75 thoughts on “SFL Original: “Jesus Goes Soulwinning””

  1. A Note on Visitation Pastor Robert Tyler: Although he was born in the Northeast, Pastor Tyler attended a distant Fundy U where he quickly learned that all good preachers sound like they’re from the South. As a follower after these great men he does his best to imitate their mannerisms in speaking…but doesn’t always quite make it.

    1. It’s called preacherboyitis…a strange disease where even young men from the north woods of Maine who catch it begin to speak in a southern drawl.

    2. Darrell

      Really enjoyed this.

      No vulgarity orcheapshots, and made some valid points in parody.

      I also loved the “Unshackled” music and the similarity of the “program” to a couple of other shows. I just thought you were doing a bad southern accent, but the explanation cleared it all up.

      Good satire is always making a point, and this one was/is right on the mark!

    3. Laughing. Groaning. Shaking head. Laughing some more! You have really nailed it!

      “…but you can call me Pastor.” In my first church I was the assistant pastor for nine years and was never permitted to call the pastor anything but “pastor.” (though “Doctor” would have been fine, since he had an honorary one of those…)

    4. ditto to Stan…the “unshackled” organ soundtrack brings back some wonderful memories of fundy roadtrips…

    1. I wondered how long it would be before someone recognized the source of the organ music. I guess the answer is “not long.”

    2. I used to listen to that show when I was a kid.

      Forget Disney princesses that were appropriate for my age, no they were evil. Unshackled, Davey and Goliath, and Mr. Rogers were my allowed entertainments.

      I was just wondering, did anyone else have the religous satellite programming called Sky Angel?

      1. my parents made us listen to Big John and Sparky and Raaaaangeeeerrrr Bill, Warrior of the Woodland on Moody Radio when we were in High School.

      1. I had to pause it when the “Unshackled” music started playing. I was laughing so hard I could hear.

  2. Yeah, like the “Unshackled” organ music…the only thing missing was the “polite hoodlum” opening monolog…priceless.

  3. Dittos on the Unshackled organ inserts. Loved “Joshua” too. Reminded me of the story I heard of the soul winning group who took their script method to Mexico and were thrilled to find out that nearly everyone in this town “knew Jesus” until they found out that “Jesus” owned the town’s only gas station.

    1. If you’re from Mexico, or live in a neighborhood with a lot of Mexicans (as I do), you know a whole lot of people named Jesus. I don’t know why English-speaking Christians never name their children Jesus, but they never do.

      Once I looked at a grocery-store receipt and saw that it said, “Jesus was your cashier today,” and I thought, “What does it say about me that I didn’t even recognize him?”

  4. Yeah, the Unshackled organ music was the first thing I noticed. I thank God I never had “soul-winning” quite like that.

  5. Oh the unshackled reference. I love it. My parents used to put that on when we would take rides up to Chicago to visit family.

    So, but seriously this is timely. My wife was on the train yesterday (Sunday) on her way to church. I went early for choir so she was alone. And a ‘soul winner’ got on the train. Well for some reason he decided to talk to my wife except he did so very loudly so that the whole train could hear. My wife was reading some fiction novel and he was telling her that she should be reading the Bible. My wife was telling me this story at church fuming. For one she didn’t want to talk to this nut, but for two nothing she said mattered to him. The fact that she does read the Bible…nope she should have been reading her Bible right then and there. The fact that she was going to church…yes, but not the right church. The fact that she took greek in college and knew more about the verses then he…nope because the KJV says.

    The end result was that no one on that train sympathized with him. Everyone sympathized with my wife and my wife was mad. Furious because all she wanted to do was quietly ride the subway to church. Her response, “This man just assured that I’d never go to his church.” The whole time I was thinking in my head. If we went to the type of church we are “supposed” to that could be me or us. I mean I wouldn’t do it willingly, but we would likely be guilted into it or they’d try to guilt us into it. Thank God we aren’t there anymore.

    1. And assured all the other passengers would never attend. Although its kind of a blessing they won’t go to his church, the bad news is the ones that won’t go to any church.

      1. Unfortunately, I think you’re right. This man by his behavior may have closed the door not only to his church but to any church for those passengers listening.

      2. Yes, the problem is that when that’s the kind of Christians people see out in public, they assume that that’s the only kind there is.

      3. I think you are right as well. Occasionally I’ll see people wearing signs, in the subway, that essentially say you are going to hell. You know the crazy people with pens all over themselves carrying a kjv and the signs are basically you are a rotten sinner going to hell. Yea I see that and think I’d never want anything to do with that…then I realize that there isn’t much the separates that crazy from me. I mean I know the difference, but does anyone else? It is sad when the lowest common denominator ruins it for everyone else.

  6. If Jesus were serious about soul winning, he’d be choking out their dog, a neighbors dog, or a small infant in the vicinity.

  7. “Any resemblance to any person living or dead is probably pretty darn accurate.”

    This and the Unshackled interludes were laugh out loud funny.

  8. How anyone could even be expected to fit a basement into their underpants, I shall never know.

    I’m just glad I didn’t have any coffee in my mouth when I read that; I would have ruined my laptop! πŸ˜† Darrell, you rock!

  9. 1. The unshackled music made me giggle, and gave me flashbacks. Thanks.

    2. The basement/underpants comment also made me giggle. πŸ˜†

    3. Wow. Just wow. Nice job taking a Bible story and putting a fundy twist on it. I especially appreciated the references to sticking to the script, and the “we don’t want them to think we want anything from them until they’ve been coming to church for a few months” – ouch!

  10. I ususally go soulwinning with george but it is an honor to get to train “Joshua” in the fine art of soulwinning. He is a little rough around the edges and he constantly gets off topic and has little regard for the SOTL, or Chick scripts.
    I must say, He is very interested in the people we talk to. However, he is a little too interested in them as we only get to one house per trip. The most exasperating characteristic about him is he doesn’t have that killer instinct to close the deal. Try as I might I just can’t get him to have the mark say the sinner’s prayer. How arewe ever going to win that prize trophy if he doesn’t get with the program and start getting folks to pray the prayer with him?
    One time I caught him having a “Miracle on 34th Street” moment. He was actually telling one couple that they should visit that Community Church across town. I had to sharply rebuke him for that one. He just said something about feeding his sheep or something like that??
    I genuinely like this guy and I believe in time I can make a first class soulwinner out of him that will rival Brother Rice or Brother Hyles.

  11. Great!
    I eagerly await future installments of “Jesus Goes Soulwinning.”

    That picture can’t be right, though. We all know Jesus wore pants, right? πŸ˜‰
    … And had a short haircut.

    1. Patience folks, patience… first things first I’m going to take him to the barbershop and get him an official New Hope Fundamental Bible Fellowship haircut.
      He says he doesn’t have any money so we’re foing to take up a “Love” offering to get him a haircut, a new suit and tie, some real shoes and a KJV pocket testament. Pastor would like to have him shave his beard as well since he is representing NHFBF. We can’t have him being a testamony for NHFBF looking like a hippie for too long now can we? 😳

        1. I was thinking maybe a Ten Commandments Tie, but one of those 1000 American Flags jobs would probably be just the ticket around here with the all the hunters in the community. Of course here locally there has been a huge uproar over someone wanting to do away with the Christian Flag at a local park. Maybe one of those 1000 Christian Flag ties would go well right now and show the community we support the Christian Flag at the local park. Oh and the crossed Christian Flag-American Flag lapel pin for sure. πŸ˜€

  12. You had waaaay too much fun making that, even if you weren’t in the basement in your underpants. 😯

    1. Most of SFL is written for my own amusement. The fact that all you people show up to read it too is merely incidental πŸ™‚

        1. Here is another one from that movie that I forgot, but seems rather apropos to this site.

          “Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.”
          Groucho Marx

    2. He wasn’t in “underpants,” he was in ceremonial “breeches.” And an Ephod with twelve different stones on it.

    3. OK, if Darrell DOESN’T write these things in his skivvies, then why is the blog called Stufff Undies Like? Hmm?

      1. Very funny! My husband always calls this site “Stuffed Undies” when he sees it on the pull down menu…

  13. Is it just me or is that a young George Carlin knocking on the door? 😯

    Door-2-Door evangelical stand-up?

    If we can’t get them into the church to hear the wannabe comedians, then the wannabe comedians will come to them.

  14. Let’s face it…Most Fundy churches wouldn’t allow Jesus to be a member, much less a “soulwinner.” He was known to be the friend of tax collectors and “sinners.” He made wine for a wedding where the guests had been enjoying a night of drinking. He didn’t keep the rules of the religious establishment, frequently “breaking the Sabbath,” and not having his followers properly wash their hands. He was admittedly “homeless,” having few possessions. Not at all someone most fundy churches would consider for membership…maybe they’d consider putting Him on “Unshackled” once He cleans up.

    1. Not only was he homeless, but he encouraged his followers to live off the kindness of strangers, too. He’s probably a democrat. Homeless. Beggar. Liberal. Yeah, that’s the never-be-a-member-of-a-fundy-church trifecta.

  15. I used to listen to ‘Unshackled’ every day on Family Radio. It was how, as an public elementary school child, I knew the names and nicknames of every illegal drug in existance before anyone else.

  16. This is what you get when you put Pacific Garden Mission, a Bob Newhart monologue and Grocho Marx in a blender. Now we see who inspires you Darrel.

    1. That’s exactly what I was thinking! If you’re going to tell a story, you just can’t beat Bob Newhart’s style.

  17. Darrell, did I tell you that story about the time I was in the projects, or was this just spectacularly coincidental?

    1. I wasn’t really thinking of it at the time although now that you mention it, I do vaguely recall that story.

      It could very well be cryptomnesia, though.

  18. I’m surprised they let Jesus go soulwinning in the first place. Letting those illegals walk around representing a pure white(-bread/-collar/-skinned) church can’t be in the interests of the the real Jesus.

  19. The two women missing after going to the projects…and the pastor’s feigned concern.

    Much truth in this!

  20. Love your blog. Back in the 70s my sister and I would go bus calling for our church every Saturday morning. Often, we would be in the lower income parts of town, where we’d get plenty of hungover parents more than happy to have us babysit their filthy neglected kids for half the day on Sunday! I used to wish I could be a normal kid who could sleep in and watch Saturday morning cartoons! “If you died today, do you know where you’d go?” OMG!!! What kind of a question is that to ask a complete stranger. And we were convinced it was what GOD wanted us to do.

  21. SO what I see is Jesus knocking on the door to the heart of this family in the picture, but dad is too busy reading his KJV Bible as he berates his wife and son with legalistic Scripture (of his choosing) to bother to answer the fricking door.

    Ah, the irony.

  22. @Darrell: I just saved this picture and the label came up as jesus knocks. I thought of Jesus “knocking on the hearts door” did you name the picture and did you do that on purpose? Did you use photo shop to create this picture?

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