFL, right? ๐Ÿ™‚

        Just search Camp Meeting Girl on this site. Have fun reading!

        1. ROFLOL ๐Ÿ˜†

          Well, I do now! Thanks for that…. guess I deserved it. ๐Ÿ˜ณ

          But seriously, I was fed so much of this crap when I was a young, soon-to-be-married. It just sickens me to see it continue. Sadly, it seriously does and much worse. ๐Ÿ˜•

          My own “pre-marital counseling” came in the form of filling out sheets, and asking where we had received our sex education from and if we were content with it. PATHETIC!!!! All the ranting and raving and bullying from the pulpit, IFBCollege rules, Parental rules, etc, etc…. and suddenly now it’s “okay” “Enjoy” blah, blah, blah! ๐Ÿ˜ˆ

        2. @Learning Freedom…No need to be embarrassed. This site is whack. I thoroughly enjoyed your first response to CMG but wanted to be a “good Internet friend” to you and alert you to the situation. ๐Ÿ˜†

          Well back to serving snacks aboard SFL Airlines. I didnt know CMG was on board. Thank you for flying with us!

        3. I’m glad you mentioned why you don’t like those books, though, LearningFreedom. Most of my family and some friends are fundies so I’m sure I will be receiving some of those (if my time down the altar should ever come). Thanks for the warnings!

      3. Wow… I’ve actually seen/skimmed through “Created To Be His Help-Meet” (before getting married or being anywhere near married… shame!) All I remember is that it said to smile a lot because men love women who smile. ๐Ÿ˜

    1. “I’m over it; you should be too”? How long were you in it? How invested were you? How long did it take you to leave? What repercussion, rejections, attacks, and personal loss did you suffer when you left?

      For many, this site IS a way for us to get totally out. First we realize we are not alone. Then we realize that it’s OK to question what we were told was truth. Then we realize that much of what we were told was actually unbiblical. Once we realize that, we feel anger and grief. Eventually, some of us move on, but others of us want to stay to help point out errors to other newbies and to encourage them that you can reject the IFB without rejecting Christ.

      Give people time, Tony. Don’t expect everyone to walk the same path you took.

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