169 thoughts on “Bits from Pastor’s School 2011”

        1. That is classic! I read it in the ESV and thought your comment was good. The KJV makes it hilarious. Thanks pastor’s wife.

        2. Hah! It is much funnier in the KJV!
          I didn’t look at that translation at first, either.

    1. So, uh, yeah, do anyone apart from fundamentalists (and people on on that TV show where they do really gross stuff) eat live insects/fish/whatever? They did that at a VBS I went to at a fundy church one time, but I’ve never heard of it apart from that.

        1. My husband didn’t have to do anything like that for the fraternity he was in, but his father had to eat a live goldfish. 😯

  1. Wow!

    (1st video) The good news in him being just “against Russia, North Korea, Pakistan, & Islam, is that I have hope he won’t be encouraging anyone to ever go there as missionaries. We have enough enemies in the world without sending more dumb-donkeys out to represent us. Very kind of him to specify he doesn’t mean just the governments or ideologies, and not the people he just is against all of them people & governments. Nothing like having a preacher tell oppressed people groups that he (and God) are against them. I can’t make out what he said about drilling into the whitehouse, but I’m sure it wasn’t an invitation to tea.

    1. I thought I was a master of the non sequitur. This guy is freakin Yoda.
      I’m against Russia ->
      I’m against Islam ->
      I’m against North Korea ->
      I’m against Pakistan ->
      Don’t buy another drop of their oil ->
      Let’s drop a well on the White House lawn.
      I bow at you feet wise one. Teach me twist logic you will

      1. HA! Pakistan, North Korea & Islam are all major exporters of oil!

        I bet if you gave him a map, he would point to where the “nation of islam” was (or where he thought it was)! 🙂

  2. Video 2: Those trying to get people to eat gross stuff are always a hit at college. I thought it was dumb @ PCC collegians, thought it was dumb on Fear Factor. Odds that was the only time grace was ever extended at the entire Pastor’s School have to be close to 100%.

  3. Everyone altar calls are one of the silly fundy things that seriously irritate the crap out of me. If I am in a church that does one, I absolutely refuse to go forward no matter how much I might want to. I don’t care if I am the only person sitting in the seats. It is my little protest. That area has been so abused by pastors and evangelists, that I just end up feeling manipulated.

    I will not go forward
    I will not throw my stick in the fire
    I will not light a candle
    I will not stand
    I will not raise my hand
    etc

    I think that if the Holy Spirit is moving me to make changes in my life, that is great, but there is no legitimate reason for me to make that known to anyone, even the preacher. For those preachers that say it provides accountability, I say, “yeah, right.” I never had anyone hold me accountable to a decision I made publicly through about twenty years of fundamentalism.

    1. I know what you mean. If I felt led to respond, I would, but the operative word is “led”! Too many evangelists try to coerce a public decision and force people down the aisle. Why should I encourage their manipulative techniques by giving in to them?

      One of the things I hated the MOST was being told to ask the person next to me if they were saved. If it was my mother, I felt STUPID to ask, but if I didn’t ask, I felt like I was being disobedient. If it was a stranger (like in chapel), I was humiliated to ask. I’m so, so glad to be free from that scene!

    2. Once I went to a group meeting where they did the cardboard testimonies, and then gave us all a little piece of cardboard and a pencil. The proceeded to bring out a cross and a hammer and asked us all to nail our “Cardboard burdens” on the cross and leave them there as a sign of giving them over to Jesus. My friend wrote hers and looked at me, but I threw mine down and said “I’m not doing that!” I sat there until the end and I was the only person who didn’t do it. I did not care either. 1. It was stupid 2. It was nowhere near Biblical 3. I wasn’t going to lie to God about something I knew I couldn’t do.I knew that nailing that piece of cardboard on that little cross wasn’t going to get me to magically let go of the things I was struggling with. 🙄

      1. Scared my daughter with my laugh. Mouthed those words to the pastor as I stared him down one altar call. Still had some spirit in me. That warranted a home visit. Dang.

    3. yer jus rebellios and stubbornly filled with pride!

      you wont go down to the altar, but you will go DOWN one day!!!

      ….ya heathern!
      😛

  4. Video 3 I really don’t care about their prizes. Their materialism was shocking at the wheel of fortune video you posted a while back.

    Video 4: I haven’t seen an altar all in a long long time. (Was my first step out of fundy land, was to find a church (semi-fundy Bible church, but not much) that never did altar calls, and vowed I would never be to one that did them again. Am flabbergasted how many people immediate basically bum-rushed the altar. I’ve never ever had any kind of musical talents, but have always wondered what they tell choir members about altar call etiquette who pretty much can’t go to the altar if they feel ‘led’. I guess I’ve seen a choir member or two in my years, but it’s very very rare. I love Schaap at the very end basically admitting the way to redemption can only be through extreme penitence.

    1. Vid 4 Pathetic.
      Cultic Religious Emotional Manipulation
      “Won’t you come?” … come down and show ME how well I did in pressing your spiritual/emotional buttons, come experience the god I have presented… Come show me how much you love my preaching. Come show me show spiritual you are.

  5. This is the so-called “good-ole-boys” club, NOT a true pastor’s conference. These men have none of the qualities of a biblical pastor. Do you see any of these qualities in these men?
    Above reproach
    Faithful to his spouse
    Temperate
    Self-controlled
    Respectable
    Able to teach
    Not violent but gentle
    Not quarrelsome
    Not a lover of money
    Must have a good reputation with outsiders

    1. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt on faithful to their spouses until proven otherwise. The rest they would be considered the polar opposite of.

      1. Besides, having had a good look at most of them, I for one wouldn’t be tempted to tempt them to break their vows. This is one lady with taste. (Of course, if Johnny Depp or Vigo Mortenson were up there, it’d be every girl for herself 😉 )

  6. Some observations.
    1. The cold war is over. Russia is probably more democratic than most fundie churches.
    2. North Korea. What’s wrong with a cult of personality around a dear leader and his son? Fundies should be use to this.
    3. Pakistan has a mountainous region full of paranoid, semi-literate religious nuts with guns who distrust the central government. Oops, that’s America, sorry Pakistan.
    4. I thought Landover Baptist was a parody. It actually real!
    5. I have been to ice hockey games that were more ethnically diverse than that church service.
    6. I hope that car wasn’t an import. Jesus only drives American made cars.

    1. If I remember my fundy eschatology correctly they believe that Russia will rise up and attack Israel during the “last days®”. I confess that I usually drifted away mentally when preachers got out their maps and started talking about Gog and Magog.
      Most fundy prophesy depends on hefty assumptions and precious little proof.

      1. It’s all based on the Biblical reference to the bear from the north. Lots and lots of preaching hours have been spent with speculation and assumptions based on “the northern bear = Russia.”

        1. Maybe it’s Kodiak Island, Alaska. The biggest bears in the world live there. It’s north of most of Russia, too.

        2. Sooner or later there will come a day when my fellow Kodiakans and I come sweeping down out of the north in heavily armored mechanized crab pots, howling our battle cry, “KODIAAAAAK! IT’S NOT JUST A BRAND OF TOBACCCOOOO!”

          Or something. It’s about as likely as those fundy Bible-hopscotch Tribulation timelines.

        3. Assumptions might have been correct…after all Wiki has Russia as the bear, and even claims Medvedev means “bear”, and that it is on the United Party coat of arms.

    2. I love Mark’s observations. Not much to add, really, but:
      “1. The cold war is over. Russia is probably more democratic than most fundie churches.”
      Ah, but in Fundistan, it’s always 1961.

      “2. North Korea. What’s wrong with a cult of personality around a dear leader and his son? Fundies should be use[d] to this.”
      Probably just jealous because NK is better at eliminating dissent.

      “3. Pakistan has a mountainous region full of paranoid, semi-literate religious nuts with guns who distrust the central government. Oops, that’s America, sorry Pakistan.”
      I’m definitely going to repeat this gem as often as I can.

      “4. I thought Landover Baptist was a parody. It actually real!”
      Poe’s Law …

      “5. I have been to ice hockey games that were more ethnically diverse than that church service.”
      Canadians come in all colors, eh?

      “6. I hope that car wasn’t an import. Jesus only drives American made cars.”
      I did a little research on this, and, unfortunately, came up with conflicting evidence:
      http://www.elmo.ch/private/Stories-from-a-great-country/what-would-jesus-drive/highrock-web-page/index.html
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pe-er9FqhYA
      Or, if you prefer a serious discussion of that question (yeah, I know– sorry):
      http://www.whatwouldjesusdrive.info/intro.php

    3. “2. North Korea. What’s wrong with a cult of personality around a dear leader and his son? Fundies should be use to this.”

      Even back when I was drinking the Kool-aid I always thought that the only reason anyone put up with Tony Hutson was because of his father.

    4. What’s wrong with a cult of personality regarding a father and his son?

      Glory be to the founder,
      And to the son,
      And to Bob the third.
      As it was in 27,
      Is now and ever shall be,
      Rules without end. Amen. Amen.

    1. Pastor’s School is a yearly preacher’s conference held at First Baptist Church in Hammond, IN. As you can tell it is pretty much a Baptist circus.

    2. Pastor’s School is an annual pastors conference held at FBD Hammond, Indiana. Dr. Schaap’s church.

      There is a choir there cause they have to be there. It’s a fundamental baptist event.

      1. At least they could have the decency to let it be a men’s choir. I can’t imagine that the women in the choir could have anything to gain from being at a pastor’s conference (since it’s all about, you know, leadership)…

        1. I suspect it’s better making the women sing. Wouldn’t want any of the “sheeple” getting any ideas that they are qualified to lead anything but what the Pastor tells them to do.

  7. ugh! We had some alter calls like that at BJU. I remember once my entire section, literally, left. I refused. I was not going to get caught up in silly emotionalism and vague alter calls. “If you love your mamma you should come forward…” That didn’t happen, but it might as well have.

    In that first video what point was he trying to make anyway? Hey buddy last I checked you don’t have to worry about Russia anymore. And no nothing we or any politician is doing today even comes remotely close to red scare Russia so get over your school days and grow up!

    1. Not to get overly political (or back Hutson, because I’m sure his reasons don’t resemble mine), but if you think Putin’s our buddy, you’re kidding yourself.

      1. Being cautious of a leader, or being cautious of the course a country is heading is far different then castigating the entire country in the manner that this guys was. I got the picture that he was still stuck in grade school doing bomb drills. That era is over. Putin may not be trust worthy, but Russia is not the threat it was when this guy was a kid. And in that respect he needs to grow up and realize that we don’t live in the cold war anymore.

        1. Just to clarify his own meaning, he asked himself if he was talking about the ideologies (and by extension leaders), or the people, and came up with as wrong an answer as he could (both) and stated it strongly and demanded the agreement of the crowd, which he got enthusiastically!

      2. My parents are Ukrainian Immigrants. This pastor says he is against Russia. The Russian govt murdered and killed thousands. He sure would not want to hear what my old Ukrainian mother has to say about his “preaching” he is against Russia in her native Ukrainian tongue or in her broken English. I will translate for you. Russian govt (now Puten, ex KGB to be sure) had NOTHING to do with the people!

        1. That comment was intended to be a response to Mark Thomas.

          This video brings back memories for both my parents. My mother in particular. She was called a “communist” when by none other than Bob Jones, Jr. She worked as a hotel maid in the late 60’s early ’70’s. Dr, Bob Jones, Jr. knew nothing more about her, or my parents other reason than he heard her Eastern European accent.

        2. Ugh. Sorry to hear about the lame statements about your mom. I think it’s particularly lame that he picked on a Ukrainian immigrant who is actually probably the most anti-communist person around seeing as how they picked up and moved across the globe to get away from communism and all!

  8. Every time Tony Hutson shows up somewhere, I get a powerful hunch that the most backwoods village in Alabama is missing its idiot.

    (Said in a spirit of loving Christian charity, of course.) 😐

      1. Is he from the part of Tennessee that borders on Alabama? Because he sure sounds like an extremely rural Alabamian whenever he opens his pie-hole.

  9. “Tony Hutson gives us a message from God’s word….or Fox News which is practically the same thing.”

    It’s only Monday, but I we already have the comment of the week here. :mrgreen:

  10. About 12 or 13 years ago I showed an evangelist who came to preach at my church a brochure for Pastor’s School. The theme was about how to avoid problems in your church. On the cover was Jack Hyles wearing a rain coat and holding an umbrella. When the evangelist saw the picture of Hyles he said “Well I guess he has to wear that with all the manure he shovels!”

    I guess that says it all.

        1. I think we had him come through my IFB church growing up. Former Methodist? I know he thought some of the insane Baptists were scary, and was willing to say so. If there had been more like him maybe HAC type KJVO nutcases wouldn’t have taken over IFB land. Probably not, but maybe.

    1. I was raised in Miller Road Baptist Church in Garland, Tx., a church Jack Hyles started. By the time my family joined the church, he had moved on to FBC Hammond. His son, Dave, eventually became preacher at MRBC after I had grown up and moved on. I was visiting MRBC during the service that it was brought out that it was time for Dave to leave because of his lack of morals. Apparently when it comes to sex, there is no right or wrong with some IFB churches. I have nephews and neices who attend gradeschool at FBC Hammond and a neice and nephew who attend their college. Great kids – but it breaks my heart.

  11. Tony Hutson’s church is in Murfreesboro, Tennessee.
    Murfreesboro, Tennessee is a suburb of Nashville, Tennessee.
    MCA Nashville is the record label that signed Trisha Yearwood.
    Trisha Yearwood’s music video, “This is Me You’re Talking To” stared the actor John Corbett.
    John Corbett played the father in the movie “Ramona and Beezus (2010).”
    “Ramona and Beezus” is a 2010 movie that stared Selena Gomez.
    Selena Gomez is dating …. Justin Bieber.
    We know that Justin Bieber is the devil.

      1. Well he might be. Don’t know. But it has certainly not stopped him to, like many fundy preachers, worship himself…

        Yes, I detest narcissistic self-glorification, whether in fundy pastors, or “celebrities”, or politcal leaders….

    1. I think it is clear that Shoes and Bieber are the same person.

      II Cor 11:14 And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light

      1. Wow after all that excellent work last week on 666, and I didn’t even begin to suspect this kind of double agent work! Just wow. I feel so misled! 🙂

  12. I went to pastor’s school once (20 yrs. ago). I left so disgusted and angry. Also, school has nothing to do with it and I don’t have heros among these people.

  13. I wonder if Bobby Roberson would consider selling that new car and giving it to all the people and staff in his organization who got scammed out of their retirement funds by his corrupt business associate? Nah, that would be the upright thing to do.

    1. The idea of an 80-year-old driving is a little frightening to me anyway. I’m sure there are many 80-year-olds capable of driving safely, but still… Someone needs to be keeping an eye on that.

      1. I know I hate to see old people driving–but that’s because I got run off the interstate once by an 80 year old woman who was trying to illegally use an emergency turnaround so she could go back to the mall and buy herself a bonnet.

        And yes, she admitted that to the police.

  14. Would ANYONE have ever heard of Tony Hutson if his dad wasn’t the late editor of the Sword of the Lord? He has never really done anything noteworthy in ministry and yet is constantly invited to these dog and pony shows because he’s loud and has the “pedigree”. Ridiculous.

    1. According to Linkedin the average attendance at FBC Hammond is 14000.
      The average salary in the Chicago area is $38,000.

      If you figure that only half of the attendance makes the average salary and tithes you are looking at some impressive income at this place.
      $3,800 x 7,000 = $26,600,000

      I am making some broad assumptions with these figures but you know that this business (that is what it is, right?) has to making money by the boxcar load.

      1. Apathetic – Interesting observation. Since our resident numerologist, Shoes has taken a sabbatical from showing us the truth in numbers, let’s see what these numbers can show us:

        $26,600,000 annual tithes divided by the total population of Hammond, IN of 80,851 = 329.
        Now, let’s multiply that by 2 (which represents the number of time zones observed in Indiana, a-men?) and we get 658.
        We all know that you are baptized in water. The total area of Hammond that is water is 7.85%. Decimals and fractions are for liberals so we’ll just round that up to 8.

        658+8=666

        Coincidence? I think not.

  15. Where’s the Trademark after Pastor’s School, Darrell? Because they really DID trademark it. 🙄

    Better look out or you’ll be gettin’ a freindly e-mail from FBC Hammond to go with the one from Bob Jones! :mrgreen:

  16. OK, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. 1st Baptist bought Bobby Roberson a car? Is this the Roberson who is pastor of Gospel Light in NC? Why did they take tens of thousands of dollars (given by the working poor of Hammond) and buy this old fart a car? Am I missing something? This whole pastor’s school is nothing more than colossal waste of time and money…bunch of good ole boys (clowns) patting each other on the back, while one is trying to be more “spiritual” than the other. Makes me sick.

        1. I drive a 20 year old pickup with no 4th gear and no A/C.

          On the upside, it’s paid off.

        2. Ours is too. That’s a plus!

          With gas at $3.85 at the moment, he wants a motorcycle.

        3. And a filled-out organ donor card.
          My nurse friends refer to those two-wheeled, motorized vehicles as “donorcycles.”

    1. Two kinds of motorcycle riders, those that have wrecked and those that will. I’m a member of the former and ended up gettting a nice settlement, but I can’t recommend anybody riding a m/c, especially a family man. I haven’t gotten back on one since my accident in 7/07.

      Feel free to show this to your husband PW.

      Remember, keep the shiny side up!

      1. I try to remind him of the dangers. IMO, if we can’t afford gas for two cars, we need to find a church that can support us, because I do NOT want to be left alone to raise our kids by myself.

  17. Okay, I could say 1,000 things BEFORE I watch these. The thing I can’t decide is, Do I watch them before dinner and risk losing my appetite? Or after and risk losing my dinner?

  18. Okay… watched the Roberson video. I disappointed. I just am. What they could have done with that money. I’m disappointed that he accepted it. It’s just sad and I’m still shaking my head.

    But, if any of ya’ll love me enough to buy me a car, I’d LOVE to have a Cadillac XLR…. black… tinted windows.

    Just sayin’. 😉

  19. Video one was SO sad. Hating and being “against” people is SO biblical and Christ like! They only hate us for our fundyfreedoms! lol

    i am SICK

  20. couldnt help but notice that the cockroach humiliation was directed at a woman. “DONT YOU EVER DARE ME AGAIN!! NOW GET BACK IN THE NURSERY!!”

  21. Anyone got a link to a video (or pic) of the enormous cross (that I too thought was a weird tree)? I watched about 7 or 8 other videos, and can’t take any more. Did a google image search, and You get a hint at it, but apparently Pastors School® 2011 doesn’t have very many attenders with modern phones with even marginal cameras in them.

    1. You can see the whole cross in the last video, the one with the altar call, starting about 6 seconds into the clip. If you want a high-quality picture, though, that will be harder to come by.

      By the way, why are they having an altar call at “Pastor’s School,” and why is everybody going up there? Isn’t this supposed to be a group who have all been baptized, “saved,” etc., before the show even started?

      1. Thanks! I was shocked into just staring at the herds of people forming a mass of humanity at the altar (and the lighting/reflection from that angle does make it stick out less at least to me. Thanks.

  22. (Mildly NSFSFL language, maybe, but I promise the one word I use, I use in the correct literary and historical context.)

    I’m going to duck in, say David Gibbs is a jackass, plain and simple, and this clip of him merely proves it he’s out to get laughs at the expense of anyone who doesn’t kiss his fat butt. Hate, hate, hate the man.

    Now I’ll duck out, because this kind of drivel is too much. I had a sucky Monday and when I think that there are people out there cheering outright jackassery, isolationism, and the worship of the man-o’-gawd, never mind all the other crap that goes on at Dunce’s, er, “Pastor’s” “School,” I’d just fume at the keyboard all night if I didn’t drag myself away.

    Jackasses, all of them. I mean that in every literary and historical sense of the word; go read Midsummer Night’s Dream if you don’t believe me. Plain and simple, jackasses.

    1. I missed the explanation, if there was one, of why he was doing those shenanigans in the first place. Anybody know? What was the woman being punished for, or what was the bet that she lost?

  23. Seems to be more like a Mary Kay convention. “And now for our top soulwinner this year and for his lifetime achievement soulwinning totals we have this brand new car!” Yep, he has his reward.

    And like Mary Kay it is all about the outer appearance.

    Is this the IFB knockoff of the Spiritual Oscars or Golden Pulpit awards? That’s Preachertainment!

    We are here to honor…. OURSELVES! Yay us!

    My first reaction to this crap was anger, rage, and indignation! Having sat here for a while and given it some thought I now am filled with pity for this pathetic show of religion. Their Righteousness is only exceeded by the girth of their combined waist sizes. (and that is coming from a fat, lazy former IFB zealot) I only have pity for this crowd, and that is the last thing they want from the likes of me.

  24. The third video looked like a fundy tsunami with the cropped hair fundies cascading down the aisle. Over time, I think a real tsunami leaves less damage.

  25. I can remember bening in Jr. High and attending the Youth Conference at Gospel Light. We thought they were liberal because their music tended towards Southern Gospel. We also played them in sports because for a while we were in the same division in the NC AACS. Also in Jr. High, all the girls over at my school had a crush on Bobby Roberson’s sons.

  26. Seeing this stuff makes me so happy knowing that my children will never see or hear a lick of this and when they finally do, there will be no personal context for it. They will never “get” Stuff Fundies Like. Thanks to God.

  27. Did I hear the fat (thought gluttony was a sin BTW) guy say “im against Russia and Islam” ? Wow, how very Christian of him! Hateful, hateful people IMO!!

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