This video has a little bit of just about everything in it. Harry Potter conspiracy theories, numerology, family slide shows, book sales pitches…and that’s just the first 10 minutes.
34 thoughts on “Stump Speeches, Sales Pitches, and Slide Shows”
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Guess they couldn’t find any Fundy stock music for the beginning.
I’m too scared to watch….
It’s funny, right after bashing “We should not take the Bible so literally” he then shows the New Earth with seas after quoting Revelation 21:1. John Hege has much better charts btw. Dispensationalism: We will divide no line before it’s time. 🙂
Anyone else notice how the producer intro looked suspiciously like the one for Dreamworks films?
Fundy Statement:
“There’s something going on there…I don’t have it all figured out…they probably know some more stuff than we know.”
Translation:
“I have no clue what I’m talking about…but there must be something evil in there somewhere! Let me sell you a DVD about it!”
Typical.
What’s more, Victor Hugo mentioned Nicolas Flamel in The Hunchback of Notre Dame. I knew there was something satanic about that bell-ringer!!
My Presbyterian Sunday School teacher used Flamel-graph! I’m doomed! 😯
Isn’t it interesting that Fundie preachers LOOOVVVVEEEEE to talk about themselves?
Themselves and the “ministries” of other “great men of God.” So sick of hearing about men-focused ministries.
Cue: Hero worship.
I love it when a fundy preacher focuses on a term in English to prove some point. For instance there is that fundy guy from Arizona who used the term used in KJV to prove that Jesus wore pants just like he wears. It just puts a smile on my face.
Anyway in this video around minute 17-19…he is basically giving his speech on dispensationalism and he has the slide showing the cross and the rapture and a few other things. And of course he is trying to divide everything into nice categories and so he quotes 2 Tim 2:15 “…Rightly *dividing* the word of truth.” the slide changes to a bracket time line of nice divisions as he quotes the verse again as if to say…”Yes 6,000 years of history has come down to this slide that I have devised on my own. You can get my book with these charts in the back for the low, low price of $35 I’ll be here all week.” It actually would have been funnier if he had just ended with that and went home.
“But wait — there’s more!” 😆
More? Could it be Ginsu knives?
Is it just me or does he mispronounce “Flamel?” At any rate that’s now how it’s pronounced on the HP audio books and movies (not that I would know anything about that…). And um, about the elixir of life, it doesn’t give eternal life; it merely prolongs the life of the one who regularly drinks it. Yeesh, if you’re going to critique HP, at least make the effort to get the facts right!
stick. a. needle. in. my. arm. and. make. the. hurting. stop. Seriously, these folks are serious?
I thought the whole thing was hilarious. Two things that stood out to me that no one mentioned yet:
1. I found it sad that no where in his “message” did he ever once pray. Maybe he was too caught talking about all his accomplishments, books, etc.
2. In a nutshell, this is what it sounded like he was saying about his “freedom ring” book at the end: “Make sure you pick up a copy of my 400+ page book on salvation with 50+ pictures because it will help you witness and give the Gospel better.” What ever happened to allowing the Word of God and Holy Spirit to work in an unbelievers life? And doesn’t the Word of God say that salvation/Gospel is easy enough even for a child to understand? Then why do we need 50+ pictures to explain it?
@26:25 “The reason I am not in a cult right now is bacause doctrine matters.” Tons of laughter when I heard that one. check out the southwest radio ministries web site.
http://www.swrc.com/. This maybe a candidate for FSOTW
@JimE: loved their “How to be Born Again” 10 step plan at http://www.swrc.com/.
@Ben: and @ Mark: There is a perfect example of “Man Centered Religion.” Just say “I do now recieve you as MY personal Lord and Savior,,, and sincerely really, really mean it and voila’ you are “Presto Chang-o” Born Again.
As for the Dispensational: “We will divide no line before it’s time.” (You have to be from my generation to get that reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9SAycHK1o4 ) If what this guy says about the 6000 years of the Church age and a thousand year millenial reign… which sounds suspiciously like “End of The Harvest” then according the Jerusalem Post we have another 330 years since today is 24 Iyar, 5770. That is a very broad range of dates and let’s him off the “false prophet” hook.
“http://www.swrc.com/. This maybe a candidate for FSOTW”
Yowser! I agree! Every fundie myth is propagated at this website including KJVOnlyism.
I feel sorry for fundies, because they learn from flawed teachers and perpetuate flawed teachings, and try to understand a 400 year old archaic translation of the Bible. They are afraid to investigate things for themselves because it might cause them or others to question their salvation.
Fundies have a well deserved reputation for anti-intellectualism because they are not encouraged to think for themselves or strive for any higher education unless it is Bible College. The fact that Hyles-Anderson College offers a major in being a housewife – “Associate of Science Diploma in Marriage and Motherhood” and a “Missionary’s Wife Dipolma” – really speaks for itself.
So Nicholas Flamel was 666 years old. Big deal. Adam, Seth, Methuselah, Jared, Noah, etc: They all had a 666th birthday too.
I’m going to start this video and keep running notes as long as I can:
–HOW MUCH for your book? It’d better be leather-bound.
–Off to a good start with Catholic bashing. Worked in the word “exposé.” Well done.
–Mel Gibson, The Da Vinci Code, and Harry Potter. Hitting on all cylinders. Good thing there are no more serious problems in the world than fiction.
–Wow. He gives Flamel’s birthday, then the 665-years old figure from The Sorceror’s Stone, figures out that if Flamel had been 666 Rowling would have been writing in 1996 (which she was–The Sorceror’s Stone was published in 1997), and decides there’s something OTHER than basic math going on? The power of a number to send fundies into conniptions is bewildering.
–I have to respect military families regardless of how kooky their religion is. Semper fi, Marine.
–Having studied cliometrics, I’m suspicious of anything that should be historical or theological but relies so heavily on charts. Don’t know what to think of a book on the Bible whose charts dictate the very size of the book.
–Technically speaking, “You can make the Bible say whatever you want it to say” is not a negative statement, though it is deprecatory in tone. In this guy’s case, it’s also true.
–I was impressed with his set of questions about right, wrong, and truth, until he said that “anyone can understand the Bible if you use the internal method” etc., and went on to introduce the idea of “God’s method of Bible study.” Which he didn’t describe.
–How can a timeline be SEMI-chronological?
–Even as a kid in a fundy church, I never understood why people were so eager to experience the Rapture rather than death. Hasn’t Christianity taught us that death is nothing to fear or worry about? And, uh, according to most fundy eschatologies, don’t the dead experience the Rapture first? Maybe they conceive of it as a really, really great Six Flags ride.
–If a fundy is working out, does he do only seven reps and then rest?
–Oh no, oh no, oh no. The “the earth will only last 7,000 years” argument. I hope we get our deposit back.
–I like the little Pavlovian hubbub at the word “imminent.”
–Did he just say the Rapture could take place in 2012? Surely he’s a pawn of pagan Mayans!
And, mercifully, YouTube froze at 16:06. I’m going to go read something uplifting.
I think I must be masochistic to come over here and listen to this stuff. Or else, I just need to remind myself of why I left, and will not go back.
Jordan, you are a trooper for making it that far. I salute you.
Just noticed the math in my previous reply was off by 100 years… we only have 230 years left if the millenial reign is from 6000 to 7000. Oh I forgot to subtract the 7 year tribulation… so that leaves 223 years until the rapture.
btw. I forget, someone tell me again where this idea that God’s people are delivered out of persecution and tribulation and brought to ease and comfort is found in Scripture?
Don: it’s because we’re Americans and bad things can’t happen to Americans!!
Confession: I sat through so many “messages” like this in Bible College and was spellbound. What a shame that I was too blind to see the obvious flaws and ask questions.
“Seven notes in a musical scale.”
You know except for pentatonic scales.
And octatonic.
And chromatic.
And whole tone.
Apparently he wasn’t a music major at Basement Baptist College.
Jordan, may I quote you on “Basement Baptist College”?
Rob, I actually quit believing in the Rapture my senior year at BJU. In chapel, Dr Bob III pointed out a passage in the Gospels that indicated suffering for God’s people towards the end, and he said, “Now I believe in a Rapture, but you’ll notice that Jesus doesn’t mention a Rapture here.” It actually was a light bulb over the head moment. I thought, no He doesn’t. And that was the death blow for belief in Dispensationalism for me. I owe it all to BJU (hee hee)
Jeri
Jordan, not to mention 12-tone and synthetic and modal and non-Western. Not only wasn’t he a music major, he must’ve bought in to the Western male domination of all societies.
That wasn’t my doing, Bassenco. I’m pretty sure I got Basement Bible College from one (or more) of the posts on this site.
http://www.stufffundieslike.com/2009/02/church-basement-bible-colleges/
@Jordan and @Dan Yea I caught his 7 note music reference. I sort of ignored it because it is beyond absurd, but one would assume that he thinks that because a scale has 7 notes that it therefore must be perfect and therefore from God. Leaving all other scales as fringe or less than perfect as a result. Oh and then he can preach about the evils of all other music based upon a different # scale.
There are just too many IFB pastors who say various things about how old the earth is. It was here before I got here. That’s all I really can say first hand.
haha wow i dont think i will get past ten minutes of this video. i mean ive heard alot of fundi preachers but this guy is just a sales man the first ten minute. what the heck is a semi chronological timeline? its a timeline….wow. also havent gotten there yet but apparently he says something about 2012 the bible says no man knows the day or the time. IT IS IMMINENT! HAHA
I love how the cross is way off center in his timeline. Evidently nothing important happened in the 4,000 years before Christianity. Oh, wait, Adam was born. I suppose it’s kinda like a movie trilogy. No one cares who died in the first movie. The only important people are the main characters of the third.
“The only reason I’m not in a cult right now is because doctrine matters.” (26:23)
O.o